And days went by, and nothing from Billie. Nothing from him, Tre, mike. But I was mostly feeling low from not talking to Billie joe.

every single second that passed without talking to him was making me go insane.

It's making me wanna scream. I wanna scream.

I haven't had a good week, and neither exactly has my mom. Her date never called her back, so she's been real harsh and heavy-handed with me this week. She sure did get a good one in yesterday. On my arm, where they always were. Sometimes the legs but mostly my arms. She never went for my face though, or else it would be obvious what I'm going through.

I think She did it because as a child she was never exactly shown love or something. My dad left her when she had me and well later on in life her eldest daughter killed Herself. So sometimes I did pity on her. But other times I couldn't explain to you the hatred I have in my heart for the very women who brought me into this world. But could you honestly blame me?

I've felt on the edge at school all week. At dinner times I've been sat with violet. She's not heard anything from the rest of the boys either. Which I guess makes me feel sort of better. That they aren't just dodging me, although they should be because of my mom but I've not seen them at all. Not even in the hallways at school, or in the classes we share. Nothing.

But no ones noticed how close to freaking out I've been.

I feel sometimes like I'm gasping for air. Screaming for help. But everyone just looks at me with confused faces. Wondering what I'm struggling over when they're all just doing fine. And it makes me feel crazy.

And to the people who made me feel this way, to my mom. To the old friends that used me. To the last boy, I ever trusted who cheated. I hope you're enjoying your life while I suffer through mine.

Because I've got no one to tell these thoughts to, and the only person who I do is Billie. The only one who sees my pain is him. Because he knows how it feels, and I don't know if that makes me happy to see someone who understands or breaks my heart knowing exactly what he has to go through.

So some nights, when no ones simply there to listen to me. I write.

I write because it makes me feel like someone is listening. Or maybe I'm finally listening to myself. But some days I'm afraid to write because sometimes the honesty kills me.

"Stop being so weak, grow up and get over it." I sighed to myself. I opened the window as I watched my moms car drive away. It was Friday, the day she always went. And it was nearly nine, a bit later than the time she always left. "Good riddance."

Then the phone went. I picked it up more or less straight away not even looking at who it was.

"Hello?" I said.

"Payt!!" Billie shouted down the call excited.

"Billie!" I shouted back in the same energy. "Where have you been man!? I haven't seen you all week!"

"Aww shoot, I'm sorry payt. me, mike and Tre took the whole week off."

"Why?"

"It's a really long story."

"Well, I've got time."

"Can you escape?"

"I can as long as the window opens." I laughed.

"Awesome. I'm on my way."

"You are?"

"Well,... course I am?" He said. "I've not seen you all week and it's driving me nuts."

"It is?"

"Wait- shit no! Erm- see you soon!" The call ended quickly as I laughed to myself.

You know what's powerful?

The fact that nothing makes more me happier and nothing makes me more sadder: than him.

And I've missed him all day, all week.

And you can't even imagine how pathetic it makes me feel because I don't even know if he missed me back.

The pebbles began to tap on the window as I got up and pulled it open to see Billie down at the grass. "That was fast Romeo." I couldn't really see him well since it was dark out. But I obviously knew it was him.

"Stop calling me Romeo!"

"I'll stop calling you Romeo when you learn to knock on my door and not throw rocks against my window."

"Fine," he sighed. "I'm gonna knock on your door."

I watched him as he walked around my house and I heard the door knock, I laughed to myself before going down the stairs and opening the door to reveal Billie.

He smiled with his signature grin, that I just adored. The way his eyes smiled at me too made me feel warm. But my god what the hell has happened to his left eye.

"Billie, what's happened?" I asked him confused as I let him in.

"What do you mean?" He asked me more confused.

"Your fucking eye Billie. You have a black eye, What on earth happened? Did you get in another fight or something?"

"No no!" He said quickly as we walked up the stairs and into my room. "It was just my stepdad." He shrugged casually. We both sat on my bed as I looked at him.

"Oh Billie," I whispered, he heard sympathy in my voice as he shook his head.

"No, it's okay. I'm fine it didn't even hurt."

"What did you do to deserve that?"

"We were arguing and I was being cocky or something." He shrugged. He then looked down at my shoulder, I forgot I didn't have a hoodie on today. "Payton you're one to talk what the fuck is this?" He asked pointing to the huge bruise on my arm.

It was bad, it had colours in it I didn't even know came in bruises. He touched it slightly as I jerked away from him as he quickly moved his hand and apologised.

"It's okay, it's just sore."

"Looks it, how did she do that? There's no way she hit you and did that right?"

I was silent.

"Right payt?"

I was silent.

"She didn't she?"

I nodded. "But can we just stop talking about this?" I asked looking over at him awkwardly. "I've not seen you all week and I wanna sneak out and have some fun with you and the guys, not sit home and talk about this."

"Of course," he said quickly. "Yeah, course we can."

"Awesome."

I put on a hoodie as we got in billies car that was parked outside of my house, no wonder he was so fast. he drove. And we got in as we began to drive to Tre's where they all were. Including violet.

"Can I tell you something?" Billie said looking over at me quickly before returning his eyes to the road ahead.

"Course you can."

"Y'know, it's so hard not talking to you. I know I'm not supposed to talk to you at school, or when you don't answer your phone like the other night-"

"-the other night?"

"Yeah, I tried ringing you and it said you were on another line." He said quickly. So he did ring me, while I was on call to violet blabbing on about my feelings he was trying to talk to me. "Now let me carry on."

"Sorry."

Billie joes P.O.V

"Sorry." She apologised.

I carried on, "And when you don't answer your phone, I can't just show up on your doorstep and see you. And I have to wait until certain hours of certain days to see you. And when I do it feels like forever since I last did. But it's so fucking hard lately." I spoke.

It fucking sucked. Because of the scent of the perfume she wore, the smile on her face, the way she always knew what to say. Seemed to have gotten inside of me. Or into the air around me or something- and she had become: a physical necessity.

But that's not the thing that sucked. I would have loved that, but the thing that makes it suck. Is that it can't be. And we both know that. No matter if she felt the same we could never make it work with the whole situation with her mom. And it felt like it was begging to slowly kill me.

"And I'm just scared that we might miss place something somewhere along the line," I stammered. "And then you're gone. Off to another state."

"But you know I'd never forget you." She said. "Fuck how could I? You've left quite the impression, Billie Joe, my mind couldn't let go of you even if I begged it."

I looked over at her, my whole heart beating faster than it was before. The whole world could crumble in front of me right now and I wouldn't even blink. "You promise?"

"I promise, as long as you don't forget about me." She said. "As long as you don't forget about me and all the things we did together. And the conversations we shared."

"I could never. And I don't know if that'll haunt me if you ever leave or not."

I parked outside of Tre's as we got out of the car.

"God I've missed these guys," Payton said as she ran in front of me and knocked on the door. Tre opened the door as I was still walking up his garden.

"Paydays here guys!" He shouted as he swooped her into a massive hug of his and picked her up.

"Tre!" She shouted happily. "I've missed you!"

"We've missed you too!" He shouted back as he finally put her down. She ran inside, I'm guessing to hug mike as I said hi to Tre and came in as he shut the door behind me. Payt was hugging mike happily then afterwards gave violet a quick hug, who was sat on the floor like she always was for some reason.

Violet looked over at me and smiled mischievously. Like she knew something I didn't. "You look happier." She smiled.

I smiled back, I was. "I am."

"Is it because of?" She whispered motioning with her head over to Payton who was wrapped into a conversation with Mike and Tre. I rolled my eyes as I ignored her and sat on the sofa. Although it was she didn't need to know, but the way she looked at me I probably had already made it obvious. Tre and mike joined me as Payton joined Violet on the floor.

"So!" She said. "I think you have some explaining to do."

"Oh fuck," I muttered.

"What have you done?" Mike asked.

"It's what have we done." I corrected him.

"Is it about-"

"-yeah."

"Well!" Payton said again. "Tell me."

"So because of my eye, I stayed off the week. And mike told his mom and dad the whole week he was feeling ill, Tre's parents give up with him at this point, so we all hung out at tre's and did band practice the whole week,"

"That's the long story you couldn't explain to me back at mine?" She asked sort of laughing.

"Well it's longer than that, but I shortened it down for you so feel lucky."

"I feel very blessed," she said sarcastically.

"You should."

She looked at me, just silently looked at me. She didn't say a word. But her eyes studied me so closely it made me nervous.

I had come to terms, the moment I saw her face that I liked her. But I like her more than I'll ever show her, cause one wrong move and she's gone. But every day it felt like I was getting deeper and deeper into those feelings.

It's like a life of walking on eggshells. Treading over bombs. Waking around alarm clocks that are waiting to go off any minute.

I believed she was a blessing in disguise. But with the situation we're in I guess the world wasn't going to give me such beauty that easy huh?

Payton's P.O.V

And looking at him. I knew I liked him, but right now I feel like I liked him more than I last remembered. The way his green eyes looked at me. He had beautiful eyes, the kind you could get lost in, and I guess I did.

So no wonder why everyone was looking at me confused until violet shook me quite Violently.

"What!" I said quickly alarmed as I looked around at them. They simply laughed.

"We were trying to talk to you," Violet said.

"You zoned out staring at Billie," Tre laughed.

"I was not!"

"You was," Mike agreed.

"No! I was thinking!"

"About?" They both asked in unison.

"Erm... oh y'know, just... well, just- school."

"Real smooth Ives." Billie teased.

"Shut up," I sighed crossing my arms as I rolled my eyes looking away from the four of them.

"Well anyway," Mike spoke up. "We were asking you if you were interested in heading to the beach tomorrow. It's supposed to be good weather."

I pouted sadly. "You guys know I can't."

"What! Come on payday!" Tre shouted.

"Why not!" Violet asked.

"I'm grounded, remember?"

"Nu-uh! You're ungrounded! You got grounded for a week this time last week!" Tre said quickly.

I didn't realise he had been keeping track, he really did want me to come. I wanted to go, but I couldn't because that would mean showing my arms. And no, I did not have any cuts or anything. But the bruises were there.

"Please payt." Billie pouted as he moved off the sofa and sat next to me.

"Nope," I said looking down.

"Please!" He said again as he moved his head in front of mine, hovering over my lap.

"Nope."

"Please!"

"No,"

He sighed as he dropped his head into my lap and laid on the floor. Looking up at me sadly. His big green puppy eyes, begging me.

"Billie I can't," I said softly to him.

"But you aren't grounded," Mike said. I looked away from Billie and over at mike.

"But my mom wouldn't let me go to the beach."

"Then lie," Violet shrugged.

"And say?"

"Say you're coming to mine to do some homework."

"I could." I considered. "Or you all could just go without me."

"Please don't do this to me," Billie said. I looked down at him confused, our eyes met, and suddenly once again. I forgot how to breathe. "It won't feel the same if you aren't there... at least for me it won't."

"But Beej-"

"Plus Mike's bringing his lady friend from the party. Meaning you'll be leaving me to Fifth where."

"Billie joe y'know I want to but-"

"-I'm begging you."

We went silent. It hurt me, because I saw in his eyes how much he wanted me to go. And how much everyone else wanted to me to be there. And I had never felt so wanted before, but I just couldn't. It's too risky, meaning they find out about my home situation.

But they know about billies.... and no ones ever said a thing. And it's not like I don't trust them, and I guess soon enough they're going to find out. And man I really wanna go with them.

"That's okay," he sighed, his head still in my lap as he looked away from me. "I'm not trying to guilt-trip you- you don't have to come I just-"

I cut him off. "-you're right, it'll be fun. I'll come."

"You will?" He said quickly as he moved his head from my lap and looked at me wide-eyed while the rest of them cheered.

"Yeah," I laughed.

He said nothing but pulled me into his chest in a tight hug. Boys cologne, cigarettes and weed today. "Thank fuck." He said still hugging me.

"Yeah thank god you said yeah," Mike said as I pulled away from billies hug. "Billie would have been really annoying and bummed tomorrow if you said no."

"I would say something- but I'm afraid he's not wrong." Billie grinned as he looked over at me.

My heartfelt happy. Like all the damage that had ever been done to it: just erased. Simply, by the way, he lifted up the corners of his lips and smiled at me. It was such a little thing but it gave me so much feeling.

Fuck, maybe this is love.