"Wei Ying!"

"No!"

"Come back... please! "

But there was no answer. There never will be. He's gone. Gone forever. Never will I ever get to see him smile. Never again would he call me Lan Zhan. Never again will he trouble me incessantly. Never again will I be able to confess my heart to him.

Wei Ying, come back to Gusu with me. I loved you. I love you. Always will.

"Lan Wangji!" My Uncle's voice thunders in anger, "How dare you defy your own family and mourn for that wretched demon!? Come back to Gusu this instant!"

Turning away from the cliff where my Wei Ying was driven to insanity and gave up his life, my own sword, Bichen, was painted with fresh blood of my clan members, who sought to massacre him. If they were under the impression that Lan Zhan would merely stand and watch the downfall of his lover, they were wrong.

33 of them were now lying down in their own pool of blood. I couldn't save my Wei Ying, but I will die trying to protect what's left of him.

Peering into my uncle's eyes as blood drips through my lashes, solemnly I swore that night "I will be back. You have my word, but not now, for I cannot give up on finding his last remnants."

"Lan Wangji!" My Uncle's voice thunders and I do realise that this is probably the first time that, I, Lan Wangji, one of the two Jade's of Gusu, has defied his orders. With a bow I walk away from them. Consequences will be faced later, but for now, I need him.

Trudging through the Burial Mountain, I walk the path once we took together. A year ago, Wei Ying had brought me here as an assurance that even though shunned by his own clan, he now had a new family and was happy with what little they had.

Are you here? My inner voice cries out. Please answer just this once.

My legs were slowly loosing their sensation. Before, during the battle, a sword had pierced through my flesh and now they are gaping wide. But it seems this pain is nothing compared to what my heart bears.

Entering his lair, my eyes trail around with one small hope to find something of his. In the end, it was a feeble voice that garnered my attention. Limping, my heart falters when I find a small child tucked inside a tree away from prying eyes. Gently lifting him into my arms, closing my eyes and placing my forehead on his, I find the child to be burning with fever.

This child was my Wei's. Ah Yuan.

A year ago this same child had addressed me as his father.

To protect him with my life will be in your name. To give him life, will be in my name.

Head held up high, with Bichen in one arm and Ah Yuan cradled close to my heart, I enter the cold and snow filled path of Gusu. Like once my heart had bore emptiness, Gusu now meant nothing more than the plain emptiness that will always be a part of me without Wei Ying in it.

"Stop!" One of the elder calls out, "Proceed towards the main hall, Hanguang-Jun. Your Uncle and everyone are waiting for you."
His disapproval follows my every step, but at this very moment, nothing matters except the child in my arms.

My gaze seeks my brother's, who probably is the only one who had an ounce of warmth for me in his core.

"What is this?" The rage is directed at me when they find a child secured in my embrace.

"He belongs to me." My answer is resolute.

"He cannot stay here, Wangji!" Elder Chao yells aloud and my eyes calmly meets his steely ones. "If this child isn't allowed to stay here, then I will leave Gusu forever. Never will I step foot in this land again. You wish to punish me, I will accept every single one of them, but in return, all I ask is you to treat this child as a member of Gusu clan. He is mine now."

The cold weather seeps into my skin as my Uncle commands "33 lashes. For each clan member you hurt today, you will receive 33 lashes."

"Uncle-" my brother tries to intervene for everyone knew the scars would be permanent. They're a mark of humiliation for the receiver, but this is where they were wrong. This is not me reflecting on my mistakes, but me rasing in love for Wei Ying.

"No one will interrupt." My Uncle's words were final and I bow with acceptance. I hand over Ah Yuan to my brother "Please keep him safe for me until I return."

"Bring out the stick!" At his command a disciple places it in front of him.

"Do you have any remorse Wangji!?" He expected my obedience, but I had none in my heart.

My silence furiated him and as the stick met my back for its First lash, the impact made me fall on my knees and shards of ice cut deep into my skin.

Before I could assimilate the impact of first lash, the Second one meets my back and am questioned by Uncle "What are the rules of Gusu, Wangji!?"

All I could remember were Wei Ying's words. What is right? What is wrong? What is Black? What is white? I boldly stare at all the Elders and repeat his questions.

At the Third Strike, I was asked to repeat that only cultivation method that is acceptable were the ones we were taught. My question was, weren't these cultivation method used to annihilate Wei Ying's family? Where was their righteousness at that time?

At Fourth Strike, I was asked to read out Gusu rules and instead from my mouth the only thing to spout out were blood.

At Fifth Strike, I was questioned of my allegiance. It did not matter. He was gone.

At Sixth Strike, I was belittled. Their words did not pain me anymore.

At Seventh Strike, I was threatened with my title 'Hanguang-Jun' being confiscated from me. Did it matter?

At Eighth Strike, I was condemned to not be worthy of my name.

At Ninth Strike, they reminded of whose son I was. Isn't that an irony? My father loved my mother and he too was against this clain.

At Tenth Strike, they said I wasn't worthy of being my brother's blood.

At Eleventh Strike, my heart is cold.

At Twelve Strike, my hallucinations were acting up.

At Thirteenth Strike, I finally saw my Wei Ying and a smile graced this face.

At Fourteenth Strike, my white robes were now red.

At Fifteenth Strike, I was keeling in my own pool of blood.

At Sixteenth Strike, my clothes were all tattered into pieces.

At Seventeenth Strike, I felt my skin pealing away. It did not matter.

At Eighteenth Strike, Wei Ying was crouching in front of me and wiping my tears.

At Nineteenth Strike, I refused to close my eyes for a fear that he would disappear.

At Twentieth Strike, I smiled again at his tear stained face.

At Twenty First Strike, I remembered the lunch we had together and he forgot to pay.

At Twenty Second Strike, my heart faltered when this soul for the first time saw Wei Ying.

At Twenty Third Strike, remembering the toy I had parted with him, this mind wandered. Did he still have that toy?

At Twenty Fourth Strike, shaking my head I cough up another bout of blood, it does not matter. Not anymore.

At Twenty Fifth Strike, I look at what was once white snow. Years ago I kneeled in front of Jingshi for my mother to open her doors.

At Twenty Sixth Strike, I wondered if she was happy here?

At Twenty Seventh Strike, I hear Wei Ying's voice.

At Twenty Eighth Strike, he pleads, Give up Lan Zhan. Stop loving me.

At Twenty Ninth Strike, I grin with my blood soaked teeth. How can I Wei Ying? This life belongs to you.

At Thirtieth strike, my body is finally numb.

At Thirty First Strike, I begin to lose my vision.

At Thirty Second Strike, I begin to sway.

At Thirty Third Strike, I finally fall.

Just as I pass into oblivion, my gaze lands on a silhouette trying to catch my fall.

Is that you, Wei Ying?

As usual I receive no answer.