Aunt: Our dog just peed and pooped at the same time. She is so amazing.

Uncle: We have an amazing dog.
**
Cousin 1: Did you just throw your shoe at me?

Cousin 2: Yes, I did, I yeet my Croc at you.
**
Our uncle has Tourette's syndrome and we were on a hike.

Mom: Do you ever get ticks out here?

Uncle: I always have tics.
**
Me: Did you just dip [the bone] in the juice?

Brother: No, there's no juice left. *turns cup upside down, juice pours out*
**
Me: *hands Cousin 2 a napkin*

Cousin 2: ...What is this?
**
Cousin 1: *to Cousin 2* How do you have friends?
**
I'm a vegetarian who eats meat on vacations bc being a vegetarian is HARD and I'm WEAK. Cousin 2 finds this hilarious.

Cousin 2: We're having ribs for dinner. Careful, Isabel - they might have meat.
*
Me: *eating pork ribs*

Cousin 2: What if that pig was a 4.2 GPA varsity cheerleader student?

Me: What varsity cheerleader has a 4.2 GPA?

Brother: What varsity cheerleader is a pig?

Me: Okay, maybe that should have been my first question.
*
Brother: *trying to get me to taste a disgusting drink*

Cousin 2: Don't do it! You're a vegetarian, he put meat in there!
**
Brother: *pouring cheese into his hand* They hated me because I experimented in ways they were uncomfortable with.
**
Aunt: How was the pool?

Brother: It was amazing! I sneezed 17 times in a row!!

Mom: I don't know if it was something in the water or...

Brother: It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I sneezed 17 times in a row.