14. 1-800-GETAHOE

OKAY, I HAVE VENTURED into the world of Wattpad's more.. race-y novels a few times. And yeah, even sexy novels have their cliches. Honestly, this is the cliche that I see in even regular novels and it's honestly getting old-

Okay. I can't live a lie. Every Wattpad novel in my library is mature. Sue me.

So every dude in these cliches run multi-billionaire company - and there goes my first problem. The dinger went off in my head while typing this.

He is so freaking arrogant, wow. He just has this way about him that, although I can't see him, I can taste the arrogance on him. He is cute, multi-millionaire blah blah who honestly cares dude your attitude is trash as hell. I don't like guys like that.

What freaking idiot would let that kid run his company? I would foreclose if I had a son like that I would have no hope in humanity honestly.

Then there's the really hot, really brunette girl that always wears red lipstick - I cannot be the only one that noticed the girl's red lipstick fetish - and 6-inchers despite being an office lady. Totally professional.

I understand why these dudes need secretaries, but why the hell does it not even seem like they carefully evaluate these girls before putting them on the job? Like she literally walks in for the interview and she gets the job like SHIIIIT I wish job hunting was actually that easy ):

Why is she always a damn idiot? How did she get the job with little to no brains? She managed to get a job working with freaking mILLIONAIRES!! Why can't she make a cup of coffee?

SHE IS PRACTICALLY USELESS LIKE BUSINESS DUDES THRIVE OFF OF COFFEE.

I also enjoy how they think her ditzy personality is cute. She literally can't file paperwork she is already not wifey material like that's not good at all I would swipe left on her ass.

DO I EVEN HAVE TO BRING UP HOW SHE'S TYPICALLY IN HER EARLY TWENTIES AND HE IS IN HIS EARLY THIRTIES?!?! IDK.

Also, can we please at least distinguish work and play because I've been in the awkward situation of reading full on work porn while I'm in front of my parents and siblings. THANKS HUN.

LIKE SERIOUSLY, the plot jets off literally when she spills something on the floor and he's like "omg clean it with my dick" and it ends up as a panty-peeker of a nip slip and then they just start having casual sex.

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE IM READING FIFTY SHADES?? I DO NOT THINK SO, I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR A BDSM FREAK AND AN OBNOXIOUS BRUNETTE BIMBO (thanks for contradicting the blonde cliché, we're not all dumb).

He should just get a hoe. Like I'm just trying to help this dude out because he just seems sexually frustrated. He literally wants to have sex every time they see each other like wtf how long have you really had blue balls?

You can balance both. Plus love is too messy.

Then it's this annoying game of cat and mouse. Y A W N. Get straight to the action honestly I don't care about casual teases and stuff that's boring. #SMUTORNOTHING

THEN HE IS WILLING TO GIVE ALL OF HIS INHERITANCE TO KEEP HER HAPPY OH MY GOD LMFAO WOW.

He literally rents a yacht for her to ride one time and drink some fancy champagne on and look at the sea or some shit like that and they typically fight on this yacht anyways so he basically wasted half a million to take some girl on a yacht and for her not to like it.

PERSONALLY I WOULD DRAG THAT BITCH BACK BY HER HAIR LIKE HOE IM WASTING MONEY ON YOU FUCK YOU THOUGHT.

This is why getting a hoe is much easier, I promise. Not that I know or anything ((;

He gets all sappy over this girl and it's so-

Dude, you really need some good pussy.

Seriously though, he falls in love with her like THAT and suddenly wants to settle down with 8272728 kids and shit like I don't understand..??

I hate guys that freaking get all sappy and emotional on me. Like spoil me, but don't waste money on a relationship that won't work. Don't give me any bullshit about sacrificing your money for me because let's be realistic, I wouldn't give up a dime for you.

But then again, that's just the life of another sugar baby #imtotallyasugarbaby #paypalmeyourmoneybigdaddy.

Hey, any money is good money.

They also always seen to know these girls from weird places like it's just the weirdest scenarios that always make me woNDER WHAT TYPE OF GIRLS ARE THESE??

"I saw you walking your dog in the park and I fell in love."

"I saw your picking up grapes at Walmart and my dick get hard."

"I SAW YOU ON THE POLE AND BABYGIRL I WANTED TO TAKE YOU OUT OF THAT LIFESTYLE."

Like dude what the hell are you really saying we did not know this it was not in the description I should've been informed.

I would personally be creeped if some dude tells me that he started dating me because he remembered me from a Walmart like five years ago, what a c r e e p.

BUT ANYWAYS, if you see a creepy looking rich guy pining after a girl who looks like his secretary... BEAT THEM UP VIOLENCE IS KEY AND THEY ARE BEING CLICHE LIKE NOO.

-

I MADE AN ASK.FM!!!??????! it's: sparklytaehyung , ASK ME QUESTIONS I LOVE INTERACTING WITH MY BABIES AKA YOU GUYS.

LMFAO I LIKE THAT SONG IM SORRH ITS GOOD. KAI IS MY EXO BIAS.

OMG I JUST GOT THE RAVEN KING BY MAGGIE STIEFVATER. IVE BEEN SHIPPING RONAN AND ADAM SINCE BLLB AND HONESTLY.. GANSEY BETTER NOT DIE. NOPE NOPE NOPE.