<Fear not, for I am with you- Isaiah 41:10>

|18|

"I DON charge my energy, I no get time for no enemy. . ." Mom sang lustily as she scooped two spoonfuls of strawberry ice cream into her mouth. Every now and then, she hit the steel spoon against her ice cream tub, and it remained a fraction for her to actually stand up and move her body to the melodious rhythm of Burna Boy's afro beat coming from her iPhone.

She was the only entertainment around so I watched her while sitting on the edge of the white and pink tablecloth we had kept on the carpet glass, a pinch of fromage frais placed rather lazily on my tongue. I wasn't really hungry but I had to pretend I was eating, or Mom would start throwing the why questions. And I wasn't in the mood for any answers.

Dad reclined against the sycamore tree, frowning slightly as he flipped through the pages of a medical magazine. Perhaps mom's music was a distraction. I was right.

He lowered the magazine down and looked at Mom. "Sasha you should have brought your earphones if you wanted to listen to some songs."

Mom remained oblivious to what Dad said and instead gulped down another spoon, still singing, "Anybody wey no want to soji, anybody wey no dey carry body, nack am something ahh, nack am something!" This time she sang with much more gusto than before, almost as if she was referring the lyrics of the song to Dad.

Dad sighed and tried again, the wind blowing his red shirt haywire. "Sasha, can you turn down the music? It's creating havoc on my reading and on other people here too."

It was true. The few people close to us---'wey no want to soji'---were casting fiery glowers Mom's way.

Mom faked a yawn and wiped the corners of her lips with a tissue. I can't help but feel she did that to hide a smirk I knew hovered on her lips. After all, I hadn't observed any ice cream stains earlier.

"Say please, Chris." This time the smirk she had been hiding was full blown.

Shaking his dark head, he cracked a knowing smile at her. "Please."

She covered the half-eaten dessert and held her phone in her right hand. All my sexy ladies, pawon! All my sexy mamas, pawon, blared loudly from it. The beat was maddening although I got zero comprehension from the lyrics and if I wasn't so miserable, I would have danced along. Nigerian songs are dope, honestly.

Moving closer, Mom put off her phone, sat next to Dad and placed her cheek on Dad's broad chest. She sighed contentedly. "There, I've put it off now. Hope you're happy."

"Of course I am. Although I really don't mind if you want to blast my ears off in the name of music." They chuckled together as he patted her hair.

"All I know is that you still love me." He smoothed down the orange flowery gown she wore.

Is it weird that I want to take a picture of them that way? I'll probably gush out, "Awwn, just look at you two. Come on say cheese, I wanna take a pic," because things were getting romantic here or put in the Nigerian way, they're catching feelings. Yeah, I had been pestering Mom to start teaching me some Nigerian slangs and I know a few now. I have to admit, those slangs are darn savage.

Mom whispered something to which Dad laughed heartily at, his shoulders shaking vigorously. Despite the clogging feeling of misery flowing through my veins, I couldn't help but smile at the two.

They conversed in low tunes, an occasional chortle from Dad and a childish giggle from Mom. Yeah, she doesn't behave like an adult whenever she's around him. I had a hunch that they were in their own private world and weren't aware of anyone else not in their orbit. Hmmph.

I scanned the ever green surroundings. It was Sunday and on Sunday evenings, the place was filled up, mostly with playful children and screaming babies. But today, the park was surprisingly empty, a handful of white and black folks sprinkled around sparingly. Which was why Mom was my entertainment earlier and unfortunately, that was over with the way my parents continued whispering sweet nothings.

And that meant it was my cue to leave them alone. I picked the yellow cup of fromage frais up and ambled to the swings, a few distance away. At least, I had them all to myself. No little boy or girl to drag it with.

Settling into one, I tried to push my body to and fro. My efforts were for nothing because in the end, the swing always came to a stop. So instead of exerting my much needed energy, I just sat motionless, apart from munching on the soft gooey cheese that melted immediately I put them into my mouth. Yum, if only I can really savour it.

Sometimes, the wind was merciful and decided to blow my way, the swing moving in its direction and in the process making me swing.

The heady scent of foxgloves and frangipani bushes around the park almost made me feel at ease. Almost. Our weekly routine of having a family picnic every Sunday in Penfield park was what I looked forward to, most of the times. Except that I wasn't in my feelings today.

Tiny bird chirps could be made out as they perched from the tall shady trees to the medium shrubs scattered haphazardly all over the place. Gurgling sounds of water pouring from the fountain in the middle of the park, cast a tranquil soothing atmosphere. Here was peaceful but there wasn't any peace in me.

I gazed at the clear sky, the wind billowing my already disheveled hair and recalled yesterday night. The night making today so fracking sad. The night when I was treated like scum all because of the colour of my freaking skin. I was furious at my cowardly self. Why hadn't I just stood up and left? Why hadn't I insulted him right back and given him a taste of his medicine? Arrghh! I'm so sick of people.

The cheese, I had come close to enjoying, turned sour in my mouth and I angrily threw it away, container and all, uncaring of the sign written in bold black letters:

No dumping of wastes and refuses here. Offenders won't go unpunished.
Beware!

"Yen yen yen," I spit aloud, trying out my newly learnt Nigerian slang. A perverse and sadist feeling engulfed me, twisting my mind. I wanted to hurt something or someone. Like Richard.

"No one saw me do that, so no punishment suckers." I would have yelled that out if not for the fact Mom and Dad were a few feets nearby. Darn.

"I saw you."

Uh oh. I think I spoke too soon, for I heard a guy's voice.

I spun around and guess who I saw? Jayden. He smiled at me sheepishly, the cool breeze whisking the luscious curls on his head. As always, he was clad in nerdy style; black pants, a blue turtleneck and those ugly glasses. I had the sudden urge to drag them off his face and throwing them to the ground, stomp on it with my black boots.

Girl chill. You're thinking violently, good mind chided. Fuck off, those glasses are preventing me from seeing his eye colour.

Overlooking him, I faced forward and continued staring at the evening sky. I'm not usually a moody girl but whenever I'm down, I tend to retreat into my shell or become real emotional and all fiery. Also, I didn't want him to witness my little episode of self depreciation. Besides, I was still hurt. He hadn't replied to my text earlier. I wished he would go away.

"Hey Jamila. I just decided to take a walk and saw you sitting all alone here. What's up?" he asked and, not seeking my permission, slid into the empty space beside me, for the swing could contain two people.

"Please go away, I want to be alone," I mumbled out, hoping he'll agree to my request.

"Why? Talk to me," he spoke in a soothing tone.

"No, just go away. Please," I begged, putting my hands on my face. Couldn't he get a hint and fracking leave me alone?

"Not until you tell me what's bothering you." I didn't care to reply. Perhaps if I stayed quiet, he would leave.

"Jamila, come on. Talk to me." He took my hands down, holding them and made me turn to him.

Stray rays of the setting sun projected onto his breathtaking facial features and I could see those cute freckles of his.

"Do you really want to know what's bothering me?" I questioned sarcastically, an edge to my irate tone. He nodded, his face so serene. Well, I would oblige him. Maybe he would finally go away when he saw all the heavy baggage I carried with me. And I'll probably revert back to the pathetic loner I've always been. With no friend to talk to, apart from Theo.

Deep fury rose in me as I began talking, "Kian's dad threw a birthday party and Kian invited me. I don't know why I agreed to come. Heck I even dressed up real good, well that's what Mom told me," I let out a mirthless laugh.

I didn't know whether he was listening but I ranted further, the anger still rising steadily, "We arrived at Kian's house. I was surprised when I saw no real arrangements made for the party, if that could be called a party for there was no cake. At first sight, I knew right away that Richard, Kian's dad, was a huge scumbag."

Slipping my hands away from his, I paused for a second and breathed in deeply, my fury at enormous length. "The motherfucking son of a bitch made me sit on the sofa instead of the dining table, saying I should stay on the black one since I was black. Ha! He thinks he's so funny when he has no sense of humour. Man, I wanted to actually punch him but I held myself."

A lump formed in my throat but I cleared it away. "The meal was served, I wasn't hungry in any way. After all who would be? Eating in a toxic environment? No way. Kian offered some food to me but his stupid dad said I could serve myself corn meal and lard if I wanted. You hear that?! Fucking corn meal and lard. Food meant for black slaves. That was the last straw. I couldn't take it anymore."

I sighed furiously, the heat of my ire, choking me and fueling the fiery embers of my heart. "I was about to leave when he taunted me laughing, indicating I was a thief. According to him, I could have nicked something on my way out. I ran and in the process of trying to stifle my tears, I met Jared, Kian's older brother. Dude was pretty cool, not as laid back and fucked up as his fracking father. Heck, he even gave me some motivational speech. I really liked him. Then Kian finally showed up and saw me talking to Jared. With Jared saying his goodbyes, we left, Kian rambling some apology to which I wasn't listening to. Since I was deep in thoughts, I unknowingly broke a vase. Man, was I scared. I knew Kian was prolly gonna make me pay. Heck, he looked at me all fiercely and. . ." I paused again--- I had been talking for too long---gulping in the fresh air, as I relived last night's memory.

"And?"

I looked at Jayden, shocked. I had forgotten that I was talking to someone. My lengthy tirade had carried me away.

"Yes Jamila. And what? What did he do?" Jayden inquired softly, taking my palms I had slipped away into his again.

I started laughing---I didn't see his face to know he was confused, he probably thought I was going cray cray. And I knew it was crazy, the way I laughed all of a sudden--- as I narrated what Kian had done.

"He purposely smashed the second vase and said his dad deserved it for treating me that way. I was astonished at first but we ran all the way to his car, hooting loudly in laughter, a tiny coil of pleasure springing through me. Richard deserved it!" My body went rigid with satisfaction as I reminisced the way Kian had shattered that vase. So exhilarating. It wasn't that much a victory but it was something.

All the pent up feelings I had tied inside, welled up now. Sadness. Humiliation. Misery. Shame.

"I don't really know why I'm sad. After what Jared told me, I felt better but then returning home, my mind played through all those moments with Richard. It hurts Den. It fucking hurt. What does my skin colour have to do with me? I'm human and should be treated as such. I'm tired of it all, this racist bullshit, the bullying, every fucking thing." My voice trailed off as big fat lumpy tears I had been holding came rolling down my cheeks.

"You know, I had half a mind of recording Richard's conversation with me and uploading it on the internet. I'll see how his stupid career goes now. All those people who voted him in will surely vote him out. Sour old man!" I simmered, my tone cracking as I sobbed.

Through all this, Jayden never said a single word, instead he brought me closer towards him and led my head against his chest. We stayed like that for sometime, my left cheek pressed against his pounding heart and lone tear tracks on my face. I realized as I closed my eyes that this was what I needed. Someone who would just sit and listen to me pour out my heart, not judge my actions or do any scathing thing. Heck, Jayden's affectionate embrace was soothing and sorry to say this Theo, much more better than hugging a lifeless teddy bear.

Inhaling his sweet patchouli scent deeply, I clutched the fabric he wore and muttered, "Sorry about that. I was mad at myself and I couldn't help but burst out."

He hugged me tightly. "No you don't need to apologize. It was good you let it all out. You'll not feel as miserable as you were earlier. And don't forget, I'm always here for you whenever you need someone."

"As for Richard, he's a darn old wuss. You don't have to give a fig about him, such people aren't worth your time. Heck, if people are gonna treat you like trash then fuck them. Act like you don't care or give a fuck. All I know is that you're right and wonderful just the way you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise," he reassured me, wiping my tears off with a hankie I didn't know he held. He did it gently, his warm fingers lingering on my face.

There was one thing still bugging me.

"You never replied to my text afterwards. Why?" I asked, sniffling rather noisily. Hope he wasn't disgusted.

He retrieved his fingers and rubbed the back of his head with a bronze palm. "Sorry. I went to go answer my Mom."

"It's okay. Thank you Den," I murmured, feeling very calm and at the same time worn out.

"You're welcome Jam," he snarkily said. What?! My eyes flew open. Did he just call me Jam? Oh no, he didn't.

"Yup. I did. What are you gonna do about that?" I must have said that out loud. Eek!

I giggled, no longer sad and demanded, "No you can't call me Jam. That's lame!"

"And Den isn't lame?" he cocked a dark brow.

"No it isn't!" I countered, raising my chin up.

"Yes it is!" Jayden disagreed, shaking his head full of rioting curls.

"No!"

"Yes!"

I want to do you, whatever you want. Freaky freaky for you, show me what you're into. Girl you just dey blow my mind, blow my mind, blow my mind.

Mom's music flitered through, punctuating our playful argument. Seems Dad wasn't disturbed with her loud songs anymore.

And yeah, Jayden was really blowing my mind. I hummed along, beaming brightly at him.

He grinned back. "I'm happy I made you smile."

Me too. Boy you just dey blow my mind. For real.

A/N: There's the update I promised you guys earlier. I uploaded this chapter, so it'll be like a closure or something. I wasn't happy with the way Richard treated Olay, heck I was mad at her. Yes, I was mad at my own character lol, but I figured that's how she was and it pained me seeing Richard go scot free. I'm still thinking of a way to get him pay back and I will, sorry Olay will lol. Also while writing I felt so bad for Olay. And I love what Den did. So sweet of him. So which ship are you guys on? Team Jayden or Team Kian? :-) Sorry for the long author's note peeps, but I'll be going off Wattpad 'cos of exams!! :-( I will update when I'm done with them. Comment your thoughts. Muchas Gracias :-) Not sure I got that right though ;-))

Stay safe,
Nita.