It takes me two weeks to talk to Rainn again and by then, it feels too weird. We're sitting side by side on the bleachers after school and pretending not to notice how awkward it is. I flick my hoodie onto my head to give myself something to do, just as Rainn turns to look at me.

"How've you been?" She asks this with a nervous smile.

"Good. You?" Truth is, I've missed her. I do nothing when I get home besides homework and think about what a mess my life is now.

"Not so good."

I look at her and although there's nothing comedic about that, she laughs and I laugh along with her. "I'm sorry," I say when we've sobered up. "It was mean of me to shut you out like that."

"It was," she agrees but she's wearing a smile that says that all is forgiven. "I deserved it. I'm sorry too."

"How was the rest of your trip?" It stings to ask because I know that my withdrawal didn't help any.

"Sucked." She gives me a sad smile. "I really, really missed you."

"Ditto," I say and put my arms around her.

We sit like this for I don't know how long and then Rainn says, "Luca's a wreck, B." I stiffen and she takes my hand. "Don't hate me for saying this, but I think that talking to him will benefit you both."

I stare out onto the track where a few kids are running laps and imagine Luca having as hard a time as me and I can't help but smile. Despite how sad the situation is, the thought of him being up at night, tortured by his thoughts, calms me. I turn to Rainn and she's giving me a weird look. "What?"

"Gonna talk to him or just take comfort in his misery?"

She knows me too well. "I don't know. I don't know that there's anything to say to Luca." I shrug. "It's a lost cause, me and him."

"You know that he loves you, right?"

I shake my head. I don't want to think about Luca and associate anything about him with love. "He almost destroyed me, Rai. There's no love there, just a boatload of hurt."

"But—"

"No."

"B, he does."

"No," I say more forcefully. "He doesn't get to love me after what he's done. That's not how it works. He doesn't get to rip my heart to shreds and when I've finally put myself back together, come around again. He doesn't get to break my heart twice."

She let's go of my hand when I remove my arm from around her. "I still think that you should talk to him." My face hardens and I give her a warning look, but she ignores it. "At least hear him out and if after all's said, you still want to let it go, then I'll leave it alone."

"Why can't you leave it alone now?" I can already feel myself getting angry. "We're barely back on speaking terms and you're already out to ruin it. Fuck, Rainn."

She gives me a withering look. "Because, Blaise, I can see beyond this façade of yours and I know that deep down you feel the same way about him. I know that you've tried to bury it, but it's there. Anyone who's paying attention can see it."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I know that if she continues, I'll have to admit that she's right and I don't want to do that. I don't want to let Luca anywhere near my heart. Not after the devastation that he's already caused it.

"Please, B."

"Drop it." I turn away from her and focus my attention on the stragglers who have fallen way behind on the track. "You don't see me advocating for anyone who's ever hurt you, so why are you going so hard for Luca?"

"This is the part where I say sorry and promise to let it go, but I can't," she says as she puts her arms around me. I try my hardest not to shrug her off. "You're stuck on the hurt from three years ago and it's preventing you from seeing the happiness that awaits. You're not any happier when you're not talking to him, are you?"

I don't respond. I don't care what she says, there's no way that I'm giving in. I've worked way too hard to rebuild myself to let my guard down now.

"There's more to the story than you think, B." She kisses my cheek and stands. "He broke his heart, too."

"Good."

I have a hard time falling asleep that night and spend most of it staring at the ceiling, replaying my conversation with Rainn.

I'm not surprised by the tears that join me when I notice that Luca's nightlight is still on, but I am shocked by the pain that accompanies them. I don't want to feel this way when I think about him. I don't even want to think about him, period.

There's a side of me that softens whenever I'm forced to look at him from the perspective of someone who doesn't hate him and it scares me. It makes me wonder if holding onto my anger is doing more harm than good. I like to tell myself that it's a protective measure, but now, I'm not entirely sure.

My phone buzzes and I unplug it, already knowing that it's a text from Luca. He just refuses to give up.

I almost don't open it, but something tugs at my heart and I give in.

•Can I crash on your floor?

I blame it on the fact that it's well after 3 am and I'm clearly very emotional, but I get up and open my window. I shine my phone's flashlight into his room and turn it off, then on again, our old signal from years ago that means that it's okay.

It doesn't take him more than three minutes to come barreling through and I have to shush him before he wakes my family.

I flip the light on and go to the closet where I toss him my old sleeping bag, although it's probably too small now, a sheet and blanket. I even throw in two of my pillows and then I find myself staring at him as he goes about making his bed.

When he's done, he straightens and catches me staring. For some reason, I don't look away and neither does he.

We stand like this for a few minutes until it begins to feel weird and I break the eye contact. I climb back into bed without saying a word to him and pull my comforter all the way over my head. It takes another minute or so but then I hear the rustling of sheets and then it's quiet.

Unable to help myself, I get up and peer down only to find Luca sitting up, staring at the wall.

I bite my lip, reluctant to talk to him, but the way his shoulders are slumped, tells me that something's very wrong.

I quietly join him on the floor and sit opposite him so that we're forced to look at each other. "You good?" I ask, although he's obviously not.

"My parents are getting a divorce," he says quietly. He rubs his eyes and sighs. "They're fighting about it again and I just couldn't lay there and listen to them anymore."

I didn't know what to say. That was the last thing that I'd expected him to blurt out. I'd seen both of his parents just the morning before and they seemed as happy as ever, sitting on their porch. I struggle to recall whether they were talking to each other or fighting in hushed tones. "I'm sorry, Luca," I finally say when it's been quiet for too long.

"Me too." He gives me a sad smile. "Me too."

I switch seats so that I'm now beside him and before I can talk myself out of it, I pull him into my arms and thread my fingers through his hair when he leans into me.

I don't know how long we sit like this, but the longer I hold him, the less I hate him. "Luca?" I say quietly.

"Mmm?"

"You can sleep in the bed with me, just this once."

He chuckles and I hold him tighter. "Thank you, B."

We don't talk anymore after that and it's for the best. We move our post to the bed and it doesn't take long for me to fall asleep.

I wake up to find Luca's arm around me. I tense for a minute but manage to relax when I hear his shallow breathing. I realize that once again I'm trapped until he wakes and surprisingly, don't freak out at the thought.

I think about the past few hours and I'm more confused than ever. I started the day off hating him and vowing to never willingly talk to him and now I'm wrapped up in his arms.

I feel like a hypocrite for giving up my anger, but as Luca's chest rises and falls ever so slightly, it erases that thought and my heart beats a little faster.

Bargaining with myself is something that I often do, and I make a deal that I'll stick a pin in our fight and be there for Luca as a friend, but I'll only give him the weekend, because I'm not sure that my heart can survive if I go longer.

There's a nagging voice in the back of my mind that's telling me this is a very bad idea, but I ignore it.

"Hey," Luca whispers into the quiet morning. He disentangles himself from me and apologizes.

"It's okay. I kind of liked being cuddled. Takes me back to old times." I'm shocked at how easy it is to fall back into a routine that we hadn't done in years.

"In that case," he says and pulls me back to him. "I think I'll just stay like this."

I push at him and roll over. "I only cuddle between the hours and 3 am and 7 and it's.." I glance at my alarm clock. "It's 8:45."

I feel him shift and then we're both laying there staring at the ceiling.

"I can't believe you still have those stars up there," he murmurs, referencing my glow in the dark, starry night stickers that we had put up in middle school, after he'd spent one too many nights unable to sleep in my pitch black room.

"I needed to hold on to something good," I reply honestly.

It's quiet for a minute and I know that I've touched a nerve. A part of me wants to hash it out with Luca, but the more rational side, wants to give that conversation time to get there on it's own.

"B, I'm s—"

"I know." I don't want him to say it, cause then we'd have to talk about it all. "Wanna grab breakfast?"

When he doesn't respond, I swivel my head and he's giving me a quizzical look. He doesn't look away and I can't make myself do it either.

"Are we ever going to talk about it?"

This time I do look away. "Not right now. Let's just have today, okay?"

"And what happens tomorrow? Will you just go back to ignoring me?"

The hurt in his voice makes me sad, but it's way too early to have such a loaded discussion with him. There's too much that we need to talk about and I'm afraid that my anger will rear her ugly head and I don't want to add to his pain any more than necessary.

I've decided to give him the weekend, so that's what he gets and after then, we can talk about our issues and let the chips fall where they may.

I get up and hop off the bed. "You should head home before your folks realize that you're gone."

"They won't notice, trust me." He says this bitterly and I want him to elaborate but don't dare ask.

"Well, I think that my mom is making breakfast." I smile. "She likes to bang shit loudly so I'll get the point and go help her."

He gets up off the bed and proceeds to make it. "So, we'll go help her, then."

When the bed is made, and Luca's makeshift one on the floor is put away, we make our way into the kitchen.

I can already anticipate the glow that my mom will exhibit when she sees us together. She won't even freak out at the fact that he's obviously just come from my room and I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

"Morning, Mom," Luca says and gives her a kiss on her cheek and I shake my head.

I give her a hug from behind, because I can't let Luca upstage me in my own house. "What's for breakfast?"

She licks pancake batter off her fingers and tosses the empty bowl into the sink. "This is for your father. You two can make your own."

I gasp. "Mother! What?"

"You heard me. Your father and I are having a day in bed. You can fend for yourself for today, can't you?"

I sigh and hop onto the counter. "Sure, but what about Luca?"

Luca nods and smiles at me.

I know that she sees it, but thankfully, she doesn't comment. I'm already anticipating the lengthy discussion that she'll have with me when he's gone and I'm not looking forward to it. "He's your guest, and therefore your responsibility." She stacks the last of her pancakes and moves past me. "Dishes are yours today," she says and then she's gone.

Luca laughs and instead of my usual glare, I smile at him. "Cereal cool with you?" I'm not the cooking type and he knows it.

"Cap'n Crunch?"

I open the cupboard and shake my head. "Lots of wheat. Wanna just go to Lu's?"

Lucinda Darby has owned the only coffee shop worth frequenting, since it's only a couple of streets over and serves the best Chai teas that I've ever had. It used to be a safe haven for me and Luca, I note ruefully.

I haven't been there in years, for obvious reasons and now I'm wondering why I've let hating Luca take precedence over doing the things that I used to love.

"Let me take a shower first?"