Guess who's back?

Back again.

Sidney's back.

Tell a friend.

I still haven't really processed the last chapter but I guess I just didn't want to show y'all how this terrible story is coming to an end. But I guess here we go. Have a laugh or get your tissues ready to cry about a story that was uploaded by someone who thought their work is a lyrical masterpiece.

Here we go:

He grabs my arm and takes it to a one person bathroom with a guy puking.

I don't know if I'm laughing or crying at this point. This ain't the right thing to start off this chapter. This just ain't it chief. And yeah, I wanna puke too. And I'm asking myself why there is a club with a one person bathroom. I mean rents are pretty expensive, aren't they? That's just not economical. I should maybe talk to their manager.

"get the fuck out." He yells. The guy quickly gets his shit and leaves.

"Gets his shit" isn't something you should write in a toilette related sentence. Just saying.  But honestly I have to give all of them props: The guy for having such a great body control to just stop puking because someone tells him to and our two overs for still being in the mood to have sex when they just saw a man sharing his body contents with a toilet. Very impressive I'd say.

He closes and locks the door. I push him against the wall and start kissing him.

I'd scream in panic. You don't even think about touching the walls of a cub toilet. You just don't do it if you don't have the desire to get 99+ diseases within 2 seconds.

I bring my hands to his face and his hands meet my ass going down to my inner thighs and picks me up.

Hello ass, nice to meet you, I'm Diego. Jokes aside. Did she even read the story before uploading this? The grammatical structure of this so called fan fiction is even more destroyed than my body the morning after a party night.

He slams me against the wall and raised up the rest of my dress.

I was about to say that this sentence was at least grammatically correct but... TENSES! Also now she has touched the wall too... I'm getting slightly concerned about her health at this point.

He unhooks his jeans while kissing all over my neck.

I mean we like to pretend that men are strong and sexy in ffs and that's okay, but let's be honest: She can't be that lightweight that he would be able to pin her up against the wall without holding her with his hands too. So I highly doubt that he could open his pants as easy as this story implies.

Then he parks his car in her garage, still pinning her up against the wall.

"AHHH!" I yell not familiar with his size.

Dear eleven year old fanfiction writers: If you want to write a smut just don't use direct speech. This is not sexy, this is just terrifying.

(...) and you can most definitely hear the sound of our skin slapping against each other.

To quote this story: "AHHH!" How does she manage it to make sex sound that unappealing? I'm upset.

"oh my goooooood, you feel so good. " I moan gripping on him shoulders.

Am I more disgusted by the fact that I have to read her non sexy pillow talk or by the fact that she wasn't even able to write 'his' instead of 'him'? I mean she's a foreign speaker (I think) and I am just a German potato sitting behind my laptop and having to judge her English. That's more than sad.

My head falls back and hits the wall.

I just laughed. Really load. Really dirty. And very honest.

"fuck y/n you feel so good around me. I could fuck you all night." He moans gripping harder onto my hips.

Please! I beg you not to! I want to finish this story so, so badly!

He lifts me up a bit, still pounding into me,  as he has another spot.

The spot.

The spot nobody ever hit before. I used to think I didn't have one but SHHHIIIIT. I do.

"However, it's important to clarify that the G spot isn't actually a distinct part of your anatomy. In fact, in a 2017 study, researchers attempted to find the G spot only to come up empty-handed."  -healthline.com

Just wanted to put this one in, I thought it's kinda interesting. I'm gonna leave the rest uncommented, I'm tired.

"FUUUCK, OH MY GOD IT FEELS SO GOOD." I scream out wrapping my arms around his neck.

It's like a pong game. They just say the same shit again and again. They just give 'it feels good' back to each other.

"im so close baby. " I moan out.

I am indeed close to losing my mind over this. I am close to suddenly wanting to go to church again.

"cum for me y/n. Cum all on me. " he says into my ear. My eyes roll to the back of my head as I release on him.

"The present data based on ultrasonographic bladder monitoring and biochemical analyses indicate that squirting is essentially the involuntary emission of urine during sexual activity, although a marginal contribution of prostatic secretions to the emitted fluid often exists." – healthline.com

You can do with that information whatever you want.

"cum for me daddy." I moan to him. "cum just for me." I add.

I mean... is there anyone else in the room he could potentially...no?

He eventually releases into the condom and pulls out. "holy shit." I say catching my breath and he winks.

Read again. He actually never put on a condom in the entire story. Now I'm offended. I just hope the author isn't as sloppy with using condoms as she is in this story.

"can yall hurry up, I have to pee and find my friend and yall taking all the time in the fucking world." I hear a familiar voice.

I think there is really just one bathroom in the entire club. Maybe that's how they saving up on the rent.

My jaw drops slightly and I jiggle.

Can we all just pretend like that didn't make me think of Jigsaw? Thanks.

"let's go. " I say grabbing his hand.

For god's sake, get dressed first. And I'm slowly starting to get a mental breakdown thinking of all the spaces the author has or hasn't placed at the wrong spot.

I unlock the door and open it to see...

HARRY STYLES???

...my best friend looking at her phone.

Disappointed but not surprised.

"fucking finally, y'all was taking ten damn yea- y/n ? and Diego?" she says when she looks up.

Yeah, I too am surprised that you are her friend and not a 1D member I'm desperately searching for in this fanfiction.

"OKAY BESTFRIEND, I SEE YOU. BIIIIIIIITCH IM SO PROUD I TAUG-shit I gotta pee. " she says and runs in the bathroom. We laugh and go back to the bar.

Hold on. I though she already was in the bathroom. What did I miss? And why is she proud? My best friend would have killed me for having sex with a guy I know for literally 10 minutes on a disgusting club toilet.

"oh you guys are back, Iowa's wondering if you guys would come back so I saved them. here are your drinks. " the guys said giving us our drinks.

He couldn't' t remember their orders writing them down bur now that he sees the two again he knows that he made them some drinks a while ago? I think he found a cure for Alzheimer in the meantime. At least someone did something productive in this fanfiction. Also Iowas sounds like a Russian name.

We thank him and start drinking. Tonight is going to be a blur.

I sure hope it is. I can personally say that I'd rather forget about this lyrical masterpiece at all.

(Authors note)

Hope you like it.

No.

Remember

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Etccccc etc etc

Kisses xo

I don't want this person to kiss me. But honestly this story was better than everything that will follow. I already have searched and successfully found some other gems and I'm already scared.

Hope you guys had at least some fun and thanks for bearing with me, I need a vacation.

~xoxo Sidney