Chapter 8 – Daph's POV

I Want to Hold Your Hand

https://youtu.be/v1HDt1tknTc

"Can we please stop talking about Lexi's beautiful little fit of anger and start talking about what you're hiding from me?" I ask Alex for maybe the twentieth time this afternoon.

We went to walk in a park to chat. I hate this park, there's a bunch of errant cats hanging around. Cats annoy the shit out of me. They're useless and they don't have a backbone, they're all weird. And annoying. And useless. They make me think of Kevin.

But whatever, the park is not important, what's important is that Alex has been keeping something from me. He's texting all the time and he's smiling at his phone and blushing a little like he's chatting up with Prince William.

I don't see how he could have gotten the balls to find himself a boyfriend over the last two weeks, but then again, apparently Lexi started mooning over Blake in that period of time, so anything is possible.

Maybe my leaving was the cataclysm for my best friends getting their freak on. Maybe I was the one cockblocking them unconsciously all along.

"I'm not hiding anything."

I narrow my eyes. "You are though."

"I swear!" he says, raising his hands in surrender.

"I shouldn't pry if you're not ready to share. I know this. You should do things at your own pace, but you know this is what friends are for. You tell them about your secrets and they support you and you can both gush together about the dude you're clearly texting."

His cheeks are red now. He's staring at the ground. "I'm not texting anyone."

"Oh yeah, suuuuuuuure. So, like it's not texting, it's just dick pics?"

He burst into laugher, shoving my shoulder softly, "Shut yo mouth."

I grab his hand and drag him, skipping along, "You know you have to show me all the dick pics you get. I always show you mine." I hate getting unsolicited meat pics. Why? Seriously, why? Boys are so damn clueless. So other people should suffer along with me.

He laughs again. I laugh too. "I don't get why you always show them to me."

"Hey, I'm just sharing the goodies with you since I thought you weren't getting some, but apparently I should have kept all the curlies for myself."

"You're so gross."

"Nah, the boys who don't know how to groom themselves are gross." I make a gagging sound in emphasis.

"And by the way, the whole this is what friends are for speech is really grand coming from you," Alex tells me, as he stops walking, still holding on to my hand so I stop too and turn around to look at him.

"What?"

"In our little friends' quartet, who's the one keeping the most stuff to herself? Huh?" he asks, eyebrow raised.

I give him a sheepish grin. "Lexi?"

"Please, you can read Lexi like an open book. You only talk with Fred."

"That's not true," I answer, defensively.

"It is kinda true. Are you dating Fred?"

I roll my eyes. Pull his hand to start walking again. Alex doesn't move. "I'm not dating Fred," I tell him after scoffing.

"Oh, so you're just following him around, and watching over his sister, and spending your evening with him and sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with him?"

When did the hussy figure all of this stuff out? Did Fred open his stupid mouth?

"I'll have you know I don't share my secrets with anyone."

Alex snorts. "Suuuuuure."

I let go of his hand. "Shut yo mouth!"

Alex looks triumphant. "I'll tell you all about my texts when you tell me what's going on with you"

I kick a pebble on the ground. I don't like this reverse interrogation. "Nothing's going on with me."

And it's true, there's really nothing going on with me That might be the problem.

"Oh yeah, real convincing."

I sigh. "Whatever. I should get back home."

"You mean you should go run in Fred's arms?"

I raise my head to the sky and whine, "Shuuuuuut yooooo mooooooouth."

Alexi is just chuckling behind me, "I'm so right."

Maybe I should be dating Fred. Fred is... safe. Fred is comforting. He's nice. He's the proof that having a shit life doesn't mean you have to be a shit person.

He's just good.

But I don't think good is what I need.

"Whatever, go home and text your boyfriend," I tell him.

"Sure, and you can go stalk yours at his job," Alex replies.

We both g our separate way, back to our cars.

I don't drive home. Clearly, Alex knows me well.

I walk into the empty dinner and do my usual routine.

"Sorry sir, I ordered the shish kebab, but it seems like someone just kept it in their pants instead of bringing it to me."

Fred is at the grill and he's not amused. "Holy hell, Daph, seriously, a filter, try to get one."

I grin at him. "What would be the fun in that?" I look around and spot his manager, "Hey Phil! Can I take Fred out for some clam?"

"Kill me God, do it quick," Phil just mumbles, passing by me. Fred is looking at me like he might throttle me. It's kinda hot.

"THAT'S NOT A NO!" I yell after him.

Phil ignores me but tells Fred, "you got fifteen minutes."

Fred takes his hat and apron off and walks towards me, "You need to stop doing this." I grin like a maniac at him. He rolls his eyes. "We really need to find you a new hobby."

"Why? I love this one."

Fred sighs, and I follow him to the picnic table outside. "What is it this time?"

"What did you tell Alex?"

Fred sits down, frowning a little. "Oh."

I'm confused too. "What?"

He shakes his head lightly. "Wasn't expecting that."

"What?" I narrow my eyes at him, "You thought I was going to ravage you?"

I grins. "A little, yes."

That's easy enough. "I can ravage you," I tell him and lean towards him to kiss him.

Fred stops me, keeping me at arms length. I had sort of expected that reaction. "Easy," he says, a little amused, "I should answer your question. I just told him that you needed your friends, to really ask about how you were doing."

I pout, crossing my arms over my chest. Fred lets go of me. "And how am I doing?"

"I don't know, that's the thing."

I grin, a fake grin. "I'm grand!"

"No you're not," Fred says, shaking his head.

"Between you and me, I think you're the one that's having a rough time, so don't worry about me."

"I can't worry about you?"

I sigh. "You can, but you shouldn't because I'm really okay."

"Daph..." He's looking at me with concerned eyes. He's actually worried about me. It don't like this, I don't like feeling kind weak and vulnerable. I have to stop this.

I go to kiss Fred. He doesn't stop me this time. Kissing Fred is always nice. Fred kisses slowly, like he's got all the time in the world, like kissing you is the only thing on his list for a while. I find that guys often sort of hurry everything sex related. It's like bing bang patapouf. Not with Fred.

I think maybe this is one of the reasons why I like Fred so much. Regardless of his crazy life, he's never in hurry. He feels grounded.

He kisses me, holding on to the back of my head, his lips slow and warm. I don't burn when I kiss him, it's like I'm a rock being softly pushed in a slow current river. It's soothing.

It's nothing like kissing the Flea Market Guy.

The second I think that, I stop kissing Fred.

Fred just smiles at me "Kissing me is not going to fix anything, even if I'm a fantastic kisser."

"That you are," I easily admit. "How are you doing?"

He sighs. "Fine, Exhausted, as always," he admits.

"I heard Miriam went to the Creek with you guys," I say softly. I never know how to tread that subject.

"Yeah," he says, no hint of hurt in his eyes.

"You're okay?"

He shrugs. "Sure, it's ancient history."

"Still gotta be tough," I trail.

"It really isn't. That Miriam isn't my Miriam. Mine is gone."

A couple of years ago, before she started to hang out with Stacey's crowd, Miriam was a completely different person, and she dated Fred. She was an entirely other person back then, one that made completely no sense went you put her beside the girl she was now. I had no idea, what made her flip a switch like that. Fred probably knew, but he never talked about it. He'd been pretty sad at the time. We'd been friends before that, but after that break-up, that's when we really got close.

"I'm really okay Daph."

"And I'm really okay too."

Fred chuckles, smiling at me. "We're a nice okay pair, aren't we?"

I smile back. That we were.