Message from I.M.HERE
Omg LEM I'm freaking out I don't know what to do help help me I lost him and I don't I don't I can't even type right now and this text to speech thing is absolute crap and I just need a friend right now please I just need someone who isn't involved someone who doesn't know I failed and cried and and I lost I lost LEM I lost him and I can't I can't stop crying and I hate that I'm such a crybaby I need you to tell me things will be okay please I need things to be okay

I'm so sorry for ranting like that out of nowhere I guess it's the painkillers I still can't use my arms and I still don't know what to do sorry sorry I shouldn't be throwing all of this on you I just couldn't think of anything else and and all my friends they know and they look at my with such pity and worry and I don't want that I want to do something I want him back but I can't I can't move my arms and I feel so useless please please tell me it'll be okay tell me I'm good enough I just need to hear it please

I can't believe I'm doing this like you're a stranger you don't know me I don't know you or your life or anything and I'm just here crying and ranting and I hate myself and I hate that I don't want to burden my friends with this cause they're just gonna give me even more pity and I don't want that and you're just gonna pity me too or call me crazy or insane or absolutely nuts and that's okay maybe I am a nutcase I broke my arms again and ran after him and I'm I'm crazy okay yeah okay I'm crazy yeah that's fine I can do crazy I'm fine

I'm not fine I can't do this I feel so alone I've never been away from him like that what the hell is wrong with me why am I still crying and messaging you I just want all of it to stop I don't want you to read any of this it's pathetic omg how do you delete messages how do I stop the text to speech stop stop typing no stop I don't want to no stop don't

I'm gonna do something stupid and reckless or maybe just stupid idk but I can use my hands again so I can type again!! I can use my arms, so I can save him, I won't let them take him away from me again even if I get hurt and that's probably not what you want to hear but I don't know how to remove the messages so I at least owe you an explanation. And I'm scared. It's silly cause I'm gonna be a hero but I'm scared and I can't tell the others because we're not supposed to be scared but I can tell you right?? I know you'll have my back even if I'm scared. You're a good friend, LEM. I wish you were here to support me rn, to tell me things will be okay.

You're not responding to any of this so I guess I weirded you out which is understandable. I'm going back to others soon, and then we'll go save him. Can't believe I'm hiding away in a dressing room just to message you haha guess I really am nervous lol Sorry, I'll stop bothering you now. Gotta be a hero. Hope I can still be yours after this, too.

Katsuki had reread those messages over and over again in the days after his release. He had to stay a couple of nights in the hospital after his kidnapping to make sure he was okay. A bit of an overkill for some dehydration and hunger symptoms if you asked him but hey, he wasn't a doctor. The police had come to ask him questions, too. Yet none of that could keep his thoughts from going back to those desperate messages Izuku sent him in his time of need. When he was freaking losing it and needed a friend and Katsuki... Katsuki hadn't answered- How the fuck do you answer to shit like that?! If he'd been there when they were sent, if he hadn't been the one the League kidnapped-

No. No, he couldn't think like that. He had to get over it, had to erase it from his mind. The way All Might fought to save him, how he won and yet lost himself... The way Deku cried- Katsuki did that. It was all his fault. He caused all of it, he was weak and got kidnapped and forced All Might to his breaking point- He hurt Izuku. He hurt him and everyone else and caused the fall of the greatest hero in the history of Japan- of the entire world. And he... He just had to live with that now, didn't he? He just had to move on, with those messages sitting in his phone, with clips and videos of the fight being aired all around him-

Katsuki was expected to move on.

To live his life as if none of it ever happened.

How the hell was he supposed to do something like that?!

Why did everyone look at him with pity? Only to mask the hatred burning in their hearts? To avoid the sadness he caused, the hurt he brought others, the harm he spread to UA and the pro heroes and his classmates and Izuku. A loud and ugly sob broke free from his throat, tears running down his face as he stared into the darkness of his room. He was pathetic... Weak and pathetic and absolutely useless. How the fuck was he ever supposed to be a hero when all he could ever do was fuck shit up for everyone? When he was the one that had to be saved time in time again? Why had Aizawa even mentioned the dormitory system when Katsuki should drop out in the first place? When everything would be better for everyone if he just didn't-

"Oi brat! Time to get up!" his mom yelled, banging on his door. "You still gotta pack your stuff and the Midoriya's will be here at noon so hurry the fuck up!"

Right... He was moving into the dorms today. His parents had offered Deku a ride there, since Inko's car wasn't as big, so he'll have to face him too. Katsuki hadn't actually seen Izuku in person ever since the fight- the rescue, whatever. They parted ways in Kamino and Katsuki's mind had been spinning ever since. There was definitely something going on between him and All Might, although Katsuki didn't know what. He didn't have the energy to really think about it either, not with all those other self-destructive thoughts haunting his every waking moment. His dreams, too.

"Katsuki-!"

"Coming!" he yelling, hating the way his voice cracked, hoarse from the crying. Fucking hell. He quickly wiped away the tears, took a few deep breaths to steady himself, and darted to the bathroom in order to make himself look more presentable before any of his parents could see him. Packing up his things kept him busy all morning, so at least his mind was occupied with something else as he sorted through his stuff and decided what he'd take and what he'd leave. His peace of mind didn't last long though. The moment he met Izuku's dark green eyes, all of it came spiraling back to him.

"Thank you so much for driving me, uncle Masaru," Izuku smiled, still standing in the hall by the front door, beaming at Katsuki as the blonde came down the stairs with the last of his boxes. "Hi Kacchan! I, uh, I've been meaning to drop by- I just- Uhm, I wanted to check in whether you're doing okay, you know? After uh all that's happened and-"

"I'm fine," Katsuki snapped, instantly shutting him up. "This is the last of my shit."

"Great! I'll go put in the trunk," Masaru said, taking over the box. "We can leave after you've said goodbye to your mother."

"Yeah, yeah," Katsuki sighed, waving it off before making his way to the old hag's study.

"Oh, I'll join you! I haven't seen auntie Mitsuki in so long and I-" Deku ranted, quickly catching up to him as he talked. Katsuki suppressed a groan, forcing himself to keep a neutral face and not think about those awful breakdown messages or the face Izuku must've been making while sending them his way. He did let out a sigh though.

Yeah, this promised to be a long ass car ride...

xxxxx

Living in dorms with all of his friends was like a crazy fever dream. Izuku supposed that's what happens when you put twenty teenagers under the same roof and leave them practically unsupervised for a week before school starts up. Aizawa had said it was officially labeled as bonding time after a traumatic experience, and had warned them not to go overboard. If he had to step in during this week, he'd make their lives a living hell, and everyone had taken that promise very seriously.

Izuku couldn't help but notice Kacchan had stayed distant throughout it all, never really mingling with the class. Observing but never participating. Always looking so serious, so...troubled, in a way. Izuku couldn't help but worry as Kacchan made himself disappear in the background. He hadn't found the right time or place to speak up about it, since they were never truly alone here and everyone was still discovering where everyone's limits lay. Would Kacchan even want to talk about it with him..? Sure, he told Izuku he didn't hate him, but that didn't mean-

A knock pulled him from his thoughts, making him glance at the time on his phone. Huh, he wasn't expecting anyone to disturb him at this hour. It was already late and there hadn't been a lot of people left in the common room by the time he went upstairs to get ready for bed. Maybe someone was hosting a late night movie night or something? Iida would never approve of a sleepover in the common room though, not even if it wasn't a school night. But what else could it be? Izuku didn't remember anyone asking him to hang out this evening so... His eyes widened as he opened the door, staring straight into the red eyes of none other than Katsuki Bakugou.

"Kacchan?" he asked, surprised. Kacchan averted his gaze almost immediately, looking anywhere but Izuku as he stood there in silence, hands in his pockets. He was dressed in full black, which wasn't unusual. It made him match the darkness of the dimly lit hallway, its lights automatically dimming after a set time in the evening. It felt like the building was telling them to go to bed, nudging them to go to sleep as a decent hour instead of staying up all night. Of course anyone could still turn on the normal lights, but it seemed like Kacchan had opted not to. "What are you doing here? I mean, uhm, it's already late and I know you like to go to bed early so-"

"Can I come in?"

"Huh?" Izuku let out, blinking at the taller teen.

"There's something I need to tell you," he continued. "And I really rather not do it in a fucking hallway, so are you gonna let me in or what?"

"Oh, uh, yes, yeah, of course," Izuku stammered, stepping aside so Kacchan could get in, closing the door behind him. "Don't uh mind the mess, I uhm..."

Izuku trailed off when Kacchan's eyes locked with the various posters and figurines on the walls.

"Once a nerd, always a nerd," Katsuki huffed, making Izuku let out a nervous little laugh as he quickly cleared his bed so Kacchan could sit down. "You never did change, did you, Deku? The only thing that's different from back then is that quirk of yours."

Was that what Kacchan wanted to talk about? His quirk? Izuku felt his face go pale, all blood leaving his body at once, making him feel lightheaded. Had... Had Kacchan figured it out..?

"I didn't believe you at first, when you told me you had a strength based quirk. I thought maybe I was wrong, maybe I was talking to someone else after all. But then you showed up here, showed me that power of yours, and I couldn't deny the truth anymore," Katsuki continued, picking up an older All Might figure as he talked. "I guess talking to you has always come easy to me... And now that you had a secret too, I felt less guilty about hiding mine. But... Fuck. I just... I need you to know, so you can understand why."

Izuku had a hard time following what he was saying, what he was trying to tell him. The secret Izuku kept from him had to be One For All, his quirk, the powerful strength ability All Might had entrusted him with. He didn't understand any of the other things, though. Talking to him? They were barely even friends, only ever classmates who barely even talked to each other outside of training exercises. Then there was the other secret, Kacchan's secret. Something that existed, apparently, and Izuku wondered whether he was to somehow know about it the same way Kacchan seemed to know about his.

"I don't... I don't understand. What are you talking about?" Izuku asked, knowing there was no point in trying to lie or deceive Kacchan. The ash blonde could see right through him, he always had.

"You reached out to me and I didn't answer you, but that won't happen again," Katsuki said, putting down the All Might figure so he could turn around to face Izuku. "LEM stands for Lord Explosion Murder. It's me. I'm LEM."

It took a couple of seconds for Izuku to make the connection. When he did, blood came rushing back to his face in an instant. He stumbled back, flailing with his hands as he made some unusually high squeaks and other noises, yelping when his leg caught the bed and he fell over onto the sheets. All the while Kacchan stood there, frozen, staring at him with something akin to terror in his eyes. Fear? But why would he..?

"...So that's your reaction, huh?" he mumbled, hiding his eyes with his hair as he looked down to the ground. "Guess I should've expected this. I won't bother you anymore, so we can just forgot about it and-"

"No, Kacchan, wait, I-" Izuku exclaimed, grabbing his wrist in order to stop him from leaving. "I didn't mean to react that way, I just... Wow, this is a lot to take in."

Kacchan was LEM. Izuku had been talking to Kacchan about his most unhinged thoughts and ideas for months. What the actual fuck. And Kacchan... Kacchan called him his own god when knowing who he was, when knowing it was Izuku and- What the fuck?! Izuku told him everything! All of his feelings and thoughts and- And oh god, he sent him all those long emotional messages when Kacchan was kidnapped and he didn't respond because he was kidnapped!

"I felt like you should know," Katsuki said, also feeling uncomfortable in this conversation. "This doesn't have to change shit between us though. We could still...talk. Like before. Or not. It's- It's whatever, I don't care."

He cared though. Izuku could tell. He cared so much, and wow, he'd never imagined Kacchan acting like this because of him. But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. If he saw Kacchan as LEM, as the person online who cared and comforted him when he felt like he wasn't good enough and supported him and betad his fics- Oh my god, Kacchan read his fanfiction. Izuku was absolutely mortified. Even more so when remembering Kacchan actually called him a writer god. This would all feel like an elaborate prank if not for Kacchan's obvious sincerity.

"Don't say things like that!" Izuku called out, feeling tears well up in his eyes. And now he was crying, great! "I... I don't want things to change! I... You have no idea how upset I was when LEM stopped messaging me, when I lost contact with him- you. You were my best friend, Kacchan. You still are my best friend, and nothing can change that."

He let out a sob, staring at the ground as his grip on Kacchan slipped.

"Kinda pathetic I thought of some random stranger on the internet as my best friend, isn't it?" he shrugged, trying to laugh it off as he rubbed away some tears. "Guess that really shows how good middle school treated me, huh?"

Izuku's breath hitched when Katsuki suddenly pulled him forward, making him stumble into his chest as the blonde engulfed him in a hug. It was a hug, right? Kacchan was hugging him. When was the last time they actually held each other like this...? When had they grown apart as far as they had? Izuku supposed it didn't matter, not when the tears returned and all he could do was grab onto Kacchan's shoulders as he cried.

xxxxx

"Okay, what the fuck."

"Uh, good afternoon to you too?" Sero said, looking up from his place on the floor as Ashido barged into the room. Kaminari cheered from next to him while Kirishima leaned forward on the bed, controller in hand as he focussed on the screen. Katsuki looked up from the laptop on his lap, unbothered by who was winning or losing the game the others were playing. The squad had regular game tournaments like this during their hangouts, but they switched up the games often enough for it to remain fun and fair. Katsuki didn't always play, and right now he had better stuff to do than kick ass in some racing game.

"Hey! You're blocking the screen!" Kaminari screeched as she ran up to the bed, making Kirishima yelp, barely managing to dodge her as she jumped up next to Katsuki.

"What's got you so worked up?" the redhead asked, pausing the game for a moment as Katsuki closed his computer screen, knowing that whatever gossip was about to be shared was gonna be worth listening to. Ashido always knew how to get their undivided attention that way.

"Okay, who's got a crush on who? Spill it girl," Sero sighed, leaning back so his head was resting on the bed.

"Blasty, if you don't tell me everything, I will kill someone. I'm serious," she started, making him raise a brow. What the hell was she talking about?

"What's this gotta do with me, pink shit?" he asked, frowning. "If this is about my ideal type again, I swear to-"

"You beta for I.M.HERE, right?" she said, grabbing his shoulders, making him tense up. Having these touchy idiots break into his personal bubble like that still threw him off more than he wanted to admit. He'd never been fond of being grabbed or dragged or touched in general, but these people weren't the worst, so he was making an effort not to push away all of the physical affection.

"Oh, it's a fic thing, okay," Sero said, instantly relaxing and sitting back up again, reaching forward to take his phone.

"Girl, are you talking about the latest chapter of I'm Dying in your Eyes?" Kaminari asked, having the opposite reaction to Sero, who couldn't care less. The tapedispenser didn't mind it, but he just wasn't as into the hero fandom as some of them. Kirishima always felt a little awkward in these types of conversations, even after admitting he had a big fanfic phase in middle school. Katsuki supposed is was because he wanted to leave that version of himself behind, which was bullshit, honestly. "Because what the fuck was that?! The cliffhanger!"

"The cliffhanger!" Ashido repeated in agreement, finally letting go of Katsuki. "I'm going insane! I need to know how it's gonna end! Like how can they do this to us?! They're so evil!"

"The worst," Katsuki snorted. "Yeah, I read it. Cry and weep, losers."

"Bakugou!" Ashido whined, letting her head fall onto his shoulder as she clutched his arm from the side. "I'm dying here!"

"They're updating in another week, it's not the end of the fucking world," he huffed, shoving her off. He was open to more physical touch but enough was enough. It made him wonder what the hell he did to get stuck with such clingy idiots for friends.

"At least tell us if she survives," Kaminari begged. "She has to survive! She was finally gonna confess after this fight!"

"Dunno, does she?" Katsuki smirked, earning more whining noises.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Kirishima asked as Katsuki shrugged. He wasn't gonna deny this was amusing, even though they both knew he was gonna tell them everything in just a few minutes anyway.

"You're just as evil as that damn I.M.HERE," Ashido pouted. "And I thought we were friends! But you're just a big meanie!"

"And here I was, gonna have you let a sneak peak at one of the future chapters I'm editing right now," Katsuki sighed, acting as dramatic as they were. He took his laptop as they stared at him with wide eyes, holding it to his chest as if it was something precious- Well, it had been expensive, but that was not the point. "But I guess if you don't want to..."

"No, no, no, no! I want to! And I didn't call you a jerk!" Kaminari exclaimed, quickly scrambling up from the ground, trying to get onto the already crowded bed.

"Hey! I didn't call him a jerk!" Ashido yelled, and Kirishima took that as his cue to get up and grab a snack. "And I really really want to see! Please Blasty?"

"Oh, so now I'm blasty again?" Katsuki asked, listening to them beg and plead for another minute before giving in. "You just get an out of context scene, alright? I'm not allowed to show you more than that."

"Wait, you asked?" Kaminari asked in surprise.

"Well, yeah," Katsuki frowned, not knowing what was so shocking about that. "I knew you guys would be all over the place so I asked if it was okay if- Why the fuck are you looking at my like that?!"

"Oh my god, you really do care!" Ashido cried out.

"Kacchan truly is the best!" Kaminari agreed.

"I told you to stop calling me that!" he snapped, yet he opened up his laptop all the same.

"But Midoriya always calls you that and you two aren't even close or anything," he huffed. If only he knew... Izuku hadn't stopped bothering him ever since he came clean about being LEM. Katsuki didn't mind though, happy to help him achieve his potential in any aspect of his life. Just happy to keep him by his side in general, really.

"That's cause the nerd has been calling me that since forever."

"Oh, so he gets an exception huh?" Ashido grinned. "Sounds like you got a soft spot for-"

"One more word and I'm not sharing the spoilers with you," Katsuki stated. That quickly shut her up. Good. He sent them the scene through the squad's group chat after that, closing his laptop and putting it aside for now. He ended up taking Kaminari's controller and finishing the race in his stead as he read the snippet on his phone, squealing and giggling with Ashido as he did so.

"I really don't get what's so great about reading," Sero huffed as he smashed the buttons on his controller to boost his speed. "Reading comics is so much better."

"You're just too stupid to read something without pictures to understand it," Katsuki jabbed, leaning to the side a bit as he passed a narrow corner, effectively taking the shortcut and passing Kirishima at the same time.

"Fanfic is different from just reading though," Kirishima said, using his power up to make Katsuki slow down. "Ha! Take that!"

"You're gonna eat my fucking dust, shitty hair!" Katsuki laughed, also mashing buttons by now, shoving against Kirishima as he pushed back, battling it out on the ground and on the screen. "Also how the fuck is fic different then literally any other story? It's just the characters that aren't original."

"He's got a point there," Sero hummed. "Also, yeah, I like visuals, what of it? Having a block of text to read gets boring real fast if you ask me."

"You just ain't got no imagination, soy sauce face," Katsuki called out, leaning forward as he caught up to first place in the last second, taking the win as they passed the finish line. "Take that, losers!"

"What about fan comics though?" Kaminari asked, bending down to their height as Kirishima groaned and Sero whined about how unfair it was that Katsuki always won. "Best of both worlds, am I right?"

Huh... Deku could draw somewhat, so maybe... Katsuki hummed, making a mental note to suggest it to Izuku later. And if he didn't want to, well then maybe Katsuki could do the drawing. He wasn't bad at it so he could probably pull it off. Yeah, he could draw some of the fic scenes like- Like fanart. Oh my god, he was thinking of making fanart of Deku's fanfics. Wait, had anyone ever made fanart about it? They must have, right? And otherwise... Otherwise Katsuki will just have to be the first!