I stiffen immediately, appetite entirely lost after hearing his confession.

"It's worse than I thought, " I realize, pain exploding within my chest as I fight back tears. "They have a kid together."

I suppose that Hoseok must recognize the look upon my face, for he quickly continues.

"The child is dead, " he reveals. "She lost it only weeks before her due date, and the fault was mine."

Of all the things I expected Hoseok to say, this was not it. Guilt begins to churn in my gut. For not letting him explain earlier, for shutting him out when he probably needed me the most...

I feel like an ass.

"Hoseok, " I soothe, or attempt to at any rate, "I'm sure that's not true. How could it have been your fault?"

He laughs bitterly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and I am filled with such a heavy, sorrowful feeling at the sight of my sunshine's light so thoroughly dimmed.

"I pushed her, " he confesses. "We got into an argument one night. I'd already long since given up any ideas of being with her, but it didn't matter. I was honestly so excited to be a father, and wanted to be there when she gave birth. I didn't want to have to wait to meet my child. She wanted the man who used to be my best friend there instead, you know, the one she'd been fucking behind my back all that time. The one she left me for."

My heart breaks for him, seeing him so torn up and in anguish. I almost wish he would just stop there, I'm not sure that I really want to hear the rest of this story. And yet, I also can't bring myself to stop him, just as it seems that Hoseok can't seem to bring himself to stop.

"I was so angry, and hurt. That child was my child. Why should he be there? I felt so wronged. So I picked a fight, punched him straight in the face, and he punched back. One thing led to another, and before I even realized what was happened she stepped in and I tried to push her out of the way."

Hoseok, no longer able to contain himself, begins to cry openly, fat tears rolling down his cheek as he brokenly whimpers to me, "I swear, I didn't mean to hurt her. And I didn't mean to hurt the baby, I was so angry that I didn't even really see her."

I stand, abandoning my food and my side of the table in order to slide into the booth next to him so that I can wrap my arms around him, shielding his distraught face from several who look our way.

"Hoseok, " I say gently, all anger gone and replaced instead with a deep, dark sadness on his behalf. "Why didn't you tell me this before? Why did you keep hesitating, if you'd told me I would have understood."

"I was afraid of what you would think if me, " he confesses, clinging to my shirt like a lifeline.

"I think that you have been misled, or that nobody has bothered to clear the air for you, " I reply. "Unless she fell down a flight of stairs or got stabbed in the stomach with something sharp, it's highly doubtful that you pushing her aside is what caused the baby to die. Babies are a lot sturdier than you think."

He shakes his head, and I feel wetness spreading further across my shirt.

"I pushed her, and her back hit the wall hard enough to knock the air out of her. It was my fault."

"Did you go to the doctor with her in the end? Did the doctor tell you that?"

Again, he shakes his head.

"No, " he says, but the next part is what confirms my suspicions entirely. "She only told me after she was released from the hospital."

I grab his shoulders, pushing him away only slightly so that I can look him in the eyes.

"I'm telling you Hoseok, it wasn't your fault. How do you know the baby wasn't already dead? It happens sometimes. Occasionally, though the baby is already dead it remains. Or maybe it was just shit luck, maybe it was even her fault. But I promise you, it wasn't your fault."

His eyes widen, and I see a glimmer of something akin to hope in those eyes.

"How do you know so much about babies and pregnancy?" He asks softly, clearly wanting to believe me but unable to let the guilt go so easily.

I frown, remembering one if the most traumatic experiences of my childhood.

"When I was ten, " I reveal, "my mother became pregnant with what would have been my little brother. I still remember how ecstatic my mom was, and how proud my dad was. He'd always wanted a son to take over the family business. And I will never forget how devasted they were when my little brother was still-born. He'd died sometime between her last check-up and her due date, and we didn't discover it until she gave birth three weeks late. My mother blamed herself, and I think she still does to this day, but the doctor told her that it wasn't her fault at all. Sometimes, bad things just happen."

I can see it in his eyes, he still doesn't quite believe me.

Regardless, he dries his eyes, and fixes me with a pathetic smile, one that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Are we..." He queries hopefully, "are we okay now?"

I still, and his face falls as he takes in my demeanor. I gaze upon him sadly, wishing that this changed how I felt but it doesn't. While I understand now, and though I'm no longer angry, I am now filled with sadness instead.

His guilt won't allow him to do what obviously needs to be done in order for him to be free of her, and that means that I will never be free of her either, nor would I ever be able to escape the doubt that would haunt me should we continue the way this has been.

And nothing I say to her will change anything so long as Hoseok remains guilt-ridden, the knowledge of this breaks my heart once again, this time into a thousand little pieces that I'm not sure I can put back together again.

"I'm sorry, " I reply finally, "I don't want to let you go. I wish things were different, and I want to be here for you, but I think it's better if I do so as your friend, and not your girlfriend."

I can't take the look in his eyes, such pain and defeat.

It feels as if I've been shot.