The first time I woke up the space was glaringly white and smelled of antiseptic, so I gave into sleep again, just missing the sound of a relieved sigh.

~

When I was next conscious of the world I was at a funeral, there were relatives present I hadn't seen since my parents' funeral. Two funerals, two coffins each. I think someone from my extended family came up to me. I can't remember.

I cried at the closed caskets because I didn't get to slip a coin in for the trip to Hades.

~

The next time I was sitting at a table across from Giannis, he was holding my hands in his and he was crying for forgiveness. I wondered what he was sorry for then faded back within myself.

~

I remember texting Lycius, but he never got back to me.

~

Mother's last entry was about a sacrifice. I figured out what she meant but I had no energy to practice it. Not yet. I fell back asleep in someone's arms, in a room unfamiliar to me.

~

Martha was speaking, but I couldn't hear a word she was saying. A hand traced my shoulder, its rough pointer finger adorned a thick golden ring. Martha glared at the hand before she stormed out.

~

A door opened. A short figure peered around.

'Calix?' I said. No. Just someone's rotten kid.

~

I woke up late at night and watched over Giannis' sleeping form next to me. He was handling everything. I checked my phone on the nightstand. Lycius left me on read.

~

I read my mother's last entry under the stars. I felt stronger in mind and in body, it was probably the anger brewing. Giannis was actually a very sensitive man. I could tell his family didn't like me; I had no idea he had a brother. I stole a shovel and the sharpest knife from the Vlachos' kitchen. I started digging in their yard.

Giannis tried to stop me. I ignored him. He tried to hide the shovel I bought a new one. His parents gave up. Martha was summoned and she told me her parents were happy for her to stay at their place. I couldn't dig in their yard though. There were lots of arguments in Greek behind me as I stared at the pit, it was only three feet...

I could start again.

I turned around and looked between Mrs Vlachos who was happy to be rid of me, Giannis was not, and Martha who was ready to stomp his foot with her platform boot.

~

Trying to stay conscious of my environment when I was awake was difficult. Somehow harder than the venture of digging this new hole. I had yet to pick a new location and whenever I became subtly aware that I was alive and that this was my reality, I got a sharp stabbing pain in my chest. It was just the thought of Ari torn to chunks that made me want to run into Hades myself. However, this new piece in my mother's journal gave me new motivations, a new hunger for life. It wasn't enough to hold off the nightmares though.

I drove to the forest with Martha and parked awkwardly in the tree line trying to keep it vaguely concealed but with easy access to getting back on the road. I took a shovel from the boot of the car, and Martha held the journal. She was polite in not reading it.

'Martha,' I said not looking at her. 'The ritual starts when we enter with intent. You cannot look over your shoulder, okay?'

'What'll happen if I do?'

'I don't know. So please don't be tempted. Even if it feels like someone is following us.'

'Fun,' she said sardonically. We walked deeper into the forest, the smell of eucalyptus getting pungent. 'Hey,' she said as we walked deeper into the forest. 'I'm sorry for hitting you in the head with the rock.'

A laugh escaped me. The first one since I'd found Ari dead, that was two weeks ago now. 'That's alright. You did me a favour. Wouldn't have been good for Giannis to witness that.'

'No,' she said. I could tell she wanted to ask about him, why I stayed with him after the funeral. I wasn't sure. I wasn't really awake for that. 'How much longer are we going to walk?'

'Until it feels right,' I said. She hated answers like that.

'Right... Um, can you use your powers to judge that?'

'They're not active at the moment—' I paused. We had walked deep enough into the forest that I found a familiar rushing stream. It had expanded quite a few inches thanks to the winter season. We weren't too far from the Mavros' wall. It was midday, I had time. It was wrong. Nothing would come of it. I was furious with him. I crossed the water not caring how it sloshed against my jeans and my drained into my boots. Martha called out for me, and I kept marching ahead till I found the wall. The stones hummed loudly as if sensing me coming. I stroked it affectionately. Martha panted beside me.

'Stop moving so quickly!' she awed at the eleven-foot wall. 'His house is behind there isn't it?'

'Yep.'

Martha flipped the wall off and I felt it vibrate beneath my fingertips. 'Don't worry darling, she didn't mean it for you.' I patted the stones and then wandered back through the forest attempting to pick the easiest ground to puncture through. My muscles were still sore from excavating Giannis' backyard.

The perfect spot was five hundred metres from the wall, so I got to work, shooting a glare ahead of me at the wall as I did.

'Do you want help?'

'No, thank you. I need to do this part alone.'

'What makes this spot better than others?'

'It's just a gut feeling.'

'Is most witchcraft just a gut feeling?'

'Mmm, my inexperience pretty much relies on gut feelings. If my mum was alive, she could have taught me more. I've had to decode some of her vague notes and fill in the blanks. Some passages are very detailed, and sometimes it's the most detailed ones that are the hardest to understand.' I grunted. The skin on my palms were red and raw but I kept digging.

Martha's phone shrilled and I scowled at her as she stared at it despairingly. 'What do I tell my parents?'

'Aren't you a grown woman now?'

'Yeah, but I don't want them to worry.'

'Tell them you're helping me with the apartment.' I still needed to reply to my housemate. I was sure they'd be fine, they knew about the funeral and I sent some of my pay for rent. Late in the night, I was going to perform the ritual, I was still mighty drained and the digging wasn't helping however, I was sick of waiting for a sign. My thoughts were interrupted by the crystal in my pocket. It sent the usual cold wave, and the hairs at the back of my neck prickled. Someone was storming over and I refused to ruin the ritual now by looking.

'What are you a stalker!' Martha snapped hoisting herself up onto her pink runners.

Giannis raised his hands as he hobbled over like a grumpy giant sponsored by Adidas and Nike. 'What the fuck are you doing?'

'What does it look like?' I said.

'Why've you been ignoring my calls?'

'I'm busy,' I said dully and stared back into the pit in the making.

'Near his house. He's not here. I am. I'm here for you. He's the one that's a monster.'

I held up my hand and eyed Martha. 'I don't need you for the next part, you can go home.'

'Are you sure?' she said glowering at him. Giannis scowled not enjoying being treated as if he was irrational. Huh, karma.

'Be back at midnight,' I said. Martha handed me the journal and I dropped it down on the dirt beside me. Giannis was smart enough to wait till she was a pink dot in the distance before fuming over to me. His nostrils flared and he looked pained by the sight of me. Maybe it was because if I wasn't staring at him blankly, I was looking at the wall longingly.

'You know everyone's terrified. They know it wasn't just some wild animal murdering people.'

'I suppose they have you to thank for that paranoia.'

'I don't know why we keep pretending when it's so obvious,' he spat.

'What are you talking about?' I said.

'I know he transformed the night you left.'

I remained coolly disinterested and stabbed the shovel between my feet to rest my hands on it. 'How do you know about that?'

'I know a lot more than you think,' he said.

'If that's true then you should be more fearful for your life than mine,' I wiggled my eyebrows. 'And if you were smarter, you wouldn't be so open of your curious knowledge about me or about Lycius.'

'Why do you still defend him?'

'You still haven't answered my question. What do you know and how?'

'I already told you this,' he said frustrated. 'I told you what my friend said. Why that freak keeps himself locked away in that house and I know you know about it too, but it's okay, I forgive you.'

'Who is this friend who you speak so fondly of? Hope it's not a figment of your imagination.'

'He's someone who knows about these things, I need you to trust me, Rhea. There is something wrong with that family. What happened to you? Why were injured before you got to the body?' He reached out to stroke back my hair and shook my head away.

'Poisoning the Mavros name isn't going to make me fall in love with you, John.' I stepped up to him bored. 'You think because I fuck you that I like you. Surely, you of all people have better sense than that.'

'W-wha—' he shook his head trying to compute. 'I-I—'

'It's good to know you can finally hear me, John,' I whispered against his mouth.

'You have issues!'

'You need to relax and stop overreacting,' I said sarcastically. 'Just be cool.'

'You know what, Rhea, I'm glad he did it. I'm glad he fucking hurt you, I'm glad your only friend left is losing patience because you're too much of a bitch to want to be around, and I'm glad that Ari is dead. Now you get to be truly alone.'

The shovel moved fast and I stopped it before the head of it met the popping vein in his forehead. The metal scraped along Giannis' jawline, at the prickly hairs on his cheek. We were both shocked and I won't lie, the fear in his eyes was gratifying. Giannis tore the shovel from my grasp and grabbed me by my throat lifting me onto my toes.

'What's the matter with you?' he yelled in my face and shook me. 'What the fuck is wrong with you? You could have killed me!' He tossed me to the ground as if I was nothing and then threw the shovel down next to me. I eyed the pathetic hole I had dug then at Giannis' height and build. He had the posture and the anger of the minotaur. His breath came out in puffs of clouds against the coldness of the day. 'That vampire was right about you. You're worthless.'

'What did you say?'

'I already told you. You were too sad to listen, but I told you about my mistake. I didn't mean for them to die, I just wanted to get even.' He flexed his shoulders back and let out a deep breath. 'I don't regret it so much now.'

I glared at the pit and then back at Giannis. I didn't have the strength to take Giannis down myself and for some reason, my powers were far from my reach even in my grief.

'Compliant to murder now.' My upper lip curled back into a snarl. 'That's a new low.'

'You know it was his fault.'

'Who? Which man is it? Is it Lazarus your new boyfriend or are you falling for the trap he's setting?'

'I-I'm trying to protect you.'

'Ha! Why don't you wait for me in your bedroom tonight, and we'll put your tongue to better use?' I scorned with a grin. He batted his lashes confused and shared a contemptuous frown at being treated like the man whore he was. Soon, I vowed, I would treat him as the monster he pretends he's not. He can storm away and say awful things about me, slut shame me, claim I'm psychotic, it didn't really matter to me anymore. He outed himself. He was culpable.

I got back to digging. Thanks to John, I had new energy for it as I pictured the shovel as it was but the earth as his burly body. Sometimes it would switch to Lazarus, but I was piercing the metal head right through his face. Through the bridge of his nose as his red eyes teared up to black.

Nyx bled over the sky, and I embraced my nykta form. Releasing a tight breath I allowed my skin to darken to a similar shine to amethyst, and my hair floated like mist around me. Shadows unfurled at my feet as I stared into the pit that was now six feet deep. My crystal was my guide today and I had a feeling it would be my guide to the next plane. That was where my mother went, where she met the Goddess Hekate. My night vision fell like a thin veil over my eyes, and I had never realised that the wall had its own sparkle to it.

A wave of heat rolled down my back and I shuddered as I stared yearningly into the hollow. I couldn't ask Martha to witness this and think the worst of herself for permitting it.

'Great Hekate.' I untucked the knife from the back of the journal and held it out in my hands over the hole. 'My Night Queen, chthonic weaver of the stars, the three formed Goddess, protector, and teacher of witches, of nature, of heaven, of sea, of the dead... I offer my body as payment for my request.'

Dying was actually quite simple to describe. I lost consciousness for the first fifteen seconds from the shock as I plunged the big blade into my heart and tore it out again. My body fell and where I expected impact my body kept free falling.

 I was stunned that I was still breathing though my lungs didn't seem to collapse on themselves when I ceased. My eyes roamed across the Mavros Manor sitting a good kilometre from me except it wasn't in its rightful place in the chaotic gardens. It sat under an abundance of stars moving in their currents like glowworms in running water. They sparkled like jewels, an array of rubies and glowing sapphires, as well as the usual violet dust gliding between them. The trees faded in and out glimmering illusions and the air had a metallic smell. My anguished heart did not weigh so heavily in this world. This universe was my dreamland. The ground was a watery reflection of the sky and the manor. I slowly paced forward feeling the water splash and grunted when my knee banged into an empty cauldron.

'You read my work then,' a gentle voice called out.

'Mum!' I ran into her arms, shadows weaved around her arms as well as gold jewellery. She wore an ancient Greek toga in a bold blue colour with the Greek key embroidered along the hem. When she embraced me she kissed my temple and my body relaxed against hers, so happy to just be held.

'Silly thing,' she whispered. 'I had hoped the Goddess was wrong. Now come, stand by the cauldron, that's my girl.'

'Mum, do you know? About Arianna? Is she here?'

'Sh,' she said staring dead ahead. 'She's coming.'

I gazed at the house and a large figure cloaked in black mist rose up from behind it. A three-headed deity, with skin a translucent mauve. Her barking dogs accompanied her in the sky as she rode up and then rolled down like unravelling fabric. She seemed humungous over the house and shrunk down as she drew in closer, flying flat across the water. The cauldron was filled to the brim with a luminescent liquid in the blink of an eye and it bubbled.

The barking hounds had dark bony bodies close to that of a greyhound, and similar sharp snouts with a flattened curve to their head. Their eyes winked in and out like candlelight as the pack of thousands split into two groups to circle us. Their leaders were two silver hounds, one leading each team and with a bark they commanded the pack to settle down and sit at attention. The silver hounds had a cleverness to them, one snapped at one of their members to sit up straight while the other to my left gently prowled the rim and nudged the members that were getting over-excited. Their glistening fur had starry constellations sailing around their legs and their snout like slithering snakes. I was so enraptured by their beauty that I hadn't realised Hekate, and her extra two heads had drawn in. Her cloak slipped down revealing an ancient dark toga with glinting broaches holding it up at the shoulders. One of her heads sat upside down and had a crazed look about it while the other was distracted by the stars dancing in their currents. The centre head smiled at me baring sharp teeth and her sharp twisted fingers gripped the edges of the cauldron as she leaned down to look at me. I knelt down into a bow on one knee trying to keep a cool composure.

'Rhea, daughter of Kristina,' the Goddess said. Her eyes flashed gold and flittered between mother and daughter. 'What an interesting development. Though I cannot say I did not foresee it.' She gestured to my mother with an open palm. 'Your mother had hoped you wouldn't come, but I have been very excited to inhabit your little mind.' I could think of a reason why my mother wouldn't want me here, and it was because there was one extra part of the ritual I had to complete once I had passed this step.

Hekate chuckled. Her heads echoed it. 'You already have a body selected. You are as resourceful as your mother.' I looked to Kristina who was staring down the cauldron unable to meet my gaze. The Goddess chuckled again. 'Except she was unable to reap the benefits of her sacrifice.'

I couldn't help but ask about what was bothering me. 'Why are we in his gardens?'

The Goddess' right head stuck her tongue out. The centre head spoke. 'It all ends here.' A dark green snake slithered up over her crown and Hekate raised her arm so the snake could wind around it like a vine and when its head reached her hand it shrunk and hardened into a golden goblet. The Goddess dipped it into the cauldron filling it only halfway before offering it to me. 'Drink.'

'Rhea, you don't have to do it,' my mum suddenly said.

'What are you doing?' I said annoyed.

The upside-down head hissed. The right head smiled as the centre focused on me. 'If you do not you will join your sister in Hades. There is no going back.'

'She's not in her right mind,' my mum said to her. I was surprised by her tone, I was even scared for her however it seemed that Hekate was used to it.

'The choice is yours,'  the goddess said to me.

'Why did you leave me with her?' I said. My mum hesitated and stared through me mournfully.

'We didn't plan on dying...'

'Who were you going to sacrifice?' I asked. Kristina looked away again, ashamed of herself.  My answer was set when I grabbed the goblet, and I had to carry it in both hands and tipped the glowing contents down my throat trying to not taste its bitterness as it burned its way down. I thought I didn't need to breathe in this realm but then I felt my chest spasm and my lungs choke on the fire as the potion quickly absorbed into my bloodstream. The hounds started barking and my skull started splitting as the beautiful starry plane blurred and the ground beneath me split open and engulfed me. The glare of Hekate's six eyes watched me fall.