~Astra~

I spent the entire night debating whether I should write to my father and ask for his side of the story. Was that something he wouldn't want to think about, let alone tell me about? Probably. But did I need to know?

Probably?

By morning, I wanted someone else's opinion. The day before, I'd mentioned to Albus, James, and Colette what Haverna had told me, but hadn't really wanted to talk about it much then. Now, I couldn't seem to find anyone. James was meeting with River before breakfast to work on some new beater strategies she'd pulled from video games. Colette was off to find Haverna to figure out a good time to work on her spell. Albus and Wren were in a corner, whispering frantically about who knew what. They were late to breakfast, and went to go talk to Ciara Malfoy of all people. I didn't know when they'd stopped hating her, of course, but I was too distracted to really worry about it.

Unfortunately, everyone seemed above averagely busy for the rest of the day. Of course we had classes, but then after class Colette disappeared to work on her spell, and we had Quidditch practice. After that, James was off to bed Mackenzie for help on an essay, and Albus and Poppy always spent Friday evenings together. The only person who seemed available was Wren, but I found I didn't really know what to say to her, which was unsettling. It's not like I didn't think she'd have good advice, because I knew she would. She always did. I just didn't want her to try and make the best of it all, I guess, and that's what she always did. There wasn't a best here. I definitely didn't want to listen to her try to figure out what it was.

We did homework together until dinner. She only asked how I was doing once, and when I said "fine," she left me alone. She seemed a little distracted herself, but I can't say I minded. She hardly noticed when I left dinner early to get to detention.

When I walked into Haverna's office, she was sitting at her desk staring into space. I hesitated at the door for a moment, but she looked up, moving her head a little bit as if shaking off thoughts. "Astra, I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have told you that, about your father."

I shrugged. "It's fine," I said dully.

"No, it's not." She motioned to one of the chairs next to me, and I sat down. I hoped this counted as part of my detention. "I don't think you were ready to handle that kind of news. That wasn't the time, or the place, or the way you should have found out." She pursed her lips for a moment. "Will you forgive me?"

I'd been poised to say "it's fine," again, but I paused. Forgive her? It kind of felt like she'd ruined my life, and I hadn't even known I'd had anything left to ruin. I shrugged. "I... I don't know."

"That's all right. You don't need to, not yet."

She smiled wistfully. It almost felt like she didn't entirely hate me, which was weird. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat. "Can we just get on with detention? I have homework to do after this."

"Right, of course." Haverna stood up. "I think polishing trophies until 8 would suffice."

It beat reshelving books. I followed her downstairs to the trophy room, and acted like I'd never been forced to polish trophies before as she explained what I needed to do. Then she left, and I sighed and sat down on the floor. It would be a long night.

I'd gotten about halfway through one shelf, and was thoroughly hating my life, when suddenly everything seemed eclipsed by a peaceful feeling. Oh crap, I thought, then my alarm was washed over by the tranquility of not thinking. I sat there for a moment, not feeling anything except vaguely happy, then a familiar voice told me to stand up.

No, no, no, no, no! I thought as I stood up. The alarm was back. Good! It needed to stay! How could I make it stay? Even as I was trying to figure that out, it was disappearing, replaced by the voice telling me to drop the rag and the trophy and leave.

I stopped after a few feet. Why was I obeying this voice in my head? I had detention. I couldn't just leave.

Just leave, the voice whispered. I suddenly couldn't remember any reason not to.

I was vaguely aware that I was walking across the entrance hall, towards the Great Hall. I was vaguely aware that someone was reaching for my arm, asking where I was going, but I shook them off. I needed to do something. I didn't know what. It was very important, though.

I was in the Great Hall. The noise of students still eating and enjoying dinner was a distant rumble, hardly penetrating the peace in my head. I watched my feet take me to the Slytherin table, towards a blonde girl sitting near the end. That was someone I knew. My cousin, right? What was her name? Kara? No, Ciara. It was Ciara. And now she had noticed me, and was asking me something. From miles away I heard her asking if I was all right.

Now, raise your wand, the voice told me.

I froze. I can't do that, I thought back. That's my cousin.

That's no one, the voice snapped. Raise your wand.

No, I thought, even as my arm started to rise. I fought against it with all my willpower, but the voice seemed to be winning. I could see Ciara's face if I focused hard enough, staring at me with a confused and worried expression. Why wasn't I confused? Why wasn't I worried?

Cast Expulso, the voice said.

I don't want to.

Do it.

No!

Now!

I. Don't. Want. To.

Yes, you do! Was it struggling? I couldn't tell. My mouth was opening. I didn't want to do this.

"Expulso."

In an instant, the fog in my mind flew away, in time for me to watch Ciara block the spell, watch her disarm me, watch her stare at me in shock.

"What the hell, Astra?" she whispered

I was shaking. I was going to cry. I opened my mouth, then closed it again. People were starting to stare. I'd almost just murdered my cousin. What was wrong with me?

Ciara glanced around, then grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the Great Hall. There was Haverna, standing at the doors and staring at us, completely baffled. I brushed past someone on my way here. Had it been her? This wasn't looking good.

"What's going on? Astra, you're supposed to be in detention."

"Professor, could you give us a minute?" Ciara asked. She glanced at me, but I was too disoriented to even care enough about trying not to get detention. "Please? Can't she make up her detention tomorrow?"

Haverna considered us for a moment, then sighed. "I suppose."

"Thank you," Ciara said, before pulling me away.

She led the way as we twisted and turned through corridors, then finally she pulled me into a small hidden passage. "Astra, I think you were under the Imperius Curse." Her tone was slightly desperate. "I've seen you like that before."

I nodded, though I didn't know why. "I... Yeah. I guess..."

"Who did it?"

I shook my head. "I was alone, Ciara."

"Whose voice was in your head?"

I don't know! I thought. I just shook my head.

"Has this happened before?"

"It... It made me hex Colette. And break my own arm. And—"

"And throw a trash bin at Professor Edwards?"

I nodded. "It could've been anyone those times, but I was entirely alone tonight. I know I was."

Ciara groaned. "This isn't good."

"What?"

"I mean, I'm sure Wren told you about the night, first term, when we were patrolling and I suddenly just started acting mad." I slowly shook my head, now more than a little concerned. Ciara seemed surprised. "Wow. Guess she has more integrity than I gave her credit for." '

"What happened?"

"Right. Well, Wren and I were patrolling, and we bumped into Nico past curfew. And suddenly, I was hearing a voice in my head telling me to hit both of them. And I was stunned for a second, but I started arguing with it, and I quickly realized it was the Imperius Curse."

"Nico cast the Imperius Curse on you?"

"It wasn't his voice," Ciara said. "It was Sulcan's."

I blinked at her, uncomprehending for a moment. "Sulcan was here?"

"I don't think so. Wren and Nico didn't seem to see anyone around, at least."

"But then... How...?" I remembered standing in a dark hallway, late one night first year, and listening to Sulcan put Ciara under the Imperius Curse and tell her to kill James and me. She'd come out on her own. How had she done that? Wasn't important. She knew what being under the Imperius Curse felt like. I didn't think she'd have forgotten it quickly.

"I don't know." Ciara glanced around, even though we were entirely alone and I doubted anyone was around, or if they were, that they could hear us whispering. "I managed to fight it off, but... I still don't understand. You have to be physically present with a person to cast the Imperius Curse on them. I looked it up."

"Perhaps Nico is good at impressions?" I didn't see why all of this was very important, but it was distracting me, which was nice. "Merlin knows he's got a grudge against you."

Ciara shook her head. "I did think that, but now I'm not so sure."

"What do you mean?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she asked, "Did you hear Nico's voice?"

Did I hear Nico's voice? I couldn't remember hearing anyone's voice, once again. "I... I don't know. Maybe? I can't remember."

"What if the books are wrong?" Ciara leaned closer. "What if, once you've cast the Imperius Curse on someone, it creates a bond, of sorts. Because then Sulcan and Nico would be able to cast it on us from wherever they are."

I felt chills go down my spine. My heart dropped. For a moment, all I could do was stare at her. If only I'd heard a voice. Everything would make sense. "Is that actually possible?"

"I have no idea. I think it's the best explanation, though. There aren't spells or potions that make you do all the weird things you've been doing. And I don't think you're going mad. You had the exact same look on your face as when Nico Imperiused you fourth year."

"But..." I shook my head. "Why didn't I hear a voice?"

"Nico's good at obliviating people. I mean, he wasn't that good fourth year, where he could just erase the memory of his voice from your mind, but he might be now. I don't know how that would work." She shook her head. "I don't think that's the most important thing. If this is the Imperius Curse, you can resist it."

I shook my head. "I don't know how."

"Oh, please. I could do it first year, and that's when you started doing nonverbal magic, wasn't it? I think you can handle this. Besides, if this is Nico, he's not going to stop at something small." She glanced around again, as if we weren't in a secret passageway. "I don't know if Wren and Albus told you yet, but we found out Nico works for Stillens."

So that's what they'd been on about this morning. I did my best to act surprised, then when that didn't work, I nodded. "Right. That. They did tell me that."

"We heard him talking about having to do something big tonight. What if it was this?"

I frowned. "Okay, well, how am I supposed to learn how to resist it?"

Ciara seemed to think for a moment, then shrugged. "I'll help, if you want. I don't really know how to teach people things, but I can try."

"Really?" I found myself smiling without meaning to. "I'd appreciate that."

Ciara flushed. "I mean, you're my cousin. What else am I supposed to do?" She was smiling, too.

~~~~

Dear Father,

A lot has happened lately. I had another episode, tried to curse Ciara Malfoy. Actually, blow her up, I think. She thinks it may be the Imperius Curse, and has some theory that maybe once you've cast it on someone, it could make it easier to cast it again when you're not there? I don't know what to think. But she said she'd help me learn to resist it. And I want to do something. So maybe I'm not going mad.

Anyway, I'm sure by now you've heard something about this, but the Prime Minister's taken away the right to a trial. I'm obviously very angry, and frustrated. I just feel like I can't do anything. I mean, I can't. I can't do anything. I just get to sit here and watch the world fall apart around me.

I was ranting about it in Haverna's class. Elaine Haverna, my Charms professor? Anyway, she told me to stay after class. Basically told me not to make a fool of myself, not to draw so much attention, all that crap. She gave me detention. And she told me something. She said she shouldn't have. But...

Did you kill her parents?

I'm sorry,

Astra

~~~~

Question of the Day: Thoughts on this new connection between Haverna and Astra?

Answer: I have a lot of thoughts, but I'd rather hear yours than go on for 1000 words about my own reasoning.

Vote and comment! Please! I miss the interaction :(

~Elli