Elijah

Saturday, July 20th, 4:55pm.

I can hear Danica curse under her breath from where she sits beside me. I can't help but smile before I catch myself as I focus on the TV. It's a punch in the gut that I start reeling from as disbelief threatens to drown me.

The cereal I had eaten this morning sloshes uneasily in my stomach as I fidget in my seat. It still feels like the room is spinning after drinking so much yesterday.

Never again.

I shut my eyes as someone else in the shop turns up the volume on the TV, the attention of the customers sitting around us tuning into the broadcast.

"Melissa Kennedy here at Channel 5 news Michigan with an update on the recent disappearance of local teen Derrick Morgan, who was reported missing early Friday morning-."

Just say yesterday, he was reported missing yesterday, I think irritably to myself.

"-and had been reported missing by his father after he disappeared during a social event with his friends in Kingsford State Park-."

"Friends?" Danica hisses and I dare to open my eyes a crack to look at her.

Her jaw is clenched hard enough that the muscles in her neck have begun to strain as her mouth twists into a frown. I shut my eyes before she can look at me as the reporter continues to talk.

"-unfortunately, it appears that the social event did not go as planned, as a couple who were hiking through the park this afternoon found bodily fluids that could possibly belong to Derrick Morgan, along with signs of a potential struggle."

A man's voice comes on then and I open my eyes again to look at the screen. An older man wearing a ball cap and sunglasses is now on the screen being interviewed at the park.

"My wife and I had been taking our dogs for a walk when one of them started barking and ran off into the bushes over there," the man points off camera as it pans to follow and reveals that a clump of trees are taped off with a border of police tape. "When I saw the blood, I knew I needed to call the police."

No shit.

I swallow several times as I feel the sudden urge to vomit when I think back to burying that stupid CPR dummy and the smell of blood.

I didn't drink that much that night did I?

I hadn't blacked out...I couldn't have.

No, it was just a couple of beers and...and some vodka.

My stomach abruptly drops at last and I get up, my seat squawking as I run for the bathroom. I can hear Danica say something but I don't look back. I shove open the door for the men's restroom, not bothering to be gentle about it as I'm desperate now.

I hunch over the sink to throw up, the acid tearing at the already sore throat I've had since yesterday. I let myself throw up until I'm vomiting up bile, my sides aching with every breath I take as I gasp for air.

The automatic faucet turns on and sprays the back of my head and neck and I jerk back. The water is cold and mixes with the contents in the sink to swirl down the drain as I look away. I swipe at the tears in my eyes and lean forward to take a couple sips from the tap as I rinse my mouth and spit.

This is my fault.

But it can't be, can it?

Maybe someone else had beaten him and thrown him in a ditch somewhere.

I remember everything...don't I?

But there's a hole or two where things don't seem completely right.

I feel cold at the thought.

Surely Derrick will come around some time soon.

He always does.

He's everywhere.

****

Past: May 20th

It's been three days since the party and I haven't heard anything from Derrick. The last thing he had told me before I stumbled out of the cabin the next morning after falling asleep in the closet was, "you'll get your letter for the scholarship soon."

And that was it. No texts, no calls, nothing.

I stand beside the mailbox anyways, my mom still asleep in the house as I drum my fingers on the black exterior of the mailbox. The thin metal vibrates as I tap away, anxiety at last getting to me as I wait.

A mail-truck at last turns the corner at the end of the block as it slowly putters from mailbox to mailbox. I resist the urge to run down the street and ask if I can have my mail now.

Come on...come on.

It takes two hours.

It takes two minutes as I hold my breath and the truck finally stops in front of me. The driver, an older woman eyes me uneasily as she hands me my stack of mail. I snatch it out of her hands and eagerly start to look through them as she drives off.

Bills, bills, trash.

I stop when I flip to the next envelope, the familiar stamp of 'Kingsford University' printed on it.

I tear it open and drop the envelope as I pull out the letter to read it, my fingers shaking as I unfold it.

"Dear Elijah,

Congratulations!-"

I don't have to read the rest of it as my heart jumps in my chest.

He did it. He really did it.

The corner of the letter crinkles as I hold it tightly, not daring to let it go as I look up at the sky, a burst of laughter erupting from me.

Kingsford University, here I come.

****

I grab a wad of paper towels and press them to my face as I dab away the sweat that has collected along my hairline.

What I did to get that letter...

It wasn't worth it.

I toss the paper towels in the trash and shoulder my way back out into the shop. My heart is beating too hard in my chest and I can't catch my breath anymore.

I have to tell them what I did at Derrick's graduation party.

I have to make it right, I have to come clean.

It's a flicker of hope that I can finally tell them what I did. It's hoping that they don't hate me for the rest of my life.

Danica looks up as I approach the table and something in her face makes me stop in my tracks as I pull up short.

"There's a detective who wants to talk to us," she says.

I don't move or say anything as I try to process what changed since I disappeared into the bathroom. Her phone is still in her hand, like she just hung up from a call or something as she frowns at me.

"We have to go, now," she clarifies.