XIII

When the blaster bolts started raining down, Kaida reluctantly pulled her attention away from Kylo, prepared to take on the onslaught of troopers coming her way. She was aware of her dead twin's body still lying in the snow. She swallowed the mourning down her throat. Now is not the time.

She deflected any blaster bolts that she could. She heard some strike armor, others bounce into trees. She mostly went on defense, always aware of Kylo's looming presence. She knew he was waiting for her most vulnerable moment. When that would come around, he'd strike her down.

She heard the troopers trudging through the snow, the red blaster bolts the only way she could kind of gauge where they were. As some got too close for comfort, Kaida struck them down. Any within eyesight, she used the Force to shove them into their comrades in hopes of slowing them down.

Just as the blaster bolts stopped coming, Kaida spun to meet her blade with Kylo's. Her arms began to shake, and she began to bend backwards, towards the ground, as he pushed against her. She locked her jaw in concentration. She felt her body going towards the ground. The second she moved, she knew he'd go in for the kill.

"I would give you one last chance," Kylo sneered to her, "but since you're so adamant about killing me, I think you lost it." He kneed her right in the gut, sending her stumbling backwards. "I wanted this to work out, Kaida, I really did. If you had just cooperated—"

"Never," she spat. Without realizing it, she was using the Force for a dark purpose: she had Kylo Ren in an invisible chokehold. And she liked it. She liked the surprise on his face, the stumbles that he took backwards as he was losing the air from his lungs. Bravely, she took a step forward, letting her hate take control. "You killed my brother. I can't let that stand."

"Now that is a lovely feeling coming from you," Kylo wheezed. "That pain, that torture, the hatred. It's too bad it's too...late for you. You will die here, Kaida Quinn, just like your brother."

"I won't!" she screeched. As she did so, Kylo began sputtering for breath. "Your corpse will rot here, just as you deserve." She took a few steps closer towards the Sith. "You can try and play a trick on me, but I can see clearly now. You are not Ben Solo, as you say. You're a psychopath, remorseless. A killer who lives and serves in the shadows." She snorted as he buckled to both knees.

"Good," Kylo rasped. "Let this consume...you. Let it eat you alive. If you kill me, you'll live to regret it."

"I doubt it." Kaida was even closer now, and she had him physically by the throat, with the help of the Force still. Her upper lip twitched from anger, and all she could feel was a smoldering hatred for the man who she had at her mercy right now. "Face it, you lost."

If only Kaida realized just how wrong she was in those seconds.

She felt the jagged saber cut through her and protrude from the other side. Her mouth fell agape, and her concentration was shattered. Her hand, and the Force, removed itself from Kylo's neck. She felt inside of her screaming in pain, melting.

When the saber was suddenly pulled out from her, the shock of the pain sent her falling forward into Kylo. Instead of letting her hit the snow face first, he caught her against his body. Kaida felt all sorts of alarms going off throughout her body. What have I done?

"I had hopes for you," Kylo hissed in her ear as she gasped in pain. "I'd hoped you could make something of yourself. Yet, here you are, a dying breed." He moved her so that they could look at one another. Her eyes were full of pain, and tears. His looked remorseless, dead. "You brought this on yourself, Kaida. How does it feel, to know that you failed? That you are about to die, just as your brother did? That you fell for a stupid act?"

Stupid act. His words, not mine. It was in that moment that Kaida truly understood just how far gone Ben Solo was. How prominent Kylo Ren was before her. While the two were identical, they shared no mutual interests. Perhaps, save one: Kaida herself.

"Finish it," Kaida rasped to him. "Put me out of my misery."

"If I wanted to, I would have already."

"Please." Her lips quivered. "I can't...I can't die looking at you like this."

"Kaida—"

"I will shove a blade through myself if you don't." She grabbed the side of his face desperately, and she registered the surprised look on his face. "I've got nothing left. I never had a shot in this." The realization hit her, hard, as she was dying. "I was dead from day one. I was dead way before the Jedi fell."

Kylo didn't speak, but he seemed attentive to her words.

"I was doomed from the moment I fell in love with you—sorry, fell in love with Ben. I know you'll never be him again, I've accepted that now." Her laugh sounded hollow and weak. "But the best I can do is picture him as I look at you. Replace the coldness in your heart and your eyes with warmth." She coughed, spitting up a little bit of blood. "I wish the man I loved was still here, just long enough so that he could understand."

"You chose your fate," Kylo said gruffly.

"I-I know. And I might regret it. I...might not." She winced in pain. It's taking an awful long time to die. She wished in that moment for Ben Solo to come back to her. Even if it hurt her more to look at him as she was dying, it would give her some piece of comfort. "I can only dream that you regret what you've done here."

Kaida felt the Force calling to her, telling her to let go. Telling her that her fight was done and over with. She felt the tug to leave her body, but she wanted to hold on at the last possible second. What if she did see a peek of Ben Solo in Kylo? What if there was a chance for that still?

But as her time of dying was slowly coming to an end, Kylo was silent, and he watched as he waited for her to take her last breaths.

"I'm sorry," she croaked, daring to touch his face. Surprisingly, he allowed the contact. "I wish I'd known. I wish I'd saved you."

It was those words that released Kaida Quinn from her suffering. She felt her soul leave her body. She saw her body, gone limp, eyes rolled back into her head, in Kylo Ren's arms. She stood in the snow, no footprints of hers to be found.

She wanted to wait a little bit, to see if Ben Solo made an appearance. She watched curiously as Kylo brushed her hand with his hand as he held her body. She saw the subtle change in his eyes.

When the one tear shed, Kaida knew Ben was there.

"Oh, Benny," she whispered, knowing she would not be heard by him.

"You know how to pick them," came a new voice at Kaida's side.

Kaida glanced to find Axel near her. "How long have you been here?"

"From the time I died. I couldn't disappear knowing my sister was still in danger."

"What could you have done?"

"Something, but I knew it was something you had to confront by yourself." Axel looked at the scene Kaida couldn't stop staring at. "He meant more to you than he meant to me. In the end, it was about the two of you. I was just there."

"I was foolish."

"You were."

Kaida turned away from her body and Kylo. "I want to leave."

"Then let's go. I don't like this as much as you do."

Kaida took Axel's outstretched hand in hers. She looked over her shoulder once more, and the sight nearly made her stay. Kylo—or at this point it was Ben—was hunched over her body, his face hidden by her body.

Maybe there's hope for him, through my death. Maybe this made him see reason. Maybe he's still redeemable, even if I'm not there to help guide him.

"Kai." Kaida looked to Axel. "It's time."

She nodded.

Together, the Quinn twins departed the scene, accepting death through the Force, and never looking back. 

**Tears for my broken ship. Tears for my sunken ship. Tears for Kaida Quinn. She gave it her all but it just wasn't enough.

Do you think Kylo/Ben still loved her, in his own twisted mind?

P.S. If y'all didn't listen to the song as you read the chapter, please go back and do so. I really think it comes together nicely, even if it's painful.**