I was once asked about my soulmate and  what would I perceive in them? Back then I laughed and disregarded the question with a mind of youth and assumed that there would be no soul born on this realm who would love me unconditionally.

I was wrong.

I had you.

I just failed to realise that you, my Lan Zhan lived, loved and played inquiry only for me.

"Ah Xian," applying salve on my wounded back Shijie's eyes depicted extreme regret, "I am sorry. If it were not for me, mother would have not been so harsh on you."

Laughing internally at the irony I smile to appease her concern; "Shijie, we are all aware of Madam Yu's loathing me. She does not like me and frankly that does not bother me much."

It did. I just never revealed my inner feelings.

"Why not?"

At Shijie's concern I smile and place my head on her knees, "Cause I have you to love me. When I have you to protect me; why would Ah Xian need someone else?"

Turning my head up to look at her I grin at the kind twinkles in her eyes.

"You!"

At unison we both glance at Jiang Cheng who until now was quiet. I totally forgot that he was there. Ah he hates such mushy talks.

"Alright. Alright. I have you to love me too, Jiang Cheng. Now don't be sad." Poking my tongue out I tease and laugh when he gets irritated.

Just then uncle entered to find me lying on the bed with my wound exposed for Shijie to apply Yunmeng's special herbs.

"What is going on here?"

It was a rhetorical question. In reality, uncle didn't need us to explain the situation to him. He was fully aware of the laceration caused by Zidian on my back.

"Uncle-" he cut me off with a glare that was more indicated towards Madam Yu than I.

"She has gone too far this time Ah Xian. You're still a child. This is not the way one person would treat another!"

This isn't the first time I have come across the Zidian. The words were in my mouth but I never dared to speak them aloud. If I did, the only outcome would be disharmony in this family and that was something this heart and soul of mine never wanted. Uncle, Shijie and Jiang Cheng were mine to protect. If something were to happen to them, this heart would never survive the pain.

My thoughts were broken when I heard uncle storm out of my room towards the main hall. Quick to get dressed, we towed behind him only to halt when we saw a happy Madam Yu entering the main hall too.

"Fengmian, it's good that I found you here. Madam Jin and Master Jin Zixuan just left Lotus Pier." Her eyes trailed over towards Jiang Cheng and I could feel him instantly stiffen next to me.

"Madam Jin gave me an excellent suggestion." She didn't wait for uncle to enquire and continued, "She suggested that we find a bride for Ah Cheng too. That way Ah Li would get married and leave Yunmeng and we'll have another daughter to welcome into our family."

What?

Jiang Cheng and marriage?

Poor girl.

"Mother-"

"Jiang Cheng!" Glaring at him Madam Yu's eyes rake over me and then back to him, "I know what's best for you. No more discussion on this issue!"

"If he can't ask then I will." Standing in front of us it was uncle who spoke, "Madam Yu, do not forget that I am still here. Back then I didn't speak up for Ah Li but today I shall. Until Ah Li completes her education, we shall not bring up the topic of her marriage and only if she is comfortable with Young Master Jin Zixuan, only then will she betrothed to him."

"But-" raising his hand to stop Madam Yu from arguing, I was in awe when uncle further added, "I am not done Madam Yu. As for Ah Cheng, he has a lot more to study. He will get married to whomever he wants when he is ready. Until then both our children are under my protection. Do not bring the topic of their marriage. I don't care if Madam Jin is your childhood friend."

Wow.

Glancing at me I could detect uncle is going to address an issue pertaining to me, "One more point I would like to caution Madam Yu about." Walking next to me, uncle places his arm on my shoulders carefully and says, "Never hit Ah Xian again. You don't like him then look the other way. He's my son too."

Before Madam Yu could create any ruckus, uncle walks away and her wrath filled eyes lands on me. Just as her Zidian sizzles, it was Jiang Cheng who stood in front of me and warned, "Mother. Please."

Turning away from us in anger she storms away.

Raising my eyes to see that no one was able to hear me, looking at Shijie visibly relax, I start joking, "This is the best news! Shijie, now you don't have to marry that peacock."

Grinning at my words she enquires, "Peacock?"

"Yeah. Didn't you see him flocking around with all his servants and showing off that he's better than us?" Rolling my eyes I shake my head, "He's definitely a peacock."

"Ah Xian, don't say that." Though I hear Shijie chide but she was giggling.

Locking Jiang Cheng in my arms I continue to tease him, "Hey Jiang Cheng, what kind of girl would you want to marry?"

Pushing me away lightly he takes a seat on the wooden floor facing a pond. Boasting out loud he grins, "A gril who can tolerate you!"

Kneeling next to him I frown, "Tolerate me. Why?"

"Well you'll be by my side and when you are being yourself, there has to be a someone who can tolerate you when I can't!"

Laughing at his words my back hits the ground, "Well then you're going to be single for a long time. There isn't anyone on this realm who can tolerate me," with a pause I look at Shijie who had joined us by now; "except Shijie."

"Well," patting my cheeks Shijie's eyes are filled with warmth, "What about the soul who marries Ah Xian?"

"What about her?" This surprisingly was asked by Jiang Cheng.

"Well I am sure she'll love Ah Xian unconditionally."

Her words made my heart beat erratically and I couldn't help but ask, "Why do you think someone would love me unconditionally Shijie?"

Ruffling my hair she answers, "Because Ah Xian has the cleanest heart. To love you is their fortune, because in return you will love them wholeheartedly. Ah Xian, your soul has no malice and knowing you, Ah Xian will protect his soulmate even if that means you have to give up your own life."

Hearing Shijie's heartfelt words struck a chord within me but moments later Jiang Cheng and I both burst into laughter. Shijie was not offended. She continued smiling. Even in my laughter I would never forget her wisdom and perception of me. I was too young to understand her observation of me, but it was much later in life that I realised, every single word that she predicted about me is true.

The only difference was, I failed to realise my first love. I failed to acknowledge him. I gave up my life for everyone around me, but it was him who gave up his precious life for me.

"Ah Xian."

Walking towards Yunmeng main hall I look at uncle who was approaching me, "We have few guests joining us today. Would you be interested in meeting them?"

Oh?

"Sure. Who are these guests uncle?"

"They are from the Gusu Lan Sect. Elder Lan Qiren and his nephew Young Master Lan XiChen."

I haven't met any of the other clan members formally and this would be my first meeting with them. Just as we were about to enter the main hall, we are stopped by Madam Yu.

"Fengmian, what are you thinking by taking that boy to meet Lan Qiren?"

"What do you mean Madam Yu?"

"Fengmian, take this as my warning. Don't let that boy be too close to you or else one day he'll be the cause of Yunmeng's doom."

"Madam Yu-"

"Uncle." Not wanting their argument to escalate I smile and take a step back, "I have to go and practice my archery. I will meet them under some other occasion." With a bow I walk away from Lotus Pier.

I had no clue for how long was I wandering but found myself at the dock of Lotus Pier. As the subtle scent of these lotuses filled my heart with warmth and comfort, it was then that my eyes landed on a retreating boat, but it wasn't the boat perse that caught my attention. It was a fluttering white ribbon tied at the back of a head. It brought back a long nostalgic fragments of my memory from when I was back in the streets.

As I watched his boat floating away a strange discomfort made my soul waiver. For some unknown reason I wanted him to turn around and see if my memory could identify his face. But in the end he never turned nor I could ask the same.

In the backdrop of the setting sun he was an illusion and maybe an illusionist as well.

A boy with a white ribbon
Would come to mean so much to me
Back then I never realised
We were meant to be.