"Ouch!"

"If you'd sit still, it might not hurt so much." Midday light warmed ShadowClan camp, and Smokeflood longingly looked out of the medicine den to where cats were play fighting and running around. Leopardnose peeled off old cobwebs from her flank, checking the healing. Kiwipaw passed him more cobwebs from where she sat next to the spotted tom.

"Am I good to go once you change this bandage?" He shook his head.

"You've been here for three sunrises. You've only just started to get better," he sniffed the cut, which was scabbing over nicely. He gave a nod. "It looks good, but not good enough for you to prance around and rip it open again."

"I hate staying in the medicine den, though!"

"Believe me, I hate you staying here too," he mumbled lowly. She swished her tail, and he applied a poultice that Kiwipaw had chewed up. "This should help with the healing; we got it straight from the grass manipulators of WindClan." He purred with pride.

"Isn't it crazy they can carefully cultivate plants? I wish I could do that!" Kiwipaw purred. "I'd grow all of the catmint we could ever need for Leafbare!"

"Let's not even start thinking about Greencough. I can't handle that on top of all of these injuries right now... Come on, Kiwipaw. Kalepaw's infection won't clean itself," the RiverClan medicine cat whisked his apprentice along. Smokeflood softened, her eyes going to where the brown tabby apprentice lay by Flurrypaw. His wound, which had been healing, had taken a turn for the worse and gotten infected. Leopardnose had assured it would be okay, it just needed extra attention. Kalepaw... I feel bad for being so rude to him when I was an apprentice. I remember being such a jerk during training. I'd beg to practice with anyone else. Now all I want is to be back in RiverClan, trying to master attacks alongside him. If only I could be back, I would never be so rude. I would be the best apprentice. I wouldn't argue, I wouldn't sass. I should apologize to Kalepaw... She purred softly under her breath at that. I'll apologize by getting his sister back. I bet he's worried sick about Eelpaw.

"What are you laughing about, Smokeflood?" She looked up to Pearlfrost, who was watching her carefully.

"I was just thinking about when I was still in training... it makes me miss them, my clanmates.... I want to get Eelpaw and the others back from ThunderClan." He nodded in agreement.

"I've been thinking about that. Mintstar is there, and, you know, your old mentor Rosecall is too." Smokeflood breathed deeply at the name. I'm glad Mintstar made me a warrior, otherwise after this was all over, I'm sure Rosecall would command me around for another three moons because 'I'm not ready to be a warrior.'

"We can't just walk right into ThunderClan camp, though," the deputy nodded in agreement, running a tongue over his large, heavy paw.

"No. We'll have to gather more intel before we can make a solid mission. I'm working with Deerskip on how we'll gather information, but I'll let you know when we've got it figured out," the RiverClan tom referenced the ShadowClan deputy as he groomed his long, thick coat.

       Smokeflood nodded and began grooming her own fur, looking out into the medicine den and letting her eyes fall on Lightspark. I haven't been able to let him know how thankful I am that he saved me. I can't just say that though... maybe I'll get him a gift. I can find his favorite prey or something. I can teach him a cool move that only I know! She felt her pelt warm, and she ducked her head, carefully tracing the lightning tom's form as he lay in his nest. She had watched from afar as he had healed over the last few days, and he too would make eye contact every once and a while. Maybe I'll go over and talk to him. Leopardnose won't be mad if I just walk across the den. The water elemental started to stand, but quickly lay back down as a familiar long, silvery-red tabby strode in. Ferntail. The tom seemed a little off, but he came with a newt in his jaws, and crossed the hard packed earth of the medicine den swiftly, going right for Lightspark.

      Smokeflood set her head in her paws, carefully watching the two. Lightspark looked up, and seemed happy at first but quickly covered it up.

      "They look like a cute couple," Pearlfrost remarked with his eyes on the same scene. Smokeflood felt a bitterness claw at her stomach.

      "Ferntail doesn't have an element though," she mumbled.

      "ShadowClan's traditions are so foreign, how they don't let non-elemental cats be mates with elemental cats. I'd never want that for my clan; where's the freedom for non-elemental warriors? If we had those rules, I wouldn't even be here; my mom was a non, and my dad had ice powers," he mused. Smokeflood couldn't take her eyes off of Ferntail as he nosed the newt toward Lightspark and spoke to him. She kneaded her paws at her nest. Ferntail is really pretty; I understand why Lightspark likes him. He has pretty fur, and a delicate build. He's sweet, and defenseless. I'm not a light, pretty flower like Ferntail. My fur isn't groomed perfectly. I'm big and built to fight.

       "Smokeflood, what's wrong?" She looked up to Pearlfrost. His leafy eyes were softened, and he gently nosed her cheek. Even his fur is groomed so nicely. I want to have nicely groomed fur, too, but I don't know how to fix it right. I never had my mom to show me; I was being exposed to how to fight ever since they saw my potential. Smokeflood shut her eyes and then shrugged nonchalantly.

       "I just... nothing. I'm worrying about things that I shouldn't worry about," I should just focus on getting my Clanmmates back. I'm a traitor if I worry about anything other than my Clan right now. Pearlfrost purred softly, and began to groom her fur.

      "I understand," he murmured, and tried to lift her spirits, "Hey, I'll tell you about the time I caught the biggest zander, it was over a tail-length long! I had to use water manipulation to help me pull it out of the river because it was such a fighter!" The deputy went on, grooming her fur and explaining how he had caught the biggest fish he'd ever seen. Is this what having a dad is like?  He picks you up when you're down?

      Smokeflood listened intently, keeping an eye on Ferntail and Lightspark all the while. Ferntail turned and left, but on his way caught Smokeflood's eye. The pale light reddish tabby made his way over. He wasn't his usual bright and pleasant self, rather, he had an uncertain and distraught look.

      "Can I... talk to Smokeflood?" the ShadowClan tom murmured. The white deputy dipped his head and stood up, excusing himself as he pad away toward Kalepaw and Flurrypaw, who seemed shocked but excited the deputy was going to talk to them.

      "Hi, Ferntail," she meowed, digging her jealousy and bitterness down in her belly. He sighed heavily and sat down.

      "I don't know what to do... I love Lightspark, but it stresses me out too much when he charges into battle without second thought. He never really tells me what he's feeling, either, the most he's said about his feelings is that he loves me. But we can never be public about it; I'm holding him back... I don't know what to do, and you're the only cat who knows about us, so please help...," he looked up desperately. Smokeflood nearly choked. This is eating him alive. I... I feel bad for being bitter. He doesn't deserve that.

       "This is killing you," she meowed quietly. "It's hurting you. Is that how you want to live your life? In pain? I should be grieving and aching right now; my clan got wiped out. But I don't want to just wallow in pain for my whole life. I want to fight for it's future, and that's what I'm doing. Fight for your future, so that you can be happy." Ferntail blinked in understanding.

      "I get it," he murmured. "Thank you. Thank you for being a good friend, too, and looking out for us. You could've ruined both of our lives if you told, but you didn't." He touched his nose to her forehead, and turned on his paw and left. Smokeflood set her head down in her paws, looking over to where Pearlfrost was calming down a sobbing Flurrypaw, and Laurelstep had left his nest to help. I know I said it was stupid for me to worry so much about a tom instead of worrying for my clan, but I'm back to worrying about Lightspark. Is that selfish? Am I happy devoting my life to RiverClan? Someone has to do it. It should be me, so forget happiness, it's a luxury I can't have. But... her eyes cast out to where Lightspark gingerly ate a newt. I want that luxury.

+++

      Smokeflood cleaned her whiskers of blood as she finished her frog alongside Kestelkit. The ginger tabby animatedly talked, licking the last of the frog leg bones he had snacked on.

      "Eveningcall's been great at watching me, and her kits are fun to play with! Swankit is super funny and we sneak around to watch the apprentices train. He thinks he's going to get fire powers whenever he grows up, and he says if I get water powers, that we'll be a cool duo!" He paused, thinking. "...He's not like Spinekit though. We'd play Splash Tag and go to the Elder's Den together. Eveningcall isn't as good as Honeybreeze, either. She'd tell me stories about the river, and about how she climbed the tallest beech tree in our territory once." He ducked his head, but Smokeflood gave him a gentle nudge.

      "Did you know, there's a great big tamarack tree in ShadowClan forest that you can see all the way to WindClan from?"

       "WindClan?! Really?! They're so super fast; Applekit told me some can use air manipulation to make them run even faster. Do you think I run fast?" Without reply, he stood up and sprinted one way, before coming back. His green eyes were wide with happiness.

      "Hmm... you're pretty fast... but what about this?" She flicked her tail tip, and without blinking, a stream of water dug its way out of the earth to her call, and she rose it above the little kit's head.

      "Wow, show me how!" He begged. The smoky gray she-cat sat up, still holding the water up.

      "Water doesn't like to come to kits until they're a little older, but when you are older...." Smokeflood picked up a paw and bobbed it up and down. The water snaked around Ketrelkit's ears and face, around his muzzle and through his front legs. It never quite touched his fur though, leaving him dry as a Greenleaf day. He purred with happiness, his tail waiving wildly. "You just have to get connected. The water responds to your movement once you get that connection, and it'll do what you tell it to. For some cats, it's stubborn and doesn't want to listen very well."

      "This is so cool!" she let the water fall to the ground, and he bounced in a circle. "I'm gonna go tell Swankit!" He darted off toward the nursery. She laughed softly, and settled back down on the ground. Leopardnose had let her leave the den two days previous, but restricted her to light movement only. She had taken the opportunity to try and connect to all of her clanmates still in ShadowClan with her. Murkyripple had become a favorite among ShadowClan's top hunters, as she could sense when frogs jumped in the water, and pull them out. Olivestripe had become a part-time trainer, helping ShadowClan apprentices learn to fight among swaths of thick fog. Rosepaw had finally gotten out of camp on a walk with Smokeflood. She had been scared ThunderClan would find her if she left; but she was confident enough to leave with the great RiverClan warrior at her side. Her clanmates had started to adjust to the new territory, though among all of them, a continuous note of longing for what had been still hung in the air.

      I have to get our home back. Or, at least, get Mintstar back. If I get Mintstar, then she can make wherever we go our home. She's our leader, after all. The heavy pawed warrior stood up to go find Laurelstep when out of a bramble side-passage of camp ran Ferntail. The tom ran right out of the camp entrance, his face unreadable. She took a few steps forward when the brambles rustled again, and Lightspark slowly came out, completely distraught. She made her way to the silvery tom, cautious. She hadn't spoken to him since the battle.

      "Lightspark...?" She questioned. He hung his head.

      "Fern... Ferntail.... He broke it off with me. I--I can't! I can't--!" His voice shook, and he grit his teeth with his claws digging into the earth. "He said I always seem cold, and that I don't share my feelings. I--I don't even know how to feel, even now! I don't understand myself...."

      "I... I get it. I was raised to be a ruthless fighter, like you. We weren't raised to feel. I get it."

      "I just got back on my paws and out of the medicine den and this happens.  I didn't even..."

      "It's not your fault," what if it's my fault? I told Ferntail to do what made him happy... I led to this break-up. "It's going to be okay. We just... we need to do what we've been trained to do. Focus on something else, get your mind off anything that distracts you. We can do something that's normal for you.... We could train together. I need to get stronger to fight ThunderClan, and so do you. We can both improve, and along the way you can get your mind off things." Lightspark nodded slowly.

      "Yeah... yeah. We can train, that'll help. I know it will. Let's go, there's a private little hollow I always go to." She looked over his body, his toned and muscled frame still littered with scratches and fresh scars. He's still hurting from the battle. But... I was like this when I first got back from RiverClan being destroyed. I was bent on fighting to try and get past all of that pain I felt. Smokeflood nodded and followed him out of camp, the late-Greenleaf sun dappling their coats through the treetops. I need to focus on RiverClan. Focus on RiverClan, and not on him. I need him to get better so that I can rebuild my Clan, but that's all I need him for. Nothing else. Just to improve. If I'm better, we'll be able to really get into ThunderClan and save Mintstar and Eelpaw. I just need... to get better.

//

an

Chapter Seventeen aka the boy drama chapter. Idk you may say "this is out of character for Smokeflood to have a crush" well to that I say she's essentially a 16-17 year old right now and she's coming to terms with her more human side. So. Yeah.

Question time!! Do you have any ships/What's your favorite ship?