Being back at Lu's takes my mind on an unwanted trip down memory lane to a much simpler time. A time of way too many nights spent listening to Hot Chelle Rae on repeat and having dance marathons without any insecurities, because when you've been together since diaper days, nothing was too embarrassing and it was all in good fun. Those nights usually ended with us making the short walk to Lu's for a mile high stack of pancakes, made with love and our favorite sweets.

Tears prick at my eyes as we sit in silence at the back, in our old booth. I keep thinking about all of the memories that we never got to make and how the only ones that I've got to hold on to are tainted by this jarring pain that keeps reminding me that my friendship with Luca is a thing of the past.

"Well, look at you, B! You're all grown up!" Lucinda's wearing a smile that fills me with warmth and I get up and hug her.

She only pats Luca on the head and I realize in that moment that it's not his first time back in forever, unlike me. Something akin to envy flows through me and I slide back into my seat, wanting to cry even more because it hits me then that while I was too busy avoiding all of the places that reminded me of us, he had no such qualms and it makes me want to hurt him.

"What can I get you darlings?" Lu asks, notepad and pen at the ready.

"Pancakes with Oreos and skittles?" I ask timidly, unsure of whether they even still served such contraptions.

"Uh huh." She makes a note of it and turns to Luca. "And for you? The usual?"

He nods. "And two root beers, please."

"Be right back," she says with a happy smile in my direction and then she's gone.

"You came here without me?" I hate that I can't even mask the hurt in my voice.

He looks at me like he expected the question. "I needed to hold on to something good, too."

I scoff at his words, momentarily forgetting that I'm supposed to be playing nice this weekend.

"B, I d—"

"It's whatever," I say with a wave of my hand, not quite ready to have our big fight. "What's your usual?"

He lets me change the subject and answers my question. "Oatmeal raisin on whole wheat." He manages a weak laugh at my grimace. "You should try it sometime."

I wrinkle my nose. "Hard pass."

He sighs and I can almost feel the weight of his sadness. It makes me want to reach out and grab his hand, but I don't. But, oh how I wanted to.

"Thanks for letting me stay last night," he says in a small voice. "You literally saved me from cutting my ears off and tossing them in the fire."

I nod and against my better judgment, I take his hand in mine, like a weakling. "I can't imagine the mess that would've made. I'm just glad that you texted me."

"There's no one else I'd rather have by my side, B." I'm about to tell him to stop talking, but he squeezes my hand in a silent plea. "I know how hard this is for you, and I just wanted to say that I appreciate it and you. I'll always appreciate you."

"Here you go, my darlings." Lucinda's voice cuts Luca's speech short and I let go of his hand.

We mumble our thank you's and when she's gone, I pick at my pancakes in silent contemplation.

Luca picks at his pancakes as well and keeps sneaking glances my way, but I can't talk to him. I'm too busy being stuck in my head. My mind protests against the imposition of thinking about Luca so much in such a short span of time and I can already feel the headache I'm about to have.

After spending years hating someone, it's a hell of a thing to let that hate go. I'm so confused. I know in my heart that letting Luca back in my life will only hurt me, but when he looks at me like I'm the only person worth looking at, I want to risk it all.

But—and there's always a but, I can't seem to let go of the hurt. I'd taken all of the hurt that Luca had given me and stored them up and now there's just too much for me to simply ignore and I don't know what to do about it.

"I think that my mom cheated," Luca says into the silence, startling me out of my thoughts.

"Why do you think that?" I can't for the life of me imagine Mrs. Donahue being anything but the doting wife that I've always known. Something was amiss.

"My dad has said as much in their most recent fights and she hasn't denied it."

I shake my head at the thought. "That doesn't sound right. Have you considered the fact that maybe he's just being insecure?"

I've had enough shitty relationships to know that someone accusing you of cheating when you were undeniably innocent, usually pointed to a deeply rooted sense of insecurity that they didn't want to address, and it was easier to have that fight.

Luca shrugs. "I don't know what to think. Dad's angrier than I've ever seen him and Mom, she..." He sighs. "I don't know. I can see that with every fight a little piece of her leaves. It's like she already has one foot out the door."

I don't know what came over me, but I got up and slid in beside Luca. His brow rises at our new seating arrangement, but he doesn't protest. "Has either of them told you anything as yet?" My heart is beating a mile a minute, but I ignore the heavy thumps and focus on Luca.

He swallows, seemingly lost for a minute before he answers. "Two nights ago, I heard mom crying while I snuck into the kitchen. She was in the living room watching some old family tapes and just crying." He looks down at his plate. "I felt like I was intruding, so I just left her there with her tears." He smiles ruefully at me. "Son of the year, right there."

I put my arm around him and give him a sympathetic smile. "You just didn't know how to handle her tears, you never did do well with those." I touch his face with my free hand, feeling all sorts of things that I shouldn't have. "You're a good son, Luca. You just don't handle emotions very well."

"I don't deserve you," he whispers and I almost agree with him just for the hell of it.

"Shut up, Luca," I say instead with an eye roll. When he finally smiles, I let out a breath of relief. "You're not a bad son." A shitty friend, sure, but I'd seen him with his parents, and he made me look like a terrible daughter.

He gives me one of those looks that makes me feel as though he can see into my soul and much to my dismay, my heart flutters. "Come to the pier with me?"

There's no way that I can say no when he's looking at me like that, so I nod and when he gives me a full blown smile, it almost knocks the wind out of me.

I tell myself to get a grip as I walk beside him. My heart has been going on and on about how he's making me feel and I don't like it one bit.

"Hey."

"Hmm?" I glance at the beautifully sculpted boy besides me and smile. Beautifully sculpted? What the?

"What'd you even see in Connor Davidson?" Luca's all seriousness as he waits for my response. Why he was asking about my first boyfriend, I have no idea.

I shrug. "He was hot." It sounds shallow, but with my heart in pieces, I wasn't exactly looking for substance. Also, Connor had always been nice to me in the face of all the other kids who were ignoring me. I didn't want to say that to Luca, though. "Also, Rainn had insisted that I give him a chance. So, that's what I did."

"I see." He didn't seem pleased with my answer. "Did you love him?"

I roll my eyes. "Luca, please." I had no place in my heart to love anyone else after what Luca had done to it, but I don't say this to him either.

We reach our destination and I follow him to the edge of the water. We sit so close that I can feel the heat radiating off of his body and it makes me hot all over.

"What'd you see in Rachel?" I ask him after a minute, referring to his most recent fling. Luca didn't do relationships and I'd never understood why, because I'd thought that his parents had set a stellar example and he was just being stubborn. I knew better now.

He smiles at me. "She was hot?"

I laugh and thump him. "I'm being serious."

"So am I! That girl could scorch deserts." His eyes bore into mine and his smile leaves for a second. "She's got nothing on you though."

I roll my eyes and turn away so that he won't see me blush. "Is that the only qualification that a girl needs?" With my face no longer stinging, I look at him. "Rachel's also super smart and extremely funny. Did you know that?"

He nods. "Of course I did." Then he says something that pisses me off. "She just wasn't you."

"You don't get to say that to me, Luca," I tell him, my tone harsher than I intended.

"I'm sorry." He didn't look sorry though. "But it's the truth."

"Ugh." I attempt to get up, but he places his hand on mine and stills me. I shake my head, feeling anger fill my being. "Dude, I'm trying so hard to be nice to you, but you're fucking it all up."

"I don't want you to be nice to me, Blaise." He says this with a look that I can't decipher and I'm stumped for a second. "I want you to yell and I want us to talk about what's happened to us."