Chapter 18 ^__^

What would I do now? What steps would I have to make? Would I confront Austin now or talk with him calmly?

After thinking about it for a few minutes I made my decision. I would confront him and break up with him. I didn't want to listen to his explanation. Para sa akin, niloko niya ako at hindi niya ako makukumbinsi na malinis ang intensiyon niya sa akin. He played me for a fool and I wouldn't let him hurt me anymore.

I called him up on the phone.

"Hon, napatawag ka? Na-miss mo na ba ako?" pabirong bati ni Austin

"Can we meet at lunchtime?"

"Sure. You sound serious. May problema ba?"

"Let's talk about it later" simpleng sagot ko.

I named a time and place, and then I hanged up abruptly without waiting for his reply.

Pagdating ko sa restaurant ay naghihintay na roon si Austin. At the sight of him, I felt my heart lurch. He was looking around the room with an excited look on his face.

When his eyes focused on me, his smile became bigger and brighter. He stood up to greet me.

"Hon, thanks for inviting me for lunch" he said.

He was about to give me a peck on the cheek but I deflected it. Naupo na lang ako. I looked at him and saw he was wearing a confused expression on his face.

"Cathy, why the long face? May problema ba?"

"Austin, hindi na ako magpapaligoy-ligoy pa. I've made up my mind. I want to break up with you"

I declared.

"Break up with me? But why?" he asked in a loud voice.

The other patrons looked our way and I was a bit embarrassed by his behavior.

"Clam down, Austin"

I was trying ro be calm because I didn't want to hurl accusations at him. Ang gusto ko lang ay matapos na ang ugnayan namin. Kahit siguro marinig ko pa ang dahilan niya ay hindi ko na rin magagawang magtiwala sa kanya.

I had lost my trust in him and I thought our relationship was beyond repair. Ang pinakaayaw ko pa man din sa tao ay ang pagiging plastic at sinungaling at dahil alam kong niloko ako ni Austin ay hindi ko na siya magagawang patawarin pa.

"Cathy, what's wrong? May nagawa ba akong hindi mo nagustuhan? Tell me and I'll make it up to you. Just don't tell me we're breaking up" he said

His eyes pleading for forgiveness.

Para lang akong batong nakaupo roon. Hindi na ako padadala sa mabulaklak na pananalita niya. Tama na ang minsang nagpabola ako sa kanya.

"Austin, I don't think I have to spell out what you did to me. Alam ko na ang totoo. You made me look like a fool. Siguro, ang saya-saya mo dahil may naloko kang tao. 'Yan ba ang pastime mo, ang paglaruan ang mga dalagang desperadang naghahanap ng date?"

"Catherine, if this is about the blind date you were supposed to have, please let me explain. It was just a misunderstanding"

"Save your breath because nothing you say or do would make me change my mind. I never thought you would stoop this low just to have some fun. But I'll no longer allow you to take advantage of me. We're over, Austin, and I hope I never see you again"

Tumayo na ako at nagmamadaling lumabas ng restaurant.

I went straight home. I just called up Rosy to tell her rescheduled my appointments. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want my friends to see me in this state. Dahil alam kong maaawa na naman sila sa akin. Pity was not what I wanted from my friends now. I just wanted some space.

"Devastated" and "Betrayed" were the words that best described what I was feeling at that moment. I knew I should have listened to him to get some answers but my heart was still hurting and I just couldn't face him without breaking down.

Sa tinagal-tagal ko na sa mundong ibabaw, hindi ko inakalang maloloko pa ako ng isang lalaki. I thought I was really smart. But when it came to love and relationship, it seemed I had a lot to learn.

So this was how it felt to get a heart broken. It felt like my world was crumbling down and no amount of tears could make me feel better. Hindi ko nga alam kung makakaya ko pang bumangon bukas para ipagpatuloy ang buhay ko. But I knew I had to. I had to go on and continue with my life.

Halos lahat naman ng tao ay nakaranas na ng broken heart at hindi ako ang kauna-unahan. This may be my first but somehow I will survive. I shielded myself from this kind of hurt all my life and I thought I was invincible. But I guessed I was not that lucky.

Ngayong alam ko na kung paano ang masaktan, dapat ay susubukan ko rin ang bumangon. This was one lesson I needed to learn and I knew I would be stronger and wiser because of it. At kahit nasaktan at niloko ako ni Austin, masasabi ko pa ring no regrets ako na minahal ko siya.

I tried to return to my normal routine. I avoided all talks about Austin. He was still trying to talk to me but I continued to avoid him. Para sa akin, tapos na kami.

But Austin was persistent. He was sending me flowers almost everyday and texting me constantly but I refused to accept the flowers and I never read any of his messages. Bahala siyang gawin ang gusto niya. Ubusin na niya ang pera niya, wala na akong pakialam.

But one day, the flowers and messages stopped coming. At first, I was relieved but afterwards I became agitated. Paano nga kung nagsawa na siya? Paano kung tuluyan na siyang mawala sa buhay ko?

That was the time I questioned myself. Tama bang hindi ko siya pinakinggan? Was I right in turning my back on him without listening to him his side?

Pero naisip ko rin na kung talagang mahal niya ako, hindi kaagad siya susuko at gagawin niya ang lahat ng paraan may mapaliwanagan niya ako. Or maybe it was his way of letting me know it was my turn to make a move.

Kung ano man ang motibo niya, kailangan ko munang pag-isipang mabuti ang aking susunod na hakbang.

"Ano ka ba Cathy? Kailan mo ba balak tapusin ang cold war ninyo ni Austin? Alam mo bang nagkakasakit na iyong tao sa kakaisip ng paraan kung paano mo siya mapapatawad? ani Jessy.

She came to my house to confront me and put some sense into my head. But I was so stubborn and no amount of prodding would make me change my mind.

"Jessy, whose side are you on? Mukhang mas pinapanigan mo pa siya kaysa sa akin, ah. Sino ba ang kaibigan mo sa aming dalawa?" I said accusingly.

"Cathy, wala akong kinakampihan. I'm for the truth here. Alam kong mahal mo pa rin siya kahit galit ka pa sa kanya ngayon. I just don't want to see you lose the best thing that ever happened to you. Believe me, Catherine, he's really sincere about his feelings for you. I can tell you now that this is all a misunderstanding that can be sorted out if you would just listen to him" pagkumbinsi niya

I snorted "Hindi ko alam na pati ikaw ay nabilog na ang ulo ng lalaking 'yon"

"Stop that sarcasm, Catherine. It won't do you good if you keep talking that way. Quit staling and talk to him. Baka kapag nakapagdesisyon kang kausapin siya ay huli na ang lahat" pananakot niya

"Jessy, there's no need for us to talk. Nasabi ko na ang gusto ko at tapos na talaga kami. Isa pa, na-realize ko rin na hindi ako dapat pumatol sa mas bata sa akin. Immature pa siya at puro laro lang ang nasa isip"

It was Jessy's turn to snort.

"If you would only listen to his side, you wouldn't have to suffer. Minsan ikaw na rin mismo ang gumagawa ng sariling multo mo"

She stood up and handed me an envelope.

"What's this?" tanong ko nang abutin ko ang sobre.

"Austin's letter to you. Before you throw it, read it first and I promise you afterwards you will be enlightened" she answered.

Then she strode out of my house without a backward glance.

ABANGAN.....
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