"I don't get how you spend money on those kinds of things," I remark, trying not to come off judgmental while staring at the Chanel shopping bag. It's practically screaming how poor it thinks I am. "All I ever think about is getting off this island as many times as I possibly can. The last thing I'd do is spend enough money on a purse that could pay off a fourth of my car."

Katerina sips on her boba. "That's because taking a vacation is a form of self-care for you."

"I think the same could be said about anyone." I cough into my fist. "If that's the case, I'm not feeling well. Let's go somewhere."

Katerina nods enthusiastically. "You know you're the first one I'll call."

Sometimes life hands me endless rain clouds and I almost forget what sunshine looks like. Other times it lets loose a rainbow to remind me there's hope somewhere along with those endless skies. Today is a rainbow among those clouds of gray. Katerina's joy is infectious and I'm reminded of what it's like to laugh and smile. I'm glad she's able to talk me out of the house every once in a while.

"Remember that time we hung out with Tyler at the playground near my house?" I ask as we weave our way through the crowd.

"If you could stop reminding me of one of the most mortifying moments of my entire life, that'd be super fun," she moans.

The three of us had decided, for some reason, that it'd be fun to slide down all at the same time, except there were only two slides so Katerina had to use a set of steps that were formed into a smooth curve. At the time, it seemed like a good idea, but it'd resulted in her foot getting caught between two of the steps, sending her face-first into the bed of hard rubber. I'd nearly pissed myself laughing. I'm pretty sure our friend Tyler did pee his pants.

"But it's such a good memory," I cry laughing.

She attempts to glare at me, but her lips betray her with a smile that can't be contained. Soon, she's laughing hysterically with me and the sound falls like music on my ears. "It's good for you because you're not the one with the emotional scarring."

I smack her arm. "Don't be so dramatic."

"It nearly stunted my growth, Alex. I couldn't look people in the eye for weeks, and not just because of the swelling. And my god, all of the homework I couldn't do because I was in so much pain!"

"I think that's because you were too busy sneaking out to fool around with Romi," I sputter. "And you have three deadlines extended because of it."

"Look where that got me! A broken heart and box full of shit he still hasn't picked up."

"If you knew anything about self-care, you'd have already burned all of that trash by now," I scold her.

Katerina sends me a look. "Oh? And have you burned all of Zach's crap?"

"As soon as he got on the plane." I smile at her. "If I hadn't, I'm sure you would've done it for me."

She stops and reconsiders. "You're right. That shit should be up in flames by now." Katerina looks back at me with a question in her eyes. "You busy tonight? We can make smores and sacrifice his shit to the gods."

"And ask for what in return?"

She considers this. "That we'll finally get that double wedding with Taeyang and T.O.P.."

"Whatever we need to sacrifice—make it happen."

...

If there's anything that can be said about Katerina and me, it's that we're creatures of habit who find solace in familiarity. That's how we end up at Macaroni Grill even though it's where we've eaten the last three times we've gone to Ala Moana. And we order the same meal as always because deviating from the norm goes against the rules of our outings.

"So, how was the date?" I ask as soon as the waiter walks away. I pick up the crayon and draw waves along the border of the brown paper wrapped around the table. "You never texted me back after your emergency call. I assume well enough to stay longer?"

"Oh, no. I left ten minutes after we hung up. He kept going on about how he had this cool guitar collection at home I should go over to see. Like, that night. And I was like hey, bud, read the room. I'm not coming over after our first date."

I smile at my drawing of flowers floating along the waves. "I thought you wanted to live out your musician fantasy?"

"Not like that," Katerina squirms. "He couldn't even subtly get me to go home with him. He was just like hey, come check out this cool thing like he was luring me into his van with candy."

"Dodged becoming the subject of a true-crime podcast. Imagine someone putting on makeup while they recount you getting murdered."

"When was the last time you went on a date?" She tilts her head.

"Me? On a date? Funny."

Katerina purses her lips and reaches across the table, yanking the crayon out of my hand. "At some point, you have to move on you know."

I scoff, "Why do I need a man to complete me?"

"That's not what I said. It's entirely okay to be on your own. But I know you, and I know you like to pretend you're okay being on your own when, really, you like feeling loved. And giving love in return."

"I hate how every conversation we have about my personal life is about how I need to be fixed," I mumble. "What if I never feel like dating again? Does that make me incomplete? Am I no longer myself because of it?"

Katerina looks like she regrets bringing it up. "I'm not trying to upset you. I just—" she struggles to find the words to say.

"Fine."

She pauses. "Sorry, what?"

If there is a future where things are normal again, it starts with the first step. And even when she's trying to scold me about getting back into the dating pool, I still find it hard to turn her down. "If you think it'll help, find me a date."

There aren't enough presents I can afford that would cause the thrill she gets from hearing this. The whole restaurant hears it and looks over at us like we're drenched in a spotlight. I have to shush her and remind her that inside voices are the standard in most restaurants and she smiles sheepishly at me.

"Sorry. I've been waiting for this day for a long time."

"The pimp title is on probationary status," I caution with a point of my finger. "If you set me up on a bad date, I'm immediately crawling back into my cave for the rest of my days. My dad will never have grandchildren."

Katerina rolls her eyes. "Don't be silly, Alex. Hawai'i allows adoption for same-sex couples."

"You're assuming my brother will ever have the patience to adopt a child when he already has me and my dad to worry about."

As if this was a plan waiting to be set in motion—I wouldn't put it past Katerina to have some kind of research done—she pulls out her phone and gets her notes app ready.

"So, what kind of guy are you looking for?"

"Not looking for. That requires active interest. What kind of guy am I open to."

"Semantics." After a few clicks of her nails, she looks back up at me expectedly.

I have to give it a thought because the question of who I'd date is not something I've considered in a long time. I mentally flip through different traits I look for in a guy, realizing they all lead back to the same person. It's then I realize there is no scenario where I can sit here and think of what I usually go for because no one can measure up to him, and maybe that's a good thing since that story didn't end well.

"As long as he doesn't try to show me his guitar collection on the first date, I'm good." After second thought, "He also can't be in the military."

She waits for a moment, giving me the chance to take it back. "Are you sure about this? 'Cause I have a friend that's seen you on my Instagram and thinks you're cute."

I force a smile on my face in place of the eye roll I want to give. "Remember—the fate of my dad getting grandchildren rests on your shoulders."

Katerina winks at me. There isn't a challenge in this world she's afraid of facing, least of all the one guarding my heart.

As our round of appetizers arrives, I glance out the window to watch the world go by when I spot a face in the crowd that's etched into my memory forever. Because she's as much a part of me as my brother is. Because family extends past those that share the same name. Because even though I've proven to be a terrible friend, she still finds me in the crowd, hand raised in greeting and gesturing for me to come to her.

Katerina follows my gaze when she realizes I've frozen.

"Emmie," she murmurs under her breath before turning back to me. "I think she wants to talk to you."