"Man, what did you do to Ilyse?" Cal brought me out of my thoughts and abruptly back to reality. We were going to meet up with the girls, my heart was thumping in my chest. She likely knew what I'd meant this morning, Ilyse wasn't dumb and I had brushed her off pretty much like a crumb off my shirt.

"She's probably figured out that I want to end things. I know man, don't look like I've just made the worst decision in my life...I know I have. But I can't go off to the military and just expect her to wait for me, especially if I get deployed overseas. Can you imagine that? She'd be here day in and day out worrying if I were alive or not, if I'd be injured. It'd be insane and I'd be sitting over there thinking the same, what she was wearing that day...it'd mess both our heads up. I can't ask her to do that and I don't know if I'd be able to do that." I'd thought about it for a long time now, I guess I entered into things with Ilyse knowing that I was going into the army but I never actually thought I'd get to the point of love that I currently felt for her.

If I could I'd marry her tomorrow and that be it, but leaving her here alone just didn't sit well in my mind. There were other guys she could fall in love with and marry and me...well, I'd end up just like Kenneth, alone and married to the military.

"Dude that's so sad and messed up, you sound just like your dad. I bet twenty years ago he was thinking the same thing, your mom was the love of his life and he let her go and look how that ended. That's the potential with Ilyse, you love her...love doesn't just end, it simmers quietly in the pit of your stomach and in your heart. You're way stupid if you think love can just be snuffed out and ignored like that man, you don't get many chances in life to say you truly love someone. And yeah, maybe I sound like a girl saying all this heart to heart crap but look at my parents. Their love wasn't real, that's why it was easy for them to split. They fooled themselves into thinking they'd met their ultimate loves. But it was their brains talking, not their hearts. You gotta listen to your heart like really listen to it." I was starting to see a different side to Cal, one that I'd rarely ever seen before.

It wasn't that he was a reserved type of guy but he rarely ever got so passionate about something that it fired him up this much. I think if he had carried on talking he could or would inspire an army of thousands to go to battle over a potato chip, that's how inspiring his speech could have been.

"If I wasn't so set on going to the military I'd actually be inspired by what you just said." Cal sighed in annoyance, I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear. But I didn't want to give him what he wanted to hear, he was right. Love couldn't just be switched off, it could be buried though...deep deep down.

If Cal knew how close to abandoning the military I already was, he'd bug me until I did chance my mind. But what scared me more than leaving and losing Ilyse was the unknown of life outside of the military, I'd dreamed of being in the army for so long I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I didn't get in. I didn't have a plan b if I never got in either, I'd be like a fish out of the water if that ever happened.

"Come on, there are the girls." I hadn't realized that Cal had already pulled into the ice cream parlor car park until he hit me in the arm.

I got out of the car and went straight to Ilyse, my heart was beating like a drum in my chest but I paid it no mind as I wrapped my arms around Ilyse. She didn't pull away like I expected her to, she wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head against my chest. I buried my face in the crook of her shoulder, it was an awkward embrace for me as I was a bit taller than she.

"I'm sorry Ilyse, I shouldn't have done that this morning." She sniffled a little but nodded her head. I wanted to pull away but she held me closer, looking up I caught Cal's eye.

"Give us a moment." Cal didn't need to be told twice, Nat glared at me. I could read the warning in her eye, I wasn't dumb to know that Nat would beat me blue if I drove her best friend away from her.

"Why do we have to act like it's the end of the world Keelan? You know you're going away and I know I'm going away, we've obviously decided that this won't last outside of high school. But it doesn't mean it has to end now...does it? We can still go out with each other right 'til the end, can't we?" Ilyse looked up at me, hope shining brightly in her eyes. Seeing her look so hopeful and broken at the same time tore at my heart.

"We can Ilyse, we will. I want to spend as much time as we have left hanging out with you, I do love you...you know that already. But maybe I haven't said it enough or shown you enough because I was scared that when the time came...I wouldn't be able to let you go. But it's not fair to ask you to wait for me," For a moment it was so quiet, all I could hear was the birds in the nearby trees and the occasional car passing down the street.

The sob came from nowhere, I wasn't expecting it but the quieter Ilyse tried to be the louder it was. "Ilyse.." I groaned but let her against my chest for what seemed like an eternity.

"I'm sorry, I just..." Ilyse died off before she could finish her sentence. I was going to ask what she wanted to say but was interrupted when Cal and Nat came back outside carrying not only their orders but mine and Ilyse's as well.

"Come on love birds! Ice cream is up!" Ilyse pulled away suddenly and looked over to Nat, I could see Nat assessing Ilyse. When her eyes landed on the tear stained cheeks they narrowed a fraction and I found myself at the wrong end of Nat's glare.

Nat approached the both of us, her glare intensifying the closer she came. She shoved an ice cream cone at me before wrapping an arm around Ilyse and pulling her away. I had no choice, the ice cream cone would have dropped on the ground if I'd kept hold of Ilyse but now she was being pulled away to have another girl chat.

"She's so hot when she does that." I cringed, I didn't need to know when and why Cal found my sister attractive.

Cal took the other ice cream he had over to Nat and left it sitting next to Ilyse, "come on man, we'll go sit over there. Sounds like they're having another girl chat." I laughed, Cal might have known and understood what love was, might even have seen the worst out of his parents but he wasn't a huge fan of girl talk...especially when they spilled their guts about feelings.

I didn't protest, as much as I wanted to spend time with Ilyse I think she and Nat needed time together as well. I mean, they were friends before any of the four of us began dating but both their time had been spent with either Cal or me.

"What do you think they're talking about? I bet it's about how much she loves me, or maybe how much Nat wants to stab you with that spoon." I shivered, Cal was probably spot on with both topics. Though her stabbing me with that plastic spoon wasn't a joking matter, those things could break skin if you hit it at the right angle.

"Go over and listen if you're dying to know," I replied, Cal's jokes about his and Nat's relationship were rubbing salt into the wound. What made it worse was that Cal seemed unaware that he was doing it, but surely he had to know?

The smile dropped off Cal's face as fast as it had appeared, I felt like an ass for even replying the way I did. Sure, mine and Ilyse's future was my own doing, I could have looked forward to our future as much as Cal was looking forward to his...but I wasn't and couldn't.

"Sorry man, hey has your mom started talking to you yet?" I groaned but shook my head, mom still burst into tears whenever she saw me. It had gone from loud sobs to quiet tears, though, but she still couldn't speak without tears in her eyes. Not to mention she couldn't even keep her voice straight, it wavered to the point that I couldn't understand what she was saying.

"Can we just drop it? People keep bringing it up and it's getting really old really fast. Ilyse and I are going to enjoy the time we've got left and at the end we're going to separate. She's agreed to it and it's what I want so that's it." I don't think Cal understood how much this was beginning to frustrate me, to be constantly reminded that I was making the wrong decision, that I would regret it.

But I don't know which I would regret more...leaving Ilyse or skipping the army for 'normal' life.