Dark.

That's really all it felt like, like walking down a hallway with the light out. I felt surrounded by it, like in a way it was choking me. I wanted out of it truly. To see something, anything, just black going on and on and on forever almost never ending. I gave up on moving through it instead I laid down and just let it swallow me up. There's no forward, there's no back, there's just where I am and where I can't be. My eyes shut or maybe they didn't it was the same darkness, the same shade of black and just breathed deep trying to calm myself down. It wasn't until I frowned hearing the sounds of birds and I moved my legs feeling the familiar soft silk on my legs that I realized something changed. When I opened my eyes I looked around and I smiled seeing him wrapping my arms tight around him. I knew it was a dream, I felt it in my bones, it wasn't real but I liked this so much more than what was. He dressed in his usual leather jacket and Henley. I looked up at him and he kissed me softly caressing my cheek and staring deep into my eyes.

"I'm sorry" I paused confused, Klaus never apologizes, ever to hear those words caught me off guard. He sighed and sat on the bed pulling me into his lap "I don't know how but you are the first and only person who seems to see me. I hate it truly. No one has ever done that besides my brother. And then here you come after everything I've done to you pulling things I haven't dared to feel for anyone out of me. But it is fitting, just like everything else in my life I have managed to destroy it's your turn. You're not safe with me Elena. Some time ago I would have just pulled you in and caged you hoping that being close I would be able to save you. I see now that that can never be for you and I. If you're going to be safe I can't be selfish and I have to let you go." as he spoke I could feel myself becoming more and more distressed. He was trying to leave me I held him tighter and pulled him into me. I knew by now that he was in my head and I knew that he was trying to find a way to leave me.

"You can't. I don't care about any of that Klaus. I just want you" he pulled away peeling my arms off his shoulders as a tear fell from my cheek "I can't be the reason something happens to you again. I almost lost you this time what will I do if I really do lose you" it warmed my heart to know I'd gotten through to know that he cared enough to feel this way. To want me safe and protected. Yet it hurt me to know that he didn't that I felt that way or that it could be that way with him "Klaus please. You can never promise me a safe life but I won't be any safer without you. I'm a doppelganger, it comes with the territory. You don't wanna be the reason something happens to me then don't leave me. You don't understand what being without you is like" I whispered the last part to myself. I felt that so purely that my stomach physically ached, the idea of feeling how I did when I first came back from the other time. Came to see that the man I loved hated and wanted to kill me. I couldn't feel like that again. 

He couldn't leave me "Why can't you let me go" he said more to himself than to me "Because I l- care about you" I said still not ready to expose myself that way to him. If I did I still felt like I would scare him off, especially now a word like that will make his decision for him and he'll leave just for that word. His eyes pierced through mine and he pulled my face in for a intensely passionate kiss. Drowning me in him the way I've always loved. I kissed back with the same amount of feeling. I just wanted him to feel how safe and happy I felt with him so he could know that he didn't have to go to protect me. That being with him was better than me being alone. He pulled away and I could see the world around us start to fade, I looked at him panicked knowing if he left he wasn't coming back. I pulled on his jacket holding him close fearing the darkness that would return if he left "Please don't leave me. KLAUS! Please! Nik please don't leave me I can't be alone like this" my words started to get distorted and the world was black again as he left me and I was back in the blackness I'd started in.

It felt like a bad dream. Like someone had teased me with something happy and changed it made it sad. Made me sad. I choked out a sob wanting so badly to wake up from wherever I was and stop him. I didn't want him to go. He didn't understand how much I loved him. And it was my fault but I didn't know what to do and I felt hopeless and alone. All I felt was cold, pain, and the darkness that seemed as though it crawled inside me and ate at me from the inside now. Like it cracked my exterior and now ran through me like a train and it was because he wasn't here. It was because he was gone again and it seemed no matter how hard I tried to hold on he would always slip out of my hands. He would always drift away like time and life never wanted us together in the first place. Maybe I should've stuck to the Salvatores it wouldn't have been the same. It wouldn't have been all consuming the way it was with Klaus. But they would've never left. And I wouldn't feel so empty. I knew that I was only making it worse for myself thinking this way but I was in pain. It's all I felt. All I knew in that moment.