Dad: Are [the opioids] strawberry flavored?

Me: Why would they be strawberry flavored?

Dad: So they're yummy!

Me: Why do they need to be yummy?!

Dad: If we're ever gonna get to a 100% usage rate, we need to make them yummy!

Me: We don't want to get to a 100% usage rate!

Dad: Any percent under 100 is for quitters.

Me: No, it's for people who don't want to be addicts!