Kindness has a way of cutting deeper than cruelty, especially when you don't think you deserve it.

I remember that I once said to myself that this school was not going to be what every monster school was in a TV show or book, but I have to admit, Nevermore has a way of making you feel like you belong, even when every moment reminds you that you don't. One of those moments, is now. Xavier Thorpe is dead. Eugene, Wednesday's friend, is in the hospital, clinging to life. And it's all my fault. At least, that's what the Hyde keeps telling me. I should've let him out, I should've used him to protect at least someone, but how can I be sure that it would've have done the work for the monster? At least, that's what I keep telling myself. I also say that this could confirm that I'm not having some two-face killer situation, but.... once again, it was just me and the monster and a victim around, no one else, Wednesday once again didn't come in time to see it with me. For all I know, these murders, all this blood, could be on my hands. 

I don't know if anyone besides Xavier saw me with the guys, the Nightshade society is all dealing with Xavier's death in their own way. But the worst part, isn't the guilt, it's the fact that I can't tell if I'm part of their grieving process, if they blame me for it. They should, it's what I would do if I was Bianca or Ajax. Divina looks a little hurt upon seeing me and Kent's glares are more heated since that day. Out of everyone, I bet they probably know. At least one of the siblings isn't as stupid as some might think they are.

I know this event's been affecting Wednesday as well. She keeps glancing at me when she thinks I'm not looking, always watching, always analyzing. I can never tell what's behind those eyes. Guilt? Love? Suspicion? Maybe all three, maybe none. With her, you can never really know. I don't want her near me, I want her to stay away, because I don't trust her anymore. No.... I don't trust myself. I'm a walking curse who's forced to live while others get hurt around me. She could be next, and I would only realize two minutes before her body is found in the forest.

Thornhill says I need to stop carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. 'One plant  at a time' she says. But what does she know? She doesn't have blood on her hands, she doesn't have to feel like a ticking time bomb every five minutes. She's kind, though, too kind. Maybe that's what makes it worse. She's the first person who's asked me how I'm feeling instead of where I've been and why I wasn't late to class a second time. 

But, let's get back to the day where I talk about this week's event. It's Parents weekend, which is grand for everyone else except me. And yes, that's a remark about my parents. What happened? Well, let's just say they won't be making an appearance, not this year, not any year.

But I don't want talk about that.... not even on this paper....