~Wren~

"Why would you say that?" Albus hissed.

"I'm sorry," I said. I didn't want to cry. I didn't deserve to cry. But I was blinking back tears anyway. "I was angry, and I wasn't thinking—"

"Clearly." Albus took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be getting upset with you. You're just not normally the one to blow up."

"I know." I looked down at my hands, twisting the hem of my sweater anxiously. I pursed my lips and balled my hands into fists at my side. "I shouldn't have let her get to me."

"You shouldn't have been trying to reason with her at all!" He closed his eyes for a moment, rubbing his forehead as if trying to get rid of a headache. "You know how she is. You know she won't think things through when she's upset. If you'd just given her a few hours to calm down..."

"I know. It's just... I don't think... We might not have a few hours." I glanced around the common room out of habit. No one was paying attention to us; I guess Albus and I whispering frantically in a corner after Astra had stormed off was not unusual, really. "She can't give in to her emotions like this. It's what he wants."

Albus threw his hands up in defeat. "I don't know what else you expect her to do, Wren. You're asking her to not feel anything. Might as well ask the tides to stop flowing, or the earth to stop revolving. You might have more luck."

"I know." I bit my lip. "Trust me, I know."

Albus sighed again. He was disappointed in me. I wasn't used to that. It stung. And I knew I deserved that, because I let Astra get to me when I knew she was lashing out from fear. I let myself hit her when I knew she was vulnerable. She would eventually calm down and feel bad for getting angry at me in the first place, whatever I'd done in response. But Albus would remain disappointed. So would I.

"Why does Stillens want her like this?" he asked after a moment.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" He sounded incredulous. And annoyed.

"I don't," I said, looking down. "I've pressed as much as I can. Last time I asked, Stillens basically told me to mind my own business or else. There's only so much I can find out, you know."

"It just feels like you could be trying harder."

"Especially if you're going to go around pissing Astra off yourself," Colette piped up. I hadn't even known she'd been listening; she had looked like she was asleep on the other side of the table we were sitting at until that point. Now, though, she sat up, blinking at us. "Can't really blame her for feeling isolated when you're telling her to go hurt someone and feel the weight of her own guilt, or whatever it is you said."

I pursed my lips. "Okay, I messed up. I get it. Can we move on, please?"

"No," Colette said, frowning. "You need to make this right."

"I..." I blinked. Make this right? How? "I don't know how to do that."

"Apologizing would be a good start," Albus said. "If you know how to do that, at least."

"What on earth is that supposed to mean?" I asked, frowning. "Why wouldn't I know how to apologize?"

Albus shrugged. "You never seem to have to do it."

"What? That's not true."

"I mean, other than with James... it kind of is," Colette said. She shrugged. "You're a little too much of a saint to actually go around offending and hurting people."

I tilted my head. "You're joking, right?"

"No?"

"That's literally what made me into the celebrity I am today," I said, rolling my eyes. "Going around and hurting people. It's sort of what I'm known for. Trust me, I know how to apologize."

"Not anymore," Albus pointed out. "Besides, that was different. That wasn't your fault." He held up his hand before I could argue. "Stop. You're changing the subject, anyway. What matters is that you hurt Astra, and you need to go make it right before she spirals anymore."

"Before she spirals anymore? As in, go right now?" I blinked at him. "She's really mad, Albus."

"I know." He raised an eyebrow. "That's how she normally is before people apologize to her. I suppose you'd know that if you'd ever had to do it..."

"I've had to apologize to Astra before!" I snapped, standing up. "Back off!"

Colette stood up, too, holding out her hands. A few people were glancing over at us now, and she glanced at them before looking at me. "Wren, calm down. We're just joking around, okay?"

I didn't want to calm down. They were annoying me, and I was already annoyed with myself, and frustrated, and scared. But I took a deep breath and slowly sat down. "I'm sorry."

Albus pursed his lips, then slowly shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be pushing this."

"I think everyone's a little on edge," Colette observed. "We should be focusing on Astra, you know. Not each other." She chuckled. "After all, Wren, it's not a bad thing that you don't piss people off a lot, you know."

I nodded, giving her a hollow smile. "I guess." A deep breath, then I stood up. "I think I should go make sure Astra's okay."

"Are you sure that's the best idea?" Colette asked. "I don't think she'll want to see you."

"I've got to apologize eventually, don't I?" I absentmindedly twisted the sleeve of my sweater. "And, I mean, if we got this rattled today, how do you think she's doing?"

Albus sighed. "Good luck. I didn't really mean it when I said right now..."

"Well, Astra needs someone right now."

"You're going to get screamed at," Colette warned.

I shrugged, the corner of my mouth turning up. "I've had worse."

She wasn't in our dormitory, which meant I had to backtrack down one flight of stairs to the bathroom we shared with the fifth year girls. I knocked, just to be prepared if she sounded angry, but there was no answer. Slowly, I pushed the door open.

Astra was standing with her back to me in front of one of the sinks. Her hands gripped the edge of the counter so tightly that they were turning white and her arms were shaking slightly with he effort. She was breathing deeply, deliberately. I couldn't tell exactly what she was feeling just by looking at her face. Lost, scared, confused, angry. For a moment, she met my eyes in the mirror, then went back to staring into her own.

"Astra?" I took a step forward, then stopped. There was the chance she'd ignore me, or try to duel me. Either was equally possible.

Neither happened. "Come to lecture me again?" she asked dully, not even bothering to glance at me in the mirror.

I shook my head, taking another tentative step forward. "No. To apologize. I..." I paused, searching for the right words. I knew she'd see through anything that wasn't quite true. "I did mean what I said, when I said it. As soon as it came out, though, I realized I didn't actually want that. I don't want you to hurt anyone, and I definitely don't want you to feel guilty for it. You can't control this."

Astra hardly reacted. I would have thought she was ignoring me, but she'd relaxed ever so slightly. "I got angry," I continued, "and I shouldn't have. I should have controlled myself, been there for you. I'm sorry. That I got angry, that I said that. None of this is your fault. I shouldn't have acted like it was."

Astra met my eyes in the mirror again. This time, she didn't look away.

I took a few more steps until I was just behind her. "Astra, I was being serious when I said that Stillens wants you to feel unstable, and isolated. And I know you can't really control that. You're reacting as well as you can. I guess I was approaching this wrong."

"What do you mean?" Astra asked, her voice hollow.

"You're unsteady and scared, and that's okay. That's natural. But..." I swallowed. "You don't have to be alone. That's what I should have told you. You can fall apart, but I'm going to be here with you every step of the way, and I'll be here to help you pick up the pieces. We all will. Just... please don't shut us out, Astra."

Astra had tensed up, and now seemed to be fighting the urge to either cry or scream at me. I watched her apprehensively as she slowly turned around, taking shaky breaths. She closed her eyes for a long moment and finally shook her head. "You don't understand."

"So help me to," I said softly.

Astra let out a sob, then stifled it quickly. "I... I don't understands either. I'm sorry..." She wiped at her tear-filled eyes, then glanced at me for several seconds. "I'm scared."

I nodded. "I know. That's okay."

"What if I hurt someone?" she whispered.

"I don't know," I admitted. Astra winced, and I reached out to put my hand on her arm. "I'll be right here, though, whatever happens."

The corner of her mouth twitched in the smallest smile as she wiped at her eyes again. "Thanks, Wren."

"I'm sorry I haven't really been here," I said, trying to smile back. "I've been so caught up with other things, and—"

"I think we've all got problems," Astra said, chuckling. "Don't worry about it."

I smiled. "I can't help it. You're my friend."

"Thanks," she said again, looking down.

"We're going to get through this," I said softly. "I promise."

~~~~

"Are you ready?"

I nodded, even though I wasn't sure. Haverna was sitting across from me, watching me seriously. Mr. Potter gave me an encouraging smile from the other side of the room, where he was leaning against Haverna's desk. I managed to return the smile, then looked back at Haverna and nodded again. "Yeah. I think so."

She nodded. "All right. I'm going to talk you through this as we go, but you need to concentrate. This is a very difficult spell."

"Okay."

Haverna lifted her wand and muttered something, and a shimmery mist settled around us. "You're going to pull out every bit of information in your head that is going to be put under the spell."

"Like pulling memories out?"

"Yes, similar to that."

I lifted my wand to my temple, then closed my eyes and concentrated. I'm a spy. I'm betraying my family. I'm part of the DA. Every memory related to that, everything in my head directly linked to that. All of it together created a complex mass of a secret, taken from every corner of my mind.

When I pulled my wand away, a strand of memories came with it. Except it was gold, instead of white. This wasn't just memories. This was the secret.

"Drop them into your hand," Haverna said. I did, and it felt odd. Like I was holding cold air, somehow, but it stayed in my hand, glowing brightly.

Haverna waved her wand over my hand. I could hardly hear the incantation she was saying. It sounded like Latin. The golden glowing mass in my hands seemed to follow her wand movements. It was beginning to spin in the same direction as her wand.

"Repeat after me," Haverna said. "Egotibi arcanum fide."

"Egotibi arcanum fide," I said.

"Tu es unic quie crevit hoc arcanum."

"Tu es unic quie crevit hoc arcanum," I repeated slowly, trying not to stumble over the unfamiliar words.

"Quidtibi usi facius illud."

"Quidtibi usi facius illud." I had no idea what I was saying. I'd have to ask Haverna to translate later from whatever language this was. Latin? Some derivative of it?

"Concentrate," Haverna whispered, and my thoughts snapped back to the present. Her eyes were closed now, and she seemed to be straining with the effort of performing the spell. "Just a little more. Petere ut mane fidelius."

"Petere ut mane fidelius."

Instantly, I felt a release, and the golden glowing stuff in my hand began to grow warm. Haverna let out a breath, and finally let her wand hover just over the glow. "Autem," she said, and slowly the gold began to spiral upwards, into her wand, like the water in a bathtub spiraling to the drain. The gold wrapped itself around her wand, then tendrils began climbing up her arm, across her shoulders, and up towards her head. Slowly, the golden glow in my hands was leached away until it had all been sucked up. When it had finally disappeared, Haverna opened her eyes. "I think it worked."

"That's it?"

Mr. Potter pushed himself off the desk and walked over to us as the shimmery mist surrounding us disappeared. "You're sure it will work?"

"I said I think it worked," she said, frowning at him. "I've never actually done this spell before."

"How can we check?"

"I suppose you could try to tell someone who doesn't already know."

Mr. Potter nodded, then glanced at me. "Anyone you trust?"

"Here?" I frowned. I never took the time to think about that. I was always focused on keeping the secret from everyone. "I mean... Rose, I guess. She's responsible."

"I'll try with her, then." Then he was gone.

I glanced at Haverna. "You've never done this spell before?"

"No. Never had a reason to," she said.

"I think it worked," I said softly.

"Oh?"

I nodded, glancing down. "It just feels like it did. Like the weight of it all is gone."

Haverna smiled. "That might just be because you want to feel that way."

"I don't think so."

"Well, I hope it did," she said. "If not, we might have to find someone else to perform the spell."

I nodded, the stood up and walked over to the window. We'd closed the blinds, just as a precaution, but I peeked out of them now, into the dark of a stormy night. We also had the door locked with four spells, a silencing charm on the walls of the room, and a dungbomb let off the corridor just outside (supposedly by Peeves). I was still a little worried of getting caught, though. Of connecting Professor Haverna to all of this in any visible way. I preferred people publicly think we hate each other still, especially now. Even though I didn't hate her at all.

"Thank you," I said, turning around. "I know you didn't have to say yes, and this is dangerous. So thank you."

Haverna shook her head. "Of course. I want you to be safe."

I smiled. "Yeah. Not a lot of people care about that, so thanks."

The door swung open just then, to a grinning Mr. Potter. "It worked!"

~~~~

"So it's done?" Colette asked as I sat down in the common room, about ten minutes later. I nodded. My friends exchanged a look, and I elected to ignore them. Let them be frustrated and not understand. I didn't care enough to argue about it.

"Well, that's good," James said, smiling a little too big. "Glad you'll be safer."

James hadn't been there when Colette, Albus, and I argued about this a few days ago. I hadn't really gotten the chance to talk to him about it, either, since Astra had an episode immediately after. That had managed to capture our attention, for some reason. With all the drama and arguing and fear that stemmed from that, James had heard about my decision to make Haverna the secretkeeper as an afterthought, when Albus mentioned it at dinner last night. Even then, we hadn't dwelt on it. I wondered how much acting he was having to do to appear supportive right now.

I smiled back at him and nodded, but my smile faded as I looked around the table. He was the only making an effort, currently. Astra was glaring at her Charms textbook (not necessarily an uncommon sight, but I knew she wasn't frustrated with the class right then). Albus was shaking his head slightly, shuffling through his astronomy notes so much that it was clear he wasn't looking for anything in particular. Colette rolled her eyes and went back to her book. For a moment, there was a tense silence, until Astra muttered, "I still think you could have picked someone better."

"All right, you know what?" I said, sighing in exasperation, "I don't—"

"No, Wren, you don't get it," Albus said, putting his notes down, just as Astra slammed her book closed and said, "She's a monster."

"They've got a point, really," Colette said, shrugging as if she were conceding a point and hadn't agreed with them the whole time. "You should have—"

"I should have?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Should have what? What would you know about any of this? Any of you? Nothing. You don't get to tell me what I should have done when you don't understand what's going on."

"I understand exactly what's going on," Astra snapped. "You just gave a woman who despises you complete power over your life."

Albus gestured towards Astra. "Exactly! I thought you were smarter than that!"

My mouth dropped open. "Excuse me? I—"

"Wren, why don't we go for a walk?" James asked abruptly, standing up and putting his hand on my shoulder. He smiled pointedly at me.

I did not want to take a walk, but I stood up anyway. After shooting a glare at the three of them (they were glaring at me, too), I let James steer me out of the common room.

As soon as the portrait hole had swung closed, James stopped, glanced around the empty corridor, then turned to me and put his hands on his shoulders. "Are you all right?"

I looked away. "This is a good thing. I don't get why they can't be happy."

James let his arms drop and shrugged, sighing. "I'm sorry. It's not fair."

I chuckled. "When is anything ever fair?"

"Good point," James said, smiling as we started walking again. "Really, though, I'm really disappointed in them. I mean, Haverna wouldn't have been my first pick, either, but I don't she's a bad one. I'm not upset."

"Were you?"

"Was I?" James repeated, tilting his head and giving me a confused frown.

"Were you upset? When you heard about it?"

Now James looked away. "I... A little, yeah. But then I thought about it, and it makes sense. And I don't think she hates you. I don't know why Astra and Al and Colette think that."

"Because she hates them."

"She hates me, too, so that's not a valid excuse," James said, rolling his eyes. "I guess she doesn't hate all my friends, though. Mackenzie and Colin love her."

"She's just strict," I said, shrugging. "She doesn't like the people that don't behave in class."

"That makes sense," James admitted, smiling sheepishly. "I'm not exactly stellar in Charms, if you haven't noticed."

"Really?" I asked in mock surprise. "Are you not? I thought you were an absolute angel for her."

He shot me a playful grin, then put his arm around my shoulders. "I've never been an angel for anyone."

"Well, then, I suppose that would explain all the trouble you get into," I said, giggling.

"Right?" James smiled down at me. "Am I being a good distraction?"

"A perfect one," I said, leaning into his arm.

"Oh yeah?" he asked. He stopped in front of a tapestry, then ducked behind it into a hidden staircase. "I think I can be a bit of a better one."

"You can?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

James's eyes were dancing with a smile. "Say I kissed you, would that do the job?"

"Maybe," I said. "Why don't you try?"

James leaned forward, cupping my face with one hand. I closed my eyes as our lips brushed. My heart was beating faster, now. My hands found a place on his shoulders as his combed through my hair.

Everything was perfect, and yet, on the outskirts of my consciousness, there was something bad. Dark. As my walls lowered to James, this darkness rose up, too, and flashed images before my eyes. Images of the dark, of fear, of Magnus.

I pulled back, breathing shortly and trying not to shake.

"Wren?" James sounded concerned. "Are you all right?"

I took a moment to answer. To breathe, to look around and remind myself that I wasn't in a dark dungeon of my uncle's manor, that the boy in front of me was someone I loved and trusted. I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry," I said, my voice barely a whisper.

"No, Wren, don't be," James said quietly.

"It's not you," I said.

"Then what is it?"

I opened my eyes again, but kept them pointed down. "I... I'm sorry."

"Hey," James said, cupping my chin and gently lifting it up. "You don't need to be sorry."

"I..." Why was this happening? I didn't want to be like this. I didn't want to think about Magnus every time I kissed my boyfriend.

James was frowning at me, and I thought I saw understanding slowly come into his eyes. "Is it Caldwell?"

I bit my lip. "Yes."

He closed his eyes. "That bastard."

"James..."

"I'm sorry." He shook his head, taking a step back, down. "I'm sorry. I should give you space. I shouldn't be pushing you."

"No," I said, reaching for his hand. "I don't want space."

"But you need—"

"I need you," I said, stepping down a stair as well. "I need to get past this. With you."

He looked down at our entwined hands. "I don't want to hurt you, Wren."

"You won't," I said softly.

He seemed unsure, still. I slowly reached up to brush my hand along his face, then lifted up on my tiptoes to kiss him softly. I felt his arms slowly snake around my was it as he gently kissed me back, then more passionately.

This time, when the darkness threatened to pull me away, I told it to heck off.

~~~~

Ciara and I's first patrol of the term was that night. I guessed I couldn't be surprised that Astra didn't notice Haverna's lack of hatred for me, when she also didn't notice Ciara's hatred (no excuse there for Albus and Colette, unfortunately). Ciara was more bearable now, though. I didn't know what had changed, except that we'd both simply become resigned to the fact that we were stuck together. A common enemy might have helped.

"We're going to get back at her," was the first thing Ciara said to me when we met up in the entrance hall. "I've had an idea."

I raised an eyebrow. "It's not overly cruel, is it?"

"I'm not overly cruel," Ciara said, frowning at me. "I'm not cruel at all."

I put my hands up. "Just making sure."

Ciara frowned at me for a moment. "All of the worst things I've done were Nico Jasper's ideas, okay? He's a psychopath."

"Okay," I said, shrugging. "You don't need to defend yourself."

"Clearly I do." Ciara glare at me, then shook her head. "Doesn't matter. I have an idea."

"What is it?" I asked, trying not to hold my breath. I had no idea what her plan was, beyond not being as obvious as punching Eris in the face (Astra had tried that fourth or fifth year, and it hadn't worked out well). She could suggest that we write her a strongly worded letter, or that we hex her food to turn into live bugs as it entered her mouth. I didn't know Ciara well enough to know what to expect. Sure, she'd threatened to hex me multiple times, and had done a few rather awful things to Astra, but maybe she was right, and Nico Jasper really had been egging her on. Ciara Malfoy on her own was a person I didn't understand at all. Weird how being completely hated by a person keeps you from getting to know them.

"I've been looking into Eris's family," Ciara said.

I groaned. "Don't tell me you want to start persecute her for bad things her family's done. That's just as bad as people calling you a Death Eater."

Ciara frowned, seeming a little unnerved. "It's nothing like that. Besides, that's not what I'm suggesting. Just listen, Predatel. Stop being so judgmental before you've even heard what I'm trying to say."

I made a point of closing my mouth and smiling at her, inviting her to continue. She simply rolled her eyes. "Right. Anyway, I was looking into her family and discovered something rather interesting. Do you know who Severus Snape is?"

I nodded, and bit down the urge to inform her that I wasn't stupid.

Ciara smiled conspiratorially. "I found out that he was her dad's first cousin."

My eyes widened. "Really?"

Ciara nodded. "It made me wonder why the Prince family doesn't make a very big deal out of it. After all, he was a spy for Dumbledore in the war. Clearly an upstanding figure."

"But... He wasn't a very good person. Everyone knows that."

"Exactly." Ciara raised her eyebrows. "I expect the Prince family never talked about him, even when people didn't know what an awful person he was, because his father was a muggle." She made a face. "I think they still buy into blood purity and all that nonsense."

"Oh." I had a feeling I knew what Ciara was suggesting, but didn't want to say it myself. It sounded like it might affect more than just Eris. Sure, maybe her parents were racists who deserved it, but this seemed a little extreme. "What exactly are you suggesting we do?"

"Simply let people know what heroic family lineage Eris Prince has. All out of the goodness of our hearts, of course," Ciara said seriously. "Severus Snape was a war hero, you know. Why wouldn't Eris want people to know she's related to him?"

"It might affect the rest of her family," I pointed out.

"They're blood supremacists," Ciara said dismissively. "They deserve it."

"People are going to merciless to her. Is that really fair?"

"Is the way she's treated us fair?" Ciara asked. "I'm not even just talking about patrols. She's been being horrible to people for years, now. She would get either of us kicked out of this school in a heartbeat, if she could. She deserves a taste of her own medicine."

I was wavering. Ciara could tell. I really wanted to do this. Eris Prince had caused so much pain to me and my friends over the past few years, and I desperately wanted her to get some in return. Maybe this was my desire for more powerful figures in my life to get their comeuppance, simply using Eris as a proxy.

"I... I'm just not sure this is right," I said. "Morally speaking."

Ciara stopped walking. "Listen, if you don't want to do this, we won't. We'll think of something else. But I really don't think this will ruin her life. I don't want to ruin anyone's life, even hers. No one will care after the novelty of it all wears off. It's not going to last that long."

"How long do you think it would last?"

"A few weeks, at most," Ciara said, shrugging. "I mean, there's a Quidditch match in two weeks. That'll be what everyone's talking about pretty quickly."

"What if she finds out we're the ones who started telling people?" I asked.

"She can't prove anything," Ciara said, shrugging. "We won't get in trouble. Besides, Severus Snape was technically a war hero. We could easily be doing this out of the goodness of our hearts."

I took a breath. This wouldn't do any lasting damage to Eris, except perhaps to her ego. That needed to grow smaller, anyway. It wouldn't be that bad. Besides, Eris might emerge a more compassionate and empathetic person. Stranger things had happened.

Slowly, I nodded. "All right. How do we start?"

~~~~

Why did this chapter take so long? This girl who's never kissed anyone had to write her first real kissing scene (also had to come up with the entire process of the fidelius charm but WHATEVER).

Random fact: My main age demographic is younger than me and that's wild, honestly. Almost half of you are 13-18 years old, which has always been my biggest demographic. The thing is, until January I was also in that age bracket. The fact that I'm not anymore is just weird. I know it's not a big deal, and 19 isn't old, but I've never written for an audience that's entirely younger than me. I'm just kind of used to writing to the level of what I like to read (part of why my writing has evolved; this series is the work of four years at this point).

Question of the Day: Whose storyline is more compelling at the moment, Wren's or Astra's?

Answer: I love them both, but right now I'm enjoying writing Wren just a little bit more. Astra is a little hard to write at the moment because she makes frustrating choices, and my logical brain has a hard time with a character that is far more impulsive than I am. It's been flipping back and forth though, depending on who is doing what. They're both currently spiraling, and you know I love writing that.

Vote and comment!

~Elli