» Don't you think there must be a reason
Yeah, like we had our names
Don't you think we got another season
That come after spring
I wanna be your summer
I wanna be your wave «

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Yoongi woke up with his chest heavy and his breathing hard, he's shivering at the cold air touching his skin. He couldn't stop coughing like something hard had just knocked on his chest, he was rustling on the bed and he tried to reach out the mineral bottle on the night stand.

Jimin woke up in shock when Yoongi's dropped the bottle before he can even grab it. The younger was still in sleeping daze as he help Yoongi with his bottle, eyes worried when Yoongi drink down the water.

"Are you okay now?" Jimin softly whispers, his hands shaky when Yoongi only nods slowly. Jimin doesn't like the answer and quick to put his hand on Yoongi's forehead. The younger frowned at how hot the older's skin are.

"Do you want to go to the clinic?" Jimin asked, worried.

He didn't expect the older to push him away.

"I don't want to. This is fine, I'll get better in a couple of hours. Go back to your sleep."

Jimin isn't one to listen so he grabbed Yoongi once again, shaking his head. "You have to, and then we'll get your medicine. You have fever right now."

"Park Jimin, are you deaf? I said I'm fine.. I'm fine!" Yoongi grab harsh on Jimin's hand before pushing the younger away. He coughed once again before glaring at Jimin who's frozen on his place. "Stop worrying about someone else, get a hold of yourself." Yoongi spat, rolling his eyes before laying down once again.

Jimin doesn't understand what just happened right now, he's only trying to be a good friend. Why did Yoongi need to refuse him so harshly like that? Jimin feels his body swayed.

Jimin know good things never last. He clearly remembered when Yoongi kisses his forehead and the older apologize. For what reason, Jimin still doesn't know but he nod. He remembered that he nod and Yoongi hug him and he saw a smile so beautiful. He remembered their hands holding until they got back to their inn. Remembered that Yoongi kisses his forehead again before they fell asleep.

But why did Yoongi act harshly when Jimin is just worried about his being? He had never seen the older get angry when he annoys him. So why now? Why, after the beautiful night went by, should this happen?

Jimin hates question with no difinite answer.

"Yoongi..." he called. "Yoongi, don't be like this." Jimin doesn't like that he's sensitive. If Yoongi doesn't answer him now, he might cry. Tears already in the brim of his eyes when he heard Yoongi sighed.

"Please, stop worrying about me. This is probably because I only had one layer of shirt last night, I get sick pretty easily you know." Yoongi says, a hand on Jimin's small one that's gripping the blanket.

"Yeah?" Yoongi asked again after seeing Jimin with trembling lips.

"If anything, I'm by your side hyung. Please don't just toss me away like before... Please trust me." Jimin was holding his breath and only now did he exhale. His eyes lowering to see Yoongi turning his head away from him.

It's the first time Jimin feel like he's a burden for the older. He has never feel like this before, Yoongi always make him comfortable. Even if he's the one who's always paying or doing things for Jimin, Yoongi make it feel like Jimin are meant to have it. Like everything he has done, Jimin need it. It's never about the older. Never about reward.

"I'm always here for you," Jimin whispers. His voice hoarse, cracking. He feel himself visibly trembling.
"Like you're always for me." Jimin got up from the bed, his jaw clenching when Yoongi didn't move to look at him. Right, maybe he need some rest.

"I'm gonna, find something to eat?" Jimin want to peel his skin off his face, he feel so ashamed. He's an embarrassment, he knew he's not needed but he keep asking. He know he want the affirmation, he's desperate for Yoongi to respond to him.

"Just go."

Jimin grabbed his jacket before rushing out of the room, the door being slammed feel almost like a slap to Yoongi. A well deserved slap for what he just said.

Yoongi... didn't mean to say that. But right now, he doesn't think he's ready to talk about himself. To, open himself in front of... Jimin. To be honest to the younger, to let the beautiful man to understand him.

He can't do that, not when he's not honest to himself. Not when... he hate himself. Not like this.

Yoongi tries to calm his mind, breathing in the cold air before his fingers dug deep into his skin, holding himself tight as he dwell in his stupidness. As his mind blame him for taking Jimin along knowing he's incapable of being honest and at this point, he's just using Jimin as a lie. A lie that he made for himself, so that he can find himself 'normal', to feel like he's okay. That he can feel happy. That he deserves it.

The voices in him yells so loud, resonating, with every words Yoongi might've believe they were stabbing him on his head.

He can't be happy, that's not him. What did he even do for him to deserve such warmth feeling, such like Park Jimin. Like Jimin who has no care in this world but has to be so empathetic toward everyone and shares every piece of his warmth with every living being. Yoongi don't deserve that. He's too greedy to even think that the younger... will understand him.

It's been some time, when Yoongi suddenly realized how his arms are now bruised caused by his nails digging into his skin. He realized it's already been long since Jimin has left and he feel really, really cold. He's missing the warmth. The beautiful, radiant smile of Park Jimin.

Yoongi hate that he can't help but be greedy, he can't help but wishes that he's alive by the time spring come. He want to give Park Jimin a beautiful flower that match his smile, he want to apologize and to thanks Jimin.

Although, they said wishes rarely come true.

And Yoongi never hold close the thing called hope.

So Yoongi close his eyes, letting the voices in him consume him.

His bucket list remains untouched.