These are the highlights from my entire week of band camp. Band kids - we're the best!!
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Student: I felt a raindrop!

Teacher: I feel nothing. That was a reflection on both the weather and my soul.
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Student: *to the tune of our marching music* Da-da-da, I'm dead inside, da-da-da, I'm dead inside...
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My friend is obsessed with Whole Foods.

Friend: Guess where I got this bread?

Friend: ...

Friend: Whole Foods.
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Friend 1: [My friend] texted me saying that [my other friend who is a preteen] said that his favorite food is vodka on vodka with a side of vodka.

Friend 2: Is he underage? That's kinda illegal.

Friend 1: They don't check your ID at Whole Foods.

Friend 2: YES THEY DO

Me: How do you know they don't check your ID? Have you bought vodka at Whole Foods?

Friend 1: *eyes flicking around* No...?
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Friend: Whole Foods? More like HOLY Foods!
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Clarinetist 1: *staring at poster of famous composers* Is that Bob Sagget? Spellcheck

Clarinetist 2: Those are all females.
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We were at a laser tag event for band bonding (??).

Friend: I can't believe [other friend] isn't here! He's at IKEA! I mean, if it was Whole Foods, I'd understand...
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Girl: *lying motionless on the floor*

Me: *internally* Is...is she dead?
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Girl: *lying on the asphalt, moaning in emotional agony*

Me: *internally* Same.
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Friend: I was in the car listening to the radio and this guy said that Trump is the president of the common man, and my dad was like, "Well, you're a common idiot!
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My teacher instructs us from a lift - a machine with a platform that raises up and down.

Lift: *gets stuck fifteen feet in the air*

Clarinetist: Oh, [our teacher's] stuck up there.

All band students: *keep walking*
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The other clarinets and I were having a sectional, where we all practiced together in a secluded hallway.

Senior clarinetist: Let's take a nap.

All of us but boy clarinetist: *get into sleeping positions*

Boy clarinetist: *continues to play*

Senior clarinetist: Shut up! We're trying to sleep!

Boy clarinetist: I'm playing you a lullaby. *begins to play the lullaby "Rockabye Baby"*
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Boy: *crouches and screams into knees*

Me: *interally* Mood.