It had been a few days since I had walked out of Tre's house. Since then Violet had checked on me, Mike and Tre came to see if I was okay. But nothing from Billie.

Nothing until now.

There was a knock on my window.

What the fuck!

Should I open the curtains?

No, what if it's a scary man!

It might be one of the guys.

Or it could be a scary guy.

There it goes again. I walked over as I slowly opened the curtains. To my surprise, I saw Billie.

"Let me in," he lip-synced pointing down to the handle on the window. I sighed as I opened the window and pulled him in. Creating a thud on the floor.

"What was that!" My mom shouted.

"Something just fell off of my desk that was all!" I shouted back. I looked down at Billie. "What are you doing here!"

He got up. "Well, I came to apologise."

"You couldn't have rung me?"

"No, you deserve an apology face to face."

"So you couldn't have waited?"

"I've tried, but I just feel so bad I had to come."

I sighed giving up as I sat on my bed. "Okay then, let's hear it."

"I'm really really incredibly sorry Payton. I didn't mean what I said- I- I- I was just angry. And I know I shouldn't have been because I had no right but I was. I didn't mean what I said and it was totally wrong for me to ever say that to you. I shouldn't have done that and that was a real jackass move of me." He spoke as he sat next to me.

I breathed in and looked at him. "I guess you weren't wrong."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"It's not like we're a thing. So I shouldn't have been angry, and I guess it's not like we have a choice."

"We don't?" He said.

I sighed. "I mean- I don't know Billie. Maybe we don't."

"You- you don't think we have a chance?"

"To be together? it might never work out between us."

He nodded biting his lip. He didn't look at me. Just straight ahead as he nodded.

I felt my whole guts inside of me twist. As my mind became hazy and loud throughout the quiet. My breath began to get stuck in my throat as I struggled to breathe. It was like I was about to have a panic attack. Like there was some sort of raging storm inside of my mind that was making my head pulse and hurt.

"You okay?" He asked me.

"No," I said. "Y'know What. I'm not okay, I'm not okay Billie because this, this between us. Is killing me like some deadly disease."

"What do you mean?"

"This! The way we act together, the way I feel for you, the way you make me feel and then there's the fact that it can't happen."

"Payton What are you talking about?"

Life, fucking sucks. It throws you every which way and teaches you the most painful lessons. And sometimes we listen and sometimes we don't.

The sad truth is realising you've fallen in love with something that can never be.

I love him, more than he knows.

But I think the sadder thing is how it is so much easier to just not say anything at all. Then tell someone how you truly feel inside.

"It doesn't matter," I said.

"Yes it does, come on payt."

"It doesn't. It just doesn't matter because it's just me rambling on about things. Just forget I ever said anything." I said looking over at him.

"But Payton I-"

"-please."

He went silent for a minute, as I stared into his eyes.

He sighed. "But what about how you feel?"

"What does it matter." I shrugged.

"Cause What if I feel the same way?" He suggested.

Does he?

I heard my mom as she came upstairs. I looked over at Billie quickly. "You need to go!" I said. He didn't argue with me, instead, he quickly climbed out of the window as I watched him leave before shutting it.

And ever since that moment, the storm inside of me had started. It never stopped since. Forever happening. A hurricane of heartbreak swirling in my rib cage, hurtful truths raining down in my mind, and a thunderstorm of loud noises never seeming to settle down.