yk- it's so weird, if I'm venting to someone about how i feel bad in my body.. thinking it's to much fat on the wrong parts.
i feel so weirded out when they start talking about how they're bigger then me, and are acting as if my feelings about my own body does not matter.

I don't like my body doesn't mean I'm fat or skinny phobic.. I'm literally trying to tell you that i don't feel good and that this could make several mental damage if you keep on showing me that my feelings about my body doesn't matter.

it's like.. ik I'm not... fat, like.. oversized. not even close to that. but I'm confused and traumatized, losing just one more pound is making me underweight.
and you're telling me, that i should not complain about that.

I'm just trying to get better, i trusted you.. i told you how i feel. and you're showing me that it's wrong. that im being ignorant and selfish.

I'm insecure about a lot of things.. and these insecureties aren't valid because I'm not overweight?
that's how it is? i can't be not okay with my body, if there is not to much?

I'm venting for fucks sake- i want help. not a push even deeper.
I'm not feeling good, not because i want you to compliment me or what ever.. i finally get to seek for help, and you're telling me that i shouldn't be feeling bad about my body?

i can't.. it hurts, okay? I'm just trying to finally like myself. i know I'm not perfect! i know I'm skinny in your sight, but I'm so fat if you look at the others!
my thighs are big, i hear them when i walk.
my hips are wide, they look bad in every pants.
my boobs are big, they hurt and i never find a bra.
my cheeks are fat, they let me look like a kid.
my feet are small, i need to search for years.
my hands are small, I'm wearing kids gloves.
my arms are scarred, i never wear sleeveless shirts.

i don't like how i look okay? it's not fat phobic, I'm insecure.. I'm not feeling well, okay?
you're not helping.. comparing yourself to me, acting as if it doesn't matter. it does! it does.. okay?

I'm trying so.. sO HARD.. to feel better, but people look at me weirdly.. i hear them whisper "how does SHE look?" "what is SHE wearing?".. "HER hair looks weird!" ... "are these piercings on HER ears?"..
they don't like me.. they don't like me. they don't- no.. I. i don't like me.
i can't bare to look at the mirror, seeing myself every day. i started doing make up! thought it would help!
no.. It's not helping- i can't do- no.. it looks weird. i look weird- it's not straight- i can't.
why.. WHY CAN'T IT JUST BE NORMAL-

WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? DO THINGS NORMAL. LIKE THINGS NORMAL. THINK ABOUT THINGS NORMAL-

i don't want them to look, to judge- to see me and go.. "SHE looks weird-" I don't want them to think of me the way i do.

my body doesn't deserves this hate- i do. i- i do.. not this Body.
they should look at me- ME, ME, ME.
they never do that.
they compere my body to themselves, just like you.

you always show how my feelings aren't valid!
how could you?! I TRUSTED YOU!

but you tell me how you feel..
yea, you tell me how you feel.
you compare yourself to me.
me venting, makes you feel bad.. right?
i shouldn't do that again- it doesn't help you..
how do you feel?

my feelings aren't valid.. how do you feel?
how do you feel?
how.. how do you feel?
how are you?
how are.. are you okay?
oh- u ok?
are..
nevermind..
...

are you satisfied?

i vented okay? it's weird to compare others.. to yourself, when they are venting- you aren't making them feel better when you tell them how much more worse it is for you.

stop it.
I'm feeling bad and my feelings matter.
just a one case scenario, like this can make damage for years.. okay?
it's so hard to overcome something, especially when you were always compared to other when you were a child.

I'm trying to get better, but i can't if every god damn things is about you! if i feel bad.. then just tell me that you're sorry that I'm feeling this way! give me hugs and love! tell me how pretty i look tODAY! BE NICE TO ME AND THINK OF ME.
TEXT ME.
BE PROUD OF ME.
LOVE ME.

i will be there for you, i always will.. but I can't. i can't- can't.. can't when you're doing this.
i want to feel good too.. my body deserves to be respected and treated well- but I can't.. i need help.
and i was seeking it in you... and you- you didn't.
why didn't you?
why wasn't i valid?
I'm feeling bad isn't valid to you..? why? why is everything about you? why can't you just care for me?
i loved you!
and you treated me so.. so... well. yea-

maybe it's the way I need to be treated.
i want to help you, to care for you.. to love you again- but i can't.
i need- i finally need to be nice.. to my body. he deserves it.

he has done more to me, made me feel better somedays.. then you ever did.
i vented to you and you showed me i couldn't.. couldn't trust you. feel good with you. .. love you.

I'm not fat phobic for feeling bad about this body.
stop with that, okay?
I'm not a pick me girl- I'm not trying to get you to feel bad.. but i want to feel good too.
is that really to much to ask?

everyone hates me, acts around and playes as if they are really interested in me, and i wanted YOU to care for me, okay?
I'm feeling bad in my body, so don't tell me how much worse it is for you, alright?