"Nong Peem, I didn't cook breakfast for you. So order food yourself or go eat at our shop. I've already told P'Ning and P'Aom."

"Krapppppp"

I shouted, answering aunt Pui in a hoarse voice like a person who had just woken up. Soon I heard footsteps walking down the stairs. Then my consciousness flowed back into the dream world again, but some brain cells argued that I shouldn't sleep any longer. Anyway, I had free time now. I should take this opportunity to really introduce myself and get to know everyone, after having turned around so many times.

So let's get started!

Well, as everyone knows, how chaotic my life had been recently. My life had been messed up completely. It's like sailing through life smoothly, the wind and waves were calm, the sky had been clear for twenty years, and suddenly the sky suddenly turned dark. A tornado hit and caused the ship to sink in the middle of the ocean.

Once I got through the stormy period of life and had a moment where I could be calm down, be alone, be with myself and reflect on what had happened, I crystallized to myself that...

I'm sleepy, very sleepy, I'm so sleepy that I couldn't take it anymore. I'd like to continue the story in my dream.

Well, where should I start? Do I have to introduce my name? Probably not. Because if anyone hasn't know my name yet, we'll just have to stop with each other for now. Okay, let's get started. It's better to start from birth.

I was born in Bangkok. I'm a city person since birth. But I never felt like I am a Bangkoker. In fact, I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Because ever since I can remember, my parents took me to migrate to all over the country of Siam. Before I could remember the route, I had to move to a new place again.

My father says that moving frequently has its advantages, which I don't know if it's true or not. He says that I would be able to get along with others easily, always learn new things, love freedom, and not be attached to anything. It sounds like a message from an old entertainment magazine for horoscopes based on birth signs, right?

My father is from Bangkok, and my mother is from the North. Let's come together and we'll get it. It's more dramatic than a soap opera after the news. It's the story that my mother has told me since I was in kindergarten. Until today, it is still told. When I was a child, I believed everything. But later, when I grew older, I began to think analytically. I began to wonder if my mother was bragging.

But as much as I tried to ask aunt Pui, ask my grandmother, ask my father, my mother's story probably has some ninety percent truth in it. The other ten percent must be cut out because she praised herself as being drop-dead beautiful* that even Phaya Than falls in love with her. Because that probably wasn't her business, but Phaya Kankhak's business.

* ล่มเมือง (倾城) full version ล่มชาติล่มเมือง 倾国倾城 (idiom) extremely beautiful that causes the downfalls of cities and countries
**Refer two northern Thai folktales: "Pha Daeng Nang Ai" and "Phaya Khan Khak". Peem is probably comparing his mother to Nang Ai, known as the most beautiful human being 😅 Phaya Than is the greatest deity in heaven who control the weather. The story is long but let's say that if Phaya Than fell in love with Nang Ai, and if he can't win her heart, he will punish human by stop giving rain. Phaya Khan Khak, who is a king in human world will have to build an army to fight with him to ask him give favorable rains.

The story begins with my mother being arranged by my grandfather to marry the son of a rice mill owner. Arranged marriages were considered a common practice for people at that time. Especially if you're a woman, you absolutely have no right to have a voice. It's like being just a piece of property belonging to your parents. When you get married, you become your husband's property.

But it happened that my mother was a very feisty and fierce woman (Grandma told me about it). She refused to be forced into it. I praised my mother for being an amazing feminist. Virginia Woolf and Margaret Atwood would be proud of her. But my mother only graduated from MS 3 (secondary school), she didn't know what is feminism, what is women's rights. She became first. The definition comes later, but not having to go through books, but through real life experience.

The mother escaped the arranged marriage, jumped onto a train, waving goodbye to the position of village headman's daughter. She went to Bangkok and became a factory girl in Phra Padaeng area according to the persuasion and assistance of friends and cousins who came to work in the capital before her. My mother changed jobs many times. Starting as a textile factory girl, then a dishwasher in a hotel, a housekeeper until fate led her to work at a small bread factory and met my father, who was the son of the factory owner.

A typical example of an abbot eat his own chicken*. When telling this story, Mae and Por would always have arguments about who fell first. Mae said that Por came to flirt with her first, while Por said that Mae was the one who pursued first. And there is only one truth. Super Detective Conan Peeranat would like to confirm that it would be better not to believe anyone at all.

* สมภารกินไก่วัด, proverb, (lit) abbot (of a monastery) eat the chicken that were raise in his own monastery. This proverb is often used in a romantic way, referring to a man, who is the boss, had a romantic relationship with a young woman, who was his subordinate.

The drama didn't end there. When the two began to develope a relationship, they were ostracized by the elders on father's side because of their different statuses: a poor village girl and a young Bangkok man who was the son of a factory owner. The plot is so classic that Shakespeare probably wanted to get out of his hole and take up the pen and write a play for it. Mae said that the person who did not accept her was my grandfather. Then my father had to give up on his dream of becoming an architect and took the entrance exam for the Royal Military Academy as my grandfather wanted in exchange for being with mother. As for my mother, she worked at the factory diligently to prove true love. Everytime she told this part, my mother would complain, "If I knew that my police officer husband would be this poor, I would rather marry the boss of the rice mill." Hahaha.

After my father graduated from college, he started as a cadet as he had hoped. Together they made magic to create me. Grandpa began to accept Mae more. Mae took Por to pay homage to her parents at her homeland. After nine months, I came out to see the world. Grandpa passed away two months before I was born.

How is it? What do you think about my autobiography? Is it too detailed? It seems like I'm the type who pays attention to details (smiles sweetly).

Come on, let's continue to part two.

As my father is a police officer, the greatest certainty in this profession is transfer. Shake your hips and move. And no matter where he moved, Por always brought me and Mae along. It can be said that we have lived in almost every region in all provinces, including Chomphon, Ratchaburi, Rayong, Sakon Nakhon, Udon Thani, and Lampang.

Until I was in prathom 5 (US grade 5). At that time, we were in Chiang Mai, my mother's hometown, when the most shocking event of my life happened. That is the loss of a brother. Even though P'Phat is not my real brother, he is just a cousin. But P'Phat was both an older brother and friend. He was the playmate I was closest to at that time. P'Phat was the first friend I felt attached to. Because before that, I still hadn't gotten close to anyone and had to move to a new place. So I followed P'Phat like a shadow.
At that age, I still didn't understand much about the meaning of the word "death". The adults tried to explain, telling me that P'Phat had gone to play far away and wouldn't come back to play with me anymore. Mae said that at that time I was very depressed and not as cheerful as usual. After a while it still didn't get better, so my father decided to ask to move back to Bangkok to bring me for treatment with a therapist. Por thought that being in a new environment, a new atmosphere might help me feel better.

Until I entered the first year of secondary school, when I got to know four friends in an all-boys school, I gradually got better, as everyone hoped. We lived in Bangkok, having fun together in the style of a crazy family. Until I was in Mathayom 5 (US grade 11), my mother had the idea of going back to her hometown. She wanted to live the life of a farmer. She wanted to go back and take care of my grandmother because she was afraided that she would miss the opportunity like when my grandfather left suddenly. Plus my father was bored with the big city and wanted to go smell the pure air in the middle of the dense forest. (Forget to remember that Chiang Mai also has pollution) So, they would like to make the matter of moving again. The climax point was here.

Por said that soon I would have to gain an admission to a university so moving around with parents is a mission impossible. And I was old enough to live on my own. Por wanted me to grow up strong and show my true manhood, a real red bull. So he decided to leave me alone, leave me to stay in Bangkok alone. As for Por and Mae, they would fly away.

Wahhhhhhhh, I, who was clinging to my mother like I was clinging to my bolster, became shocked and cried out as if I had been sentenced to death with a dog-head guillotines*. I would not give in. Anyway, I would still go to live in Chiang Mai. Then my father took out a .38 caliber revolver and threatened me. Just kidding. He threatened me that if I stay here I won't get double the pocket money. So I thought that my father's reasoning made sense. Staying in Bangkok is good too. Haha.

* 狗头铡
[T/N: They wait for this day for so long]

In the end, the husband and wife spread their wings and fly into a happy married life. And leaving me alone to my fate...

No, no, no, no. I was not alone. I lived with aunt Pui, my father's younger sibling. Aunt Pui is an academic. She is a professor at a private university. So she has to go to meetings and seminars regularly. This is the reason why I often stayed home alone. In some months I hardly see my aunt at all because aunt Pui has to travel here and there due to work duties.
Before going to live in Chiang Mai, my father transferred the house in On Nut area that my great-grandfather bought when the land in Bangkok costed three baht per square meter to aunt Pui as compensation for taking care of me as my guardian. In addition, aunt Pui is the one who takes care of Grandma, so father thinks that aunt Pui deserves more land here. Later my aunt decided to build a house and open a coffee shop here.

From then on aunt Pui and I lived in a house where the atmosphere is more shady and greener than rainforest. Because there are big trees around the house. There are moss, royal ferns, the ones with big leaves, and giant betel vine that crawl around agarwood trees like anaconda in Jurassic Park. Many of the big trees are old trees that have been there before. When I came home late at night, sometimes I worried if a dinosaur would appear and snap the necks of both of us. Because there are so many trees in my house, it's like we live in the middle of a penis garden (sŭuan ong-ká-châat). Ouch! An arboretum (sŭuan rúk-kà-châat). If the sun shines through the tree to the roof of the house on any day, I will throw a party to celebrate.

[T/N: 🥲 Sometimes I ask myself what the f**k I'm translating???]

But I like it. I like trees. I like nature. Another advantage of having trees surrounding the house is that aside from being shady, the weather is nice and cool. And there are birds and squirrels who often come to greet you. More over, the trees can also act as a barrier to prevent sound from leaking out and disturbing the neighbors. When I brought my friends to drink, no one would throw pots or clay jars onto the roof of the house. Aunt Pui is a great tree lover. The house's fence is a hedge, but next to it there is a small, white fence above the knee high that surrounds the house. Which I don't understand why? Even the cat next door can jump over, let alone thieves. My regular job was to get up and water the cute flowers that my aunt planted. Sometimes I thought I was in a Disney princess's castle. The reason that aunt Pui did everything kiku anone * because "Cute house, cute garden, Nong Peem will be in a good mood and be creative." Fulfill the dreams of people who want to have children as dolls.

*Borrowed from Japaneseきく+あのう+ね; means pure, cute, lovely
[T/N: of course aunt Pui is the princess and Peem is ... still a servant 😂]

This is my life, told in more detail than Saudi sand. I hope you get to know me better. But if anyone still feels unsatisfied, If you want to get to know me in more detail, all that's left is to do a CT scan or put me in a meat grinder, I guarantee it'll be perfect. So let's just finish it like this, dear friends and fans of music.

End of chapter 6>>>>>>>>>>>>