Dorian,

I met you at the darkest point of my life.  I thought that every day would be my last and every single day, I thought that I didn't deserve to live.

I was sexually and mentally assaulted to the point where it was normal and I stopped eating to the point where I'd get massive bruises from just sleeping.  I walked up to the roof of my apartment every single day contemplating whether it was the day to finally end my life.  

Then one day, I saw something who was worth living for.  

Love.

It's sounds so fucking wrong, but we bonded over death.  We really did.  

Dorian, I know your parents are listening but we'd skip school periods and talk about nothing.  We'd take long drives at 3 am in the morning until school started and eat ice cream for dinner.  We'd fall asleep face-timing each other, or at least I would.  

But as we all know, our relationship wasn't such a great start as everyone thinks.  In the beginning, it felt like we were perfect together.  And we really were okay.

At the same time though, we weren't.  I was still addicted to substance and harming myself and you were still on the verge of taking your life.  We'd keep awful secrets from each other and sometimes, we'd fight over the simplest things so much that one day, we decided that we needed a break.

We decided that we needed to get professional help and that was the best decision we've ever made.  

After a year of getting ourselves back, we got back together and that was when I knew that we were perfect together.  Our communication wasn't as stuffy as before and we both were falling for each other faster than ever.  

I knew you were the one when you kissed me goodbye just one random afternoon.  I was going off to work and you stayed to work on some graphic designs at the time, and it was the regular kiss goodbye, but that day was different.  I just realized, I guess.  

Love was so hard for me to understand.  I was never loved as a kid and never felt was love felt like.  Until you came into my life.  You showed me was love is.  You showed me what it means to love someone with your whole heart, even when your own heart is crumbling.   

Thank you for loving my crazy days when I'm singing The Little Mermaid soundtrack while trying to bake brownies.  Thank you for loving all of me, even the parts that are scarred and ugly.  Thank you for always loving the part of me that I still don't love.  Thank you for staying up with me the nights where I've had terrors and nightmares.  Thank you for sacrificing your time to just hug me and kiss me when I have meltdowns.  Thank you for saving me.  Oh, and thanks for always giving me mind-blowing sex.

Dorian Rocci.  I promise to love you forever.  I promise to be loyal and faithful, honest and loving and above all, I promise to stand by your side for the rest of our lives together.  I promise to put you first and support whatever you decide to do.  I promise to put us first.  I promise to never stop ambushing you with nerf bullets.  

I love you so much Dorian.  I love you so much it hurts.  I love you and I always will.