"He's not here."

I'm out of breath from the short run to Calum's front door, and it's embarrassing how much it pains me to know that run was for nothing.

"You're kidding," I gasp. "Please tell me he didn't do something stupid like run back to the Big Island."

"Run—" Calum catches himself. "Lex, no. His mom asked him to watch the house this weekend so he's staying there."

"Jesus, you scared me."

He smiles down at me, amused. "Our man."

I roll my eyes. "Neither of our man. We're atheists."

"What are you doing here? Last I heard, you literally ran away from the boy."

Part of me wants to run off so I can head to the house, but Calum has been one of the most supportive friends since I met him all those years ago, and I know he'll crown himself as our biggest cheerleader.

"I don't know what I'm doing half the time," I sigh.

"Neither do I. It's okay."

He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, watching me stand there helpless. My grand plan of barging into the house doesn't exactly pan out like I pictured it would in my head, but I'm wondering now if this is a blessing in disguise. Being near the ocean, hearing the sounds of the crashing waves and feeling the saltiness of the air on your skin, gives one all the courage they need sometimes to just go for it.

"You should get going. It's getting late."

I pause and send him a quizzical glance. "How was he this past week? Was he angry? Upset?"

He leans one arm against the doorframe. "Why don't you ask him yourself?" Calum looks me up and down. "Isn't that the point of you driving over here?"

"Come on, Cal," I beg. "I need to know what I'm getting myself into."

His face conveys his sympathy, but it's clear he doesn't have the answers I'm looking for. Or more so that he's aware he's not the one who should be giving me these explanations.

"Trust me, Alex. I think you're better off finding out for yourself. But if it makes you feel any better, I'm rooting for you." He gestures in the direction of where Zach's parents' house is, and the last of a setting sun catches the bronze of his kind eyes.

"You're making it sound like I'm about to run a marathon."

"I don't know, man. If you ask me, these things are harder than running a marathon." Calum crosses his arms over his chest and takes a step back into the house, making it clear he's about to cut this conversation short. "Don't sell yourself short."

"Thanks, Cal. For everything. For always being there to listen to us and tell us when we're being stupid and making us feel like we can do anything."

"As much as I hate to turn down a good compliment, I'm not the one you're here for. Go find him."

I barely hear the last of his words as I follow his commands, but I manage to shout a "love you!" over my shoulder before vanishing into the night.

...

My whole world comes to a stop.

"What are you doing here, Alexandra?"

Home can be the guy I wasn't supposed to fall in love with because he doesn't belong to me, but we both fell anyway, somehow slowly and fast into a burning pit of desire that sets our bodies ablaze until there's nothing left except the ashes of a love that should have never been.

The fallacy of it all is that love was never the problem. When something is so central to our being that it settles into our soul as a place we call home, there is no such thing as right or wrong where love is concerned. There are mistakes made and choices that lead us astray, but how we feel for each other has never been wrong. It could never be wrong. Sometimes, admitting I love him seems like one of the few right things that I've done in my life.

"We need to talk."

Zachariah shakes his head. "What is there to talk about? We've said what we've needed to say."

"No, we haven't. I've been running away from the truth this whole time but I promise, I'm done with that. Just please give me a chance."

I can see it in his eyes, the way he wants to fight, and the way he wants to give in. But he's smart and I don't blame him for this decision, so he goes with the former. Too many times he's put himself on the line only for me to pull away because I've been too afraid to give in. How can I expect him to keep doing the same anymore? How many times can I expect him to hold on when I keep letting him go?

"Why do you do this?" he begs. "Why do you show up right when I feel like I'm finally ready to let you go? You push me away and then give me this hope that maybe I was just imagining it all, but we've been through this before and I'm not about to let my heart get broken again."

I shake my head. "Please, just listen. Please."

He steps back from the door and, as it swings closed, says, "You told me to stop chasing you. That's what I'm doing."

I'm left staring at the front door like a fool, but my heart doesn't allow me to leave, even if the humiliation begs me to go. Instead, I listen—the leaves skipping along the ground, a breeze brushing my hair over my shoulder, his steps fading away as his Tom Ford cologne becomes a distant memory—and when I hear the faintest sound of the back door opening, I run.

He's standing on the edge of where the property ends and the beach begins. His toes curl into the sand while his hands ball up into fists of frustration, but his eyes look out at the water as if searching for an answer amongst those waves. Sometimes I think life's most difficult questions can be answered by a simple reflection of Earth's most beautiful places. It saddens me that some don't get to wake up to a view of the ocean as we do.

"I always thought I'd end up all alone. I was so convinced for most of my life that I'd never find somebody I wanted to spend the rest of my life with because I didn't believe I'd find someone I'd want to give all of myself to and that they'd want me."

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't react to these confessions. Zachariah stares forward with his back acting as a shield between us.

"But then I realized that all of these things I wanted in this version of life I didn't expect to ever find were things I already had with you." I step forward, just one step, and he doesn't bolt. Maybe it's too early for me to cling to this hopeful thinking, but I let the momentum carry me. "And it scared me. It still scares me. To think that I can have something so good I'll have to take back everything I've ever said about falling in love."

"I'm a jackass that never knows what I want and when I do I can't always be strong enough to go after it. I overthink things and second guess myself all the time and I'm one of the most frustrating people I know. Sometimes I can't be around people and want to drop off the face of the planet because it's easier than trying to face these problems since I know most of them I create myself."

Another step forward.

"But, Zachariah, I've never loved someone the way I love you. When I think of someone I want to build a future with, you're that person. And when I imagine loving someone, I think of everything you've shown me. 'Cause you do it. You do it when you listen to my two a.m. rants about the silliest things or when you protect me from seeing my dad fall apart or when you remind me that I deserve to feel proud of myself. And even though I've left you hanging more than once, you still came back for me. You stood beside me when I needed you. You opened that door for me earlier. And you're still here listening to me ramble right now. But you were right. It's been you. It's always been you. It'll always be you. In this lifetime or another or in my wildest dreams, it's you. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to realize it."

My heart stops, just as my world did when I arrived at this house. I'm not sure how long I stand there staring at the ocean and him—as beautiful as those waters off of Hawai'i are, nothing compares to him—but my breath catches in my chest when he turns around. His shoulders are tense and the air cracks with his movements like he's coming out of a hardened state of existence.

"Where is all of this coming from?" he asks.

I'm not sure how to take this question, but I answer it as sincerely as I can. "Someone very special to us made me realize that I deserve the happiness I wish upon others, and nothing makes me happier than being with you."

Zachariah is quiet, uncharacteristically so. He loves loudly and passionately, so this side of him is terrifying, especially after pouring my heart out to him. Time ceases to exist while I wait for him to respond, and the silence carries on long enough that I nearly convince myself this is all just a dream.

"We can do this," I cry with tears running down my face—begging, pleading, dreaming. "Let me fight for you, please. Let me prove to you I can give us what we deserve 'cause I'll never stop loving you. And even if you think I'm full of shit and you don't want this anymore, I'll never stop being entirely too in love with you."

The space shrinks in an instant. Or maybe it takes minutes, I'm not sure. But suddenly he's standing in front of me and his hand presses against my cheek, testing to make sure I'm real. He's as convinced as I am that we must be dreaming. After all the times I've denied us, it's hard not to think that.

"Is this real?"

I nod.

He looks down at me with questions swirling in his eyes. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret. Don't force yourself into something you're not sure you want."

"I am sure," I plead. "I've never been more sure of something in my life. And how could I ever regret being in love with you?"

I'm afraid to move or touch him back. I stand there and let his fingers travel delicately across my face, bringing these old memories back to life.

When he speaks again, my heart sings and I feel so alive, and now I'm wishing that time did stop because I never want to leave this moment ever again.

"God, I love you."

His lips crash against mine and I'm on cloud nine. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer until we're molded into one piece. Zachariah's arms tighten around my waist and lift me until my feet dangle in the air and I'm left to follow him. And I do. I'll follow him wherever he wants to go because I know he'll do the same for me.

When he places me back down, I'm no longer standing in the sand-covered grass; I'm right outside the back door of the house. With our lips still attached, he guides me through the maze. It's been long enough that I'm not familiar with it anymore, but it smells like him so it feels like home.

Our bodies crash onto the bed where the sheets splash outwards like we're jumping into the water outside. There's an urgency to the way we move, and it feels more chaotic with every I love you whispered and murmured and moaned until we're drowning in a symphony of our love. When we come together, we fall so hard and fast into each other that I'm not sure I'll see anything but pure sunlight ever again.

He stops for a moment and nudges his nose against mine, my eyes opening back up for him. "Please don't ever leave me again."

I stare back at him with fresh tears cresting along my lashes. This feeling of love—giving it and feeling it in return—is so overwhelming I don't know what to do with myself. Zachariah's hands slide up from my hips to grasp both of my hands and I remind myself I don't need a plan or understanding. Falling in love means jumping headfirst into the chaos with someone and not knowing what's coming next except that we'll be right there side-by-side together. I don't let myself overthink anymore. I don't second guess my choices. I give him my all. Every broken and messy and happy part of me belongs to him.

"Never," I whisper against his lips, pressing them against his once more. Twice more. Three times more and then again because he's all mine. "I love you."

"I love you," he repeats."I'll always love you."