A/N: Okay guys this is a bigggg Chapter its like 8k words but I didn't feel like separating it into two. Theres a lot that goes down in this chapter! The POV switches a couple of times so look out for that. Also.. I am obsessed with making these gifs now XD Also no hating me for the end of this chapter >.>

𝓘'𝓶 𝔀𝓮𝓪𝓻𝔂 𝓸𝓯 𝓯𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓮𝓢𝓸 𝓽𝓲𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓸𝓯 𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝓸𝓢𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 𝓶𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓫𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓵𝓮𝓯𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓻𝓪𝔂

Killian

For some reason, getting ready for work Monday morning wasn't as hard as it had been for the last couple of years. I didn't feel like I had to practically drag myself to the kitchen for coffee.
"Someone has pep in their step this morning." Milah smirked and looked at me while taking a sip of her coffee.
"I just had a good run this morning is all." I shrugged as I poured some coffee for myself. I knew that the run this morning had nothing to do with it, it had everything to do with Blaire Nolan and it shouldn't have. I took a sip of my coffee and glanced over at the purple plaid zip up hooded jacket draped over one of the chairs at the kitchen table. I almost choked. That was Blaire's jacket.
Milah raised an eyebrow.
"Wrong pipe." I said and cleared my throat. "What's this doing here?" I asked picking up the jacket.
"I found it on the couch." Milah said. "I figured maybe you knew whos it was."
Killian. Think...
"Oh, you know what? It's Ari's!" I said and snapped my fingers. "Liam and Ariel brought Sebastian over after trick or treating. He wanted to watch Scooby Doo with me." I said.
"Oh. No wonder you were tired the other night with that one around." Milah said.
"That one is my nephew Milah, and how he is, is not his fault." I sighed. Even if Sebastian was not over here the other night. I was defending him. Milah didn't really understand Sebastian's needs, She wasn't hateful with him, but she didn't spend much time with him at all.

Milah rolled her eyes.
"I didn't mean it that way."
"Sure." I scoffed. "We'll I'm going to go."
"Wait, we're riding together today remember?" Milah asked.
"No?" I questioned. "Why would you be riding with me to the school?"
Milah put her hands on her hips and scowled at me.
"I have a meeting with Cora and the Art teacher about the art showcase this month! My boss, is giving away a couple scholarships to some of the seniors in the showcase, and I'm there to represent the company. Seriously Killian? We talked about this last week and you said you would just ride home with Liam so I could take your car."
"It must have slipped my mind." I sighed. "Wait.. the showcase in November?" I asked. The one I just convinced Blaire to take part in?
"Yes, what do you know about it?" Milah asked.
"I just.. Have a couple students participating in it is all." I shrugged.
"Well, its supposed to be a big one. Theres a lot of important people coming to this one. Its a good chance for these kids to get recognition and a head start in their careers." Milah smiled.
"Oh. Well that is nice. Shall we go then?" I asked.
"Yeah. Hey don't forget Ariel's jacket you can give it to Liam."
"Aye." I nodded and put the jacket in my laptop bag.

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When we got to the school, Liam had just gotten there too so we walked up the steps together.
"The Art students are really excited for this showcase. I'm glad you can be a part of it." Liam said.
"Me too." Milah smiled and turned to me. "Don't forget to give him Ari's jacket, love. I've got to go in."
"Ari's jacket?" Liam questioned.
It was clear that I was not going to catch a break this morning.
"Aye... Ariels jacket, She left it when you two brought Bastian over after trick or treating." I said and opened my bag and handed him the jacket. I gave him a look, I begged him with my eyes to just bloody go with it.
"Oh! Yes, she's missed this." Liam nodded and smiled at Milah and then gave me the look. After our mother died, our father left us in the middle of the night and Liam basically raised me and I still to this day hated that bloody condescending look of his.
"I actually needed Killian for a moment, so I'll be stealing him away from you unfortunately." Liam said.
"Oh, its alright." Milah said and leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "See you later."
"Aye..." I nodded and followed Liam down the hall to his classroom.

Liam opened the door and flipped on the light and then shut the door. He turned to me holding up Blaire's jacket staring at me expectantly.
"You may as well just start Liam." I sighed.
"You and I both know, this isn't Ariel's and Sebastian was sick on Halloween so we didn't go out." Liam said.
"Liam, I'm not a bloody child anymore!" I hissed.
"No, you're not. You're a grown man, a married man!" Liam said. "Are you having an affair?" He asked.
"No!" I sighed. "I'm not having an affair but I also don't need to explain myself to you."
"You used my wife and son in a lie to your wife!" Liam exclaimed. "If you aren't having an affair, whose jacket is this?"
"Liam, please I am asking you this once to just let something go. I promise you I am not having an affair! Our marriage is a bloody mess right now but you know me. I don't stray." I said.
Liam sighed and handed me the jacket.
"I don't know what you are up to little brother, but there is only so much trouble I can pull you out of."
"Younger brother." I corrected him. "And I don't need you to pull me out of any trouble." I said and put the jacket back into my laptop bag. "Am I free to go? Or would you like to scold me some more?" I asked.
Liam sighed.
"Just go Killian. If you must lie to your wife, keep Ariel and Sebastian out of it."
I nodded and walked out of his classroom to go to mine. We still had at least an hour before school started so I had time to get things ready and breathe for a moment.

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Blaire

"Blaire lets go, you're going to be late!" David called from down stairs. I sighed and looked through my closet for like the thousandth time that morning for my jacket and I still couldn't find it.
"Blaire!" David called again.
Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all his carpenter friends..
I picked up my backpack and slung it over my shoulder and walked out of the room. I'd just freeze apparently. I really needed to go shopping for more clothes I was just waiting for my paycheck from O'Malleys so I could. I didn't want David and Mary-Margaret to have to buy me a new wardrobe.

I stormed down the stairs and looked at David.
"Well, I'm here." I said.
"Where is your jacket? its freezing today."
"I can't find it." I sighed.
"We'll go shopping this weekend. You need more clothes anyways." David said.
"I can do that when I get paid. Emma and I were going to go to the mall..." I said and stopped.
"Except you're both still grounded?" David asked.
"Yep." I sighed and walked to the kitchen and grabbed a poptart and then looked around the living room for my jacket.
"It has to be here somewhere."
"Maybe you left it somewhere? I don't recall you having it on when you got home Saturday." David said.
My heart jumped into my throat.
Fuck fuck.. Fuckfuckfuck Its at Killian's

David dug through the coat closet and handed me a Navy blue hoodie that said Storybrooke Police.
I narrowed my eyes.
"I'll freeze." I said.
"Not on my watch kid, sorry." David said.
"You're killing me uncle Dave." I groaned and pulled the hoodie on. "I look like a dweeb."
"Only until you get inside." David smirked and ruffled my hair.
"Quit!" I whined and pushed his hand away.


"Are you working tonight?" David asked.
"Yes, until 8." I said.
"Did you tell Thomas about your therapy appointment and let him know you might be a little late?"
I sighed and rolled my eyes.
"You didn't tell him did you?" David asked.
"I was kinda hoping you'd forget." I mumbled.
"No such luck, I'm picking you up from school and taking you the appointment Blaire." David smiled.
"Yay." I said.
David picked my phone up from the kitchen counter and held it out. I went to take it but he pulled it back.
"I want you home by 8:45 tonight or this is mine again.Got it?"
I raised my eyebrow at him. He just raised his back and tilted his head to the side giving me the look.
"Fine. Got it." I sighed and took my phone.
"You are not used to this." David chuckled.
"Nope." I said. "My Dad didn't do the whole grounding thing. He just woke me up before the roosters and had me in the gym with him until he got tired...I don't know if you are aware but that man is a tank David. He doesn't tire easily."
"I'm aware." David said. "I do things much differently..as you know I don't condone torturing children."
"You're spicy today Dave. I like it." I smirked.
"Go to school Blaire." David smiled and shook his head.

On my walk to school, I texted Killian

Me:
Got my phone back. I think I left my jacket at your place saturday night.

KJ:
Aye. You did...I've got it with me but theres a problem.

Me:
Do I even want to know? Should I just turn around and go back home?

KJ:
Well it's not that bad, it's just I told Milah the jacket was Ariels, and she told Liam I had his wifes jacket. So I had to go with it, and now Liam suspects things so You can't wear the jacket around him or he'll know its yours.

Me:
But its my favorite :(

KJ:
Sorry love. He thinks I'm having an affair and thats bad enough.. If he thought I was romantically involved with a student he'd knock my bloody head off my shoulders.

Me:
Its fine. Its my fault anyways, I left it there.

I sighed and put my phone back into my backpack. I was confused. I know for a fact that saturday night Killian and I had a moment and maybe it shouldn't have bothered me that he seemed so put off by it today. But between that moment and his facebook status I couldn't help but think I wasn't just reading too far into it. Killian had feelings for me, whether he was desperately trying to shove them away or not. He had them and it scared the hell out of me, because I did too. Of course the one person that actually made it easy to be myself was the one person who was so unbelievably out of reach. I should have been used to life not doing me any favors by now.

When I got to the school, and walked inside I ran right into someone.
"Oh, Sorry.." I mumbled and looked up. It was Milah. I narrowed my eyes at her.
"The rabbit hole is on the other side of town. Are you lost?" I asked.
Milah raised her eyebrow.
"Are you?"
"Well I mean, I'm a student, I go here and at least I can admit that I didn't belong at the rabbit hole that night. Can you? Can you admit you didn't belong there while your husband sat cluelessly at home thinking you were working?" I asked.
"You have no idea what you are getting yourself into kid."
"Call me kid, one more time."
Milah laughed "Oh? And if I do?"
"You feeling froggy Milah? Leap." I snarled.

Milah smirked.
"You know, it took me a while to realize who you were but now.. I can see it. You look just like Jack did when she was angry, She got into things she shouldn't have too and look where that got her." Milah said and pushed her way past me and out the door. I followed her.
"The fuck did you just say?" I demanded.

"Is there a problem here?" Mrs Mills said from behind me.
"I don't know Cora, I bumped into her on the way out of the door and she went off on me." Milah said.
"That is NOT what happened you horrible bitch!" I shouted.
"Miss Nolan!" Mrs. Mills said. I turned around and glared at her and she pointed to the building. "My office. Now." She said.
I scoffed and shook my head walking into the school.

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I looked down at the detention slip in my hand as I made my way to my first class. At least Killian was running detention today. Hopefully he didn't ask why I got detention before the day even started because there was no way I was explaining that.
Hey yeah I almost punched your wife. Happy monday.

I walked into Mr. J's class a couple minutes late and handed him the note from Mills.
"Sorry was being held hostage." I mumbled.
"It's alright, take your seat and start working the equations on the smartboard please." Mr. J said. I sat down and opened my back pack to get my Algebra notebook out. My phone pinged in my backpack. I looked up at Mr. J. He nodded in approval at me.
"Sorry I'll only check it the one time." I said and grabbed my phone and looked at it.

KJ:
Curious email I just got from Mills.... How you managed to get detention before school even started this morning is beyond me Blaire.

Me:
Don't you have a class to teach?

I laid my phone in my lap and turned the volume down so it wouldn't ping and I could check it while working the equations on the board. I was in the middle of working the first one when I felt my phone buzz on my leg. I looked down at it.

KJ:
Do you just wake up with the sass or...?

Me:
If you think I'm sassy now, just wait until after lunch. Its building up Jones and I'm saving it all for you.

I smirked and went back to working on the Algebra. After working the problems on the board and handing them in, Mr. J started his class, but my brain was focused on the wrong Jones brother. My phone vibrated on my lap again and I looked down at it.

KJ:
Careful Nolan, you already have detention but I could make you copy the student handbook in its entirety while there.

Me:
No one is that much of an asshole. Not even you. Besides...I was actually hoping you could let me out a little early this afternoon.

KJ:
Do the crime, do the time Nolan.

Me:
I have a therapy appointment after school.

KJ:
I'll see what I can do, if theres other students I have to let them all go early too. I can't promise anything though. What did you do to get detention before the first bell anyways?

Me:
I don't want to talk about it.

KJ:
Well now I really want to know.

Me:
Let it go.

"Blaire." Mr. J said. I looked up from my phone in my lap.
"Yes?" I asked.
"See me after class." He said.
I sighed and waited until he turned back to the board.

Me:
You got me in trouble. Your brother asked to see me after class.

KJ:
Well shame on you for texting in class Nolan.

Me:
Are you kidding me right now? You should be TEACHING your class.

KJ:
I have papers to catch up on grading, so its movie day.

Me:
If you are playing Remember the Titans I'm skipping your class. That is ALL my old History teacher played

KJ:
Relax its King Arthur.

"Blaire, if you are not going to pay attention in my class, why are you even here?" Mr. J asked.
"I..well.. I was just." I stammered. Mr. J was starting to sound a lot like his mean brother now.
Mr. J raised his eyebrow.
"Pay attention Blaire." Mr. J said and I got the vibe that it was a final warning type of thing so I put my phone in my backpack.

After the bell rang I put my things away and stayed in my seat while the rest of the students left. Mr. J sighed heavily and leaned against his desk crossing his arms.
"Your recent lack of focus is concerning me Blaire." He said. "I get it, Algebra is not something you will use every day but it is required to graduate and your grade...needs drastic improvement if you hope to pass my class. Are you not understanding what I'm teaching? I can stay after for a couple hours and try to find a way that helps you. I don't usually have much trouble out of you. Where is your focus? because it certainly isn't on school."
Its on your brother..who is also my teacher so technically it is on school, at least.. Kind of.
"I just have a lot going on right now. I'm sorry.. I'll try harder."
"I understand theres a lot going on in your life Blaire. Losing a parent is not easy and I can't imagine losing one the way you did."
"Technically I lost them both.." I mumbled.
Mr. J sighed and put his hand on my shoulder.
"I will do anything I can to make sure you don't fail Blaire I just need a little help from you. Okay?"
I nodded.
"Go on to class before you're late." He smiled. I stood up and grabbed my backpack.
"See you tomorrow." I sighed and walked out of the classroom. My phone buzzed in my backpack again.

KJ:
Was your lecture this morning as bad as mine?

Me:
Well he doesn't think I'm having an affair if thats what you mean...

KJ:
Oh she brought the jokes this morning. How nice.

Me:
Look, I'm not about to get held back every class because you keep texting me so grade your papers sir and my deepest apologies when you come across mine I emailed it to you.

KJ:
Already have. You didn't even finish it.. You literally stopped mid sentence.

Me:
Fuck.. I knew I was forgetting something. I worked really late sunday night. Sorry..

KJ:
Just do it over and turn it in.
Me:
No, just stick me with whatever grade.

KJ:
Blaire... honestly just do it over.

Me:
No. You can't do that.

KJ:
Do what Blaire? Keep you from failing an assignment worth a good portion of your grade?

Me:
Just.. stop I have to go to class.

I shoved my phone back in my backpack and refused to look at it again until lunch. I knew Killian wouldn't have given anyone else a do over, and I wasn't going to let him give me one. It was wrong.
Texting him was wrong, going to his house saturday night was wrong, almost kissing him was wrong but somehow, no matter how many times I went over how wrong it was in my head, I couldn't seem to stay away from him, I couldn't stop texting him and God I kicked myself for stopping that kiss.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat with Will and Wendy in the cafeteria for lunch pushing the potatoes on my tray around with my fork.
"You okay Blaire?" Wendy asked.
"Yeah...yeah I'm fine. I'm just tired." I shrugged.
"Yeah O'Malley kept us a little late last night." Will said.
"I didn't even see you leave." I said and raised my eyebrow.
"I left. Right after you did." Will said but his tone was less than truthful and I could not figure out why he would have lied to me about that. I gave him a skeptical look.
"Oh Don't give me that look Blaire, you say your fine but I know enough about you to know when you're anxious you can't eat." Will said and looked down at my still very full tray.
"Mind ya business Scarlet." I scoffed.
"I don't like it when you two fight." Wendy sighed.
"See we've gone and upset little Wendy." Will said.
I sighed and shook my head.
"I just got a lot of shit going on." I mumbled
"Everyone does." Will said.

My phone buzzed on the table beside me. I still hadn't checked it since after Algebra. I sighed and picked it up and looked down at it.

KJ:
Why aren't you eating your lunch?

I turned around and looked at Killian sitting at a table with a couple of other teachers.

Me:
Why are you watching me not eat my lunch?

KJ:
I'm observing, its what one does when they get stuck with lunch duty.

Me:
I'm sure you're supposed to be observing more than just me...but okay.

KJ:
Why aren't you eating?

Me:
Have you seen the shit that comes out of that cafeteria? I'm not even sure this meatloaf is actual meat. You and your brother are awfully concerned with my well being today.

"Whos blowing up your phone?" Will asked.
"No one." I sighed and put my phone back down.
"Its Jacob isn't it?" He asked.
"Jacob??" I said and scrunched my face.
"Yes. Jacob, you were getting awfully close with him last night at work."
"Will...we were working." I groaned. "Jacob isn't even close to my type. I don't see your big problem with him."
"I just don't trust the guy Blaire thats all."
"Well why not?" Wendy asked. "And who is Jacob? Does he go here?"
"No, he's older than us." I said.
"Oooo." Wendy smirked.
I rolled my eyes and glared at Will.
"See what you've started?"
"Well I mean.. I'm just looking out for you Blaire. The guy has some strange vibes."
" I know strange Will, Jacob isn't all that strange. A bit full of himself and flirty but hey you two should get along great then." I said.
"Funny." Will said. "You working tonight?"
"Yes. After my therapy appointment. Tell Thomas I might be a few minutes late." I sighed.
"I will." Will said. "You gonna eat something?" He asked.
I sighed.
"Its not like I'm wilting away into nothing over here. We had a cheese fry eating contest at work last night give me a break."
"Working there sounds fun." Wendy said.
"Its all fun and games until Blaire eats her weight in cheese fries and is practically useless the rest of the night." Will smirked.
"I did silverware thank you very much."
"Yeah after Thomas woke you up from your cheese fry induced coma in the back booth." Will laughed.
I picked up the dinner roll from my tray and launched it at his face. I heard a loud whistle from behind me and turned around. Killian was giving me and Will a glare.
"Settle down over there!" He said.
"Its lunch, mate, you settle down!" Will hollered back.
"Will!" I hissed.
Killian stood up and walked over to the table. Will looked proud of himself, Wendy looked like she was about to pass out, and I was just done.

"What was that Scarlet?" Killian asked.
"I said you should settle down. You know.. Yelling at us all day, its bad for your blood pressure Just looking out for you Mr. Jones thats all." Will smiled and took a bite out of the roll I had just thrown at his face. Killian looked at me.
"Eat your lunch Miss Nolan, don't throw it around the cafeteria." He said and then looked at Wendy
Oh come on now, she didn't do anything and she's terrified of you.
I kicked his foot from under the table and he glared at me.
"One more spot of trouble out of any of you, and you lot will clean the cafeteria after school." He said and raised his eyebrow looking at us expectantly.
"Well?"
"Yes sir." Wendy practically squeaked. KIllian turned on his heels and walked back to his table.
"Over a bloody dinner roll." Will scoffed. "Someone needs to speak to his wife, that man needs to get laid."
I sprayed chocolate milk out of my mouth to avoid choking on it.
"Jesus Will." I said and grabbed my napkin to wipe my lip.
"Well I mean think about it Blaire, Jones gets laid and we all get a break." Will shrugged.
"I...don't want to think about that at all..." Wendy muttered.
"Good point Wendy." I sighed "Lets move on." I said. My phone pinged again and I mentally sighed before I picked it up.

KJ:
Sorry about that.. Scarlet gets under my skin.

Me:
Yeah.. thats kind of his thing. Wendy didn't deserve that though, she's already terrified of you.

KJ:
Poor lass looked like she thought I was going to steal her soul.

Me:
Well, you kind of have that vibe about you. I thought you would give Will detention for sure.

KJ:
Well, so far the only student in detention this evening is you...and I'd like to keep it that way.

My heart started thumping in my chest.

Me:
Why?

KJ:
So we can talk...just the two of us. See you in Class Nolan.

Someone should have seriously told the man that you can't tell someone with crippling anxiety that you want to talk and not tell them what about. We do not like to be blindsided. We do not like surprises and we do not like suspense...

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The lights were out in the classroom as King Arthur played on the TV in the room. I could not for the life of me focus on the movie. I kept looking at Killian. He wasn't grading papers he was sketching something and the look of concentration on his face was somehow incredibly attractive. I love watching artists at work. Killian pulled back from his sketch and smiled down at it, and I couldn't help but smile with him. He looked up at me and I quickly looked to the TV

I heard the touch sounds of his phone keyboard and I just knew he was texting me. I reached down to my backpack and pulled out my phone from the side pocket and set it in my lap.

KJ:
Watch the movie, theres a quiz on it afterwards to make sure people are paying attention.

Me:
Please. I've seen this movie a thousand times, I could write you the entire script. Arthurian legend is one of those topics I could easily discuss for days.

KJ:
Excellent, thats our main focus next semester. Maybe I'll make you write me the script in detention then.
Me:
Whoa I said I could write it, not that I wanted to...I see you've found your spark.

KJ:
Something like that. :)


"Tell Jacob to shut up its movie day in Jones' class this doesn't happen often." Will whispered.
"Its not Jacob!" I hissed. "You shut up."
"Hey, double trouble, Quiet!" Killian barked. Will rolled his eyes and turned back to the tv
I turned to Killian and tilted my head at him mouthing
'Really?'
Killian pointed to the tv and smirked. I narrowed my eyes and turned to the tv every now and then glancing at him throughout the rest of the class period.
------------------------------------------------------------

After the final bell, I made my way to Killian's classroom texting David.

Me:
Got detention...trying to see if Mr. Jones will let me out early.

David:
Did you get detention to avoid going to this appointment?

Me:
No, I mean I didn't even think about that. I honestly didn't try to get detention. Next time though. ;)

David:
Blaire...

Me:
Kidding. Give me like 30 minutes I'm the only one so maybe he will let me go just call the shrink and tell him I'll be a couple minutes late.

I walked into Killian's classroom as the door was open but he was not here. I looked at the smartboard where he had a note scrawled for me

Be right back Miss Nolan. Take a seat and start some homework.

Haha yeah right. I thought and walked over to his desk and sat in his chair spinning around waiting. I stopped for a second looking down at his desk noticing his sketchbook.
Don't do it Blaire.. You're disrespecting his privacy..
I reached out and ran my hand over the cover of it. His initials were printed on it. I opened the the book looking at the inside cover.

Happy first anniversary. I love you.

Love,
Milah

That should have made me shut the book and not look back but I couldn't. This was a first anniversary gift and it was hardly used. The first few sketches were mostly landscapes and just random doodles, but when I flipped the page to his most recent sketch my heart leapt into my throat.
It was of me. But...different somehow. Anytime I looked in the mirror, I saw a shell of who I used to be...the girl in this sketch was as close to that as I'd seen in years.

"I...can explain." Killian's voice stole me away from the sketch and I looked up at him with wide eyes and my mouth open.
"Blaire... let me explain." Killian said and shut his classroom door and laid the snacks and drinks in his hands on one of the desks.
"Whats that?" I asked.
"You didn't eat lunch. I figured you may be hungry so I raided the vending machine in the teachers lounge." Killian said and cautiously approached his desk.
"Is... this what you wanted to talk about?" I asked.
"Well..no. You weren't meant to see that.. At least not yet. I just wanted to talk like we usually do. Thats all..but now I think we need to talk about that." Killian said.
"We..don't have to." I said. "If you don't want."
Killian sighed.
"Have a seat?" He asked, gesturing towards the desks. I eyed him and walked around his desk and grabbed a root beer he'd gotten from the vending machine and popped it open. I sat down on top of my desk sipping at the root beer awkwardly.

"You're probably confused." Killian started.
"Actually.. Not as much as I should be." I said. "Given..the events leading up to this."
"Aye.. we've gotten kind of close." Killian said.
I swallowed hard.
"Too close." I said and looked up at him. It physically pained me to say it, and it hurt even worse to see the flash of disappointment in his eyes.
"Perhaps.." Killian said softly. "Look.. I'm terribly sorry if this makes you uncomfortable."
"Again... I'm not as uncomfortable as I probably should be." I said. "Everything about this... its wrong."
"But it doesn't feel that way." Killian sighed.
I looked down at the soda in my hands.
Killian approached me, but before he could get to close I hopped off the desk.
"Why.. do I look so different in that sketch? When I look in the mirror I don't see that girl." I said.
"Because you aren't seeing you how I see you." Killian said. My heart felt like it was going to explode at this point.
"When I see you Blaire, I don't see the dark and scary girl you hide behind. I see a light at the end of a very.. Long very dark tunnel. I see hope." Killian said.
"Why me?" I asked. "Why do I make you feel that? Why not your wife?" I asked.
"Blaire, I can't possibly give you anything resembling an answer to that question because I do not know." Killian said.
I shook my head.
"I.. I have to go to my appointment. Can.. I go?" I asked.
"Aye.. you can go. Promise me that what I said doesn't make you uncomfortable."
"It doesn't, Killian. It should but.. It doesn't and maybe its because I feel the same way when I see you but none of that matters. This can't happen." I said. "Theres too much at risk." My eyes welled as I turned away from him.
"So..we should put it out of our heads now." I said. "See you tomorrow...Mr. Jones." I said and walked out of the classroom.

My eyes stung with tears thatI refused to let fall as I walked over to Davids truck and got in.
"No Police cruiser today?" I asked.
"Not today." David said. "How did you manage to get detention today?"
"Oh.. you know, me and my mother's mouth." I shrugged and looked out the window.
"You definitely have that." David chuckled
"Yup." I said.
"You okay?" David asked.
"Yeah, fine just ready to get this appointment over with. Not entirely set on the idea of someone picking at my brain."
"This is a good thing Blaire. Dr. Hopper can help you.You have a lot of deep rooted issues that need to be worked out." David said.
"Its the deep part that concerns me. They're buried for a reason." I sighed as he started the truck.

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Crickets, I could hear crickets, and not just the metaphorical ones because the room had been silent for the last 10 minutes.
"Where is that coming from?" I asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Dr. Hopper said and pressed a button on the noise machine I just realized was on his desk. "Some people, including myself find the sounds of crickets soothing. Not everyone likes it though." He smiled.
I nodded and crossed my arms and leaned back in the chair going back to my silence.
Dr. Hopper leaned forward and laced his fingers together on his desk.
"Typically the way this works, is you talk and I listen." He said. "But, you've already told me quite a bit about yourself without saying a word." He said.

"Have I?" I asked.
"You have." He nodded and smiled. "For instance, your silence indicates hesitation to open up, and thats okay this needs to be done at your own pace. The way you have your arms, tells me you are on guard. You feel like maybe talking to someone about your troubles leaves you vulnerable and you need to feel protected, and the way you keep rocking slightly tells me you're very anxious and trying to comfort yourself. All of this is very common for ones first therapy session."
I raised my eyebrow and sighed heavily.
"Does that mean we are done here?" I asked.
"Well, we still have 45 minutes."
"Great." I sighed. "I'm going to be late for work, for this."
"What about this, disturbs you the most?" Dr. Hopper asked.
"Letting someone pick at and dissect my brain." I said.

"Thats not what I am here to do Blaire." Dr. Hopper said. "The topics we discuss are entirely up to you. People come to their own realizations about themselves when they actually talk about things. I'm only here to listen and offer you options on how to deal with your anxiety and anger problems by offering you a safe space. Anything goes here Blaire, anything you need to get off your chest stays between us."
"And David because I'm still a minor until next month." I scoffed.
"David only wants to know things if I feel you are in danger of hurting yourself or others. He made that clear when setting the appointment because he knows you are very closed off. So unless I feel you are in immediate danger, the things we discuss stay in this room."

I sighed and sat back. This was supposed to be a good thing, but there was a part of me that still refused to budge, like I could hear my dads voice telling me it was a waste of time, and there wasn't anything wrong with me, to stop acting like a brat. I ran my hands through my hair nervously.
"I really just don't want to do this. Theres so much shit that I've held to. I've never been allowed to let it out." I said.
"We'll start small and if you aren't ready to talk today, think about something that you'd like to talk about next week anything thats bothered you. Its unhealthy to let things build..especially as long as you have. The more you pile on, the more pressure you face to pretend you're okay. Its like putting on a glass mask. You can carry on like things are okay, fake a smile if you will but every day the weight of what your carrying on your shoulders chips away at that mask, and theres only so much you can take before the mask shatters, and you break with it and that is the last thing I want to see happen here Blaire. I want to help you." Dr. Hopper smiled. "But if you aren't ready to let me in today I understand. I don't want to make you feel pressured. Whenever you are ready to talk, is when we will talk."
"Okay.." I said and chipped at my nail polish. Why was this so hard?

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I hurried into O'Malleys and ran to the back to grab my apron.
"Blaire where have you been its been crazy here!" Jacob grumbled.
"I had a thing. I told Will to tell Thomas I'd be late." I said.
"Thomas isn't here tonight, its just me, and Will didn't say anything to me." Jacob said and crossed his arms.
I raised my eyebrow at him.
"Whats with the tude Jacob?" I asked.
"I'm in charge of this place when Thomas isn't here, and I need to know where everyone is. What kind of thing did you have?" He asked.
"It's personal." I shrugged and grabbed my ticket book and pen and put them in my apron pocket.
Jacob just looked at me expectantly.
"Its personal Jacob. Back off!" I scoffed and walked into the dining room.
"Why can Thomas know but not me?" Jacob asked as he followed me.
"Because Thomas is my actual boss. You are not."
"I run this place when he's not here." Jacob said.
"Well run it from over there. I got shit to do." I mumbled.
"Yeah. You do. Liz called in so the whole dining room is yours tonight, and you're closing." Jacob said.
"What? No I was supposed to be off at 8!" I said.
"Well I don't have a closer Blaire, so I need you to stay."
"Fine.. whatever." I sighed and went to go wait tables.

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Killian

I gathered my things and organized my desk, something that usually only took a couple minutes, was taking twice as long. For whatever reason I just could not fathom going home right now because I knew I'd be going home to an empty house and what used to bring me comfort now just brought me hopelessness. I was kidding myself if I thought my marriage was going to be fixed. Milah clearly gave up on it two years ago. I sighed heavily and went to put my things in my laptop bag but realized I never gave Blaire back her jacket.

"Bloody hell.." I mumbled and pulled the jacket out holding it in my hands. My eyes welled up, remembering our conversation. I kicked myself for not stopping her, but she was probably right. This couldn't happen. At least it shouldn't. I shook my head and put the jacket back in my bag and put the rest of my stuff in there I grabbed my keys and my leather jacket and turned out the classroom lights before leaving the room and shutting the door.

I didn't remember much of the drive home, which probably should have been alarming, but I just felt numb. I unlocked my door, and walked inside putting my stuff down by the door. I walked into the kitchen and looked at the note on the fridge from Milah

"Have some stops to make before I get home, will be late. Love you.
-Milah"

I scoffed and walked to the living room and sat down. Captain came up to my and rested his chin on my knee. I gave him a sad smile and scratched behind his ears.
"I'm fine Cap. Just a day." I said but as I said it, my voice cracked, giving away that I was anything but fine.
My marriage was falling apart at my feet and the one thing, the one person who filled the dark spots in my heart with joy was morally out of reach. As much trouble as I've had with my marriage, I remained faithful, because thats what one is supposed to do right?
I felt tears spilling out of my eyes. The thought of spending one more bloody night alone in this huge house was just too much.

Hours went by and before I realized it, it was 9pm and I hadn't moved from my spot on the couch. At some point I had turned on the tv but I didn't really remember watching anything. My mind raced with thoughts. For the last few years I've felt so caged in. So trapped and I was finally starting to figure out that I had to do something for the sake of my own happiness for once.
"Cap.. I'll be back in a while." I said and stood up and grabbed Blaires jacket out of my bag and grabbed my keys and left the house.

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It was 9:30, so O'Malleys was pretty dead considering they closed at 10. I opened the door and walked in. Blaire looked up at me with frazzled eyes. Obviously it had been a rough night here. Maybe I should have turned around and walked out but she tilted her head at me obviously seeing something in my expression and frowned. A sandy haired boy, probably about 20 walked over.
"We didn't think anyone else was coming in so we shut the ovens down." He said. "I'm sorry."
"Oh.. its alright." I said. Blaire walked over
"I think what my wannabe manager is trying to say is, can we offer you some coffee or anything else?" She asked.
"Actually coffee sounds great, thank you." I smiled.
"I'm going to go home Blaire, you got this?" The boy asked.
"Yeah I can lock up Jacob."
"Good I'm leaving too." Will said as he came out of the kitchen.
"Good, if you see Lizard out there kick her in the ass for me for not being here." Blaire snorted.
"Blaire.. Not in front of customers!" Jacob groaned.
"Oh.. its okay I'm quite used to Miss Nolan's colorful vocabulary." I chuckled. Jacob gave me a strange look and then looked at Blaire.
"He's our teacher he puts up with our shit daily." Will shrugged. "See ya Blaire." He said and left.
Jacob eyed me again.
"You sure you're good to lock up Blaire?" He asked.
I could literally break you in half lad don't look at me like that.
Blaire rolled her eyes.
"I'm fine Jacob I've locked up before just go." She sighed and walked behind the bar and started a fresh pot of coffee.
"Turn the sign around so no one else comes in." She added.
"Got it." Jacob said and turned the sign over to say closed, then he too left. Leaving Blaire and I alone.

Blaire poured a cup of coffee and turned to me setting it down on the bar as I sat down.
"Thank you love." I said and put her jacket up on the bar. "I forgot to give this to you." I said.
"Oh. Thank you." She said and took her apron off and tied the jacket around her waist.
"I have a feeling that isn't all that brought you here." She said.
"I'm leaving Milah." I said.
Blaires eyes widened.
"Uh.. hang on." She said and knelt down behind the bar. She came back up with a bottle of Jameson and a shot glass.
I raised my eyebrow.
"Its Thomas' How do you think he puts up with all of us?" Blaire asked. "You need something a lot stronger than coffee." She said and poured me a shot and then put the bottle back behind the bar.

"You're leaving Milah?" Blaire asked. 

"Aye...I just can't be unhappy anymore Blaire." I sighed and took the shot and slid the glass back to her.
"When?" Blaire asked.
"I'm talking to her tonight when she comes home." I gave her a half smile. "Its..a good thing it really is. Theres no sense in being miserable, theres no children involved unless you count Captain but she doesn't like him much anyway."
"Killian.." She sighed and walked around the bar and sat on the stool next to mine. "Why did you come here to tell me you were leaving your wife?" She asked.
"I think its obvious Blaire. You're a clever lass I'm sure you know exactly why." I said.
"Killian.. We talked about this."
"I Know." I said. "But let me just explain Blaire before you arrived in Storybrooke, my life was a constant dark cloud and I saw absolutely no end in sight to it. Until you."
"Well I mean you almost killed me with your motorcycle so it was almost short lived." She smirked.
I chuckled and shook my head. "You give me hope Blaire when I'm around you, I feel a sense of freedom I haven't felt in years. I feel happy. I feel.." I sighed. "Like I'm falling in love for the first time all over again."
Blaire's eyes widened again and she appeared to be holding her breath.
"You asked me... if I had found my spark.. And I did. Its you Blaire." I said and put my hand on her knee.

Blaire stood up and sighed.
"Killian... think about what you are saying." She said.
"I Have thought about it Blaire. For days.. And nights I've thought about you, and only you and I can't pretend anymore." I said. Blaire leaned against the bar.
"I don't want to pretend either Killian.." She said and looked up at me. The party lights above the bar twinkled in the reflection of her eyes. I leaned in and instead of stopping me this time, she met me half way. My lips crashed into hers. Her fingers gripped the lapels on my jacket pulling me closer and my hand wound itself in her auburn hair.

There was a loud thump from up above us that startled us both. We both looked up.
"Theres a small loft up there, last week there was a bat flying around. Its probably another one." Blaire said. "Nothing to worry about." She smiled and touched the side of my face. "What now?" She asked.
"I'm not for certain what comes next Blaire, but whatever it is... I want you to be a part of it." I said and pushed her hair out of her eyes.
My phone went off in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at it.
"Its Milah. She's home." I said.
"Well.. it looks like you have something important to do." Blaire said.
"Aye." I nodded. "I'll.. see you tomorrow love. We will figure this out I promise you." I said and leaned in and kissed her again.
"See you tomorrow.." She smiled and bit her lip.

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All the way home, I had rehearsed lines in the car so I would know exactly what I was going to say to Milah. When I opened the front door Milah was sitting on the couch. There was a small box on the coffee table wrapped in ribbon. She got up and grinned as she walked over to me. She put her arms around me and kissed me. I pulled away.
"Milah.. We have to talk." I said.
"We do!" She said. "Do you want to go first?" She asked.
"No.. you go ahead." I said and sighed and sat down. Milah sat down with me and picked up the box and placed it in my hand.
"Open it." She said and bit her lip.
I raised an eyebrow and opened the box. My heart dropped into my stomach as I looked down at the positive pregnancy test in the box.
"I'm pregnant!" Milah grinned. "We're having a baby Killian!"
I swallowed thickly and felt tears welling up in my eyes I knew what this meant.. I couldn't leave now. I would not abandon my child not like my father did me and I knew Blaire was going to be shattered but what was I supposed to do now?
"Aren't you happy?" Milah asked. I gave her a smile.
"Aye.. I am." I said.
Milah grinned and kissed me again.
"Now..what was it you had to say?" She asked holding my hands.
"Oh.. um never mind. It wasn't important." I said and shook my head looking down at the pregnancy test.