Mom: *trying to tell Ash something*

Me: Dad, put down the knife, put down the knife, put down the knife...

Mom: [Ash] can't listen to me when you're threatening him with a blade!

Me: DAD. PUT DOWN THE KNIFE.

Mom: *desperately* Why can't we just have a nice family outing?!

Brother: Ow!

Mom: *using her scary mom voice* Did you just stab your son?

Dad: Depends on how you define "stabbing."

Mom: Sticking a knife in someone!

Dad: Oh. Then no.

Mom: Then what did you do?!

Ash: He scraped it over my leg!

Me: He sliced you.

Mom: Did you slice your son?