I thought I went through this already.

I tell myself that I know enough about myself and I'm generally happy.

I tell myself that I'm 13 and pretty much put together.

Why is it that you came along and somehow undid me?

You didn't know, even though I remind you every once in a while. I tell you it isn't your fault. You're happy without me and all I want is to see you smile.

Well, I got what I wanted.

But not the way I wanted it.

I'm so fucking picky, it's ridiculous.

I keep screaming to myself "SHE ISN'T SOME TOY YOU CAN JUST CLAIM. SHE IS HAPPIEST WITHOUT YOU, SO STOP SOBBING YOU PEICE OF LITERAL SHIT."

But for some reason

The thought of happiness, joy, anything I know you have without me...

...makes me ball my eyes out.

I keep telling the world I'm fine.
I keep telling you I'm fine, that I'll be over you.
I keep telling myself that I'm fine.

But I'm a fucking liar.

I never deserved you, the universe made it clear.

And with this lump in my throat, I can finally tell the truth.

I'm not fine. I'm not okay. I need to accept that you are happy. We were never together, and we never will be. Lying isn't helping me, neither is ignoring it.

I love you.

God I hate that word.

Love.

Love has broken my heart so many times it's almost poetic.

I would be specific, but I'm not telling you this to guilt trip you.

But...i...

I have been rejected, countless times.

But for some reason, this time hurt more.

I had never cried over someone this much before.

I'm still frazzled by this.

I'm sorry.

I never meant any of this, the way I feel can't be justified.

To end this on the same note I met you...

...i can't help it...

...Love is not a choice.