My mother accidentally got a teeny bit tipsy. Here are some highlights...

Dad: We had the same amount of alcohol, by the way.

Me: *stroking Mom's head* SHE'S A LOT LITTLER THAN YOU ARE
*
Mom: *holds up her pointer finger and thumb to show a small amount* They gave us this much wine but like TWENTY TIMES MORE.
*
Mom: *pokes my stomach* Ooh! Your abs are refined!

Brother: *pokes my stomach* No, they aren't!

Me: STOP POKING MY STOMACH
*
Me: *propelling Mom forward with a hand on her back*

Mom: Why are we walking so fast?!

Me: We are walking at a normal pace, Mother.
*
Mom: *hugging me*

Me: *starts shuffling so that we can hug and walk toward her bathroom*

Mom: *just starts falling*

Me: WALK WITH YOUR FEET, MOTHER