He's been avoiding me all week. I've seen him pass me in school, but I've had to stay silent since all the teachers are always around.

The last few times I've seen him we didn't seem to see eye to eye. We just kept arguing. I don't know what it is, but there's always a reason why this situation seems to keep getting weirder between each other.

Mine obviously that I can't keep hiding these feelings. But I don't even know his.

I skipped a few classes and checked if he was behind the school, he never seemed to be.

And tonight was Friday. Which means my moms off on a business trip and Sydney comes to 'babysits' me. Although she's pretty awesome.

Here's that part again where everything is more complicated then it needs to be. I can't keep doing this if this keeps happening.

I walked downstairs as I jumped on the sofa and sat besides Sydney. "You're not seeing Billie today?" She asked me. She basically let me see him, although she knew I shouldn't.

"Every time we see each other we seem to act different with each other."

"What do you mean?"

"We just seem to seem fed up. Not with each other but with the whole situation. And he's been seeming so off the edge lately. Like not himself. Anything gets him angry. He doesn't get angry with me. But we argue a little more than we should. Maybe I should just leave it."

"Don't leave it alone."

"What?"

"Don't leave it alone. You can't just leave it."

"I mean, you're right... but I don't know what I'm supposed to do?" I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket as I sighed and pulled it out.

Billie: you wanna hang out tonight?

"Who is it?" Sydney asked.

"Billie,"

"What did he say?"

"He wants to hang out."

"Well? Go on then!" She laughed. "What you guys gonna do?"

"Depending on the weather we'll argue in his house or outside."

"Hey don't be like that." She pouted. "I know things seem different and difficult but it's obviously because both of your feelings are getting too strong and you guys don't know how to handle it."

"He doesn't like me like that."

"You're so blind." She laughed shaking her head as she walked out the room into the kitchen laughing slightly.

Maybe she's right. I shouldn't leave it alone. I sighed again as I pushed myself off of the sofa and headed upstairs.

Me: sure, I'll just get changed now and meet you.

Billie Joe: awesome, see you soon

I can't keep arguing with him. It's not like any big arguments. But we just seem to have different views on things now. That's not how it seemed when we first met. Because I loved so much how we saw eye to eye on the same things.

Once I was changed I said bye to Sydney and left the house. As I met him outside.

"Hey," he smiled awkwardly.

"Hi," I said back. We fell into silence for a second.

"You wanna go somewhere?"

"Well I mean I'm guessing that's what we would do." I laughed. He laughed awkwardly.

Then it was silence again. Not even the kind of silence I liked. The kind that made me want to rip out my eardrums.

"Fuck sake I can't do this." He said randomly breaking the silence. I looked up from the concrete floor and looked at him with a confused expression across my face.

"Do what Beej?"

"This. I can't do this anymore Payton."

"What's this?"

"This between us! Why is everything so awkwardly lately? Why does everything feel so different lately?" He said running his hands through his hair clearly stressing out.

"What are you trying to say?"

"That's the worst part. I don't even know how to say it despite how many pages full of scribbled down scrawly sentences I've written down on stupid lined paper thrown into the fucking trash bin because it just doesn't sound as right out loud then in my head or when I write it on paper It's like I can't even put it into words but I can think it perfectly and-"

"-Billie breathe!" I laughed. He sighed as he took a deep breath in.

"Sorry. I was getting to carried away."

"God remember to take breakers to breathe for yourself."

"Come on," he sighed as he began to walk.

"But wait!" I said confused as I stood still, he turned his neck around to look at me.

"What?"

"What about what you were saying?"

"What does it matter." He shrugged as he fully turned his body around. "I don't even know why I bother. Some things I just can't get around. No matter how hard I try I can't."

"But Billie this is the problem. You keep talking nonsense referring to something I don't know."

"It's one thing or another."

"But what is one thing and another?"

"Come on," he sighed.

"Billie we haven't finished this conversation," I said bluntly getting pissed off.

"We have, it's over."

And here we go again arguing.

"Billie why can't you just tell me?"

Billie joe's P.O.V

And once again we're arguing.

"I just can't, okay? Now let's go." I said as I turned around and began to walk. I heard her as she walked behind me before walking beside me.

"This is so stupid. I hate when you do this." She sighed.

"Do what?"

"This! You just leave me confused. Why can't you just tell what you're feeling?"

"I can't!" I snapped as I looked over at her. She looked at me wide-eyed as she stepped back a bit surprised.

Suddenly like it couldn't get worse, the sky above us rumbled with thunder as the rain began to come down. Running down my face and hers. As we Both stood still staring at each other. Her in shock and I in guilt.

I feel bad, and I should. I upset her and I knew this would.

I sighed as I finally looked away from her big eyes as I ran my hand through my wet hair. As the rain came down, I wondered to myself why I even bother to try anymore. The world clearly just isn't very fond of me, and I can tell you I'm not very fond of it.

"I'm sorry Payton. I just- I don't know what's going on- I didn't mean to snap at you I swear- I don't even know where it came from," I said stressing out. I was trying to hold back the few tears I had in my eyes. I felt like completely giving up. And the rain wasn't helping. "I've been trying to get over this and not end up arguing with you all time but-" she cut me off, I think she could see how close I was to breaking down.

"-Billie."

"What."

"Come on." She said as she grabbed my wrist and began to drag me somewhere.

"Why?"

"Cause, I won't let you lose yourself in the rain."

She dragged me over to my house as we stood at my front door drenched in rainwater. It was still raining. "Why are we here?"

"You need to go to your room, and whatever it is you do when you're feeling like this. Whether it's writing a song, or playing on your guitar, or just writing things down you need to go do that. Because you're confusing me so damn fucking much. So go find yourself, find out how your feeling and whenever and however you can tell me. You can tell me like that." She looked hurt. And sort of mad. So I didn't argue. I just nodded.

What am I doing? Why haven't I told her? Like I'm waiting around for something better.

Now she's stood in front of me hurt and mad. She wanted to leave me at my doorstep and walk back alone in the rain. And I'm the one who wouldn't let her.

She walked down my garden before I shouted to her. "Payton!" I shouted.

She turned around and looked at me. "What Billie?"

I love you.

Just say the three words. Billie, it's three words just fucking say them, you idiot.

"What?" She asked me again.

"I- I- I- I lo- Goodnight."

She smiled weakly. A forced smile. "Night Billie." She turned back around as her arms grew as she wrapped them around herself and allowed them to rest. As she walked away in the rain.

'Cause, I won't let you lose yourself in the rain.'

I wanted to say I love you. But I kept it at Goodnight. Because love would mean to make some big and scary sacrifices. And I think I've made a mess of this situation already.