Suddenly I felt as if the world were closing in on me, that everything was about to come to a head and at the same time that my world was going to crumble down around me. I knew that I could easily be a coward and take the easy way out but this also felt like a chance to really get things off my chest about my current situation.

I looked at Keelan, he really was a great guy when he let people know the real him. That was the most blindingly obvious thing about him...other than his good looks. He was just an all around good guy, he cared about others, he really cared about his friends and family and he could tell when people were upset. When I had first met him I'd assumed he was a douche and kind of felt bad for ever thinking that way about him, well now that we were standing out here and he was looking at me with such open honesty.

"You know how you were all worked up because it was the anniversary of your mom's murder? It gets the same way for me, in a few days it'll be the anniversary of my mom and two sisters dying in a car accident that my mom caused. I almost died too but for some reason I pulled through. People said it was a miracle but it wasn't, I was sitting in the safest spot in the car when mom crossed the centerline and ploughed into that freight truck. My mom and youngest sister died on impact but Kyburn and I suffered, I was the only one that survived." I hadn't cried over the accident in years and yet I found myself bawling like a starved baby, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop the tears from falling and it was frustrating me more and more.

Keelan was hugging me before I even knew it, at first I wanted to fight away from him and demand he not give me pity. But instead I wrapped my arms around him tightly and cried again, it felt good to be able to cry like this...like really give my ugly cry a chance to come out. I hadn't done it in ages, I felt like aunt B needed me to be strong and mature, I felt like I had no one to lean on and there was this hate fueling me forward.

But, after hearing Martin talk to aunt B the morning he suddenly showed up in my like again sort of took the hate away. Instead it left me feeling alone and confused, the total opposite to what I had been feeling. Now that the burden of hatred had been sort of lifted I didn't know what to feel, but it felt like I had a chance to really start over.

I'm not sure how long Keelan held and comforted me for but when I pulled away my eyes felt raw and swollen. "Sorry for messing up your shirt." I said with a small smile as I pulled away, there was a huge wet patch on Keelan's shoulder and I wasn't sure all of it was tears.

"It's okay Ilyse, mess it up any time you want." I didn't know if Keelan was being serious or not but tried to at least wipe some of the moisture off.

"Come on, lets have something to eat." I wordlessly followed Keelan, part of me was glad that he wasn't going to let me or himself dwell on what had just happened but another part of me was calling out for him to acknowledge what I'd just revealed.

Lunch was simple, like the last time but the food tasted as if I'd never eaten a bite before.

"You know, when I moved here I thought I had it the worst out of every single kid here. All I knew was that my mom was dead and it was my dad's fault, that he murdered her right in front of me and he would have probably done the same to me if I hadn't run away. But now I realize that I'm not the only one that's been through that sort of experience and I'm sorry that I've been so self centered and greedy about it all. For so long I thought I was the only one that knew real pain like that...I'm really sorry Ilyse, that you had to sit there and listen to me whinge and complain and unload on you when you had your own things to deal with." Keelan was apologizing again? I was kind of confused by his apology, he didn't need to apologize for unloading and letting me do my job.

Though in the back of my mind I realized, it wasn't my job. It had never been my job to take on so many burdens and live with them, let them stack up one of top of the other until I had no idea what to do with them...what was I supposed to do with the secrets that I carried?

"Keelan, you don't have to apologize. You didn't know and I wouldn't have told you if you hadn't asked, but it feels good to be able to talk about my past with someone else who understands. You're not telling me things that other people tell me, that it gets better, that I just need to work through the dark patch. I know it's messed up to find comfort in the misery of other people but I do, I find comfort in that you know what I've been through." I couldn't say who had it the worst because we had both suffered equally as much and to be honest I didn't want to compare who had it the worst, we both had parents who were messed up but I had a dad who was trying to make things right.

"What do I do with Martin? He wants to talk when I get home after school tomorrow but I don't know if I'm ready to hear what he has to say. He keeps trying to push me into his families world but I feel like I don't belong there and I'm scared that if I tell him that I don't want to change he'll throw me out for being less than perfect." I bit my bottom lip, for some reason revealing things to Keelan was a lot easier than I had initially imagined. Even though it was easy I was still kind of in two minds about it, did I keep going with my revealing thoughts or keep them to myself?

"I'm not really one to give good advice Ilyse, but if I were to...I'd say, tell him the truth? Tell him that you're scared, that you miss your aunt B...that you're sad. What can he do? He's already hurt you in the worst way possible and if he hurts you again I'm here for you." Should I listen to the advice Keelan had just given me? I mean, he said so himself. He wasn't the best at giving good advice, but something that he said resonated clearly with me.

"You're right Keelan, I should just tell him the truth about everything. I'm just even more scared that he's going to tell me things that I don't want to hear." Was I being selfish? I didn't want to hear anything that would alter the memories that I held of my mom, she had always been that special person but what if she wasn't special or perfect?

"If you're scared imagine how he's feeling. He knows that you hate him but he's still willing to sit down with you and talk things through." My brain stalled for a moment, thinking and arguing with itself. How could Martin be scared of anything? He always appeared calm and collected whenever he spoke to me, though those times were few and far between. Maybe he was just as anxious, nervous and scared as I was?

I looked at Keelan for a moment, really looked at him and took in everything that he was and was not. His dirty blond hair and blue eyes screamed dreamboat, his relaxed posture...with the big wet patch on his shoulder spoke volumes. He didn't care, he didn't care that I'd blubbered all over his shirt or that I'd probably ruined his shirt.

Keelan was completely focused on me, his eyes never left my face but mine left his as I studied him. Where had the arrogant guy gone to? The one that had accused me of being a user, of feeding off of Natty's fortuned? He was completely gone, replaced by this guy that I wanted to know more than my own father and family.

"What are you thinking about?" Keelan asked as he leaned against the car but I shook my head, sure that he'd laugh if I told him. I still didn't know all that made Keelan tick, I didn't want to reveal my feelings about him and be laughed at in return. I don't think my heart or sanity could accept that right now so I shelved any romantic notions of Keelan and I for the time being.

"Just wondering when you got so good at being Dr Phil. I'm hungry, are you?" I asked suddenly to change the subject. I don't think Keelan realized how uncomfortable he could make me feel with his prolonged staring so I avoided the subject all together and walked around Keelan to get the picnic basket sitting in the back seat.

*A/N: I think this is the right chapter. 

Also, would anyone like to see a cast list? I won't put it up if you don't. Or does anyone have suggestions for cast? I know I don't talk often about the characters physical appearances but...well I'm curious to know who YOU imagine to be playing Keelan and Ilyse.