~Astra~

The next morning, the headline in the Prophet said, HARRY POTTER KILLED IN UNDER-PREPARED VIGILANTE RAID. It went on to demonize the DA, as well as list the dozens of people who were killed or missing from the previous night.

Albus and I weren't mentioned. Wren was, very briefly, almost as an afterthought. It said she had "disappeared as well, and the public could only guess as to why." At least, that's what Colette said. I couldn't bring myself to even look at the paper.

The Quibbler also talked about the raid, telling the whole story (minus the fact that Albus, Wren, and I had been there) and highlighting the nine children the DA had rescued and the fact that there were dozens more still there. Faith also put in two full pages holding Mr. Potter up as a martyr and a hero, not a rash, glory-hungry vigilante.

Needless to say, the Great Hall was quieter than I'd ever seen it.

Luckily, Haverna and Albus managed to intercept Lily before breakfast. I think Mrs. Potter might have come up to the school, too, though I don't really know. I don't remember a lot. The next few days were a blur of confusion and avoiding everyone. A lot of people were giving Albus and James and Lily and everyone else who had lost someone their condolences. A lot were avoiding anyone remotely connected to the DA.

Ciara and Wren's final patrol had been scheduled for Friday night. Albus volunteered to go instead. I don't know how much they were patrolling and how much they were just helping each other process. Thank goodness they had each other for that, because I had been going through the days in a numb fog.

I was shocked at how easily everyone had accepted Wren's disappearance. Even Kimmel hadn't been questioning any of us. It wasn't like the DA had even said anything about her, either. Part of me wondered what people were speculating. Part of me didn't want to know.

Haverna must have decided it was all right to tell Poppy what had happened. It might have been because she had been so close to Wren, or it might have been because her brother was now safe. Maybe it was both. Albus briefly explained that the children we'd rescued had all been whisked away to DA safe-houses until they could find homes for them, except Jack, who was already with his and Poppy's grandmother in Belfast.

It felt like things were just happening around me, but I wasn't actually there. The world was moving too quickly, and too many things were happening, and I just wanted to curl up in some forgotten corner and stay there for the next three years, at least. People talked to me, and I think I answered, but it was all a blur, my mind working on autopilot. All I could see was that flash of green before Mr. Potter fell to the ground. All I could hear was Wren begging me to kill her.

Eventually, I think on Saturday, James pulled me aside. We walked in silence up to an empty classroom on the seventh floor. I was grateful enough for the quiet that I didn't ask what he wanted, and once we'd sat down next to the window, James didn't seem to be in any hurry to tell me. We just sat on a bench, shoulder to shoulder, leaning against the desk behind us. James had Wren's mirror in his hands, and was turning it over and over, as if somehow it might bring her back. This was where James had come after he and Wren broke up, I remembered. The view was very pretty; you could see the wind moving the trees in the Forbidden Forest, students strolling along the shore of the lake, hills ringing the horizon. It was a good place to cry.

"Can you tell me what happened?" James asked, breaking the silence and making me jump. I glanced over at him, but he was still looking at the floor. "With Wren? If... if it's not too hard, that is."

"Didn't you hear it?" I asked softly.

Now he looked up, and there was such a deep pain in his eyes that I wanted to do anything else except make that worse, even though that was exactly what he was asking me to do. Why was he torturing himself like this?

"Please, Astra. I need to know."

I sighed. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "If you can. If it's too difficult, of course, I understand..."

I shook my head. It was definitely too difficult, but I'd had enough experience with difficult things to know that talking through it might help it be less difficult in the future. "Right. Okay." A deep breath. "We were all running, but I stopped to put some charms on the door, so that anyone following us would have a harder time. Wren came back for me." My eyes were watery now, which I hadn't noticed happening. I blinked a few times. "I wish she hadn't."

"It's not your fault," James said automatically, shaking his head.

"It should've been me." I balled my hands into fists because there was nothing better to do with them. They were clenched so tightly that my fingernails were digging into my palms, painfully. I probably deserved that. "I should've been the one who got caught, not her. I was the reason she was there in the first place, and I was the reason she came back. She'd been out of danger, James. And now she's there, and I'm here, and I wish it was the other way around."

For a moment, James didn't reply. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, afraid that I'd see the same wish mirrored in his face. I wouldn't be surprised, wouldn't blame him, but it would hurt.

"You didn't know," he whispered, finally. "Wren wouldn't be blaming you."

"Of course she wouldn't. She's an angel. That doesn't mean I'm not to blame."

"You're not." James put his hand over my fist, and I finally looked up. "You didn't know. It's okay."

I couldn't tell if he really believed that or not, but the fact that he kept saying it told me that even if some part of him did blame me, he didn't want to. That was comforting, in an odd way. I managed half a smile that faded very quickly. "You heard everything she said, didn't you?"

Blinking a rapidly, he looked down. "Yeah."

"I tried to break the barrier. My spells went right through it, but I tried to get her out. I did everything I could think of."

"I know. You did your best."

The Giant Squid was waving to some students on the edge of the lake. I watched it until it disappeared underneath the surface of the water again. I was trying to steady my breathing, so my voice didn't waver so much. I don't think I was very successful. "She wanted me to kill her, James."

He took a shaky breath. "Honestly, I'm very glad you didn't."

"I can't imagine what she's going through."

"Me neither." James's hands were trembling, even with the mirror in them, and he wrapped his arms around himself. "She must've had some idea, though, or else... I can't imagine why she would have wanted that."

"Do you think she's angry at me?" I asked softly. I could barely hear my own voice.

James considered that for a moment. "No. She has to know you wouldn't have been able to..."

"Your mum said she didn't know if they'd be able to rescue her."

A deep sigh, and he shifted a little. "She told me." He was shaking a little, like he was suppressing a sob. I bit my lip and looked away to give him some privacy. The room grew quiet, the only sounds being the wind outside the window and James's ragged breathing. In spite of myself, my mind wandered back to Wren. What had they done to her already? Was she even still alive? How long would she be able to hold out until they broke her? What would happen to her if they did?

"I can't leave her there," James murmured.

"What?"

"I can't. I told her that I would protect her. I can't leave her there."

I sat up straight and turned to stare at him. "Are you mad?"

James looked distinctly not mad. No, he had a very serious expression, as if he'd been thinking something through for a long time and finally decided on it. He was regarding me with a sad, resolute calmness. "I'm expendable, Astra. And I'm not a threat. They won't pay any attention to me. I'm not saying I'll go running in there unprepared and get myself killed. But I'm not going to give up on her that easily, okay? I can't do that to her. I promised."

"James..." I wanted to talk him out of this. It was an entirely hopeless mission, and if he didn't wind up getting himself killed or captured it would be a miracle.

But he shook his head. "Don't talk me out of this, Astra. I can't imagine a future without Wren in it. I'd rather die trying to rescue her than live knowing I did nothing."

"I don't think this is what Wren would want," I said, though in reality I had no idea what she would want. I hadn't thought she would ever be begging me to kill her, either.

"Wren's not here, Astra," James snapped. "If I could ask her opinion, I wouldn't be considering this, would I?"

"I know." I sighed. "I'm sorry. I just don't want you to go off on your own like that. You don't know what you're up against, and it's not safe."

"It's a million times less safe for Wren."

I wasn't trying to frustrate him, of course. He wasn't thinking straight, though. I had enough experience with that to recognize it. How was I supposed to reason with him when he was like this? "They'll kill you, James. What do you think you'd even be able to do?" I asked, trying not to sound as hopeless and desperate as I was feeling.

James stared out the window for several moments before answering. I watched his face, though I could only see the profile. There was fear there, but it was like that hardly mattered. He still seemed serious and resolved, to my dismay. As if his safety really didn't matter to him at all. Didn't he see that the rest of us couldn't bear to lose him, too, on top of everything else?

"I don't know," he said finally, turning to look at me. "I'll figure that out as I go, I suppose."

I opened my mouth to argue with him, but at that moment the light from the window dimmed. I turned quickly to see a bird perched on the ledge outside. "What the hell is that?"

It wasn't an owl, though it looked like it had a note tied around its leg. The thing was far larger than any bird I'd seen that wasn't an owl, though. It was black, with a mean glint in its eyes. James squinted at it. "Is that a crow?"

"I don't know," I said, my voice hardly audible. For some reason, the sight of that bird had filled me with dread.

"I think it's got a letter," James said. Neither of us moved to confirm this, though. For a moment, I was locked in a staring contest with the bird. It felt like it was piercing into my soul, though it seemed distinctly not human. Then, the bird pecked the window. James and I both jumped.

"Um, right..." James got up and slowly walked over to the window, slipping the mirror into his pocket as he did. He opened it just enough to pull the parchment off the birds leg, though the bird didn't make any attempt to fly into the room or peck him. As soon as James had shut the window again, it flew off.

"I didn't like that at all," I said, blinking at the empty ledge where the bird at been moments before.

"I think you're about to like it less," James said, grimacing. He handed me a small envelope. "Do you recognize the handwriting?"

I frowned at the overly formal cursive. I could hardly read my own name on the cover. "No. Do you?"

James shook his head, his mouth pressed in a grim line. "I don't like this."

The envelope looked normal enough. I turned it over, trying to figure out if it was cursed just from sight. "Letters can contain curses, can't they?"

James took the envelope from me. He set it down on the table, pulled his wand out, and said, "Antimalum."

Absolutely nothing happened. I frowned at the envelope, then at James. "Kind of anticlimactic."

"That's a general counter-curse Mum taught me. You're not supposed to see anything happening, I don't think..." James scrunched his face up as he thought. "Or maybe you are supposed to see something? I can't remember. I think it should have worked, though. Unless there's a particularly strong curse on it..."

"Wow, that's so very comforting," I said sarcastically. "I'm not opening that."

"Would you prefer I opened it?"

I stepped back and gestured for him to have at it. Gingerly, James pealed it open. I found myself holding my breath, braced against whatever gruesome scene might come next, but James just unfolded the letter and shrugged, then offered it to me. "Seems all right."

My hand was shaking as I took it. I sat down and leaned my arms on the table, holding the paper out in front of me. The feeling of dread had grown, tying my stomach into knots and making my head feel light. It was several seconds before I was able to see the words on the page.

Miss Lestrange,

I was disappointed that you felt the need to leave so soon after our discussion. I hope you know that my offer to join me still stands, but things have grown more complicated. Though I hope you will be intelligent enough to reconsider, I am afraid I have some doubts about that happening. In the event that you choose to spurn my offer once again, allow me to give you a clear understanding of the consequences.

I have been passive with you for long enough, Astra Lestrange. I have graciously given you several years of freedom and ease, despite the fact that I should have forced your hand when you rejected my offer initially. No longer will you enjoy that peace. I am sure my niece made you aware of my operatives at Hogwarts, who even now are poised to strike. I can assure you, there will soon be many more, and these will have the benefit of surprise, now that your informant is gone. Do not be afraid; you are not in danger. I cannot say the same for your friends and classmates, however, if you remain determined to be foolish.

If you choose to ignore me, neither the DA nor Hogwarts itself will protect you. I will get to you, and any person who gets in my way will be killed. Perhaps you will be at home when we come for you, and it will be your great-aunt dies. Perhaps it will be at Hogwarts, and it will be all of your friends. Anyone found hiding or harboring you, protecting or defending, will perish. Anyone who would support you will be killed, simply because they support you and you have defied me. Will you allow more people to die for you? Could you stand for that, when it could be prevented by your actions?

You may run, but we will catch you. You may hide, but you will be found. You may fight, but it is it is a losing battle. You have no hope of winning, or fleeing. You must understand that your best option is to join me now, and perhaps spare your loved ones more pain than necessary.

Sincerely,

Caymus Stillens

The dread settled in the bottom of my stomach, giving way to a morbid calm. James was leaning over mr shoulder, and I passed the letter up to him. Numbness washed over me. Stillens was going to kill anyone that I loved? Anyone who got in his way? And obviously, that would be all of my friends and family, who would rather die than step aside and let Stillens or the Predatels at me. I couldn't let that happen.

He'd chosen to focus on other things for the past two years. That's why I wasn't already dead, why my friends weren't kidnapped and tortured and killed. Sure, he'd had Nico playing with my mind all year, but that had been a very different strategy. He'd been playing a much longer, more complicated game, one where I didn't know the rules. I knew the rules now. It wasn't give in or die, either; it was give in or let everyone I loved die.

"Oh, damn," James said softly. I heard the soft rustle of the paper as James leaned over my shoulder once more and set it down in front of me. "He's just trying to scare you. Don't pay attention to it."

I shook my head. "He meant every word in there, I'm sure."

"Well, yeah, I guess." James slid onto the bench beside me, and leaned forward over the table until he was in my line of sight. "But I think we already knew he wanted to kill us all, didn't we? What makes this different?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. "You read it yourself. He's not going to let it go this time. He means to actively hurt me now, not just wait for an opportunity to come around."

"I mean..." James sighed. "What do you think you can do about it? Surely you're not thinking about actually doing what he wants?"

"Of course not." I pursed my lips. Stillens wanted to hurt me by hurting the people around me. He wanted to punish me by killing anyone who tried to protect me. Obviously, the solution was to not let anyone protect me. But how was I supposed to do that?

"Whatever he does to try to get to you, it isn't your fault," James was saying.

"People keep saying that, and it doesn't make me feel any less responsible."

James patted my shoulder. "I know. I'm sorry."

"If I can prevent people from dying, I want to. That's the most strategic thing to do, right?"

"How are you going to do that?"

I had an idea. It was a crazy idea, but it was an idea. I turned to look at James straight on, and felt like I understood a touch of that resigned determination I'd seen in his expression earlier. "I'm not giving in, that's for sure. Stillens can't break me that easily."

"Okay..." James's brow furrowed. "And?"

"I need to disappear."

He blinked, then raised an eyebrow. "Do you mean going into DA hiding?"

"No. Stillens could still possibly find me there, and at the very least it'll make him even more determined to destroy the DA. I don't want to rely on any of them to die for me."

"Then what on earth do you mean?"

I took a deep breath. "I just need to disappear. On my own. Maybe into the muggle world, or to France. If I disappear, and no one can contact me, even the people I care about, then Stillens won't have a reason to hurt anyone."

James's head was tilted, and he was giving me a quizzical look. "I'm not sure I'm following."

"If I'm beyond contact, then I won't even hear about it if he hurts or kills someone. Stillens is too smart to waste a bargaining chip if I won't even know what he did. Besides, the more I distance myself from everyone, the more likely it is that no one will have to sacrifice their life for mine ever again."

I couldn't tell if he thought I was completely mad, or if he just felt bad for me. He'd pursed his lips, and was studying me very seriously. Finally, he shook his head. "You can't go by yourself."

"James, that's the entire point of this. I can't let anyone else come with me. It'll only put you in danger."

He shook his head. "Absolutely not. I was planning on disappearing myself, anyway. We can just go together. But I'm not letting you just go off on your own."

The thought of James coming with me was immensely relieving, but I still hesitated. What if something happened, and he got hurt all because he was with me. "I... I'm not sure."

"I promise I won't die for you, if that makes you feel better."

I smiled a little, though for some reason I also wanted to cry. "Thanks."

James's mouth turned up in a grim smile. "We'll figure out how to rescue Wren as we go. Stay on the run from Stillens, avoid the DA."

"We can't let anyone know we're going until we've gone," I said.

James hesitated, then nodded. "You're right."

"Not your mum, or Aunt Andromeda, or Colette, or Albus. None of them."

"None of them," he agreed.

This was real. This was possible. A way to get around Stillens' threats. A way to keep him from extinguishing any more of the lights in my life. A way to keep shining hope in the middle of the darkest night I'd ever seen. And I didn't have to be alone.

"We can do this." James clasped my hand. "We have to do."

"For Mr. Potter, and Mrs. Longbottom, and everyone else who's already died," I agreed.

"For Wren," James said, nodding.

"Right." I took a deep breath, and managed a smile. "We'll keep shining for Wren."

~~~~

Dear Father,

I'm writing to tell you that I'm not going to be reachable by letters for a while. I'm sure Mr. Macmillan will be able to catch you up on current events when he gives you this, but what he can't tell you is that Stillens threatened everyone and everything I loved. He told me Hogwarts won't be able to protect me, and I would be dooming my friends and family by resisting him. I know that he's right.

I've decided I have to leave. I don't want anyone else to die for me. I can't handle that.

Don't worry; I won't be alone. James Potter is coming with me. I'm only letting him because he insisted, of course, and I thought you would appreciate me not being totally on my own.

I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm trying not to die, and I'm trying not to let anyone else die for me. Please understand. I'm sorry. I love you.

Love,

Astra

~~~~

Well, we've reached the end. I know I've left it in a dark place here. I can't promise there aren't more dark places to come. But I can promise that I will not give up on hope. The light will only seem brighter when compared to how dark this night is.

Question of the Day: What do you think about this book as a whole?

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~Elli

Word count: 3748