"Payton!" I heard my mom shout from downstairs. I groaned lightly before dropping the pen I was using to write ideas down in my note pad.

"What!"

"Come down here right now!"

"Uhg," I grunted. I got up off of my bed as I went down the stairs. "Yeah?" I asked as I turned into the living room.

"What an earth is this?" She asked me through gritted teeth. She stood there, towering over me. With something in her hand.

Billies lighter.

It's over.

I can play this off, "a lighter?" I asked questionably. Like I didn't know what she was trying to say.

"Who's."

"I don't know, it must be one from around the house." I shrugged.

"Really?" She asked me. "You must think I'm stupid."

"No I don't, that could be anyone's lighter."

If she realises the BJ carved into the side I'm done for.

"Payton!" She shouted. Losing her temper making me step back in shock. "Do not lie to me."

"I'm not!"

"Who's is it!?"

I took in a deep breath. "Mine."

"Why is it yours?"

"I just used it to light a candle on my birthday that's all,"

"So that's why it has 'BJ' scrapped on to it is it?" She asked me as she put the lighter into her pocket.

I didn't even know what to say then. That's when I just sort of realised I can't wiggle my way out of this. She grabbed my arm viscously as she brought her face close to mine. Her teeth were gritted, like a wild animal showing it's power. It was terrifying.

"Now tell me why Billie Joe Armstrong's lighter has made its way into my house!" She shouted I felt her spit fly out of her mouth from her shouting and land on my face as I cringed lightly. I didn't even answer her, I didn't have an answer. What was I supposed to say? "Well!"

"I don't know!" I squealed. Squeezing my eyes shut. I felt my body begin to tremble.

"Don't you lie to me!" Her grip tightening. Her nails breaking my skin. Her voice booming through the room, making my ears ring.

"I don't know!"

"You've been with him haven't you,"

"No!"

"Haven't you!"

"He only let me borrow his lighter that's it I swear!" I shouted as I tried to move my face away from hers. But I felt her jolt at my arm. She let go. And I plucked up the courage to open my eyes up as I turned to look at her. She stood in front of me. Looking down on me. Disappointed.

"You're a dirty liar." She spat. "Go pack your things."

"Mom no! Please I'm sorry! That was it I swear!" I dared to beg. I was close to getting on my hands and knees. I didn't wanna go. Tears streaming down my face.

"Don't make it worse." She warned. She was being awfully calm. Well, she wasn't. But she was calmer than I would have thought. But that only made me more scared.

I took in a deep breath before walking away and up the stairs. I reached my room as I shut the door, and weakly collapsed against it as I sobbed hard.

This is it.

Tap, tap, tap

I looked up from my shaking hands to look at the window. Someone was throwing pebbles at it. I took in a deep breath before weakly pushing myself off of the floor as I made my way over to the window and slid it open.

I looked down at him. There he was. He was such a sight to see, I could never get enough of seeing him. and yet. I'll never see him again.

"Why are you crying?" He pouted up to me.

"She found out," I whispered. Surprisingly enough he heard it as he widened his eyes and looked up at me in disbelief.

"No." He said. "No she didn't, but- but how?"

"Your lighter," I cried again, "she found it."

"Does this mean..."

"Yeah," I cried harder. We both went silent. I looked back into my bedroom. What did it matter, I'm getting sent away either way. Fuck it. I pulled myself through the window as I began to climb down the pipes.

"W-what are you doing?" I heard him ask me confused. His voice was still sad.

"What does it matter." I shrugged as I reached the ground. "I'm going anyway. I wanna make everything I have left with you count."

He sniffed as he nodded. Looking at me in the eyes. "Want me to take you to mine."

"Please,"

~

We had been at billies for a while. It was almost certain my mom had realised I was gone. I left my phone back home, so I wasn't aware if she had called me or if she was just simply waiting for me to get home or what.

Once me and Billie had stopped crying, he said something which made me remember about our conversation last night.

"I was gonna come to ask you if you wanted to hear that song I wrote for you." He said. His eyes were red from crying and his cheeks were also a crimson blush.

"Will you play it for me?" I asked him.

"But-"

"Please," I said as I grabbed both of his hands and held them. "For me."

He didn't say anything at first. Before be breathed in and let go of my hands.

"Fine," I heard him sigh as he got up off of his bed and walked over to grab his guitar which was leaning against his wall. He sat back down as he positioned it into his lap. "You sure you wanna hear this?"

"Of course I do."

"Alright," he sighed.

- enter whatever song you want I really can't think of one for him to sing right now I'm so sorry -

He finished playing the last few chords as he looked up at me.

"That's for me?" I asked him. He nodded as he looked up from me as he set blue down in his lap.

"Yeah, I know it's bad but-"

"-You write the best songs," I sniffed. My nose was blocked from crying so much earlier on. And I was sure I was about to cry again.

He said nothing for a moment. As we sat in the deafening silence.

"I write best when I'm falling in love, or falling apart." He muttered to himself, his gaze was on the guitar he had gently settled into his lap as he traced over the initials 'BJ' on it with his index finger.

"Which one is it right now?" I asked nervously.

He looked up at me with his green eyes only for a split second, soon looking back down. Like he feared I would see the pain painted behind his jade-green orbs. But if he already knew I had already saw it.

"Both." He said, finally looking up at me. That's when I noticed the pool of tears for everything that he had left unspoken, with one blink they would be running down his cheeks. And I hope he didn't let them, because I couldn't see him cry. "I love you, and it's killing me."

I bit my lip painfully trying to stop myself from crying. He was the right one, my heart told me when my eyes first landed on him. But he wasn't mine, and that tore me up. Because I craved him to be.

I sighed, "you're breaking my heart Billie." I whispered, watching the tears roll down his dull face. "I love you. And loving you feels like some sort of self destruction when I'm not supposed to but my god Armstrong I love you." I sobbed.

It seems to be that love could be labelled poison and we would drink it anyways.

I looked at him, the sadness in his eyes felt like it was tearing me up from the inside starting with the heart. But I felt guilty to look away.

"But you know we shouldn't," I said Painfully, he nodded biting his lip. "We should only be friends."

"But friends don't look at each other the way we do."

"Trust me," I said to him. My vision was blurry from my own tears I was trying to not let leave my eyes. "I know that."

"Then why do we act like we don't?" He asked me helplessly, with his big, sad green eyes.

And to that, I had nothing to say. I couldn't tell him why.

"I can't let you go." He spoke up again. He looked so destroyed. He looked so broken. I can't imagine a life without him.

"What you think I can let you go?" I asked him. "Because I can't. I can't let you go and I wanna hold on to this for as long as I can. But this is the end of the road for you and me."

"You're saying our story's over?"

"I think so,"

"But we didn't get a happy ending," he asked me. The tears in his eyes again. "Where's our happy ending?"

"Not all books have one I'm afraid," I whispered to him, I felt my eyes become sore from crying. And I felt the tears trickle down my face. I felt my heart break right inside of my chest. And it felt like I was dying.

"This whole thing hasn't gone as I planned. What will I do without you?"

"What will I do without you?"

"I hate your mom more than I hate anyone else."

"You and me both," I sniffed. "As much as I love you. As much as I want you. Promise me you won't spend too long being sad over me. Promise me you'll move on?"

"But Payton, I-I can't." He stuttered. "I can't move on. How is any girl suppose to follow up after you?"

"Please," I begged.

"But I don't want to forget. I don't want anyone else," he said innocently. "I want you."

"I want you so baldy Billie Joe I really do, but you'll need to forget me when I'm gone,"

"Forget you?" He asked he looked at me like I was stupid. "I can't. What if I never forget you? What if all my life, when I meet someone new, I can never fall in love with them. Because they're not the girl who sat behind me in my first class here. They're not the girl who underestimated my luck on an arcade game. Because they're not the girl who smashed a cup onto the floor. Or- or the girl who I based she about. They won't be the girl who I showed all my secrets spots to. Or who I confessed my love to on a field under the stars. They won't be the girl who I held in my arms on her own eighteenth birthday while she cried helplessly into my chest. Because They won't be you. I can't just let go of you like that Payton, please don't expect me to." He pleaded.

The pain in his eyes today was the strongest I had ever seen it. And he had made no attempt to try and hide his sadness right now. But neither had I.

"You're right," I whispered.

"I won't forget you. I won't forget you despite you wanting me to. And I will never forget that between hello and goodbye. There was so much love. So much of it that it was killing us from the inside, to keep it in for so long."

"I can't believe this is the end of you and I."

"It's not, I won't let it be."

"But if it is...."

"If it is," he sniffed. "Can I at least give you a kiss goodbye?"