I sigh.

I've been trying to incorporate my new realization into all my relationships, but it takes so much work, ugh!!

Most people have been too stunned to react, and the few who haven't are just asking me what I am up to. Someone even asked me, "Who are you, and what have you done to the Demetria I know, or, should I say, knew??"

Well, I can't say I didn't think wasn't going to happen; most people are under the impression that I can never change, not even if my life depended on it, or even Wil's, but they're wrong...

I am capable of changing, but I don't, won't, change for others' sake.

I mean, I do what I need to do for myself...

Maybe I sound narcissistic right now, but I don't care, because this is necessary.

You can only fully love someone, and expect them to love you as well, after you love yourself.

So I'm doing this; I need to love myself before I can get to Wil.

Don't get me wrong: I do love that guy so very much, but I don't want to hurt him by looking as if I don't care about him, or that I don't think he's right for me, which is what will happen if I do get back on the rollercoaster, unequipped, and throw up, if not on the very first turn, sometime while on it.

And if I get on that rollercoaster, I will stay on for life, it never ending, unless I decide to jump off.

I do want to stay on it, but I had better be well- equipped, so I need to step back for a while, put everything in place and then get on.

I look down to see that all this while, I've been scrolling through the pictures in my phone. Wow, I seem to be doing that a lot...

I'm looking at this pic of Wil and I now...

... and then this...

... and this...

Well, I do have many pics of the two of us...

Anyways, I go back to thinking, so, the first thing I'm going to do now is-

"Done looking at me on your phone?? You needn't do that anymore now that you can see me in real life..."

"Wow, you do sneak up on me a lot, Wil!!"

"I don't mean to, but you're easy to sneak up on because you get drowned in your thoughts..."

"Oh, do I??"

"Yup." he says cheekily.

"Nope." I retort cheekily as well.

"Totally yes!!"

"Nuh uh."

"So yes."

"So not!!"

"Aye aye!!"

"NO!!"

"Well, you do, so..."

"Ugh, fine, you're right; I do get lost in my thoughts, so what?"

"So nothing..." Wil replies matter-of-factly.

"Really??" I ask. I did expect him to taunt me or something, but he does nothing of the sort.

"Yes."

"Wow!!" I reply wonderingly.

"What, I shouldn't be nice to the girl I love??"

"Yeah but-"

"But what??"

"Nothing." 

I smile.

He smiles back.

"Well, how long are we going to be smiling at each other?? I mean, not that I don't love seeing you smile, I do- " he says, making me smile more, and continues, his smile widening as well, " but don't you want to tell me something??"

He's right; I told him that the last time we met.

"Yes, I do."

Wil sits down across from me and looks at me, waiting patiently.

Here goes.

I take a deep breath and start.

"Wil, just hear me out..."

"That's what I'm here to do, so go ahead..."

"Wil, I do love you a lot, I do- "

Wil cuts me off, "I do too!! I mean, you. I love you a lot."

"Wil, I- "

"Don't doubt it , Demi."

"I'm not. I was just saying- "

"What??"

"Wow, I'll finish talking the day I turn eighty!!"

"Sorry, go on..."

"I will, if you stop interrupting me-"

"I won't!!"

"You just did." I say, trying hard not to laugh.

"Sorry, I won't again."

"Okay, so, like I was saying, I do love you a lot, and I never wanna get off the rollercoaster ride you've put me on. I'm only ever going up with you, but before we get to doing that for as long as our infinity is- "

Wil cuts me off again, "Well, you do know some infinities are bigger than infinities..."

I glare at Wil, mouthing, "I know!!"

"Sorry, I couldn't resist quoting 'TFIOS' here..." he replies.

When I give him a blank stare, he says, " 'The Fault in Our Stars' ?? Don't tell me you haven't-"

This time, I cut Wil off, "I know TFIOS, Wil!!"

"Then why did- Oh, I get it. You told me not to interrupt you."

"Wow, you're a genius!!" I remark sarcastically.

Now Wil glares at me.

He sighs and says, "Fine, continue..."

"Where'd I stop??" I ask Wil.

"Can I talk now??"

"You just did."

"Well, do you want me to answer you or not, Demi??"

I sigh in exasperation and say, "Yes."

"You were talking about our infinity, I think..."

"Oh, yeah, I was about to say that before we march off into the sunset, I need to take off some time and re-examine everything..."

"You're not talking about breaking up, are you??"

"Oh, no, never!! Just about me stepping back for just a while and getting some time to examine everything I have going on, because I want to change for the better- "

Wil cuts me off, yet again, "Demi, look, you're amazing just the way you are, you don't need to change for-"

"Wil, I'm doing this for myself. I have some ideals about how I want to be, and this is my way to getting there, so..."

"Oh, I understand..."

"Really??"

"Yes, Demi; take all the time you need, but just now that I'll be waiting for you..."

"With your knuckles out and a guard in your mouth??"

"No, but my heart on my sleeve, and a hammer, ready to break down your walls should they creep up again..."

"Wil, thank you so much for understanding me..."

"Demi, I'd do anything for you..."

"Well, first, stop quoting my songs to me!!"

"I thought you'd find it cute..."

I scoff...

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