Chapter 29: Realization

~Byakuya's POV~ After Leo and I were finally dismissed from the headmaster's office after about an hour of him shouting at us, I immediately retreated to my dorm room. When I made it inside, I slammed the door behind me.

Leo and I were suspended for three days.

Yeah, that's it, three days.

I tried to get Leo more time out and I tried to explain that he was beating June, but the headmaster wasn't hearing it.

I went to my dorm room alone; Naegi didn't come with me, he and the rest of them stayed behind with June.

But I didn't. Because I couldn't.

I was too confused.

I mean, I had basically threatened to beat Leo to a pulp, and carried out that threat, because he hurt June.

But, why would I do that? I'm supposed to HATE June!

However, all those thoughts melted away when I thought of Leo hurting her.

It seemed nothing made me angrier.

Why? Why do I care?

I shouldn't.

But, I did. I cared too much for comfort. It was like the days back when June and I were still friends--whenever someone tried to hurt June, I wanted nothing more than to beat the hell out of them.

That's what it felt like today, anyway; it felt like June and I were still friends.

But we're NOT... right?

I don't know, maybe I don't hate June as much as I thought I did...

The second that thought crossed my mind, I immediately forced it out.

That's crazy. I hate June just as much as I did a month before.

Right?

I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated that I couldn't come up with a simple answer that I would have been able to come up with a month ago.

Why is this so hard??? Why can't I answer or think straight???

All I could think about was Leo and how much I wanted to go back out there and finish what we started.

But you shouldn't want to because YOU HATE JUNE!

"Do I, though?" I suddenly found myself whispering.

The second I heard myself, my eyes widened.

"Yes I do--well, really? Yes--no--" I threw my hands up in the air. "I don't know! Why can't I give myself a simple, straight answer?!"

And I've officially lost it--I am now having conversations with myself.

I've gone off the deep end.

I clenched my fists together, angry at myself. Angry at Leo. Angry at the headmaster.

Then, before I could even think about it, I suddenly grabbed a random book and hurled it across the room.

It collided with one of the shelves on the bookshelf with a crash, sending the contents spilling all over the floor.

I groaned when I noticed I had spilled the box I keep all my old things in--the things I didn't look at or use or really care about anymore.

I reluctantly got up and knelt down on the floor, beginning to put the contents of the box back inside it.

I noticed several pictures of June and me.

I sighed as I put them back in the box with the rest of the things.

Then, I came across something I thought I'd never see again.

The card for my twelfth birthday.

I stared at it as I immediately remembered the memories from it.

June had made this card herself for me.

It seems like forever ago, when it was really only five short years ago.

I waited eagerly at my desk, tapping my fingers against the edge.

Today was my twelfth birthday and June told me she had a special gift for me.

Of course I was over the moon excited--any gift from June was special.

Because it was from her.

I was secretly wishing that June's special gift would be her telling me she liked me the same way I liked her.

But, I knew that was impossible. June never liked me that way, no matter how many times I hoped and prayed for it to be true.

Perhaps I didn't deserve her as that--perhaps I only deserved her as a friend. I was lucky that she WAS my friend, so I guess I'd better not push it.

I mean, when I asked her out to the movies, June made it clear she didn't want a date with me by suggesting I invite Jesse and Erin along.

So, THAT ended before it even began.

Still, that didn't stop me from hoping.

Soon, the bell rang for class to start and everyone took their seats.

June wasn't here.

I began to worry that she wasn't coming. After all, she had missed my birthday because she had to go to a family reunion.

Luckily, June arrived five seconds later and plopped down in her usual seat next to me.

The teacher didn't notice June was tardy, and June let out a sigh of relief for that.

June wore a huge smile on her face. "Byakuya! I'm sorry I'm late, my dad got stuck in traffic. But I still got your gift!" she whispered excitedly before she dug around in her backpack.

I watched with anticipation, wondering what kind of wonderful gift she was going to pull out.

There was a long list of things I'd told June I wanted, and she was about to pull out one of them...

"Here you go, Byakuya!" June said happily before she pulled out a card. "Happy birthday! I spent at least three hours making it especially for you! I hope you like it!"

A... a CARD?

I blinked at the card in June's hand, thinking if I blinked enough times the card would dissappear and June would be holding out my real gift.

But, that never happened.

A card... a CARD.

That's IT?

"Gee... thanks..." I said. June smiled and nodded.

June's "amazing gift" to me is a CARD?

Oh COME ON. For June's birthday, I got her the bike she always wanted! Sure it didn't cost ME much, but it was still a BIKE.

I get her a bike, and she gets me a CARD...?

"Go on," June urged me. "open it!"

I swallowed my disappointment as best as I could. "Okay..." I said before I opened the card.

Inside was June's familiar handwriting.

~Dear Byakuya,

Happy birthday! I love you so much, and you're really special to me, so I thought I'd tell you that in a special birthday card I made myself.

You're a great friend and you're so sweet and amazing--I'm so lucky to have you in my life.

"Well, would you look at that!"

"Byakuya has a LOVE LETTER~!"

My head shot up as I stopped reading. I immediately knew whose taunting voices those were.

Kevin and Yuu. They were looking at the card over my shoulder.

June immediately turned red from embarrassment. "Sh-Shut up! It isn't a love letter!"

"Oh REALLY?" Kevin said before he snatched the card out of my hands. "Let's just take a look at this, then!"

My eyes widened as I tried to snatch it back; I was already embarrassed enough, I didn't need to be even more embarrassed. "Give it back, Kevin!" I snapped.

"Nope, sorry, can't do that!" Yuu said as he snickered and watched Kevin.

Kevin cleared his throat and fluffed his hair. "'Oh, Byakuya, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways!'" he said, clearly trying to do an impersonation of June. "'Oh, Byakuya, my love, will you marry me?'" He snorted. "Wow, June, I thought you couldn't get any more lame and embarrassing, apparently I was SO WRONG...! You're even MORE pathetic than I thought! You AND Byakuya!"

Yuu laughed right along with Kevin as the rest of the class started laughing along with them.

I felt my face heat up. All I wanted to do right now was dig a hole, crawl into it, and DIE.

Well, actually, I may not HAVE TO die in the hole, considering I'm dying of embarrassment RIGHT NOW.

I can't believe June! Why would she publicly humiliate me by writing a mushy-gushy letter like THIS? I know Kevin is probably WAY over exaggerating what June wrote, but I could tell some of it was real.

Why would June do this to me? She KNOWS what people think when a girl writes a boy a letter or vice versa--they automatically get made fun of!

Is she TRYING to embarrass me?!

June was turning red. "St-Stop it...! That's NOT what it says at all!" She tried to rip the card from Kevin's grasp. "Give it back, NOW!"

The teacher was trying to get us to calm down, but it wasn't working at all; everyone was too busy laughing loudly.

And it was then the taunting started.

"Byakuya's got a girlfriend~! BYAKUYA'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND~!" Yuu sang. "June and Byakuya sittin' in a tree~! K-I-S-S-I-N-G~!"

That just made the entire class laugh even harder.

"Seriously, what are you guys, in KINDERGARTEN?" June snapped. "GIVE BACK THE CARD! GIVE IT BACK!"

I've had just about enough of this.

I reached up and in one swift movement, snatched the card out of Kevin's hands.

My hands were trembling and I could barely hold the card still. I felt rage bubbling up inside me, rage I've never felt before.

Mainly, because, I've never been bullied before.

Then, before I knew what I was doing, I was suddenly running out of the classroom, as fast as I could go. I heard June following behind me.

Soon we ended up in the hallway. Thank God it was only the two of us; I didn't know how much more public humiliation I could take.

"June," I said. "how could you do this to me? Write this embarrassing letter?"

June's eyes widened. "Byakuya, I swear, it was never--"

But I didn't let her finish. "Were you TRYING to embarrass me? Did you come to school today and think, 'Hey, maybe I should prank my naive friend, Byakuya, by writing him a letter and passing it off as his birthday present just to embarrass him'? Well, mission accomplished, June!"

June's jaw dropped. "B-Byakuya... I would never do that to you... How could you ever think I'd intentionally embarrass you...? That card was never--"

I found myself cutting her off again. "Really now? Well, it really didn't SEEM THAT WAY AT ALL. And, anyway, why else would you just get me a lame card other than to pull something like that? Certainly you didn't actually think it'd be a suitable present for me, RIGHT? I mean, for YOUR birthday I got you a BIKE."

I saw a flash of hurt in June's eyes. "You... you think my card, my gift for you, the one I worked three hours on, is LAME?" she asked in disbelief. "How could you even SAY THAT when you haven't even READ THE ENTIRE THING??? HUH? How can you just PASS JUDGEMENT like that???"

"Oh, it's easy when your supposed best friend is trying to HUMILIATE YOU IN FRONT OF ALL YOUR CLASSMATES." I snapped.

"I can't believe you actually THINK I'd ever embarrass you like that ON PURPOSE..." June's eyes narrowed at me. I could tell I was starting to piss her off.

Well, too bad for her, because SHE pissed ME off FIRST.

"Seriously, June, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? We're in SEVENTH GRADE, you know how people are at our age! Honestly, it seems you WERE trying to embarrass me!" I shot back.

June's fingers twitched. "I WAS NEVER TRYING TO EMBARRASS YOU," she said, obviously losing her temper. "How many freaking times do I have to say it, Byakuya?"

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "Oh, come on! Who would ever believe THAT, with what you wrote in that card!"

Now June was full-on glaring at me. "Oh, I don't know, maybe my BEST FRIEND, THE GUY I'VE KNOWN AND WHO'S KNOWN ME FOR YEARS...!" she snapped.

"Yeah, you think you know a person before they turn around and stab you in the back by embarrassing you in front of EVERYONE!" I clenched and unclenched my fists.

This time, June shook her head. "God, I can't believe you, Byakuya Togami... I just CAN'T BELIEVE YOU..." she said, her voice had an edge of a growl to it.

"Well, I can't believe you either!" I said. "Wow, June, I thought you were supposed to be my FRIEND."

"And I thought you were supposed to be MY FRIEND!" June immediately shot back.

"Yeah, well, I GUESS NOT," I almost couldn't believe the words that just came out of my mouth, but I had said them anyway before I crushed June's so-called present in my hand. "Well... GOOD RIDDANCE...!" Then, before I could stop myself, I turned on my heel, shoved June's card in one of my pockets, and stormed off. I didn't care if I was technically skipping class--I just didn't have the energy to go back in there, deal with June, and pretend everything was peachy-keen.

Because, as far as I was concerned now, things WEREN'T peachy-keen.

And June and I's friendship had just ended.

I stared at the card and blinked away the bad memory.

Look, I know some people might say it was absolutely ludicrous the end a five-year-long friendship over a birthday card, but June had written that letter and intentionally embarrassed me in front of all my classmates.

Tell me, how would YOU react if your supposed best friend suddenly just one day up and stabbed you in the back by writing you a fake birthday letter and embarrassing you in front of your entire first period class with said letter?

You'd react the exact same way I had? I thought so.

I turned the card over in my hands, it was wrinkled from age and from how I'd crumpled it up those years ago.

As I was turning it over in my hands, I noticed something.

A flap.

I blinked.

I had definitely not noticed a flap when June first gave me the card; now that I think about it, I only read some of the card before Kevin, one of June's childhood bullies, had snatched it out of my hands.

The rest of it must be in the flap.

I opened up the flap so I could see the entire letter.

It's hard to believe that after all those years of hating June over this card, I didn't even finish reading it.

I don't know if I ever meant to, but I certainly thought I'd have read it all by now...

Well, obviously I didn't.

My eyes swept over the letter and over a familiar part--the part I'd actually read.

~Dear Byakuya,

Happy birthday! I love you so much, and you're really special to me, so I thought I'd tell you that in a special birthday card I made myself.

You're a great friend and you're so sweet and amazing--I'm so lucky to have you in my life.

I sighed before I rolled my eyes.

See how embarrassing that sounds? Tell me you wouldn't be embarrassed by that...!

I continued to read the rest of it--the parts I would be reading for the first time ever, even though the card was given to me five years ago.

You're such an awesome friend and person, I really don't know how else to express that.

But, anyway, enough of the mushy-gushy stuff! I know you guys don't like that, so, sorry if I'm embarrassing you too much!

I can't believe you're actually twelve now! As in 12!!! That means it's been FIVE WHOLE YEARS since we first met and become friends for life! That's, like, a REALLY LONG time!

But, happy birthday anyway! I hope it's been a good one! And, sorry I couldn't get you the gift you wanted. I ran out of time and all I could get you is this card for now, I hope you're not too disappointed.

However, I'm planning on getting your gift tomorrow and giving it to you the next day. And, yes, I WILL GET what you want.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BESTIE! xD

And this is for YOU!

"If life is an ocean
You are the water.
If life is a feast
You are the platter.
If life is a tranquil sunset
You are the seashore.
If life is a cozy home
You are the welcoming door.
If life is a mountain
You are the pristine view.
Life, my friend, is nothing without you.
So have a happy birthday
And really enjoy your cake.
I just really want you to know
What an awesome friend you make."

Your forever friend,
☆June☆~

My eyes trailed down the card and saw at the bottom there was a picture of us together, young and happy, smiling and posing for the picture. There was also several drawings of what was supposed to be us.

It was clear June had put effort into making this card.

I suddenly felt a twinge of something, something I've rarely (almost never) felt before.

And the twinge grew bigger, then I immediately realized what I was feeling.

Guilt.

This is a feeling I rarely ever feel.

I never read the whole card, yet I blamed June for the entire thing--every fight we had, every glare we gave each other, and most importantly, I'd blamed her for our friendship ending.

I kept staring at the card, running a hand through my now messy hair. I adjusted my glasses and read the letter over again, making sure I was reading it right.

I was.

I put the card down on my nightstand and slowly stood up.

It was then I came to a realization that took me five years to come to.

It wasn't June who ruined and ended our friendship. She never meant to embarrass me on purpose.

I shook my head, now knowing I had been wrong all along--all these years.

It wasn't June's fault... it was mine.

I ruined our friendship.

I ended our friendship.

I'm the reason we spent so much time hating each other.

It's all because of ME.

I drew in a breath.

The whole thing is my fault; I'm the one to blame. It was never June.

It was me. It was always me.

My eyes widened before I immediately stuffed the card in my jacket pocket and stood up.

Just then, the door opened and Naegi stepped inside our dorm room.

He sighed when he saw me. "Byakuya! What happened out there? Why did you go all crazy like that??? And what did the headmaster say to you???" He crossed his arms. "As your friend, I deserve to know what the hell you were thinking!"

"I don't know what to do, Naegi," I said. "I'm so unsure about everything, now. Something happened."

"Um, yeah it did, Byakuya! You beat the hell out of Leo and you still haven't told me why...!" Naegi said.

I spun around him and opened the door. "I'll explain everything to you later, Naegi," I said. "Now, I may be unsure of many things right now, but there's one thing I'm very sure of."

Naegi sighed again. "And what's that, Byakuya?"

I stepped outside our dorm room. "I need to find June."

Then, without another word from either one of us, I closed the door and took off running down the hallway, past all the other dorm rooms in the boys' dormitory.