I bit the cookie timidly. I ignored the shakiness of my hand, the nervous flutters pounding my stomach walls. I closed my eyes and practiced slow breathes like my therapist had taught me.

I could do this.

Feeling the chocolate crumbs scratch against my gums and teeth, I consciously savored the feeling of them dissolving against my tongue with pleasure instead of measured consequence.

Quinn.

I was doing this for Quinn.

Interrupting my internal monologue, my counselor's voice jumped forward in my mind. "It's fine to do it for your brother, Caoimhe, but remember: you're doing this for yourself foremost."

As I swallowed the first mouthful, I smiled. I could do this. For him. For myself; my brother's best friend.

("Caoimhe" is Irish. It is pronounced as "Quee-vah" or "Key-vuh". It means "gentle, beautiful, graceful."* )

___

If you or someone you love is struggling with an eating disorder, there is hope. Here is a resource that you can reach out to for help: http://www.renfrewcenter.com 

Reference: 

*DoChara Insider Guide to Ireland. "Traditional Irish girls' names: A-C." Web search 18 September 2019. Website: https://www.dochara.com/the-irish/first-names/traditional-irish-girls-names-a-c/