"My ex-girlfriend, Fearz, died in a car crash. Crashed into the barrier of Chalong Rat Expressway."

"How long were you together?"

"Eleven months."

"Wait...was her handle bunny_fearz?"

"Playboy magazine Fearz, yeah." Mile stares up at the ceiling and thinks, on a reel: transparency, openness, and communication. Transparency, openness, and communication...

"Hang on. I think she followed me, before she died." Apo pulls up Instagram. "Holy shit, Mile. She literally couldn't be hotter. I was shocked when I got the notification. Why would she..?"

"I, uh... We sometimes talked about you."

"I didn't know you two were together. She posted pictures with so many guys..."

Mile lowers his gaze.

"Yeah."

"I'm not good enough to be what you expect," Apo finds their most recent picture together and reads the caption aloud. "I have a feeling I know what that means."

"That was about a week before she passed. And yes, she had a...history."

Apo scrolls further.

"This one's from a month earlier. "Happy Birthday Thank you @ milephakphum who came to attend the surprise event today. Thank you very much. May you be handsome, rich, and loved by everyone... Dietary supplements for Prince 'Draco' can be..."

Apo's voice trails off, a frown creasing his brow. "...ordered at... Seriously? Is this some product she was promoting?" He clicks on the product hashtag. "'Firm before Valentine's' - oh. Oh. Oh." He closes the app.

"Yeah... I just felt lucky she noticed me at all. In high school, I was the chubby, unattractive math nerd. Then a playboy bunny showed interest, and I sort of lost my mind." He doesn't know how to explain it to Apo, who's been attractive his entire life. He wouldn't understand. Apo's never needed to have a glow-up. He was born with a glow-up.

"Sorry, I didn't mean... I'm sure-"

"No, it's okay. We were great in bed and that's all that mattered to us kids."

Apo shakes his head.

"Of course the son of Kalasin landed a Playboy model. You could've had anyone. Now I understand where all your experience comes from."

Apo could've had anyone too. Miss Thailand, for example, and by logical deduction, any other woman in Thailand. Mile was never as in control of his urges as Apo. Mile would've fucked Miss Thailand if she offered, as well as all of her friends, and their friends. Mile remembers wanting to fuck Apo, too, and finding the younger man meditating instead. Mile feels that he will never deserve Apo.

"I had a type."

"And I'm the type to make you forget you had a type," Apo grins.

"Until she died," Mile says, "I was an immature clown who thought with his dick."

"Sooo nothing's changed?" Apo wisecracks.

"Shut up." Mile grins.

"I disagree with your assessment. I think you loved her and saw the good in her, in everyone."

"I think you only see the good in me," Mile smiles fondly. "The truth is that I cheated. And she found out, and we fought. And it wasn't the first time. I needed therapy to deal with the guilt."

Apo swallows, trepidation in his eyes. "I was a really stupid boy, Apo. I was dating someone new every couple of months at that point in my life, and drank too much, and..."

Apo shakes his head.

"I can't reconcile that with the person you are now."

"I'm different now. You wouldn't have liked me then."

"Then it's good that we met when we did."

"From day one..." Mile swallows. "You've made me want to be a better man. Someone who deserves you. Someone who avoids alcohol and preservatives and does charity work for cats and wears clothing made from recycled material, and..." And doesn't fuck anyone he isn't in love with, Mile yearns to say, but can't. Someone who's brave enough to tell you how he really feels.

"There was always...an air of solemnity about you. I thought it was just maturity but it could be sadness."

Mile shakes his head.

"I'm no longer sad, but I do look at life, and love, and - everything - differently. Death really changes your perspective..."

Apo smiles grimly.

"You know... You can cry if you want." He gives a nod of reassurance.

Mile has never loved him more.

"Thanks, but I don't need to. I never thought I'd say this but...it does make sense to me now. I finally understand what they mean about destiny. She wasn't right for me, but if she hadn't died..."

"You might've knocked her up?"

"I don't know where I'd be today. Maybe married. Maybe divorced and drowning in alimony and child support. Definitely not the person I am. Definitely not with you. It had to happen. I see that now..."

"On my birthday, huh?" Apo whistles low.

"Yup." Mile pinches the bridge of his nose. "Apo, I couldn't make this kind of thing up if I tried. At this point, I'm scared not to be with you. I'm scared the universe is going to rain hellfire down on me or something."

Apo blinks at him.

"This is too weird."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to dampen your good mood today of all days."

"That's okay. It's not a happy occasion for everyone."

"It is for me, now. You've given me something to celebrate. I'll be sad sometimes, when I remember, but..."

"I'll be there for you, in those times."

Mile is grateful that Apo took the information in stride and didn't freak out. It means a lot to Mile to be able to talk about this dark period of his life without fear of rejection. He feels closer to him now than he did a few minutes ago.

"I used to say I'd never fall in love. After it happened. But, ah." Mile swipes a hand over his eyes. "It's just, when we met again, I..."

"Shh, it's okay. Come here."

Mile buries his face in the three corn sheafs of hair always sticking up so cutely from Apo's head.

"You did interrupt our lovely little mood." Apo smirks lopsidedly. "Remind me where we were..."

Mile's breath escapes in a soft huff.

That's right. He had just taken Apo's shirt off.

"You're so beautiful," Mile gasps, raking his fingers down Apo's fleshy pecs.

"I know," Apo grins breathlessly. "It's my birthday, Mile," he whispers into Mile's shoulder. "Make me feel good. Put all your infamous experience to good use for me."

"Experience, huh?"

"What, you think I don't know? You fucking loved being filmed while we did it. I know you're a freak; you're just holding back."

The truth is Mile always loved sex, probably because of the way he was was starved of love, touch and affection as a kid. His parents meant well, but they were always busy with business. When he was little, he played at the cash register. When women started showing interest in Mile, he took all the affection he could get.

Mile doesn't know if Apo knows what he's asking for.

"I don't want to hurt you," Mile admits.

"That's the best part about sex with a man. I'm not a delicate flower."

Mile shakes his head, reluctant. "Do you not have needs, Mile? I know you're a sex addict, and you haven't been getting it from me. What did you do, invite a girl over every night after we filmed a sex scene?"

The truth is that Mile was tempted to do just that. Mile is still attracted to women. But he resisted temptation for Apo.

"I'm not the person I was."

"Are you sure? Because I don't want to be playing second fiddle to some porn-star or model or playboy bunny or whatever."

He's right. He's not some kind of experiment for Mile's dry spells between girlfriends.

"Listen to me very carefully, Apo. There is no one - nobody - else for me."

"Yeah, sorry, but I don't believe that."

Mile closes his eyes in frustration. Why doesn't Apo understand that his feelings are more than just raw, carnal lust? His feelings took ten years to form. Nothing in Mile's life means more than Apo, except perhaps his family, and even that's a tough comparison. He supposes it's not the same for Apo.

"Apo-"

"Enough talking. I'm just gonna need you to prove it to me." Apo's expression is heated.

Mile shuts his eyes and leans in, slowly kissing up the column of Apo's sexy throat. "Mile," Apo moans breathily. "Mile..."

Mile pushes Apo back onto the bed, suddenly possessed by a fierce hunger. He knows tonight is not the night to satisfy their cravings completely. Apo needs to be able to walk tomorrow, and run and jump and dance. But there's still a lot they can do.

Apo slides his hand in the open collar of Mile's shirt. "This is a piece of work," he murmurs appreciatively. Biting his lip, Apo pulls it over Mile's head.

"Ooooh, he's awake," he grins, palming Mile's crotch through his boxers. "Already?"

If Apo doesn't stop touching him, this is going to be over before it starts. So Mile ties Apo's hands over his head with the shirt. Apo is a scrumptious meal laid out just for him, and Mile is starving.

He is ready to pounce on Apo when Apo pushes him back with an extended foot on his sternum, holding him at bay.

"Control yourself, Phakphum," he says in a husky voice. "Go slow."

Mile swallows thickly.

He lowers his mouth to Apo's clavicle and proceeds to kiss slowly all over his torso. He drags his lips up along Apo's neck before landing on his lips, to build anticipation. Apo's face is slack with pleasure.

Mile reaches over to the glass on the nightstand and plucks an ice cube from the drink. He brings it to Apo's dusky nipple, getting the erogenous bud nice and hard. Apo hisses, the most delicious expressions playing over his face.

After pinching the pointed nub and flicking his thumb over it, Mile takes in his mouth. He watches in amazement as Apo's body tenses and twists and writhes beneath him.

Apo almost cries when Mile finally takes him in hand, fifteen minutes later. Touching, teasing, edging, Mile does everything he can to make him last, to make this night last.

"It's not enough," Apo whimpers. Feverish kisses have left his lips slick and swollen.

"Not enough, is it?"

Apo shivers. Mile thumbs at the dark circles under his eyes, which he knows their makeup artists will hate them for in a few hours.

Mile's fist encases Apo in a slippery vise.

He coaxes orgasm after orgasm from Apo, teasing and licking and sucking him until Apo actually cries. Mile is still kissing the most sensitive parts of his body, eyes locked on Apo's, when the first rays of pre-dawn light begin to flood the room.

He wants to kick his own ass for not taking better care of Apo recently. They've been extremely busy. There was a time, in the beginning, when they hugged fiercely whenever an interview invite came in. Now there are so many requests flooding their inboxes that they're dreading them. Their schedules are requested through a chain of people, but there isn't a free slot for months. As a result, it feels like ages since they've been intimate. And Mile knows from careful observation of other couples that that isn't good. His firm belief is that lovers stay under one roof, share the same bed, cook and eat together, and make love every day. If they did that, Apo wouldn't worry about his tummy, or about competing with other women. Mile resolves never to let Apo go this long without it again.

•••

The very next day is their final KinnPorsche world tour debut.

"I can't believe it's over," Apo mutters, his head pillowed on Mile's ample chest. "This has been...such a pivotal role for me. I was so confused about my life before it. Now I understand myself better... I'm at peace with myself."

Mile doesn't want to be overly optimistic. But it sure sounds like he has been Apo's gay awakening. Mile will not press the matter, and instead revel quietly in his suspicions.

"Really? 'Cause you've sure made my life a lot more confusing."

Apo flicks his forehead, smiling warmly.

"We should probably get going, before they break down the door."

"We probably should..."

This time, there are no slip-ups. No one films them in their hotel room. In fact, Mile asks for minimal coverage. It's not only because he doesn't want to be filmed in a compromising position with Apo. He's a bit distraught, broken up over not only the end of KinnPorsche touring but the departure of Jeff. He doesn't want a camera in his face.

Ah, but Mile can't always get what he wants. Ping is going around with a cameraman, asking cast members if they can fit a large cracker - about the same diameter as his palm - in their mouths without breaking it. Eventually, he comes to Mile. Thanks to Apo, Mile can more or less unhinge his jaw. Ping stares in shock as Mile effortlessly fits two in his mouth and chews without opening it again until he's swallowed.

"Can we have Apo try next? I'm dying to see this."

"Emphatically no," Mile glowers. "Keep your camera and crackers out of his face."

On the stage, Apo takes Mile's phone to record a video. Mile hands it over without question and Apo unlocks it effortlessly.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

The cast switch up their roles this time, each stepping out of their comfort zone and doing something new.

Later in the show, when it's just Mile and Apo on stage, a girl in the audience screams I love you to Apo. Apo is temporarily flustered.

"Ahhhhhh," Mile coos. Apo looks to him hopelessly.

Mile thinks they see eye-to-eye on this. There is an implicit agreement between them not to flirt with fans. Their I love yous should be meaningful, and reserved for special people.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

But if they get permission from each other...

"He loves you too," Mile replies, at the same time that Apo says a polite: "thank you."

Mile throws his arms around Apo under the sprinklers, overcome with nostalgia for that day almost two years ago when they went through the scene for the first time. Their lives have become so full, it feels like longer.

He dances up a storm in another performance. Lying on the stage, the lines of his body form an S. Goddamn, he's got hips. Mile loves hips. Apo is hot. And this is the man who does charity work for stray cats. He's got Mile's head spinning hard.

They've practiced the running leap. It shouldn't be so easy - not according to the laws of physics - but it's come to be effortless for Mile. It is yet another private habit of theirs that has become public.

Mile kisses Apo's hand in a reenactment of the last episode. A fan screams her lungs out during the scene but Mile and Apo are unfazed, completely immersed in another world. The sounds of screaming and cheering fade away into white noise. When the lights dim and it's just them on stage amidst the loud cheers, Mile can't let go of Apo. He takes Apo's hand and they walk to the stairs at the end of the stage. Ever the gentleman, he motions for Apo to go first.

It's over, in every sense. What are they going to blame this on now? What is between them cannot be excused as method acting anymore. They must take responsibility for their actions.

They touch each other's bodies so effortlessly Mile sometimes fears it speaks volumes to the observing eyes - especially their parents, who are in the audience today.

It certainly doesn't escape Tong. During the photo op after the goodbye speeches at the end of their show, Apo calls Mile to his side. Mile has been sulking, watching him laugh and flirt with the other cast members. Tong, who was watching it all play out, turns around to tell Apo, "he loves you."

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

So he knows.

Then again, Mile is pretty sure that everyone knows what they've been up to. They should have slept. They really should have slept. But a night of passion with Apo is worth the screaming tirade from their makeup artist.

To both Apo and Mile's surprise, two special guests join them on stage. Apo's parents bring him a yellow cake, similar to the one Mile presented Apo with last year, and shower him with love.

Mile nods at Apo's dad, who bows in acknowledgment before ducking off stage. 

After the concert, Mile finds himself approached by Apo's mother. He kisses her hand, hoping she can't somehow sense with her motherly intuition what Mile was doing to her precious son last night.

Mile is immensely grateful to Apo's parents for creating their son. Apo is like a painting. Mile sees so much of Apo's feminine beauty in his mother's face.

He just has to know...

"How did you handle Apo as a kid?" It's a question that has perturbed him for some time. "It's just...he has so much energy. We all saw it tonight. I can't imagine him at five years old..."

"Oh, hon. You'll have to come over for dinner sometime; I'll tell you all about it."

"I would love to."

She envelopes him in a fierce hug.

"Good job today. You boys are all so talented."

"Thank you," Mile preens, bowing his head shyly.

"Now where's my baby?" She looks around the crowded room.

"Over there." Mile points him out.

"Our baby." She winks. "I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding!" Mile can see where Apo gets his sense of humor. Both Apo and his mom know how to make Mile lose his shit.

A few minutes after she leaves, Mae Nathanee comes up to Mile, accompanied by Mile's aunt.

"There are so many lovely young women here," his aunt praises about ten seconds into their conversation.

"Uh huh..." Mile is distracted, looking at Apo as the man tosses his head back and laughs freely in conversation with his mother.

"Do you think any of them might be a suitable candidate for miss Kalasin?" His aunt prompts suggestively.

"Uh huh..." Mile smiles absently, still looking at Apo. "Excuse me."

"Where are you going?" Mae asks.

"To Apo." The younger man is now all the way across the room.

His mother leans in, lowering her voice privately.

"Are you being careful?"

"Mom." Mile closes his eyes and breathes deeply through his nose.

"We'll talk about this later," she calls after her son.

"Actually, no, we will not."

He gives the signal to his bodyguards and starts making his way towards Apo.

On his way, Mile overhears some particularly loud fans talking.

"Did you see the way Apo lifted Jeff? I'm surprised he did that with Mile watching..."

"It's gonna be a long night, Apo," another girl whistles low.

"Dude's gonna be in a wheelchair."

"I'm sure Apo will sleep with swollen lips and a super tired body tonight."

"Somehow, I feel like Mile will be the one needing the wheelchair. Apo probably power bottoms the hell out of him."

"Then he'll blame it on turbulence."

"I'm pretty sure they switch."

"As they should."

"They may not be dating but I would be extremely surprised if they never did it. Their chemistry and sexual tension is through the roof. You can see it from Mars..."

Their voices fade away as they disappear down the hall.

It seems like everybody got the picture long before Mile and Apo did. Mile is vaguely aware he should be feeling something akin to embarrassment, but he's too hungry to care, and not for food. He finds Apo like a moth finds a flame.

"When can we be alone?" he whispers next to Apo's ear. "I'm exhausted and I just want you to feed me some cherries in bed."