Proofreader: azzianna

Nearly three thousand years ago, Hippocrates, a physician in ancient Greece, once said a cool quote: ars longa, vita brevis, art is long, life is short. It seems that the meaning of the art that the doctor spoke of at that time and the art that we understand now probably have different meanings. Hippocrates' ars probably refers to knowledge, medical skills and technologies for curing disease. Studying and researching until death is not enough, while our lifetime is limited. Therefore, before dying, you should study and acquire a lot of knowledge as much as possible or you will just die being stupid.

Then you'll say I didn't warn you. You know? ok? That last sentence, I highlighted in egg color*. Haha.

* = to give color

Later, almost a hundred years ago, "life is short, art is long" became a popular quote in the ears of Thai people. Thanks to Professor Silpa Bhirasri, a great artist, father of Thai contemporary art, one of my idols had put a new spin on this phrase. Even though the meaning of the word "art" has changed, the gist of the phrase is still perceptive and inspiring. It is a reminder to realize the value of time. Artists' life only last for a short time but the art they create will adorn the world for a long time. As for who defined the meaning of the word art as well as the word life, it depends on each person's perspective.

As for the present, the year 2010, I am Peeranat (about my last name, please allow me not to reveal it, because I am being chased by many creditors). I would like to come up with a new motto to use as well, as the old one has been around for thousands of years. Society's values have changed countless times to adapt to the time. It fits the life situation that I'm currently facing. The thought that I hold onto and believe to be most suitable for me is:

If you want to have a short lifespan, come study Art.

[TN: 😮😧😂]

Although it has not yet been certified by the Royal Institute, I believe that the sentence I have invented is no less true than what those thinkers thought. It is  the truth that I realized myself. It also received confirmation and approval from my friends. Although they are not the ones who are knowlegable, the one who are awake, the ones who are joyful*, they are experienced people who have met the same fate. We agree that this is the truth, the eternal truth of nature. Life is short because you study Art. This sentence is so true.

If anyone doesn't believe, please come watch and listen.

[*พุทธะ แปลว่า ผู้รู้ ผู้ตื่น ผู้เบิกบาน Buddist terms: enlightened person (พุทธะ) is the one who is knowledgeable, the one who is awake (from ignorance by the power of knowledge), and the one who is joyful.]

It was now past 5:00 a.m. and I was still sitting with my back bent in a long hall with a high ceiling. My back faced the sky, I was in front of a 1x1,5 meter canvas. Those room are affectionately called the Shops of the Faculty of Fine Arts. If it's a sculpture classroom, it's called the Sculpture Shop. As for the painting classroom where I'm currently working, it's called the Painting Shop. But no matter which shop, the condition is not much different. Because all of them are wide rooms with hardly any space left for walking. Every square inch is filled with pieces of art, things that will become art, and things that used to be art.

There were the remains of ruins of a canvas frame, pieces of wooden frame, and a statue of a Greek God head rolling next to a Buddha head. Next to it was a broken cross near a sketch of Buddha Uma Devi. There were paintbrushes of various sizes scattered throughout the room. Some were stuck in cans of condensed milk. Some were in Ovaltine glass jars.

The gold-colored aluminum water bowl with Thai pattern isn't in good condition and is chipped, but it is still usable and useful. It can be used as a water ladle to scoop water into a thermos, hold soya milk in the morning, or even used to dip brushes. The galvanized plate that used to be a rice dish was now stained with dried paint. Painting stands, high and low, crowded together. Smell of linseed, smell of paint thinner, smell of oil paint spread throughout the room.

Gold-colored aluminum water bowl with Thai pattern

[T/N: you used this bowl for cleaning paint brushes, and then the next morning holding soya milk to drink? For real? 😱 Well, this might be one of the reasons Art people have short lifespan]

The neon lights shine bright. Five friends and I sat facing our works. In the center of the room was a low table and cardboard boxes arranged in descending order, covered with a black cloth. They looked like some rocks at the edge of a waterfall. On the table was a gourd-shaped ceramic vase. Inside the vase were four or five sunflowers and roses. Beside the vase, various fruits were arranged as if they were disorganized, including watermelons, bananas, apples, oranges, rambutans, and a dragon fruit cut in half that was snow white inside, almost the same color as the tablecloth. Because it had been exposed to the air for quite a while, I had to get a new one and change it for the third time and added three more rambutans for the fourth time. This would be the last time because the bag of rambutans was run out.

"Who the fuck ate them all? Son of a bitch! I curse your painting won't dry before 9 am."

Soft laughter and light cursing sounded from all sides because of my curse. In fact, eating like that is normal. But we would eat only when the work had finished. The feeling is like to give offerings to the gods, wai to the Phra Phum Shrine. To eat it, you have to bid farewell to the gods first. Having said that, if the table in the middle of the room had a pig's head, a boiled chicken, and some incense sticks, it would clearly be an altar table. Therefore, eating while the work is not yet finished is considered a sin, just as sinful as those who had finished their works, were now snoring loudly disturbing their friends' concentration in the back of the room.

Phra Phum Shrine (ศาลพระภูมิ) a shrine built to house the gods

The back of the room is separated by a long line of lockers. It's like dividing the room into another small room. We jokingly call it the soul-removing room. Because whoever gets in, they will be soulless, only a rough body remains. The real benefit of lockers is not used to store things but to save us from embarrassment when the professors come to class and some of us secretly sleep in there.

Therefore, this room is like a second home for art students. We study, we paint, we eat, we play, we sleep, and maybe we will die here.

"It's only been a month and a half since school started. My friend who made the resolution that this semester will be a new person. Be diligent and study hard, won't ferment work *, won't burn work**, where is he/she? Why are there only irresponsible people who let the grass grow under your feet? Or he/she has been dead. Life is short indeed, my friend.", a woman's sneering voice said, calling the attention and concentration of all people in the room to turn and look at her with wide eyes.

[* ดองงาน (lit) fermented work , (fiv) keep delaying something that must be done
**เผางาน (lit) burn work; (fiv) try to finish a job without care about the quality of it.]

[T/N: New year, new me. Bullshit!!! 🫠]

The girl stood in front of the door. Her long, wavy hair was pulled back into a loose bun. She was wearing high-waisted jeans and an oversized, short-sleeved school shirt which is the standard uniform. Both her hands had bags full of stuff. Guess it's probably food. And she answered by throwing those bags into the middle of the room where there was enough space. Those bags contained Patongko, grilled pork and sticky rice, fried pork sandwiches, and luckily the soybean bag didn't break.

When they saw the food, all the hungry ghosts threw away their brushes, left their trowels. Hungry, they crowded in and fought for food. So I did too.

"Can we wait for the sun to rise before giving a sermon at the temple in the morning? Ma'am, please ask me something more reasonable!" Chai, one of the remaining comrades who participated all the night, did not collapse and curl up, snore like many others, said, followed by the soft laughter from all of us, including Fai, a young female friend who was kind enough to buy food for us, also laughed, but still haven't lost her witty. Ai Fai is a young woman with a pretty face and a mouth like a razor blade.

She shared a rented house with friends from her alma mater, which was not far from the university. So she could ride a bicycle to the campus. And she was often asked to buy food on the day I was unable to perform that duty. It was as if Fai and I had been cursed. When a friend asks me to help buy food once, it means they would ask me to help them buy food forever. These bastards, what's wrong with them? They kept saying that they wanted sweet pork, shredded pork and no shop can compete with the shop in my area. This was the fate of me and Fai.

"Do good things to people, but not get appreciated. If I knew this, I wouldn't have spent another five baht. Ten baht is enough to buy rice for hungry ghosts like you to eat."

"Ee Dok*, you're complaining like this and still hoping to gain merit? Your faith wavers like turtle's head*. People like you won't get to heaven. You're going to go down to the deepest abyss with me." Another burst of laughter sounded as Green opened his mouth. The person who laughed the loudest was Fai. In fact, calling it an insult would be incorrect because this is the level of language that we normally use. Having to say that 'Ai Hia, Ee Dok'* is considered only a catchphrase . As for Ai and Ee must always precede the name. Sometimes I can be called Ai or Ee, depending on who calls me. And I call them Ai or Ee too.

[*อีดอก /Ee Dok/ old term of whore or slut
** ศรัทธาหัวเต่า (lit) faith like a turtle's head; (fiv) having faith or devotion that waver, like the movement of turtle's head. One's faith or devotion may be inconsistent or intermittent, influenced by personal circumstances and presence of suffering. ]

As for Green whom I was talking about, he was the person who described himself as the most เปรี้ยวเยี่ยวเล็ด gay girl on campus. He did not oppose the judgment of others. If you saw each outfit that my friend wore to school, you would understand. In addition to confidence and creativity, you must also have diligence and courage to wear them.

[* เปรี้ยวเยี่ยวเล็ด (lit) เปรี้ยว sour; เยี่ยว urine; เล็ด leak
It's used to describe someone or something with a bold and daring demeanor. It is often applied to fashion, indicating a stylish and avant-garde sense, or to a person's behavior, suggesting a modern, chic, or coquetteish quality. It is often use within the LGBTQ+ community.]

Every day, I had to wake up and go to school, do homework and submit them. I was almost exhausted. But my friend Green was like having a haute couture fashion show every day. I didn't know where he got his energy from. I really admire him. It's not just me, everyone in the faculty admires him. Even if other people think he is weird, for us, he is being himself. Some days he wanted to wear a wig or wear a skirt, so he did. Some days he wanted to dress up as a young cowboy and it's done. Or he could mix them up. In addition to creativity, Green shatters the idea of what and how which gender should dress. Awesome, right? Yeah he's my friend, my friend...

Aside from Ee Green, art people have their own style. Some people like to wear Morhom shirts. There are some young hippies. Some are into vintage style. There were all types. If you study art and you can't be yourself, then why do you study it? Right? We should have the freedom to learn, experiment, and explore ourselves to the fullest. Anyone wants to do anything, just does it. Anyone wants to dress up in any style, does it to the utmost. No one has ever mocked anyone. There is nothing strange in our eyes. Everything is creativity. Creativity is diversity. Diversity brings beauty. But because today he had to rush to do his homework and send it in time at 9 a.m. so Green didn't look very pretty. He had been wearing a simple, oversized black dress for three days. I was the same. It meant I hadn't changed clothes for three days, just not wearing a dress like Green.

[T/N: Honestly I'm not sure about Green's pronouns 😅]

Morhom shirt

"Why did you stretch your pussy this early to come here*? Go compete with the monks for asking for alms**?"

[*(fiv) Why did you get yourself up this early to come here? 😱😳😭
**ออกบิณฑบาต refers to the routine of monks go around with their almsbowl and make themselves available to the to receive almsfood in the morning]

"You are going to push me straight to hell, Green. I'm here to finish my work. Weird question."

"Oh, I thought your work was finished."

"If it was finished, then why would I have to stretch my pussy to come here, my friend Green? It's not finished yet." Ee Fai laughed loudly, drawing hateful glances from everyone.

"Your own work is not finished. But you still have the audacity to criticize me, Ee chocolate*."

[ช็อกการี /Chokkari/ (, ) a whore 🙄 ]

"I didn't criticize you. I criticized myself hahaha."

"Ee Pang, you go wake up Ai Q to help me scold Ee Fai. Check if his feet are cold and his body stiff, I'll call EMS. I came to see him several times and he was still in the same position. Is he dead?" Green said loudly. He nodded his head at a young man with long, fluffy hair who was sleeping soundly. That person is one of my closest friends, Ai Q.

"Check your own feet, no need to check anyone else's." Fai teased. "But he shouldn't be stiff, I guess, in this condition."

"Snoring so loudly to the rice field, no way he is dead. Only we have to suffer. I can't take it anymore. You, please wake me up at 9 am." Pang finished speaking and left the grilled pork stick and crawled to sleep under the frame of his own work, next to him was the body of Green's best friend, Gigi, already lying there.

"I can't take it anymore. It's been two nights and I've been knocked out. Thank you for the food." I told Fai while yawning until tears flowed. I took a big gulp of the soybean milk to finish off and say goodbye to everyone. Asked if I had just finished eating and went to sleep immediately like this, am I not afraid of having acid reflux? I would like to answer that I am afraid. But if I am going to die from acid reflux, then before I die, I would like to sleep comfortably for one night.

"Could you render thank you kiss, honey?" Fai winked, pouted her lips, and gave me a kissing sound.

If something was nearby, well, I probably would've thrown it at her. "What the hell? Bitch! Go eat with friends."

They burst into laughter. I staggered and lay down next to Q, then turned over to find a position that was as comfortable as the limited space would allow. I turned on my side, my back to the light. Use a good canvas bag to support as a pillow. Soon I was taken away and followed Q amidst the sounds of snoring, talking, cursing, laughing, and the sound of country music from an old radio, but at this moment, there was no sound that could disturb my sleep. Even if there is the sound of a lion roaring in my ear, I still could sleep now.

...

..

.

"Ai Peem! Peem! EE PEEM!!! Professor Napoleon is asking you go to the teacher's room"

"Right now, Chi?"

"Yes"

"Okay, I'm coming."

"Peem, are you free tomorrow evening? Go help the first-years prepare their cut-outs."

"In the evening, Pang? I should be free. What time do you want me to go?"

"Fuck you Peem, there's a club meeting this afternoon."

"Yes"

"Peem, P' George asked me to tell you that if you're free this evening, Stop by and see him at the sculpture shop. There's work to do."

"Yes."

Who is a public figure*? Me, it's me. Whether it's collective work or personal work, I am always ready to serve. There were only two things I lacked: money and consciousness. I stopped my hand that was sketching, placed the gray on the base, stretched and stretched to get rid of fatigue. Twist my neck until it makes the sound of bones or sinews crackling. If my parents knew that their beloved son's university life would be more grueling than SEAL training, would my Dad give me more one hundred or two hundred in pocket money?

[Public figure (คนของประชาชน), in this context Peem means he is an altruist]
[T/N: Who here does not lack money? 🙃]

I slept at 5:00 AM, woke up at 8 am, finished washing my face and brushing my teeth. Start presenting and submitting work at 9 am. The frame was even wet. It seemed like it had become normal for us to submit works before the paint was dry. But our professor didn't say anything. Perhaps he used to do this too when he was a student. Hehe! But not all professors understand. There were some extremely kind teachers. But there were also quite a few people who destroyed students' emotions and confidence.

[T/N: someone is kind to you and you say because they used to be like you 😂]

After the professor gave comments on my work and all of my friends'. By the time I was able to eat my first meal, it was almost 2 p.m. After I finish eating, instead of resting I must start working on a new work immediately. If you think I'm a hard worker, you're wrong. I rushed to work because the deadline was right at my throat.

This semester, I took a total of five subjects, not including one general elective that I took from another faculty. Each professor gave orders every week. Some people had to do two works a week. Even friends who were extremely responsible complained that the professors gave us a lot of work, let alone an irresponsible person like me. I did it on time and I went crazy. Don't call it irresponsible. It's frustrating. It's better called having problems with time management. Haha.

Or in other words, waiting for artistic inspiration to come. If it doesn't come, then you can't work. You don't have any ideas, you have to be close to the deadline and it is going to be fun. This left me with a painting class that I still couldn't figure out what to do. It just happened that my friend invited me to go drink first. Would people with the foresight like me reject it? I thought that the pub might give me some new ideas. I believe that creativity and inspiration can be found anywhere. Except when we want to annoy someone. Therefore, I left both collective work and personal work behind and went out to drink alcohol to search for ideas.

It was considered a celebration of ourselves. This morning, we submitted our works and it went smoothly with everyone getting an A. Hahaha, just kidding. Many people got A's. One of them is Q, as usual. He deserved his nickname Q Maestro. As for me, I got a B plus. I didn't care what other people thought, but when I saw the score and immediately believed in something sacred. At first I thought I wouldn't even pass. Don't talk to me about knowledge, determination, talent, skills. They're nonsense. I got a B plus. Because I'm on top. Top on top. Though I hadn't started the new work yet. I didn't know if the ghost or the angel who had helped me would curse me or not. But I would definitely work on it, don't worry. No need to come and demand. I will take care of it today.

[azzianna : 😏
  Me: oh, you got me 😂. No one gives a comment so I don't know if any one notice.]

That's it. After submitting work, my friends and I often celebrated at a pub. Even though we were drunk almost every day. It's just that if the work is finished on the day, it will be a little more special. So we went together to Chalong Phakdeevijit*. Are you laughing? If you're not, just ignore it.

[It's colloquial language meaning to celebrate (ฉลอง/ chà-lŏng/ to celebrate)
​Chalong Phakdeevijit (ฉลอง ​ภัคดี​วิจิตร), is a Thai film director and television drama director, is praised as 'the godfather of action movies'
The author intentionally misspelled the word ภักดี as ภัคดี​, same pronunciation (pak) but different spelling. This is a widespread spelling error in Thai. Recently, there are some Thai language teachers and language experts working to raise awareness about the correct usage.]

We hung out together comfortably. Although there were still unfinished works piled up. But it's our life, stop worrying. We can choose to work hard or to pretend to forget. Of course I chose the latter. Even the Greek doctor and an art professor said that life is short, so don't be worried for too long. It's a waste of time. Hurry up and drink alcohol and cheer up.

We started at the Mu Kratha restaurant and finished at a pub to sit and chill at as usual. This pub is surrounded by friends and fellow art people. Some of them were students from related faculties, like architecture students.

This pub is called "Chinlapa". It is a small outdoor dining space with a warm, somewhat stuffy atmosphere. The owner of the pub was a senior in my faculty. He said that the name of the pub has a distorted sound and comes from the word art (Sinlapa). I don't know how he came up with this word but the important thing is that it's not the words that are distorted but it's P'Euay, the owner of the pub. He is nuts.

[T/N: 😯😂 P'Euay is a typical art person.]

Although opening a pub, the owner was sitting and drawing. Besides selling liquor, they also sell art supplies. Open almost twenty-four hours, even more than one-stop service. Q came to find a special benefit, a young night singer standing under the neon lights at Chinlapa restaurant. He was not about having love for music or being in need of money. Just looking for free liquor. P' Euay made use of my friend very well. Some days, if an employee takes unannounced leave, Q also has to put down his guitar and fry chicken tendons.

[T/N: See, he isn't nuts.]

As for the name Euay, it's a nickname given to him by a friend. What his real nickname is, no one knows. This nickname was earned because he is sluggish, slow, and indifferent like any other dog in the world. Otherwise, why was he standing and smoking, looking up at the moon while the pub was full of customers like this?

[เอื่อย /èuuay/ slowly, unhurriedly]
[TN: 😅 He is an artistic soul.]

In fact, when we enrolled at this university, P' Ueay had already graduated many years ago, but there were few students in the Faculty of Fine Arts. Even though we're not close, we almost know each other. Or even if you don't know them, if you know they're your seniors or juniors, you'll be ready to rush in and find them. There were a few pub that we like to go to. When we found out that we are seniors and juniors in the same faculty. And even more, Q came to do special work here. P'Euay and we became close naturally.

"Professor Po has another job for you?" Q asked while standing in front of the store smoking a cigarette. The sound of seventeenth-era international music combined with the chatter of people in the pub could be heard through the high Korean banyan tree fence, overflowing all the way to the outside. Q and I came out to wait for three other friends who were coming to join us. Taking the opportunity to breathe in the toxic air into our lungs. As for the three said friends, they were not fellow faculty members but they're friends from the same high school as me and Q.

"Oh, you were asked to help set up the graduate senior's work that was going to be donated to the school."

"So, has your own homework finished yet?"

"Not yet, but I'll go help them first and then I'll hurry back and continue. Just a bit. Just go help carry things. Just help with work."

"And then go get more work from P' George. Are you afraid that you won't die before you have sex? Dude, just tell him that you have your own work to do as well."

"Did ghost tell you that*? You know everything." I asked with a laugh. "It's not a lot. P' George asked me to help with a little work. He used to help me. So I don't want to deny him."

[*พรายกระซิบ litteral means ghost whisper. It means ghost/spiritual advisor gives someone information about someone else or an event.]

"Don't want or don't dare?" Q exhaled all the cigarette smoke like he was displeased. He looked at my face for a moment before turning his eyes in another direction. Then he leaned against a nearby lamp post "You don't have to make that face to trick me. Do you think that if you drop your eyes like that, I'll stop scolding you?"

"What the face am I making? I'm always like this." The corners of my eyes are dropped since birth. I didn't do it.

[T/N: Peem has puppy eyes? So cute! 😍]

"Meddler! Helps everyone everywhere but can't help himself. Every time I talk about it with you, I get annoyed. It's your business, then. I'm too lazy to tell you."

"Are you worried about me? Q, Oh, I'm touched" I teased.

Q immediately flicked his eyes and looked disdainful. "Why the fuck do I have to worry about you? I'm afraid you'll die and my playing card circle will lose a leg." Uhm. Just like that, while Q and I were standing there talking, suddenly a bright car light shone in our eyes, causing Q to curse. "Turn on your high beams to look at your father? You bastard." After cursing, he dropped the cigarette butt, turned around and walked into the pub. He didn't wait to hear the laughter from the person who had just pranked us because he knew exactly who did it.

A pearl white BMW slowly moved closer. Then the driver rolled down his window, greeted me in a good mood "Are you standing here waiting for someone? Are you waiting for me? How much per hour? Would you like to go with me? I'll give you two thousand.'' When the driver finished, the other two people in the car burst into laughter. I let out a shaky breath and pretended to take off my sandals to throw at them. They screamed. Quickly close the window and drive to the parking lot.

They are the friends I've been with since secondary school.

They are friends from secondary school who always like to join new friends in my Faculty if there is a chance. Especially the guy who asked me the price just a moment ago. Tan is a person who is always ready to jump in and make new friends. Then he acts like a magnet and draws everyone to get to know each other. It stands for good-naturedness. Many of my Art friends are delighted with him. Especially Ee Green and Ee Fai. I really want them to see the evil side of him. I guarantee they won't like it.

The other person wore a full student uniform but wore socks and sandals that cost ten thousand baht, that's Chan. It's a good thing he didn't wear a tie to go to the pub. And the last one wearing pajamas, moonwalking, is Pan. He's the kind of person...uh, ah, uhm, nevermind, hahaha.

There are five guys in our group. We've been together since Mathayom 1. Needless to say, at present we know each other's good side and dark side, to the extent that we have decided never to part from each other. Love or not, we only thought that everyone must take the admission exam at the same place. Luckily, hell doesn't want us to separate. So we're all lucky to be stuck together here.

[Thai school system: Lower secondary Mathayom 1-3 (equivalent to Us grade 7-9) starting at the age of 12; Upper Secondary divided into general (Mathayom 4-6 -> US Grade 10-12) and vocational tracks.]

Tan is an engineering student. Chan is an Dental student. Q and I study Fine Arts. As for the last one, Pan studies in the Faculty of Political Science. His ultimate goal is to join the Penguin's group as the Prime Minister. (Look for the connection yourself because I don't understand it either.)

[Pharit Chiwarak, nicknamed Penguin, is a Thai political activist, Thamasat University student at the Faculty of Political Science, and one of the leaders of the 2020 Thai protests, via the United Front of Thammasat and Demonstration group.]

Since attending university for more than a year, we are now in our second year. Even though we have gone our separate ways and have new groups of friends and new communities circles, we still meet up every weekend. Or if possible, try to do more than that. Though, most of the time, it's not very possible. Each person studied hard like they were receiving retribution, especially Chan.

As for Q, the person was sent from hell, I met him every day. I had known him for eight years until I started to feel sick of him. He starts smelling like stinky shit. Our friends at the faculty liked to tease us that the two of us are like husband and wife. We were stuck together all the time. Let's just say that real husband and wife cannot be together as often as Q and I do. Pan used to sit in meditation and said that I and Q were Rama and Sita reincarnated. So that we could never be separated. Uhm...if that's true. If my life really had to end up with someone like Q, I would have let Tosakan take me from the first chapter.

T/N: But who is Rama and who is Sita??? Answer me!!!!!

*The Ramakien is a tale about good triumphing over evil following the battle between King Rama and Tosakan, the King of the Demons. Tosakan falls in love with King Rama's queen, named Sita. He kidnaps her and takes her to his palace in Krung Longka in hopes that she will fall in love with him. Naturally, a magnificent battle ensues as King Rama tries to save his queen. Although Tosakan has a powerful demon army and evil magic spells at his disposal, King Rama has Hanuman (the god-king of the apes) who leads an army of both monkey and human warriors, helping King Rama defeat Tosakanth and win back Sita.

"Do you want to order anything more? Do you want anything to eat, Peem?" Chan asked after sitting and looking at the food menu for a while.

We took a separate table because the three of us hadn't eaten yet. Moreover, the art table was almost full. But Ee Green and Ee Fai enthusiastically shouted at us that they could let Chan and Tan sit on their laps. Tan never disappoints us. He joined the group and pretended to sit on those bastards' laps, calling out loud screams like a playful person would. As for Pan, he stood over there, getting lost with P' Euay. Standing there, looking up at the sky, looking at the stars. P' Euay, I could understand that he might be in the mood of an artist. But Pan, what was wrong with you? Why are you standing with him? I saw that and got a headache.

"I won't eat. You guys order for yourselves. I've just eaten grilled pork. I'm full." I said.

"Then later when we drink, you'll definitely throw up."

"Who is this? This is Peem. Don't think that everyone is as fragile as you, Tan."

"Oh, I forgot that I was talking to a copperhead*." Tan laughed out loud. He turned around and asked Q to fill up his glass. Joe at the back table asked if anyone wanted to order anything more. But Q didn't care because he was having fun teasing people.

[คอทองแดง (lit) copper head, (fiv) a heavy drinker.]

Not long after, some simple dishes and snacks were on the table. Chan ordered food for my friends at another table as well. All the hungry artists said thanks. While the bastards were eating I was also responsible for making liquor (mostly brewed for myself) and went to drag Pan back to his seat before he was about to Hyde Park on the table at the urging of architecture guys.

[ไฮด์ปาร์ Hyde Park, a term that Thai people use since 1957, means a speech by a politician]

"Guys, I have a problem. I want to discuss it with you." Tan suddenly spoke up. The four of us all turned to look. But until then, except for the expression of embarrassment and rolling his eyes looking at this person and that person, Tan didn't say a single word.

"Oh, will you say that or are we going to consult through telepathy?" Q urged, but Tan just glanced at our faces and decided not to speak.

"Huh, nevermind."

"Oh, what's wrong with you? What's wrong? Open your heart and tell us everything. Peem will fell asleep soon."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"It's related because you're nosy. I think you'll be awake all night. Definitely can't sleep. The nosy gland were stimulated but were cut off in the middle of the session."

"Wait, my heel is going to stimulate your eye socket a bit, Dent." Dent is the nickname we call Q. He got this nickname when he was in Mathayom 2. The reason was because of a prank in science class. Wrap a plastic bag around the tip of a branch and set it on fire. Swung back and forth in the air, causing pieces of plastic to fly off like sparks. And some of it fell down and hit his eyebrow. How lucky it didn't get into his eyes. This caused his eyebrows to still have faint scars left until now.

"Oh, I'm so scared. I'm scared." Q stuck out his tongue and rolled his eyes at me. He gave a toast and ran to another table.

"What's the matter? Or fight with P'Ten again? The two of you have been fighting since you were two years old. Aren't you fed up?" Chan asked jokingly. The person in question shook his head lightly, put a french fry in his mouth, sighed before speaking in a slow voice.

"No, never mind, I'll tell you later." Tan replied dismissively.

I made eye contact with Chan. We both shrugged. Then Chan reached out his hand and gently patted him on the shoulder and invited him to change the subject. When a friend isn't ready to tell, then we will not put pressure on them. Don't urge him, it'll make him more stressed. As for Pan, he sat with his chin resting on his hand, his doe eyes looking at that person looking at this person.

"What else is wrong?" I asked, laughing at my friend's condition. Pan is a person who can make you laugh just by seeing his face. Laughing for no reason.

"I know what you're going to discuss." Pan stared at Tan's face and took a large gulp of liquor.

"How do you know?"

"There is nothing that I don't know." 🤣🤣🤣

"And do you know that you got your shirt inside out?"

Chan and Tan almost choked when I asked. As for the owner of the penguin t-shirt with the seam on the outside, he just smiled absentmindedly.

[T/N: 🤣🤣🤣 Oh my jaw hurt from laughing too hard]

"I want to burn down the dean's house, huh!"

We were stunned for a moment then burst into laughter together until everyone turned to look. Pan wanted to change the topic of our conversation, but he didn't do it in a subtle way. And every topic that he thought and said was never normal at all. As soon as you get together, you'll probably see that and get to know him better. But once you know him, understand him is another matter.

"Why do you want to burn down the dean's house?" Tan quickly asked. From his tense state, he seemed to be in a better mood immediately.

"There are only stairs in my faculty. There is no ramp for wheelchairs. My friend is in a wheelchair. I sent the matter many times, protested in front of the teacher's room, distributed leaflets all over the faculty, but they're still quiet and haven't come to make them. I'll send a lighter and gasoline this time. What do you say? My idea is good. I'll solve the problem on the spot."

[TN: 😮 Every one should have a friend like Pan]

"Brilliant! My friend is amazing. So when are you going to burn it? Do you have a day yet?" Damn you Tan, don't encourage him. Hahaha. What if he actually does it.

"My birthday"

"Okay, in a few months? I will have time to prepare the bail money." This guy, Chan, is truly a supporter.

"No need for bail money. Who would dare arrest me? I won't go to jail. Things like this have to be looked at with intent."

"Commit arson, you bastard, what else are you waiting for? But you chose the day very well. I'm rooting for you, always rooting for you, dear friend." I patted Pan's shoulder, giving him another boost of encouragement. Even though I know it's a joke, I knew that Pan would really find a way to solve the problem and help that friend. Just like he's always does.

Late at night, we helped put the tables together until they almost extended outside the restaurant. We drank and ate until almost 11:00 p.m. Everyone started to get drunk. The later it got, the more drunk we were. The more drunk we were, the more fun we had. I didn't know where my friends seemed to find funny stories to tell. I laughed until I was tired. Q went up to sing and play the guitar and came back. Pan was drunk enough to think that he could discuss art and politics with Neung's gang, only Joe could make sense of it. He is a genius! As for Tan, he turned on his charm with Green and Fai. Teasing each other like a dog teases a chicken*. As for Chan, he sat and smiled, sitting quietly next to me, drinking. Looking at his condition, he probably was the driver who took those two people back, so he couldn't drink a lot.

[*หมาหยอกไก่ a proverb that means a man flirts a woman in playful manner.]

After 11:00 p.m Pan, Chan, and Tan asked to leave first in the midst of my friend's mourning. Tomorrow morning, Chan had a test. He needs to go back to study. Q and I had to help lift Pan and carry him to the car. And then it was as expected, Tan didn't have enough sense to drive. So Chan had to be the driver as usual. Tonight they would have to sleep in Chan's condo in Sathorn.

Meanwhile, Q and I walked back into the shop. It was at that moment that a group of fourth-year seniors walked in. Looking at their condition, they probably drank from somewhere else and ended up at this pub. We said hello and wai to them as usual. And then there was an older man who looked like he was quite drunk and walked up to the table to clink glasses with us. At first it seemed normal. After a while it started to feel strange. I noticed that my female friends looked uncomfortable, but because of the music and I wasn't sitting next to them, almost in the middle of the table, I couldn't hear what they were talking.

"Hey, little one, let's clink glasses ."

In addition to taking the liberty to call me little, that senior also leaned over and stretched his arm across Mook and Fai to clink glasses with me. Fai quickly leaned back to evade his hand and make an expression of dissatisfaction because his arm almost touched her chest. The male friends at the end of the table stopped talking and turned to look at him.

"When you were a kid, you didn't drink mother milk enough, right? It's a must. You should worry about it. It'll hard for you to find a girlfriend. Women don't like short men.

[T/N: 🖕]

Nosy is the only word that popped into my head right now. Most of the seniors in my faculty are good ones. Always helping and giving advice to the younger generation. But some people have a bad nature, like this one. He thought he went to university before us, so he is superior. He thought that he could use his seniority to obligate his juniors in any way he wanted, like a คนเก็บกด. In life, no one respects him, so he tried to gain it from his juniors. It's pathetic.

[คนเก็บกด refers to someone who restrains or suppresses their emotions, thoughts, or opinions, choosing to keep them inward for various reasons like fear, shyness, a desire to avoid conflict, or being pressured by something or someone. Is there an English term for it?]

"Then how do you know that I like women?" Those were the words I said.

T/N: 👏👏👏

Learned to be brave, I'm not afraid of anyone. Let me tell you first, I wasn't amused by this senior's words, but I still pretended to smile stupidly and clinked my glass back. I didn't know if this bro was smart enough to know that no one would laugh at his words.

"Wow!" My friend laughed. Fai secretly gave a thumb up. But the senior guy didn't seem to notice. He continued to babble.

"You don't know anything. It's hard for short men to find wives."

My business, you bastard.

"It's not difficult. Height isn't as important as personality. Peem is cute, everyone likes him. Fai likes him too. If I didn't think of him as a friend, I'd already have approached him."

"Really? Nong Fai is so strange. Normally, women like tall men. Men have to be taller than women, right? Otherwise, when we walk together, he'll be embarrassed to death."

What the hell is he? Who the hell is he? If people's weight and height cause that much of a problem, then just die, don't waste the world's resources. And does anyone care about this matter? He is the one who determines how tall a woman should be, how tall a man must be, who should be taller? I curse him to the deepest pits of hell, falling into Dante's Hell is even better. Because these people probably don't know how many hundred thousands, how many millions of people are suffering just because of their appearance does not fit into the beauty standard that no one has established. One of them is me. It's me. Damn it, I said it and I stood up. I stood up.

[azzianna : very well said... as a short person, I'm standing up with him!!!
Sprite: as a person who used to be body shamed, I'll join you!!!]

I can't remember when I started to feel insecure about myself. Maybe when I was in elementary school. It's just that I didn't know what the feeling at that time was called. I had never been directly teased, but it seemed like I was slowly absorbed by everything around me, including my family, teachers, books, TV commercials. Those images that I saw so familiarly made me understand that normally, men have to be tall to be good. At least he must be taller than the woman he dates. If he doesn't, it will look strange.

When I became a teenager, the more I felt that my own body was a problem. It's a time when you're caught between wanting to be yourself and wanting to be like the majority, wanting to rebel and wanting to be accepted at the same time. An age when the opinions of those around us have more influence on us than we might imagine. I started caring about how other people saw me. What would they think of me when I am different from society's standards? It could be called an emotionally fragile age because there were many things I still didn't understand.

Sometimes it was family members who made me feel that way. Even though they probably didn't mean to. But being frequently asked by relatives "Will he grow taller?", "Why don't you drink a lot of milk?" or "You won't get taller? Women won't like it. It's quite disturbing, it will be difficult for him to find a girlfriend." Those words became a sharp knife that sliced away little by little the love I should have for myself.

I am not a man whose body fits into the beauty standard. The standard set by someone I don't know. I like my face but hate my body at the same time. Many times I accidentally compared myself with my friends and often ended in sadness and heartache because there's no way I can be like that.

[T/N: I feel your pain Peem. 💔]

I was troubled by the fact that my same-age-female friends were taller than me. I became insecure about myself. I didn't dare build a relationship with anyone because of fear of being rejected. What kind of woman would like a man who is shorter than her? Those thoughts kept repeating in my head. I thought I was not worthy of any woman. My body insecurities led me through adolescence where I never had a girlfriend, although deep down there may have been more reasons than that. That made me not dare to flirt with women. But I was not yet ready to explore other causes.

I'm not any taller now than I was then. Just a few months out of my twenties. But when looking back I thought I learned a little bit. At least now I'm not worried about my body. Looks as good as before so I couldn't help but regret that if at that time someone told me Don't think too much. No matter what people think of you, it doesn't matter. Because it's not important at all. Just love yourself. Or if someone could help explain to me the differences and diversity, that everyone has beauty in their own way. If someone told me that I could love myself while appreciating others, at that age I might not have had that kind of pain.

Learning through your own experiences is good but if there is an adult to give advice, it might be better. But, life is probably like this. You have to be stupid and hurt sometimes to add spice to your life. But even then, I still want to hug my younger self for once, then tell that person that it's okay, one day everything will be ok. One day I will learn and grow. One day I will love myself. I love myself so much that no one can hurt me. Even this damn senior. You come here.

"I don't think Fai is strange. My boyfriend is shorter than me. But there is no problem. We love each other very much. I don't see any problem." Ai Pang said in a cheerful voice. But her eyes were serious and her mouth was not smiling.

Finally the senior guy ran away and went back to his friends. I didn't know if it was because he knew he was not welcomed or he just felt like he couldn't use his seniority to obligate this group of juniors. He walked back to his friends but he still bragged loudly about his artworks like he's a big artist.

"Such a dog mouth." Ai Pang said angrily.

* ปากหมา literally means dog mouth, a person who like talking and often says things that offend others. Oh I'm sorry, as the name suggested, they don't say, they bark.

"Conservative, very secretive, Ee Dok. These days, who cares about height and weight? He really gets on my nerves. What a pain! Don't tell anyone that you study at the Faculty of Fine Arts the same as me. I'm embarrassed that I have a stupid senior." Ee Green said angrily.

Fai turned to me and patted gently on my back, while Gigi rushed over to lean on my shoulder. I pretended to shake it hard until she screamed and cursed me. The lights flashed, so I screamed at it sometimes. The atmosphere that had disappeared was refreshed and filled with laughter like before that senior had appeared.

Q, who had just returned after talking with P'Euay, seemed confused by a conversation that he wasn't here when the incident happened. Mook volunteered to tell him what had happened even though I tried to send a look that said there was no need to tell. Because I didn't want to cause trouble. The last time someone spoke badly of me like this, he was badly beaten up by Q. I don't want to make those people pay for their action. It's not that I'm a kind-hearted person who is willing to forgive and forget, I just don't like being in trouble. Anything that can be avoided, just end it, try to avoid it.

After listening to Mook's story, Q turned to stare at me, alternating his stare at the senior's table. I knew immediately what he was thinking. I quickly shook my head until my neck almost dropped. You shouldn't bite a dog. It's a waste of time. When I was in Mathayom 2, I was teased about my height. Q was once in the governor's office because he broke that guy's nose. Yes, this is the same Q who likes to call me Bilbo, Hobbit, Gollum, Dwarf. It's very strange that I call you a friend. I don't feel angry. Why? Or was it because I knew my friend didn't mean to make fun of me and hurt me? Like when I call him a bastard, asshole, I don't intend to hurt his feelings at all. Hahaha. Hmmmm. Interesting. Do you think the word itself is malicious or we probably have to consider the speaker's intent like Pan said? But are we really going to use Pan's opinion as a criterion? This one is worth consideration as well.

[Now I just know Thai people use the same expression as Chinese 🤣🤣🤣 狗咬你一口难道你还要咬回来 (If a dog bites you,  you shouldn't try to bite it back) 你能用人的方式踹它的一脚 🤣]

"So, what's the matter with Tan?" Q asked when he and I had taken a taxi for a while.

Our celebration ended at 2 am. All the drunken artists dispersed and returned to their respective lairs. But Q is a parasite that has followed me as well. I apologized to Uncle Taxi Driver in my heart that the smell of alcohol from the two of us must have spread throughout the car.

"Huh, I thought you won't be nosy." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the seat. But I could tell that Q was looking at me with hostile eyes. "He didn't tell. I guess it's something to do with his family. Soon he'll be okay then he'll tell us." I yawned again.

"It's not like he made someone pregnant."

"Bastard." I laughed, opening my eyes to look at Q's face. "I'm holding herbal inhaler waiting for it. No way. He always uses protection."

"How do you know? Did you stand next to his bed? Even if he used protection, there is still a chance."

"Are you talking about yourself. Worry about yourself first."

"I always handle it well. You don't have to worry. I'm going to handle you right now, dwarf."

"What else? Why me again?"

"So you'll accept P' George and Master Po's job, right?"

"Yes, then what?"

"I don't want to mind your business."

"Oh, really?"

"What do you want, you bastard? Do you want to fight me?"

"Hahaha, yeah, I'm just kidding. I just talk."

"I really hate that you alway say OK when anyone ask for help. Even you want to be kind, you need to have some boundaries. Dude, even if you're breathing your last, you'll still be willing to help others. The shorty carries the dwarf . How many times have I told you to learn to reject people?"

[เตี้ยอุ้มค่อม literally means the shorty carries the dwarf, A person who helps people who are of low status or poverty even though they themselves are also of low status or poverty.]

"Wow, you really don't want to mind my business." I laughed and laughed. "Why are you complaining? Complain, and then come help me anyway."

"This time I will let you die alone, so just wait and see. Help this person, help that person, you're such a good one huh? Are you afraid that if you refuse them, they will be angry and will not like you?"

I feel like I've been stabbed right in the middle of my heart.

"What the fuck doing good for? If people don't like you, they still don't like you no matter what you do. Aren't you be tired? You know that you can't make the whole world like you. Even if Jesus and Buddha were that good, there are still people who hate them. The person who is with you twenty-four hours a day is not P' George, not Professor Po. Be kind to others is ok, but you should learn to be kind to yourself. Damn it! What am I saying? Hahaha."

"You're drunk, you idiot."

We all laughed, turning our heads in different directions. Conversations when we're drunk are like this. Hope you understand even if you don't.

"But what you said is correct. If I dared to reject some people, I wouldn't be tired. I don't know how to solve this problem. Even though no one hates me. But I was afraid that I would accidentally make someone dissatisfied. Honestly, I don't think it's a big deal or anything serious that I'm helping Master Po and P' George. I want to do it too."

"You're drunk asshole. Speak up a little. I can't hear you."

"Uh, I said I myself want to do it."

"Then you just do it. If you want to do it, just do it. But I won't help you. I'm telling the truth this time."

"Oh, last time you said this too. In the end, you still came to help. Come on, you got merit. When the patients see the beautiful paintings, they will feel better, recover faster."

"Can you eat merit, you idiot?"

"Professor Po has never used these drawings for free. He always gave me a little bit of money. I think he is just trying to find work for me. He wants to give me money but he doesn't want to give it for nothing. It's unseemly. So he found a job for me to do."

"You can think of something like this? When you were born, were you able to walk seven steps through a lavender field?*" A loud laugh was heard from the driver. "Is that right, Phi? Right? Is my friend kind or stupid?" He leaned forward to ask the taxi driver's opinion. The taxi driver laughed but didn't reply. Probably laughing because being called Phi. I wasn't sure. "Do you think that this will be your last life**?"

[*Referring to Buddha. It was said that Buddha himself was able to walk seven steps right after being born. The whole sentence conveys the meaning someone who is too optimistic.
** At the end of his last life, Buddha passed into nirvana. 😅]

"That's good. Saying this means you can feel it, right? I'm so lovable. Don't lie to your self, friend."

"Lovable my ass, bastard. Get off of me."

I laughed when Q looked at me by the corner of his eye and pushed me away. I closed my eyes again, listen to the sound of Q that was like the sound of a mosquito flying around my ear.

"If you're still kind with everyone like this, be careful, one day you'll get into trouble."

That was the last sentence I heard before being attacked by the smell of air freshener and the smell of the cab's leather seats. I'm a heavy drinker and don't get drunk easily, but the cab stank so bad. When it reached to the end of my patience, I slammed the door to stop the cab. Then I rushed out and squatted on the side of the road, threw up everything I had eaten. Even though there were only a few dozen of meters left to reach my house, I couldn't hold back. Q paid the cab fare and then came down to pat my back while blaming my father for seducing my mother*. Is this a problem, Q?

* Peem's father seduced his mother -> she gave birth to Peem -> Peem grew up and became friends with Q -> Today Peem got absolutely blasted so Q had to take of him. Rewind to the beginning, if his father hadn't seduced his mother, Q wouldn't have been to be here, take care of their drunken son. Q was blaming the root of his suffering.
This is an expression is used when you're angry with someone, roughly means I hope you have never been born.

TBC >>>>>>

Translator note: Hello, anyone here 😂😂😂 Long time no see. I'm back. Let me give myself a welcome back 👏👏👏👏👏.

I would like to share with you my body shaming experience. I don't have a face that fit in the beauty stand. I always know that but try to not care about it. When I was in high school, I studied at social department (more focus on social studies including literature, language, history, geography). There were few boys in this department. But still, they bothered me. If you think that boys only pay attention to beautiful girls, you're wrong. They also generously give their attention to girls who they consider 'ugly'. I knew that they were commenting on my non-beauty but I pretended that I didn't know. Then one day, in the class of our homeroom teacher, when I went to submit homework or something like that, a boy stood up and got on my way. It's was break time so no one noticed. I avoided him and kept going. But he didn't stop bothering me. I could feel that he was doing something beside my back so I suddenly turned back. Then all of them bust into laughter. Well, that moment was like the last straw. I, well, I raised my hand to him 🙃 But he escaped. This time it's me who wouldn't leave him in peace. I used the woman favorite natural weapon - my fingernails 💅 (my nails are razor-sharp), trying to catch him. Somehow, I scratched his nape. He looked at me like I was Medusa 😌. Now the teacher saw what happened, she asked us to stop. I ran to the clinic and stayed there a couple of hours. The girl couldn't stop crying. When I came back to get my stuff, they were there, the teacher and those boys. The teacher asked us to apologize to each other and... forgive and forget. That guy apologized to me but I said I didn't accept their apology and I would not apologize him. I wanted them let me alone, let's pretend that the other doesn't exist. Then I go home. Guess they learned a lesson, they never bother me again. "It doesn't matter what people think about you" easier said than done!

Patongko

Grilled pork with sticky rice

Fried pork sandwiches

Mu Kratha