~ ~ LEVI ~ ~

Between my ma's and Kenny's arguing. Non stop drinking and smoking weed. Our house resembled a war zone, with only my room being a safe haven as I tried to make myself as invisible as possible.

It also included staying out of Gage's way too, although he was a hell-of-a presence to ignore.

But it helped that when he was at home, he spent a lot of time in his own room, which was right next to mine. Closed off. And when we came in contact, he was wary, like a wild animal that had been cornered and was looking for any way to escape.

It was about a month later that I peeked around my curtains and watched him chop firewood. Wearing only shorts he looked every inch of a god-like man and when I closed my eyes and listened carefully, I could almost hear the rhythmic blows of his axe, the cracking split of the wood and I wondered what it might be like to have those thick arms wrapped around me.

And then it stopped, and when I opened my eyes, he was staring up at me.

I'd jumped back, almost out of my skin. And later that night on the way to the bathroom when I thought everyone was asleep, he'd come out of his room and when brushing past me in the narrow hallway, I caught a whiff of the cologne he normally wore along with the smell of the wood he'd been chopping. And the combination was delicious and unfortunately for me, it also prompted the boner of the year.

You could almost hear my gulp.

Gage's eyes dropped, and there was no hiding it. Damn thing was practically waving at him through the material of my grey-washed out underwear.

I mumbled something and dived back into my room, quickly shutting the door and pressed my bare back against it before allowing myself a breath.

But I knew right then and there, little point in denying it. The sparks of feelings I'd had from the second I met Gage Charles grew, growing arms and legs.

I was in love with a boy who, for all intents and purposes, was family now.

My step-brother.

Thank the lord I hid my feelings and almost five months went by as I watched Gage fetch home one girl after another. He made no secret of what they got up to in his room, and it often left me knotted in jealousy.

But as time went on, it seemed like he was trying to prove a point to his pa.

What was that point, you ask?

That he was straighter than straight, not a hint of bendiness.

Because my new step-daddy, well, he wasn't too fond of queers as he called people like me. And at every god-given opportunity, he made a point of telling me I needed to be more like his Gage.

A man.

A real man—whatever that was?

Not I thought Gage was anything but straight.

Hell, I didn't think anyone would think otherwise.

So when one night, out of the blue, he came knocking on my bedroom door asking if I had a marker pen; I thought nothing of it and invited him in and whilst I tried to find what he wanted; he cornered me.

"I'm going to kiss you," he said

And with that statement, I sucked in a deep breath, attempting to pull in oxygen.

I'd dreamt of this moment.

In fact, I wasn't sure if I actually was dreaming.

Gage didn't wait for my agreement before covering his mouth with mine. I didn't react immediately. But when I did, my first thought was to push him away.

This had to be a joke, except it didn't feel the least bit funny or fake.

Then Gage was sucking my bottom lip between his teeth. And noises I didn't even recognise tore from my throat as lust slammed into me, nearly doubling me over in its intensity.

And as if sensing my weakness, Gage attacked. His hard body came flush against mine. Our tongues met and at the first brush of his tongue, there was nothing I wouldn't have given him.

And hope for a future that I'd never dared dream filled my chest. Hope being the one emotion that had eluded me my whole life, and I held onto it like a man at sea clinging onto a life-raft.

"Fuck. I knew it you'd be amazing," Gage said as he changed angles and his tongue slipped in again, altering my entire grip on reality.

He knew I'd be amazing!?

As the kiss came to a natural end, we both just stood staring at one another, both our chests rising and falling.

I blinked. It was almost funny.

"Gage, what's happening here I thought you were into y'know, girls?"

I wanted to ask him to pinch me, just to double check the dreaming part.

He shrugged. "I want you."

Three simple words.

And the smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth was out of my control.

But the next day, I truly thought I had imagined the whole thing because he totally blanked me, almost knocked a mug of coffee out of my hands as he shoved me out the way to leave through the back door.

What the hell?

I'd been so annoyed that in school, I cornered him. "What's the deal here, Gage?" I tried to sound annoyed, but it came out more breathy.

I wasn't expecting him to put his hands on me, and I definitely wasn't expecting the rush of lust when he shoved me hard against the wall and held me there with his body.

"It was a mistake," he said.

I should have done and said a lot of things as he held me there.

Pushed him away.

Cursed him.

But all I could do was stand there and relish the feel of his body pressed against mine, wishing he would kiss me again.

Or maybe I should just kiss him as our mouths were so close as I drank down every single one of his choppy breaths, showing he wasn't completely unaffected by the contact.

"Gage..." I murmured hoping he would know, but he jumped back like I'd burned him.

"It was a mistake," he repeated. "And it won't happen again."

Then he was gone, and I sagged against the wall. Later, I made sure not to go home for dinner, staying at the library until it closed, and then I crept back into the house and up to my room.

But as the moon came a calling, Gage was there again, only this time when he came into my room, he muttered desperate apologies and jerked me toward him, his mouth slammed onto mine and I didn't offer an ounce of fight when his hand found it way inside the waistband of my underwear and he pulled out my throbbing dick and to my utter surprise he dropped to his knees planting kisses from the tip to the base before licking his way back to the top.

And I just stared down, watching both in shock and amazement.

And that's how it started for us.

Stolen kisses, and precious moments and we made plans, so many plans.

But then it all changed.

One night.

Robbed me of everything.

That night. The night it happened. Kenny had come into my room telling me my ma had passed out and he had cooked food, which needed eating. Gage was at football training and if I didn't eat it, then it would go to waste.

That should have been my first clue that something wasn't right.

Following him downstairs, he pulled out a chair and pushed a plate full of food under my nose.

"Eat," he demanded. "And I don't want to see a scrap of food left on that plate, boy."

And I did. Ate as fast as I could.

Twenty minutes passed before I realised something was wrong. I felt nauseated and quickly escaped to my room, locking myself inside.

If anyone asked how I ended up on my bed, falling asleep, I wouldn't have been able to tell them.

I did, however, wake up confused and unable to move. It was then I realised I was face down and being held down. Tied to my bed.

My heart beat so hard it was damn well trying to eject itself.

I tried to buck, scream, but my tongue felt swollen in my mouth. But what I felt was when a heavy weight came to rest on top of me.

It was then I realised it was a man on top of me... and not just any man.

Kenny.

"Stay still, boy," he said, his breath hot against my ear. "You've tried to turn my Gage. Corrupt him. Make him like you, you sick fuck," he snarled, with bits of spit landing on my cheek. "And don't deny it, you fucking queer."

My heart and breathing stopped.

"Tell me, boy. Let's see if you like this up your ass?" He chuckled darkly.

Even if I could talk, I doubt the words would have come as fear and something else had taken up residence in my body.

I sagged a little when he moved, and with the weight of him gone, air leaked into my lungs.

There was also a little relief when cool air washed across my skin.

But that was short-lived when I realised I was naked.

Oh, my god. He'd stripped me.

And tied me down.

I tried to talk, but again, I couldn't.

Desperately trying to gather my scattered wits, it didn't take me long to figure out my nightmare was real and was far from over.

Blinking repeatedly, I honestly didn't know what was up or down. Left from right. Fear combined with the confusion held me hostage.

Until I felt the first blow.

A hard slap on my bare ass.

The pain registered, but it was as if my brain had lost control of my body, frozen solid.

"By the time I've finished with you, you'll wish you never looked at my boy!"

I shuddered. Nothing seemed real and then all too real.

Kenny's breathing got a little heavier, like he was sucking all the energy out of the room and me.

My own breaths were short and fast, but my addled mind still couldn't grasp what was going to happen to me.

I wanted to call out. To someone. To anyone.

But the words needed kept coming and going, vanishing into the fog inside my head.

Kenny carried on ranting, telling me I was going to hell and the room felt so hot as sweat gathered underneath me.

And then something cold ran across my skin.

Metal?

And then it was gone and replaced by feverish hands. They moved my legs apart. So they weren't tied down?

I should be able to move them.

But I couldn't.

And whatever was about to happen was out of my control and the blow that landed on my head was both welcome and not at the same time.

Because then there was nothing.