Danica

Monday, July 22nd, 11:00pm.

"Come on, Dani!"

Beatrice's grip on my hand is tight enough that I can't wriggle free as she trots along ahead of me like an excited puppy. I try once more in vain to get out of her grasp but she tightens her grip as she scowls over her shoulder at me.

"B...I can't," I stutter out.

It's like the air's been stolen from my lungs as I try to catch my breath. But breathing is something that has become utterly impossible now.

This was a bad idea, this was a horrible idea.

Music is vibrating from the house that is sat at the end of the block and it almost looks like the air is shivering, like how hot air shimmers in the summer. Beatrice continues to drag me behind her towards the house, the windows lit up as she pulls me up the weedy sidewalk.

She starts up the driveway, which is gravel and crowded with parked cars as she seems unfazed by the music, which is beyond loud. It's like the owner has the sole intention of shaking the house off of its foundation.

One last hurrah before the fall semester starts and we all have to focus on classes, Beatrice had promised me when she had invited me to this 'get-together'.

I just hadn't expected a party like the one laid out in front of me.

I can still remember some of the songs from the last party I went to. They've been playing on repeat in my head ever since I got out of the car that we had to park several blocks away. Derrick had been sure to show off the massive speakers that he had bought just for his graduation party that night.

But now I can't get the music out of my head.

I stop and clutch my temples as the bass pounds in them, the deep rhythm bouncing from one ear to the next.

"Just relax Dani, I'll turn the music down some," he had promised me.

****

Past: May 17th

I've adjusted the neckline on my dress at least a hundred times and I check it once more as I dare to walk up the sidewalk to Derrick's family party cabin. Solar lights line the stone steps that wind through the undergrowth surrounding the cabin, the windows on the wooden structure already lit up from inside.

The outside is stained a deep shade of reddish brown, which has always made it stand out against the pine trees. Though the cabin stands out even more in the fading light of the setting sun. I can hear the music through the walls as I approach, the vibrations from it already humming through my skin.

The lights inside range in a riot of color as they flicker against the window and change in time with the beat of the song. My sundress billows in the wind that whispers through the trees as my flip-flops slap against the steps leading up to the concrete slab that the cabin is situated on. I can see people dancing in the windows as I start for the front door, which is open.

I warily poke my head in as I scan the crowd of people that is scattered throughout the front living room. Clouds from vape-pens rise in plumes as it collects to hang like a hazy curtain over the room. It smells like a mix of cotton candy and root beer as I breathe it in.

"Danica!"

I look in the direction I had heard my name called as a hand raises above a couple of people and waves. Brown eyes and a wide, crooked smile hone in on me as Beatrice totters across the room in a set of heels that look far too tall for her.

"B, hey, how are-," I don't get to finish the sentence as she collides with me, her hands gripping my arms as she tries to steady herself.

"I'm great, Dany," she laughs and it's then that I can smell the alcohol on her.

"That's good, that's great, how about we sit you down in a chair?" I suggest as I start to pull her back outside.

She lurches after me, her eyes unfocused as she lets me lead her to a plastic, adirondack chair that is set out front against the house. Her knees shake as she collapses into it and crosses her legs the best she can. I sit down in a chair opposite of her as the hem of her short dress rides up.

"I don't know why I wore this stupid thing," she mutters as she tugs on the edge of it.

"It looks nice," I compliment her and she snorts as she smoothes a hand over the skin-tight, black fabric.

"You'd think Tony would take the hint on what I want out of tonight," she replies dryly as she sways in her seat and shakes her head, her dyed, platinum blonde hair fanning out around her as it crackles with static.

"How much have you had to drink tonight? I thought the party just started at nine?" I reference my phone for the time, which is nine thirty-five.

"Some of us came over at like...eight, Tony helped Derrick get some of the alcohol so we brought it over and Derrick said it was fine if we wanted to start partying...so here we are."

She gestures vaguely around us, taking in the small, narrow driveway that is already packed with cars. A driveway I avoided parking in because I didn't want to risk someone hitting my car.

It's supposed to last me through college.

There's a sudden burst of laughter and I look up to see that Derrick is coming around the side of the house with Elijah in-tow. Derrick says something to me but I don't hear him over the next song that starts, which feels like it nearly shatters the windows as they shake in their frames.

"Can you turn that down?" I yell as the music whines in my skull, threatening to split it as I reach up to cover my ears.

"Just relax Dani, I'll turn the music down some," he assures me as he reaches into his pocket for his phone.

The music lowers and the pain I had been feeling lessens as I look up at him expectantly. "You were saying?"

"I said, good evening ladies," Derrick drawls in a playfully southern accent as he winks at us.

He keeps walking past us as Elijah follows, his feet briefly tripping him up as his foot catches on the doorframe and he stumbles inside after Derrick.

"Bye Elijah...," I trail off and he pokes his head outside and waves.

"Bye Dani," he says quickly before he disappears back inside.

"What's with him?" Beatrice mutters as she eyes me suspiciously.

"I don't know, he's probably a little drunk," I admit and she smiles.

"It looked more like he and Derrick were planning something...maybe a little hot-boxing in the basement since he still hasn't gotten any scholarship offers?"

I frown at her, "He'll get an offer, you saw him at his last game, he was amazing."

"Yeah, let's come back to that later...I think I'm gonna throw up," she says as she staggers to her feet.

I reach out a hand to steady her as I help her walk over to a patch of ferns that are clustered along the edge of a concrete pad that has a basketball court set up on it. She lets go of me as she hunches over the ferns and starts dry-heaving. I turn to look away as the pungent smell of vomit hits my nose the same time I hear something splatter against the ground.

It's then that I see Olivia stumbling against the edge of the house.

****

"Here, drink," Beatrice says as she nudges a solo cup into my hand.

I startle and try to push her hand away but she's insistent as I look around. I'm now sitting on the wooden front porch of the house, a panel of rickety railing missing as my legs dangle over the side.

I can't remember how I got here, but it's not uncommon for me to forget things when I start panicking.

I take a couple breaths as my heart beats in the back of my throat, my vision spinning as I try to figure out how I managed to walk from the driveway up to the porch.

Breathe, concentrate.

"I...I can't drink," I murmur. "I don't want to."

She rolls her mascara-lined eyes at this, "Look, I know it's probably the anxiety, but this'll take the edge off. Just. Drink. It."

I take the cup from her and look into it, there's a clear liquid inside and as Beatrice watches me, I take a sip. She smiles when I grimace at the taste, which reminds me of the smell of gasoline as I choke it down.

"There," I mutter.

"You need more," she replies and I groan low in my throat.

I try to finish off the cup, but I gag on the last bit and shake my head as she sits down next to me.

"Let's see if that gets you to lighten up," she mutters as she pulls out her vape pen.

It's then that I see someone walking up the driveway and as they get closer, I recognize them. I lift a hand to wave the same time Beatrice calls out to them.

"Hey Nikki!" she yells before she catches herself. "Oh shit, I forgot."

She signs something to Nikki, who smiles as she jogs up the stairs and sits down on the porch next to us.

"How are you?" Nikki asks.

"I'm okay," I say as I turn to face her.

She nods, her short hair falling forward around her face, "I've seen that Derrick's gone missing."

"Dani refuses to talk about it," Beatrice blurts before she exhales a cloud of vapor.

Nikki furrows her eyebrows at this right as a guitar riff starts up as Beatrice and I wince at the screeching. She takes note of this, her eyes narrowing thoughtfully as she grins.

"Looks like leaving my hearing aids at home was the wise decision after all," she says amusedly.

"You're probably going to be the only one having the most fun tonight," Beatrice snickers.

"If it gets me out of hearing Jackson's band play, I'll take it."