Hi, this is Clary. A few weeks ago, Jon put out a call for people to join his band. Surprisingly, pretty much the entire squad agreed to play an instrument, leaving me as the audience. They've been practising at night every day since, but I haven't heard their piece yet. In fact, I've had nothing to do with it since I found some instruments for them at the start. However, they've invited me and the rest of camp (including Chiron and Mr D) to watch them at campfire today. I've decided to do a write up of it, a bit like a review. Ooh, it's starting!

It started with a large bang as Leo tripped over the trailing strings of his specially made Valdezinator, hastily covered over by Angie banging her conducting stick loudly against the music stand. Wow, what a great start. She then waved the stick around trying to look like she was doing something. There was a minute of awkward silence, then Claire blew a loud fanfare on her kazoo a split second before Lorelai began the opening sequence on her recorder. The two stopped abruptly when Jon banged his triangle and all three looked at each other, and there were some laughs from the audience.

A second later, Belle began an improvised rift on her portable piano, and the group burst into song. Or can I even call it that? It was clear that they'd each spent a long time working on their piece, and most of them weren't that bad, it was just... They were all completely out of sync and it sounded horrible. I'm not a musician, but I could tell that there was something wrong. It may have had something to do with the fact that my ears felt like they were bleeding.

The longer it went on, the worse it got. Now everyone was playing their instruments very, very out of tune except for Belle. To be honest that was the only decent thing happening right now. I mean, October looked like she was doing well on her beautifully carved cello, but she was playing so quietly that I couldn't hear her. Claire, what was Claire doing; it was like she was singing the duck song into a kazoo with the Wii theme tune layered on top.

Belle's piano playing was the only way for me to pick out a faint tune. Lorelai was playing a black and sparkly recorder (I told her it was the only one I could find – I may have lied). I'm sure she was playing as well as her half-sister, but her quieter instrument was drowned out by the piano. Even Alyx, who is usually really good on her ukulele, was having difficulties. Namely, it was ever so slightly very extremely out of tune. I can't help but feel a twinge of guilt – when I snuck into the instrument room 10 minutes ago I thought that the night would need help in becoming a disaster. It seems I was wrong.

Tori was at the back of the makeshift stage with October and Leo. I guess it was the strings section? It wasn't really clear. Maybe they just felt like standing there. Anyway, from the vigour with which Tori was sawing away at her violin, I was kind of glad that she was too far away for me to hear.

Now Becky D, poor Becky D she was really trying her hardest to sing but man did it sound like someone had stepped on a cat's tail *No offense*. As she sang, she gesticulated wildly, waving her hands around her face like there was a fly attacking her. At times, she even seemed to be acting out the lyrics like a pre-schooler.

In fact, she got so bad that on the way up to the higher notes of the climax, Jon stopped playing his triangle (no matter what he says, I think a tingly sound is a tingly sound no matter how it's played) and stomped on her foot. Becky D stopped singing with a surprisingly loud yelp, and Jon shoved her out of the way so he could reach the microphone. His singing voice was surprisingly nice – and surprisingly high. He smoothly climbed the high notes in a voice that was almost falsetto, and reached the impossibly high last note of the chorus. He sustained it for a good 10 seconds, and I really thought he was going to pull it off, but at the last moment, his voice cracked with enough force to cleave a mountain in half.

Yeah.

And that wasn't it.

Instead of the grand finale they'd practised for weeks, the orchestra/band hybrid thing trailed into blaring silence in the aftermath of Jon's amazing voice crack. Leo, who was so excited by the combination of the crescendo and the nerves of performing live, burst into flames, promptly destroying his brand new Valdezinator and causing October to cradle her precious cello whilst murmuring some spell that presumably made them both fireproof. Tori, however, was less considerate of her instrument, and dropped it as she screamed and vaulted off the stage into the crowd. Oh well. Hopefully the storekeeper won't be too upset when I return the violin stolen, smashed, and a little charred. The campers then conducted the most unsuccessful form of crowd surfing in the whole history of ever, and Tori ended up being dumped in the dirt when somebody dropped her.

Correctly assuming that the show was over, I pushed my way up on to the stage and hesitantly congratulated Jon, who looked immensely pleased with himself. The girls were all occupied in dousing Leo so they didn't notice Mr D and Chiron approaching the stage. Jon, however, paled at the sight of the approaching Greek version of his father. I watched from a distance as Mr D stopped in front of him, face unimpressed as always. Chiron respectfully gave them some space, and instead began talking to the girls, who had succeeded in dousing Leo's flames.

Mr D and Jon looked at one another for some time, and I could see the tangle of emotions pass over Jon's face. Mr D's expression remained blank, until he raised a single hand and laid it on his son's shoulder.

Uh, oh, I thought, he's going to have the disappointed dad talk.

Instead, Mr D, god of wine and parties, did something I had never seen him do before. 

He smiled.

"Son," he said, "I'm proud of you."

And Jon beamed brighter than I'd ever seen him smile before.

Well, maybe the death of my sanity and the severe injury of my ears drums was worth it.

But probably not.  

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Okay, it's been a week since the disastrous performance, and most of the casualties from that night are out of the infirmary. I told Jon about this write-up, and he insisted on giving me a couple of the first drafts of songs that he wrote for the band. Unfortunately, the group will NEVER get together and play again (that was ensured by Chiron) but he's asked that I upload them here for you to imagine.

So here they are:

Song 1

Yo we are the jon and his buddies and we are singing to you tonight we love cheese.

We love cheese (lyrics)

Cheeeeeessseeee

Cheeeessssseeee

We love cheeeeeesssssseeeeee

Cheese fills our bellies

We eat it all day

We eat it all night

Our mouths water at the sight

Hammmmmmmm

Hammmmmmmmm

We love hammmmmmmmmm

Its better than lamb

We eat it all day

We eat it all night

Our mouths water at the sight

Salad cream

Salad cream

We put you on our ham and cheese

They make us a good family

We drink it all day

We drink it all night

Our mouths water at the sight. 

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Song 2

Jon's hard rock song – Glitter

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (SCREAMS FOR A SOLID MINUITE)

WE HATE GLITTER

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (#more screaming) 

BANISH THE GLITTER

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (even more screaming) 

SOMEONE KILL THE GLITTER

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (you know we love some screaming)

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Song 3

(this was not originally written by Jon, just edited a bit.)

We are the children of camp half-blood

We take the pride in the things we do

Killing together and having fun

Who's for a good day?

EVERYONE!

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Aaaaand there you have it folks. See you next time!

Clary over and out.