Winter very slowly gave way to spring. Days in the palace passed by with maddening repetitiveness. They ate meals with the governor, and had to entertain themselves the rest of the day. Sometimes they attended Singings. Sometimes Jale would take them into the valley to try skating again. Sometimes they would invite Rayni up to the palace.

Tanden spent hours looking at books, doing whatever he could to learn about the rest of the country. Soren spent hours thinking about what he had realized at the Tier Kuin-shon. Making sense of his own feelings was one challenge, but figuring out how to talk to Tanden about them was something else entirely. Tanden was the one who was good at words, and Soren needed to be sure he could hold his own before broaching the topic. While Tanden read and studied, Soren ran fake conversations through his head, trying to prepare himself for anything Tanden might say.

The snow didn't just disappear. Over the course of a few weeks, it melted a bit on warmer days, only for fresh snow to fall on colder days, to melt again the next day. The roads of Esler Tigo were covered in muddy slush, which soaked through boots much faster than the fresh snow had. Jale assured them the weather was normal. She also refused every time Tanden suggested they start the journey back to Till. She was bored too, she promised, but it just wasn't a good idea to travel yet. They had to wait until the weather would be a bit more predictable.

It was one of the warmer days when Soren decided he had thought and imagined and wondered long enough. He went for a quick walk first to clear his head, just wandering aimlessly around a few streets near the palace. It was warm enough that he hadn't bothered with his fur jacket, just a thick wool shirt. Snow melting from the rooftops dripped down like rain. It would have been beautiful if not for the dirty, wet snow on the ground.

He found Tanden exactly where Soren expected him to be, in the library. There was a table near a window that Tanden had sort of claimed for himself. He was there, with three books open and spread around a piece of paper. A long quill fluttered as he quickly wrote something.

When he got closer, Soren realized that paper was the map he had bought in Till. Tanden was carefully adding notes to it.

"What are you doing?"

Tanden's eyes flickered up, like he had to check who had interrupted him, before going back to the book he was copying from. "The capital of the Tiya province is called Esler Tiya. The capitals of Till and Tier are called Krier Tier and Krier Till. I thought maybe it was directions, something like East Tiya, West Till. But now I think it has to do with whether the patron is a god or a goddess." He finished what he was writing and placed the quill into the ink pot. "I know we're not getting to Esler Tiya or Krier Tier on this trip, but maybe we could come back someday."

"Do you think Jale would let us hire her again?" Soren joked.

Tanden laughed. "Yes. She loves us." He looked back down at his map. "This country is huge, and every province sounds so different. I would love to see more of it. I'm sure Ivern's doing a fine job with the Wanderlust, but..."

"You're homesick," Soren said.

"Not a word I ever imagined using to describe myself," Tanden said. "But yes. I'm homesick for our ship."

"And West Draulin."

Tanden glanced up sharply. For a second he looked like he was going to argue and be defensive, then he sighed. "Yes. All right. And West Draulin."

Soren looked around. They weren't alone in the library, but unless Jale was hiding behind a bookshelf there was no one who would understand them. Still, he felt that the conversation he wanted to have needed to be more private. "I want to talk," he said. "Let's go somewhere."

"We can stay here."

"Tanden."

Tanden took a deep breath. "I was wondering when this was going to come up. Whatever this is." He closed the three huge books, put the quill aside, and put the lid back onto the ink bottle. "Where do you want to go? Our room?"

"It's nice out," Soren said. "I thought we could go for a walk and find somewhere with a nice view."

"You're going to keep me in suspense until we find a place with a nice view?"

Soren shrugged. "Sort of seems like you've been in suspense for a while. A little longer won't kill you."

"All right," Tanden agreed after a moment. He picked up his map. "But first, we need to drop this off, and I need to get warmer clothes."

They stopped by their room quickly, and then they were on their way. They walked quietly through the city. Soren could tell Tanden wanted to talk, but he liked the silence. It gave him a little more time to prepare. They ended up following a path that ran along the cliff, providing a beautiful view of the valley. The wind picked up a little, but it still wasn't too cold. When Soren saw a stone bench ahead, he decided it was the perfect place for their talk.

The warm sun had melted all the snow and ice from the bench, and it was even dry. He took a seat, and waited for Tanden. Tanden paused. He crossed his arms, looked out at the valley for a moment, then looked back at the bench. Soren doubted anyone had ever made Tanden as nervous as he was in the moment—and all he had done postpone a conversation.

Tanden finally sat down. "I don't want to talk about West Draulin."

One day they would have to talk about West Draulin, but Soren hadn't prepared himself for that topic. He shook his head. "That isn't what this is about."

There was an immediate change in Tanden's demeanor. He uncrossed his arms and shifted so he could face Soren. "What's it about, then?"

Soren thought about his fake conversations. "I need you to listen, and not interrupt," he said firmly. "I know that isn't easy for you. But I need to explain something, and if you interrupt, you'll distract me and I won't be able to think clearly. So you need to be quiet."

Tanden nodded. "All right."

He sounded sincere. Still, Soren felt nervous. He looked at the valley, and let his gaze drift over the farmlands and mountains. It would be easier to get through his speech if he didn't look at Tanden. He clasped his hands together and took a deep breath.

"I've realized something," he began. "When we first started this, I was completely in awe of you, constantly. That hasn't changed. But I used to worry that you would move on, or that I wouldn't be interesting enough to keep you. Then, things happened." He didn't have to say West Draulin for Tanden to know he was talking about the fire. "I realized that by some miracle I had you. Given where we're from, I was happy with the idea of being your secret, and you being mine. Then you told the lads, and most of them didn't mind. So I got used to people knowing about us. But here, people don't just know about us, it's normal. Nobody thinks its strange that we're together. I like it. I like people knowing that you love me. It just got me thinking... I know when we're back on the Wanderlust, we can't just keep using words like eeto and eetorikey. Once we're back in contact with Ziannan ships, we'll have to be careful again. And of course every new country we visit is going to have different rules. I just guess that something about other people being so aware and comfortable with us makes our relationship feel more real. Does that make sense?" He was worried that he was rambling nonsense. He risked a quick glance at Tanden, who was staring down at his hands.

"I... yes," Tanden said after a moment. Soren could tell he was trying very hard to not interrupt with his own opinions. "You like that we're free to be ourselves here. Its nice after having to be more subtle for so long."

"Cap—Tanden," Soren reached over to take his hand. "I know you've chosen me. I don't worry about you moving on anymore. I know you're serious about this. Even with the game, with Rayni and Ara. It doesn't worry me that you flirt with everyone. You've made it very clear that I'm your partner. But still... I think I want us to get married."

Tanden flinched and pulled his hand out of Soren's. He couldn't possibly explain why the word made him so uneasy, but he knew he had to try. His mind raced, trying to find some way to put his feelings into words that made sense.

Then Soren beat him to it. "I know something about commitment scares you."

Just as quickly as Tanden's chest had tightened anxiously, he felt himself relax. He could thank the Goddess every day for Soren, and still it wouldn't be enough. He tried to take a steadying breath. "It isn't... it isn't..." he still couldn't find the words. Almost helplessly, he took Soren's hand again. "Soren. I love you. Endlessly. That isn't going to change. I'm never going to lose interest or move on. But... but what if I can't... what if I hurt you?" He took another breath. The words were finally coming to him. "Right now, if I hurt you, you can leave. You can toss me aside and move on with your life and find someone more reliable. But if we get married... Soren, mate, I'm flighty."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am," Tanden protested. "I maintain this air of haughty indifference because I've always kept everyone at a distance. It was easier to hide my emotions when no one knew me well enough to see through the lie. I can be charismatic, mysterious, alluring and all of those things that people love about me, because they don't actually know me. But you do. You're so important to me. My feelings for you are so strong, Soren... I almost burned down my home city because you were hurt. Because I completely lost all rational. Any ability to control myself, to be distant, to be cold enough to seem calm. I couldn't do it."

Soren squeezed his hand, but didn't say anything.

After a pause, Tanden continued, quietly. "I'm scared," he admitted. "I'm scared that if something else happens to you, I'll be just as volatile. But I'm also scared that if I get like that again, I might drag you down with me. Right now, even though you're my partner, I still feel like you have an out."

"I don't think I'll ever need an out."

"Soren, please."

"I don't think I'll ever need an out," Soren repeated. "Because when Toliver attacked me, our relationship was still new. You weren't used to letting people really see you. I wasn't used to being an equal partner. We're both more used to it now. If the same thing happened today, I would have a much easier time talking you down, and you would have a much easier time trusting me to do it."

Tanden shook his head. "That's a very specific event. You could get sick. You could fall overboard and drown. If something happens to you, and you aren't there to talk me down..."

"Then I also won't be there for you to drag down," Soren said.

"Well... I suppose that's one way to look at it."

"Tanden, we're partners, right? You said that's never going to change. I've said that's never going to change. When I say I want us to be married, I'm not talking about a fancy ceremony in West Draulin. Obviously, I don't expect that. But I thought we could do something, just for us. Just so we'll know."

Tanden stared down at their clasped hands. Something just for them didn't sound nearly as bad as an actual wedding, but still... "I need some time, to think about it. Please?"

"Of course," Soren said.

For a moment, they let silence settle between them. Tanden stared at the valley and felt his nerves settling with every breath. He took comfort in Soren's calm, steady presence beside him. He had never felt so vulnerable with someone before, but he had also never felt so safe. Soren had broken through his walls, time and time again.

He needed those walls when he met new people and learned about new cultures. But maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have someone on his side of the wall, as well.

"Soren," Tanden broke the silence after some time had passed. He felt better. He hadn't really realized how nervous he had been about whatever Soren had to say. That feeling had been in the background since the Tier Kuin-shon, when Soren had said his name unprompted.

"Hmm?"

"Can you call me Captain again?"

Soren laughed. "Aye, Captain. I can do that."