"I heard some rumors that you have cut ties with Villafranco and Saavedra's daughters?" My sister's brows shot her brows at me.

I stopped at my track when I heard Mella and Savior's surname. I nodded my head as I slowly blinked my eyes as an answer. "Y-Yeah."

It's Saturday. Wala sina Mommy at Daddy dahil mayroon silang mahalagang pinuntahan kasama ang iba pa naming relatives. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali, they're going somewhere in Baguio. Pinipilit nila kaming sumama ni Ate, but we both refused to. Alam ko na rin naman ang mangyayari kapag sumama pa ako. Ako ang magiging tampulan ng tukso at usapan and as much as I can, pilit kong iniiwasan ang mga gano'n. Apart from making it extremely uncomfortable, I know that they weren't good for me.

Naningkit ang mga mata ni Ate Sam nang mula sa telebisyon ay inilipat niya ang kaniyang buong atensyon sa'kin. "Bakit? Anong nangyari? Anong ginawa nila sa'yo?"

I shifted my seat and averted her gaze. "I just realized that they were not good for me. They were insensitive–"

"Para iyon lang?" she cut me off.

Naiwang nakaawang ang aking labi habang puno ng pagtataka ang aking mga mata. Mas lalo pa akong naguluhan nang makita itong umiling at nang-uuyam na tumawa.

Patagal nang patagal ay lalong lumalalim ang gatla sa aking noon. "Anong iyon lang?" hindi ko napigilang magtanong.

Nang mag-angat ito ng tingin sa'kin ay wala pa ring nagbago sa ekspresyon sa kaniyang mukha. Naroon ang mapang-asar niyang ngisi na para bang mayroong nakakatawa sa aking mga sinasabi.

"Dear, napakababaw mo," mahina ngunit mariin niyang saad, "sa tagal ng pagkakaibigan niyong tatlo, ngayon ka lang nagkaganyan? Bakit sino na ba ang pinagmamalaki mo ngayon? They weren't insensitive, ikaw 'tong masiyadong sensitive at ginagawang big deal ang lahat ng bagay."

"Hindi mo 'ko naiintindihan!" giit ko ngunit muli lang siyang nagpakawala ng pagak na tawa.

"No, ikaw ang hindi makaintindi, Hadassah. What do you think ba? Are you expecting people to always compliment you? To sugar coat their words?" The side of her lips rose. "Sis, you're the one who's sensitive here. World is cruel and no one's gonna sing a lullaby for you. Stop with the ideology that people will always appreciate and will see good things in you because it doesn't work that way. We are not living in that way. " pagpapatuloy niya.

"Ate Sam, we all have different levels of sensitivity. I am very much aware of what you have said. Siguro nga sensitive ako. Siguro nga big deal sa akin ang lahat..." Tumigil ako nang maramdaman ang unti-unting pag-iinit ng sulok ng mga mata ko. "But is it too much to ask if I should remove the persons whom I didn't think good for myself?"

"I am not expecting you to understand me. But at least, do not invalidate my feelings. Madali lang para sa'yo ang sabihin ang mga bagay na 'yan dahil hindi ikaw ang nakakaranas. Kahit kailan, hindi mo naranasan. You were showered with good words. Kahit anong gawin mo, people admires you so much. Palagi kang maganda at mabuti sa paningin ng ibang tao. Kumpara sa akin na kahit walang gawin, katawa-tawa pa rin... dahil mataba ako, dahil hindi ako pasok sa standards ng lintek ng mga mata n'yo!"

Suminghap ako at marahas na pinunasan ang maiinit na luhang lumalandas sa aking pisngi. Matagal kaming nagpalitan ng titig. Ni kahit anong emosyon ay wala akong mabakas sa kaniyang mukha. Nanatili itong blangko. Nananatili siyang mataas.

Pagak akong natawa.

Do I expect her to say sorry? To reflect?

Ang tanga ko...

Kaya naman bago pa niya tuluyang ibuka ang kaniyang labi ay mabilis na akong nagmartsa palabas ng bahay. Narinig ko pa ang pagsigaw ni Ate Sam sa aking pangalan ngunit hindi na 'ko nag-abalang lumingon pa.

Ilang minuto akong palakad-lakad sa loob ng subdivision hanggang sa dumako ang aking paningin sa covered court nang makarinig ako ng talbog ng bola. My face lit up when I saw Brenz and Griven playing basketball together.

"Tanga, ayusin mo ang laro ha! Kapag tayo talaga natalo bukas, susuntukin kita!" sigaw ni Griven sa kaibigan.

Brenz shooted the ball in the ring before facing his friend. He pointed to himself using his index finger with a devilish smirk plastered on his lips. "Ako pa ba? Sa tagal nating pagkakaibigan, wala ka pa ring tiwala sa'kin?"

"Oo!"

Marahan ang ginawa kong paglapit patungo sa direksyon nilang dalawa. Masiyado silang abala sa pagbabangayan kaya marahil ay hindi nila naramdaman ang aking presensya.

Ilang sandali pa tumikhim na 'ko at doon na nga tuluyang napako sa akin ang kanilang atensyon. They both looked shocked at my presence. Ilang beses pa silang nagpalitan ng tingin bago magpasyang kunin ni Griven ang bola at umalis para maiwan kaming dalawa ni Brenz.

He tapped my shoulder and smiled a little before he made his way out of our sight.

"Kanina ka pa ba, Babs? Hindi ka namin napansin agad," ani Brenz at lumapit sa bench para kunin ang kaniyang towel.

I remained silent.

Habang abala ito sa pagpupunas ng pawis ay taka niya akong nilingon. "Anong nangyari?"

"H-Huh? Wala naman." I faked a laugh and shook my head.

Umingos siya at padabog na binitawan ang towel "Kilala na kita, Babs. Alam ko kung kailan ka okay o hindi."

Sinara niya ang distansya sa pagitan naming dalawa at sapilitan niya akong pinaupo sa bench. At dahil naroon din ang kaniyang bag ay lumuhod siya sa aking harapan. Hinagilap niya ang mga kamay ko at mahigpit na hinawakan iyon.

His soft hands sent comfort and solace throughout my inner system. When my gaze met his dark yet mesmerizing eyes, I highly disbelieved that the world is cruel like how they said.

"Come on, Babs. Tell me, I'll listen..." he urged, so I did.

I told him what happened between me and my sister earlier. I told him all my insecurities, all my doubts, and all the grudges inside my heart. And he did nothing but completely turn all ears on me.

I then was carefully watching his reactions but I saw nothing but sincerity. A pure sincerity that made my heart thump so loud even my heart's breaking in sadness and pain.

"Always remember this, Babs, it isn't true that the world is cruel. Only people are. I don't know how many times I would say this to you but we don't have to live by society's standards..." He gave me the warmest smile he could give. "Be your own standard."

He stood up, still not living his stare at me. "You're the standard for me."

"And how can you say that?" I shot my brows up, but he just got the bag and turned his back at me.

"Hoy, 'wag mo 'kong tinatalikuran, ah. Paano mo nasabing ako ang standard para sa'yo–"

Tumigil siya sa paglalakad ngunit nanatiling nakatalikod sa akin. Inayos niya ang pagkakasabit ng strap ng kaniyang bag sa balikat bago muling nagsalita.

"Kasi gusto kita..."

My mouth fell open as my eyes blinked so tenderly. "H-Ha?"

"Narinig mo na, hindi ko na uulitin pa." He chuckled.

His voice... soothe my nerves.

Maybe he wasn't singing a lullaby in this chaotic world. But it's alright.

Because for me, even he wasn't singing; he's already my lullaby in this crazy world of mine.