Ross

Crest. Noun. [krest]. The point on a wave with the maximum value or upward displacement within a cycle.

The promise I made to myself that I would tell Riley how I feel has to come to nothing. She's not here and I'm not about to tell her I love her over voicemail. I love her. The words have ricocheted in my head for the last week since she left. I don't know why I didn't just tell her. I knew--I think I've known for a while now. I shouldn't have let her just leave. I'm a freaking idiot.

Now I only have three weeks before I go to Washington D.C. and from there, to the rest of the world. The internship starts in Honduras, but that's all they've told me so far. I should be more excited than I am, but every time I think about going, I think about Riley. She's the reason I'm finally leaving. She's the reason I have the guts to go after what I want. Except what I want has changed. I want Riley now, too. I love her.

I sigh and lean back against the lifeguard chair, forcing my eyes to refocus on the handful of people still enjoying the very ends of their summer vacations. A chubby toddler in a duck floatie sputters when a wave crashes over him, but other than that, all is quiet on the Long Beach front.

"What's a girl have to do to get rescued by a lifeguard around here?"

I almost fall out of the chair. Riley stands at the foot of the chair in a pair of gym shorts in a tank top, her long hair snapping in the wind as she grins up at me. She's here.

I jump out of the chair into the sand as soon as I see her, falling on one knee and then staggering up again. I don't stop to tell her how happy I am to see her or to tell her I love her. I just pull her into my arms, tight against my chest, and I rest my head in the crook of her neck, breathing in. My hands catch in the material of her tank top and then her hair.

She's here. She came back. She's here.

Her arms hold me as tightly as mine hold her, and I feel her laugh against my shoulder, the sound melodious and sweet. It's been a week, and I've missed her. Gosh, how I've missed her.

"Ry," I whisper into her ear, her hair soft against my face. "You came back."

She reaches for my face and leans her head back to smile at me. "Of course I came back. I couldn't leave you with that lame goodbye, could I? That's hardly--"

But I cut her off. I can't look at her, I can't see her without kissing her. How am I supposed to pretend that the last week didn't almost kill me? That our stunted, brief goodbye in the parking lot wrecked my soul?

Her lips are soft and pliant beneath mine, parting as this kiss says everything I need it to say. I half expect her to pull away or make an excuse like she has before, but not this time. There's a neediness, an eagerness, a desperation in this kiss that heals and breaks my heart at once. My fingers thread in her hair, a hand clutches at the small of her back, and I wonder if two bodies can fuse together so they never have to be apart.

"Ry," I murmur again against her lips.

Her fingernails dig into my shoulders and our lips part, her head resting on my shoulder. "I missed you," she murmurs into my t-shirt.

"I missed you too. How long...how long can you stay?"
"I only have a few hours. I'm going back to Cornell, but I needed a real goodbye. You know," Riley leans her head back and grins up at me, her eyelashes dark against her freckled cheeks. "I didn't want you to forget me or anything."

"Never." I run a finger along her cheekbone, memorizing every contour with my eyes and fingers and lips.

"Well, now that's done," Riley says, pulling away from me. "Good bye."

She turns to leave and I laugh at her. "Just wait a second. I'll get Javi to cover for me."

I send Javier a quick text and he shows upon a four wheeler a few minutes later, a smirk on his face. "Hey, Riley. Didn't expect to see you again so soon."

"Take over for me," I tell him, tossing him the key on the lanyard around my neck.

"Your wish is my command." Javier climbs into the lifeguard chair with no other words, and I take Riley's hand.

There's something I have to do.

"Do you have time for one final adventure?" I ask her, my thumb tracing the lines in her palm.

She cocks her head in faux consideration. "I guess so. Where are we going?"
I tug on my hand and pull her behind me. "You'll find out."

All I can think is that this is my last chance to tell her how I feel. All I can remember is not having the chance to say goodbye to Mom, to tell her I loved her. As morbid as it is, I need to tell Riley about my mom's death before she can understand just what the words "I love you" mean to me. And I swear she's not leaving before I tell her.

"So, Cornell, huh? You're an Ivy Leaguer again?'

"I know, I know. I sold out," Riley says with a laugh. "But I'm going to have to work for my tuition this time around like the common folk."

"You're practically one of us. I'm finally almost good enough for you."
She laughs, but the words ring true. I've never even had a chance with a girl like Riley before. Cultured, intelligent, funny girls who just so happen to be gorgeous and long-legged don't exactly frequent Long Beach Island. And even if they did, they wouldn't be interested in a lifeguard who doubles as a single father to his siblings. Yet here we are. Somehow, she sees me. Somehow, she likes me.

"Oh, don't even joke," she says, leaning against me. "You're a better person than I'll ever be, giving away a year of your life to helping other people. Are you ready?"

"Of course," I say as our feet echo on the sidewalk. "I mean, this is all I've ever wanted. I wouldn't be going if it weren't for you, Ry."

"What? Really?"

"You've pestered me so much about leaving that I figured I finally had to give it a try." Riley laughs. "Look at us, both pursuing our dreams."

"Next thing you know, I'll have two kids, a dog, and a white picket fence," she says.

Next thing you know, some single Ivy League guy will find her and I'll lose my chance. My stomach curdles. What can I ask her, to wait for me? For some indefinite time in the future when I can give her what she deserves? Of course I can't. Should I even tell her how I feel?

But I have to. I can't hold it in. I can't pretend I don't feel it.

"Ross? What are you thinking about?" she asks me, but we're here.

The graveyard.

"This is it," I say, gesturing to the cast iron gate in front of the cemetery.

Riley drops my hand and stares at it for a minute. "A cemetery? What the heck?"

"Just bear with me," I say, grabbing her hand and pulling her inside.

Mom's lot is in the far corner of the cemetery underneath the shade of a poplar tree. This spring, Ivy and I planted five different kinds of flowers around her tombstone to signify the five family members she left behind, and the flowers have sprouted all around the stone, nearly blocking out her name. It's what she would have wanted. I wonder if Dad knows who planted them when he visits every day.

I tug on Riley's hand and take her to the foot of the stone. "This is--my mom died. I know I never really told you what happened to her, but she died five years ago after Mason was born."

Riley reads the gravestone and then studies me, all the humor gone from her eyes. "Ella Montgomery," she whispers.

It's the first time I've heard Mom's name out loud in years and it cracks something inside of me. "She--she killed herself," I spit out, the words still bitter and pungent on my tongue. "She had postpartum depression that lead to psychosis after Mason, and then, she--"
Riley stops me with a hand on my arm, her eyes welling with tears I've never seen before. Her forehead rests on my arm for a moment. "Ross, I'm so sorry."

A lump rises in my throat but I swallow it. I'm not here to cry over my mother; I'm here to show Riley why this is so important to me. "Thanks. But I--I know this is weird, but I had to show you this. I had to tell you."

"Why?"

"I never got to say goodbye," I murmur, my eyes fastened on the daisies blossoming at the foot of the stone. "I never got to tell her I love her, and I'll regret that for the rest of my life."

Riley's breath stops and she stares up at me. There's something different in her gaze. Something has changed in the way she looks at me. I don't see the fear and cynicism; there's only aching vulnerability.

I take her hands into mine and turn them palm up, tracing every line. How can I say this so she understands how important these words are to me? But maybe she knows. Maybe she knows that I don't say things lightly after Mom. Maybe she understands that I wouldn't say this unless I was absolutely certain. And I am. I've never felt this way before, like my soul is wrapped up in someone else's. It's terrifying and mystifying and enthralling.

"Ry, I don't know how to say this," I whisper, finally raising my eyes to hers. Her eyes are glassy with tears--from sorrow or hope or heartbreak, I can't tell. I'm feeling all three.

"I love you."

The words come from her mouth before I can articulate them and my jaw drops. Riley, the girl terrified of commitment and vulnerability and maybe even me, just told me the words I can barely hold in.

"Are you serious?" I ask her, my words stuttering.

"That's what you were gonna say, right?" she asks, her cheeks blushing pink. "If not, then I take it back."

"Yeah, I...I love you," I finally stutter, starting to laugh. "I had to tell you. I didn't think you'd say it--I didn't think you felt the same way, but I had to tell you."

She steps closer to me until our breath mingles. "Yeah, well, I didn't really know I felt this way until I walked out on parents and drove a billion hours to come here to say goodbye. Again."

I touch her chin and tilt it up, the smile on my face unstoppable. "So you love me, huh?"
"Don't make me say it again," she whispers, rising onto her tiptoes to kiss me.

I kiss her back, bending so we become one. She loves me. I never imagined this, that these feelings were mutual. One summer, and I'm lost.

"I love you, Ross Montgomery," she whispers in my ear as she kisses my jaw.

"I love you too," I murmur back.

The words I've held in for so long I now can't contain. I love her. And I want to beg her to stay but I can't.

Hours pass in a haze of newfound love and overt attraction under the lamplight of the boardwalk, but everything is tainted. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Riley has to go back to Cornell and I'm going to travel the world. For at least nine months, I won't see her. I can't ask her to wait for me, but I want her to. I can't promise her we'll work out because I might never even see her again. Love has to be enough.

The hours pass too quickly and leave us standing in front of Riley's car. The hourglass has run out of sand. The magic dress is fading. Summer is over

Riley leans back against her car and inspects her fingernails. "So what happens now?"

I lean my head back and study the stars as if they can give me the answer I need. "I can't ask you to wait."

"You don't have to."

"It'll be nine months, Ry. No cell phone coverage. A lot can change."

She could fall in love. I could get attacked by a band of monkeys. Who knows.

"Do you...do you think we'll change?" she asks, her voice trembling.

I finally look at her and step closer, boxing her in with my hands on either side of her head. "No, but I won't hold you back, Ry."

"Give me your phone," she says, reaching around me to fish it out of my back pocket. "Send me a letter or a postcard or something. If, you know, you want to."

"I want to."

She smiles as she types her address into my phone. "Good."

The moment for goodbye comes and passes and neither of us does or says anything. What can we say when neither of us wants to leave? What happens between us now? This summer on the island brought us together, but it's fleeting and nearly over.

That's when an idea hits me.

"I have a proposition."

Her face blanches. "If you propose, I swear—"

"Not that kind of proposition." I laugh at her shocked expression. "Next summer, I'll be here again. If you still feel the same way you do now, meet me here." Riley opens her mouth to say something, but I stop her with a finger to her lips. "Don't promise me now, Ry. A lot can change. But if...if we still love each other a year from now, meet me here."

She nods solemnly, eyes glassy. I study her for a long moment, her pale skin and freckles and round green eyes. I miss her even though she's still here.

I lean forward and kiss her, our bodies melding against her car as her arms twine around my neck. I kiss her to sear her memory into my brain so when I start to forget, I can bring this to mind and remember what I'm coming home for.

The kiss ends too soon, but I know the end is already past us. We can't live on borrowed summer time any longer.

"So I guess you won't forget me, huh?" Riley asks with a smirk at the corner of her lips.

"I love you, Ry. I promise."

She chews on her lip and touches my face, searching it.

"I love you too."

But will it be enough? Only time and next summer will tell. 

~~~~~

Okay, guys, forgive me for how long this chapter is, but Ross and Riley had a lot to say. This was by far my favorite chapter so far, and it made me feel all gooey inside. What did you think of their final confession? Do you think they'll meet here again? Do you think their feelings will last? Let me know in the comments!